Ronni
The motormouth ;)
- Location
- Nashville TN
Thank you all for hanging with me through this. 
I had another lightbulb moment yesterday, just in terms of the virus and Sheri and our differing responses to it. It doesn't particularly solve anything in relation to Ron, but gaining any ground whatever on any of the many moving parts to this whole mess is one step further towards clarity.
In this current pandemic climate, one has to consider risk, and so the subject of risk assessment becomes paramount. There is of course, known, understood, acceptable risk. We canāt live in a bubble, so we take a known risk every time we go to the grocery store, or Sheri goes to the barn or to her Mother's, or I go to Paige's. But that risk is known and understood and deemed to be acceptable risk and so we've all just done the best we could as a family, factoring in and compensating for those risks appropriately.
But itās clear that Sheri's and my individual assessments of risk are different. I didnāt think they were, based on how fastidious she was being in general, but they are. Mineās higher, hers is lower. There is no right or wrong intended with that statement, no blame or finger pointing, just a basic statement of fact. And so every time she leaves the house and goes ANYWHERE other than her momās or the barn or the grocery (all the places weāve agreed are acceptable risk destinations) she assess the risk at a point much lower than my own, and so re-sets my own personal clock on the 14 day virus incubation period and my own need to quarantine myself. I've discussed this here before.
So....... Either she would have to rise to my risk level or I lower to hers, that's if were were to once again live in the same house. Or she lives in her own place where she is absolutely free to chose her own level of risk and act accordingly. However because of my fear of contracting the virus, my own personal assessment of risk, and the potential of bringing infection to my own kids and grandkids, I wonāt lower to Sheri's level, which is why I left.
She absolutely will not convince me that her risk assessment is acceptable, as she tried to do when she said she was being safe and sanitary when she visited her friends. Understand, I believe completely that SHE was convinced she was being safe! BUT Iāve read countless scientific articles, been counseled and cautioned and tutored on this virus by my medically trained son, and by my friends who are doctors or nurse practitioners, or friends who hold PhDās and BAās and far outreach me in their understanding of the science behind virus behavior both in general and as it relates to the intricacies of this Corona virus. I understand Covid-19 both in the abstract, AND as it relates specifically to me as a vulnerable high risk individual simply because of my age, and ESPECIALLY as it relates to Ron, not just high risk because of age, but heās also at the TOP END of the high risk category because of his compromised respiratory system.
I won't ignore the risks, or downplay them, or make light of them, or overlook Sheri's behavior because she was having a bad day.
She sent me a text, explaining her behavior, in which she stated. "I needed to get away for a minute. I didnāt want the stress of everyone elseās opinions ontop of how I was already feeling." Which in my book translates to she had zero intention of telling us where she went, exactly as I had posited.
She then goes on to say "Did I need the time?- absolutely." So I infer from that that if she once again "needs to get away" or "needs the time" she will once again "not want the stress of everyone else's opinions" about that.
But ....she's sorry and she apologizes.
I had another lightbulb moment yesterday, just in terms of the virus and Sheri and our differing responses to it. It doesn't particularly solve anything in relation to Ron, but gaining any ground whatever on any of the many moving parts to this whole mess is one step further towards clarity.
In this current pandemic climate, one has to consider risk, and so the subject of risk assessment becomes paramount. There is of course, known, understood, acceptable risk. We canāt live in a bubble, so we take a known risk every time we go to the grocery store, or Sheri goes to the barn or to her Mother's, or I go to Paige's. But that risk is known and understood and deemed to be acceptable risk and so we've all just done the best we could as a family, factoring in and compensating for those risks appropriately.
But itās clear that Sheri's and my individual assessments of risk are different. I didnāt think they were, based on how fastidious she was being in general, but they are. Mineās higher, hers is lower. There is no right or wrong intended with that statement, no blame or finger pointing, just a basic statement of fact. And so every time she leaves the house and goes ANYWHERE other than her momās or the barn or the grocery (all the places weāve agreed are acceptable risk destinations) she assess the risk at a point much lower than my own, and so re-sets my own personal clock on the 14 day virus incubation period and my own need to quarantine myself. I've discussed this here before.
So....... Either she would have to rise to my risk level or I lower to hers, that's if were were to once again live in the same house. Or she lives in her own place where she is absolutely free to chose her own level of risk and act accordingly. However because of my fear of contracting the virus, my own personal assessment of risk, and the potential of bringing infection to my own kids and grandkids, I wonāt lower to Sheri's level, which is why I left.
She absolutely will not convince me that her risk assessment is acceptable, as she tried to do when she said she was being safe and sanitary when she visited her friends. Understand, I believe completely that SHE was convinced she was being safe! BUT Iāve read countless scientific articles, been counseled and cautioned and tutored on this virus by my medically trained son, and by my friends who are doctors or nurse practitioners, or friends who hold PhDās and BAās and far outreach me in their understanding of the science behind virus behavior both in general and as it relates to the intricacies of this Corona virus. I understand Covid-19 both in the abstract, AND as it relates specifically to me as a vulnerable high risk individual simply because of my age, and ESPECIALLY as it relates to Ron, not just high risk because of age, but heās also at the TOP END of the high risk category because of his compromised respiratory system.
I won't ignore the risks, or downplay them, or make light of them, or overlook Sheri's behavior because she was having a bad day.
She sent me a text, explaining her behavior, in which she stated. "I needed to get away for a minute. I didnāt want the stress of everyone elseās opinions ontop of how I was already feeling." Which in my book translates to she had zero intention of telling us where she went, exactly as I had posited.
She then goes on to say "Did I need the time?- absolutely." So I infer from that that if she once again "needs to get away" or "needs the time" she will once again "not want the stress of everyone else's opinions" about that.
But ....she's sorry and she apologizes.
I basically just told him that this situation was FAR BEYOND just what was happening between Sheri/me/the virus, that it had EVERYTHING to do with his broken, dysfunctional relationship with his daughter, and that that's at the crux of this entire situation.
Found out Sheri was gonna spend the night at her sisterās, so I went over while Ron was at work and cooked him his favorite dinner to come home to. He was smiling so big I thought his face was gonna crack!! It was so sweet. 
