Sex education. Do you think it should be taught in schools? What grades?

As far as I'm aware, in Europe and the UK, there is no opt out for parents to teach sex ed. All school children must be taught it at around 11-12 years of age in every state school.

My wife works in a secondary school in the UK, not as a teacher, but as the person who does all the reprographics, printing, photocopying, etc. She brought home a couple of the books the children are given to read as homework one day, and they made interesting reading. There was a lot of emphasis on social responsibility and respect as well as showing (through diagrams!) the changes that teenagers' bodies go through as they enter puberty. So the information was as much about relationships as it was about the mechanics of their bodies.

All good stuff in my view, and I personally think that all parents should be taught the same as their children when it comes to sex ed, as some of the things I've read recently make me fearful for the offspring of such parental ignorance.

I posted on another forum about this subject, and in that post I pointed out that since the introduction of mandatory sex ed in the UK and EU, unwanted teenage pregnancies had dropped significantly. Information is a powerful weapon!
 
Babs2u said:
One of the boys in my 9th grade class had a book on sex. For a couple of days boys would be clustered around him at lunchtime in the gym. We know there is interest and if information isnt provided they will find something online or elsewhere.
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At 12 I found my Parents book called "The Joy of Sex" ... Read it cover to cover.... and was quite popular in High School....
 
It is sma
MountainRa said:
Fully agree. Our society over exposes children to sex at a very young age. TV, movies, internet, billboards, even slogans on T-shirts - it’s inescapable.

I’m not sure when to begin age appropriate sexual education but if you wait until, say, 7th grade you’ve probably waited too late.
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If they talk normal and explain stuff it's no problem, but my son got it when he was 10 or so and mrs said it's spring and it's totally normal to have sex in spring and find a date and she showed them a movie. It wasn't real porn, but animated with sex sounds.

One boy joked: can't we see the real stuff? And they had to answer questions. She asked my son what porn was. He said entertainment for adults. He thought the lessons were utterly stupid, but they have to get them in this country.

I already got that in the 80s. I was older but the teacher Dutch just put on a video from a Dutch literature writer about a lesbian couple and they walked around naked. Whatever. Thank God it wasn't 2 men walking around naked and you're forced to watch that stuff as a teen girl.

The biology teacher was fun though. He had to give the sex lessons and blew up a condom like a balloon, making jokes. Come on. What else do you expect from that guy, forcing him to give sex lessons. I thought he did a great job. Not that I learned anything.
 
@IrishEyes @KSav
You "guys" brought up some good points.
It should be up to the parents, but how do you please everyone?
As it is now, depending on where you are the teachers can be deviants. Creepy sexual suggestions and political notions.
So for now parents need to know what the school over all curriculum is, not just sex. Some teachers are acting like sexual councilors on sex gender options or sexual orientation, political activists, taking your children out of school to protest!
Of course I am going to suggest Christian schools.

My parents told us sex is for adults and when the time comes they would tell us about sex.
Sex is not bad or dirty it is like flying planes, it is for adults.
So no sex until then.

When the time came they gave general guidelines....The guidelines are more complicated than the biological side of the topic.
1. Know the person very well before you have sex.
2. Do not have sex with anyone unless you have strong feelings for them. Who can define love?
3. Do not have sex unless you can afford to support a child and a spouse.
4. Even then use contraception until you are ready to have a child.
5. Use protection to reduce the risk of disease.
6. Think past your nose....If you are not married....Where are you going to have sex? When you think back on it, how do you want to remember the first time you made love? Love and respect and compassion are all tied together in real love.

For the parents, don't lay the sin guilt on your sons and daughters if you find out they had sex with someone. It is time to talk common sense....reiterating the 6 points above.
Sin guilt.....It is a good way to ruin intimate relationships for the rest of their lives, maybe causing their marriages to fail.
Now to educate the parents.....Nowhere in the scriptures is there a requirement to have a wedding ceremony to be married. That is a fact. If you look up how long wedding ceremonies have been going it will say for millenniums....and that is true Pagan wedding ceremonies have been going on for millennums....But the Jews did not have wedding ceremonies. They "took" their wives and the union consummated the marriage.
The Twelve Apostles---Jewish-Christians did not have wedding ceremonies.
(And the marriage at Cana brings up a lot of questions....No indication of a ceremony? Storyline picks up at the reception. We do not know who was "getting married" The Jewish process involve consummation of the marriage in a bridal chamber. We do not know why this was important to Miriam and Yeshua.)
So Christian marriage ceremonies began when the Apostle Paul started to convert Pagan/Gentiles.
Marriage ceremonies were Pagan and they brought the custom into Christianity, and it was voluntary. But the first documented Christian ceremony occurred in the 8th century.
Then in the 16th century the Protestants made a church wedding a requirement to be married. And modern Christian weddings still have Pagan aspects and rituals imbedded in them. And after that the Catholic Church followed suit....up to that point the Catholics would not allow wedding in their churches.
The Protestant did good! Weddings are great!
So back to the topic.....having sex is not sin....BUT....LOL...biblically....you are married. Young people need to know this LOL Everybody needs to know this. Relationships are serious and sex is serious and marriage is serious and families are serious.....Think past your nose.
The biological side of it is easy.....The proper way to make love, that is more complicated.
 
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My Gramps gave me my sex talk. It was short and sweet.

“Keep your Johnson in your pants until you’re ready to be a daddy, understand?” I nodded “Yes.” The first time I saw our bull riding a heifer, I thought they were playing. I asked Gramps what were they doing. Gramps said the bull was exercising his rights. I said “ok” even though I had no idea what he meant.
 
Been There said:
My Gramps gave me my sex talk. It was short and sweet.

“Keep your Johnson in your pants until you’re ready to be a daddy, understand?” I nodded “Yes.” The first time I saw our bull riding a heifer, I thought they were playing. I asked Gramps what were they doing. Gramps said the bull was exercising his rights. I said “ok” even though I had no idea what he meant.
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Bull peckers are called rights? LOL
 
The idea of ‘just let parents teach sex education at home’ doesn’t take into account what passes for parenthood in some cases. I agree parents should be notified by schools when sex education is on the agenda. But I’ve known many parents who had no interest or ability to impart appropriate sex education. I say that as having been a social worker for several years. Unfortunately the children of these parents tend to fall through the cracks and cycles are repeated.
 
Grailhunter57 said:
@IrishEyes @KSav
You "guys" brought up some good points.
It should be up to the parents, but how do you please everyone?
As it is now, depending on where you are the teachers can be deviants. Creepy sexual suggestions and political notions.
So for now parents need to know what the school over all curriculum is, not just sex. Some teachers are acting like sexual councilors on sex gender options or sexual orientation, political activists, taking your children out of school to protest!
Of course I am going to suggest Christian schools.

My parents told us sex is for adults and when the time comes they would tell us about sex.
Sex is not bad or dirty it is like flying planes, it is for adults.
So no sex until then.

When the time came they gave general guidelines....The guidelines are more complicated than the biological side of the topic.
1. Know the person very well before you have sex.
2. Do not have sex with anyone unless you have strong feelings for them. Who can define love?
3. Do not have sex unless you can afford to support a child and a spouse.
4. Even then use contraception until you are ready to have a child.
5. Use protection to reduce the risk of disease.
6. Think past your nose....If you are not married....Where are you going to have sex? When you think back on it, how do you want to remember the first time you made love? Love and respect and compassion are all tied together in real love.

For the parents, don't lay the sin guilt on your sons and daughters if you find out they had sex with someone. It is time to talk common sense....reiterating the 6 points above.
Sin guilt.....It is a good way to ruin intimate relationships for the rest of their lives, maybe causing their marriages to fail.
Now to educate the parents.....Nowhere in the scriptures is there a requirement to have a wedding ceremony to be married. That is a fact. If you look up how long wedding ceremonies have been going it will say for millenniums....and that is true Pagan wedding ceremonies have been going on for millennums....But the Jews did not have wedding ceremonies. They "took" their wives and the union consummated the marriage.
The Twelve Apostles---Jewish-Christians did not have wedding ceremonies.
(And the marriage at Cana brings up a lot of questions....No indication of a ceremony? Storyline picks up at the reception. We do not know who was "getting married" The Jewish process involve consummation of the marriage in a bridal chamber. We do not know why this was important to Miriam and Yeshua.)
So Christian marriage ceremonies began when the Apostle Paul started to convert Pagan/Gentiles.
Marriage ceremonies were Pagan and they brought the custom into Christianity, and it was voluntary. But the first documented Christian ceremony occurred in the 8th century.
Then in the 16th century the Protestants made a church wedding a requirement to be married. And modern Christian weddings still have Pagan aspects and rituals imbedded in them. And after that the Catholic Church followed suit....up to that point the Catholics would not allow wedding in their churches.
The Protestant did good! Weddings are great!
So back to the topic.....having sex is not sin....BUT....LOL...biblically....you are married. Young people need to know this LOL Everybody needs to know this. Relationships are serious and sex is serious and marriage is serious and families are serious.....Think past your nose.
The biological side of it is easy.....The proper way to make love, that is more complicated.
Click to expand...
I agree on the don't use the guilt trip, that stage is natural and old as time, It is society that pushed the pause button on it, not nature.
Looking back if my hubby had been alive, he probably would have done the talk, but I had to step in and I realize, if both parents are
in the child's life, both should give the child both sides of the situation and how it effects both. My son's got it from the female view of it
and I think it made them respect that side of it. They brought up girls in school of different personalities and asked me to summarize why
these girls act the way they do. At 1st they were nervous having to speak with Mom about this (after all we all know Mom's are virginal to
their sons) but they got comfortable and asked me some things I didn't think they would.
 
My dad gave me the talk when I was 6 cause my mom couldn't, cause she was raised Dutch reformed and sex was a dirty thing you don't talk about. She met my dad when they were 17. He had to give her sex education LOL. She knew nothing.

6 was a bit too young though. Yeah it's totally normal and your 16 year old sister does it too with her bf. I was shocked. What? Who are these people? I thought they were nice people.

So I decided to not give my sons that trauma and wait longer. They knew how a baby grows. They saw that on tv programs for kids, but not how the baby got there. When the eldest was 8 he said: Mom! Mom! Ssssssh. Come to the kitchen (so his little brothers wouldn't hear it)

I think I figured it out with a boy from school. The woman goes to the hospital and they come with a huge syringe... okay maybe it's time to tell you the truth. Then the little brothers knew it too. They thought it was fascinating and hilarious. I was already divorced some years then. Ooooh! You and dad did it 3 times cause you have 3 kids! How did you do it?
Hey why don't you go call your dad and ask him. I'm sure he'll be delighted to talk about it.
 
IrishEyes said:
I agree on the don't use the guilt trip, that stage is natural and old as time, It is society that pushed the pause button on it, not nature.
Looking back if my hubby had been alive, he probably would have done the talk, but I had to step in and I realize, if both parents are
in the child's life, both should give the child both sides of the situation and how it effects both. My son's got it from the female view of it
and I think it made them respect that side of it. They brought up girls in school of different personalities and asked me to summarize why
these girls act the way they do. At 1st they were nervous having to speak with Mom about this (after all we all know Mom's are virginal to
their sons) but they got comfortable and asked me some things I didn't think they would.
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Salutations!
I am sure you did fine. The early talk should be simple and male and female audience is somewhat different. Surprising enough youth ministries at church included some of this.
Later you can get into human nature and I have touched on it.
God programmed men to want to see touch and caresses beauty....twin firm roundnessess. It is attached to the survival instinct in the base of the mind. The want and desire are God given, it up to us to be responsible. We are not animals and that is not how we mate. And there is more in life than desires even though when you are a young it does not seem that way.
And for Christians we are moral. God gave good advise on this. Be fruitful and multiple and....Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. Proverbs 5:19
But keep respectful and loving....Learn to control yourself....If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it. Genesis 4:7

I am not into the.....Women should know their place and the husband is her master. Communication is important and men should know that communication is foreplay for females. That is one of the things that give you an indication the female sex drives are more advanced and complicated.

Female conversation is an advanced art. Listen to them talk on the phone.....
what can sound like jibber to men is way of connecting. And you want to be connected to your wife. Learn to talk it with her.....Look for the motive behind the talk. Sometimes when a woman is upset it not about what she is vocalizing.
A higher form of communication that includes a lot of things like connection and understanding and attention and love.

My wife's favorite time for communication was when I was watching football or working around the house. It was not about a real topic or conversation, it was about....Do you love me enough to put me first. And when you pause that game or stop that work and give her you full attention, you score point in your relationship and in the bedroom.

It all about love and respect and communication and attention and good loving.
 
Grailhunter57 said:
My wife's favorite time for communication was when I was watching football or working around the house. It was not about a real topic or conversation, it was about....Do you love me enough to put me first. And when you pause that game or stop that work and give her you full attention, you score point in your relationship and in the bedroom.
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The youngsters have it easy today. Back when I was a young husband with a wonderful wife everything was broadcast real-time with no ability to pause, chat with the wife, and then return to the game exactly where you left off.
 
Grailhunter57 said:
Female conversation is an advanced art. Listen to them talk on the phone.....
what can sound like jibber to men is way of connecting. And you want to be connected to your wife. Learn to talk it with her.....Look for the motive behind the talk. Sometimes when a woman is upset it not about what she is vocalizing.
A higher form of communication that includes a lot of things like connection and understanding and attention and love.
Click to expand...
I suggest the men listen to the song Girl Talk by Julie London.
A few lyrics follow.

We like to chat about the dresses we will wear tonight
We chew the fat about our tresses and the neighbor's fight
Inconsequential things that men don't really care to know
Become essential things that women find so ap-pro-pos

We all meow about the ups and downs of all our friends
The who, the how, the why - we dish the dirt, it never ends
The weaker sex, the "speaker" sex she mortal males behold
Click to expand...
Sorry, you have to get to the song via YouTube.

 
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One son was 8 and they got lessons about the human body in school. He had a very serious older teacher and she had to give them the lesson. She said to the kids: What's your favorite body part? He said all the boys yelled in one accord: my *****!!! Yeah yeah that can be, she said. That's totally normal. It's a totally normal word.
 
I don't remember having sex education until 10th grade, but our school system might have been extra backwards. We were not segregated by sex and the teacher (a man) seemed extremely embarrassed about it all. My only memory of it was the awkwardness, I don't know what they actually taught (I suspect nothing very useful, and at least for me it was a few years late).

Since statistically around 1 in 20 girls have had consensual sex before they turn 13 and the numbers increase rapidly from there, I'd guess "sex" education should probably be around age 10 (and education of physical changes like menstruation a few years earlier). The vaccine for preventing sexually transmitted cervical cancer virus is recommended from 9-12 yrs, so that kind of argues for pretty early sex ed.

Some of the European sex education videos are funny (some just weird).

 
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