Laurie
Senior Member
- Location
- Kingdom of Fife
Sorry, children are like puppies, they need training. When my son bit me I bit him back, and when he did it again so did I, no not even enough to redden the skin, but he's never bitten anybody since.
Should a guardian spare the rod?
- Thread starter whisteria
- Start date
Sorry, children are like puppies, they need training. When my son bit me I bit him back, and when he did it again so did I, no not even enough to redden the skin, but he's never bitten anybody since.
The people who used physical discipline are very set in their beliefs and it's impossible to convince them otherwise, now as it would only create guilt. Physical punishment may have worked in the past to control the behavior of their children to some extent, but I doubt if it taught the kids anything other than to behave because they would be punished if they didn't obey the rules. Kids need to be taught right from wrong and to understand their feelings and behavior.
Hitting children is not the answer IMO, any more than hitting animals is the way to teach them to do tricks. Most people do the best they can with whatever tools they have, but there are new and better ways now, thanks to information and books to help teach parents how to be good parents, not just guards and trainers.
Hitting children is not the answer IMO, any more than hitting animals is the way to teach them to do tricks. Most people do the best they can with whatever tools they have, but there are new and better ways now, thanks to information and books to help teach parents how to be good parents, not just guards and trainers.
jujube
SF VIP
One of the big problems today is that kids aren't "scared" of their parents. I don't know about the rest of you, but my parents scared me to death. It kept me in line. We weren't beaten or abused; we never got more than a swat or a switch (my mom's favorites were the switch, the flyswatter or the yardstick). My dad went as far occasionally as starting to unbuckle his belt; that always did the trick.
If my Dad said, "Sneak out of the house and go to that party and I will lock you in the basement until you're 35 years old", I KNEW I'd be locked in that basement until I was 35 years old. No court in the United States would have convicted him of child abuse; they would have probably given him a tickertape parade. Hell, I'd probably still be there today. My mom would have let me out for my Dad's funeral, but I'd be right back in there as soon as the flowers wilted. I was pretty darned convinced that my parents would go through with the threatened punishment.
Kids aren't scared now. They know their parents can't really do much to them or won't do it. The first time I heard my niece say "F*** you" to her mother, my jaw just about dropped to the floor, which is probably where my head would have been if I had said that to my mother. Had I said, "Spank me and I'll call Child Protective Services" to my mother, she would have given me the telephone number and helped packed my bags.
If my Dad said, "Sneak out of the house and go to that party and I will lock you in the basement until you're 35 years old", I KNEW I'd be locked in that basement until I was 35 years old. No court in the United States would have convicted him of child abuse; they would have probably given him a tickertape parade. Hell, I'd probably still be there today. My mom would have let me out for my Dad's funeral, but I'd be right back in there as soon as the flowers wilted. I was pretty darned convinced that my parents would go through with the threatened punishment.
Kids aren't scared now. They know their parents can't really do much to them or won't do it. The first time I heard my niece say "F*** you" to her mother, my jaw just about dropped to the floor, which is probably where my head would have been if I had said that to my mother. Had I said, "Spank me and I'll call Child Protective Services" to my mother, she would have given me the telephone number and helped packed my bags.
I think I know the 'starting to unbuckle the belt' routine, my dad never actually took off the belt, but it was a threat; he also got a crazed look on his face as his eyes bulged out of his head - and it worked, it scared me, to the point that I was never close to my father, we never communicated or conversed. He was very threatening, but it didn't work to stop me from doing what I wanted to do, I just was more careful. We weren't physically punished or slapped, but the shouting and threats did the trick to control us to some extent. But that's not a very positive parent child relationship, either. There was no teaching or guidance involved and I ended up leaving home for good and only returned to attend the funerals.
Parents want respect, but fear is not respect nor is it love. Parents need to talk with their children and communicate one to one. That takes time, patience and energy, something that our parents had very little of.
Parents want respect, but fear is not respect nor is it love. Parents need to talk with their children and communicate one to one. That takes time, patience and energy, something that our parents had very little of.
:iagree:
How do you teach kids right from wrong when they can't understand sentences yet? Do you wait until they can? May be too late by then.
Maybe the problem is we are looking for a single rule that fits all situations.
Here's one that might work: Parents are allowed to spank only *one* time in the child's life. This has to be done before the child is able to comprehend the meaning of sentences. It has to be done with a bare hand, on the behind while said child is draped over the lap. To be successful it must be conducted with a scary face and it cannot be followed by an apology, or treats.
It only took once for me, too. After that, as others have said, "the look" was enough.
I don't believe time-outs would have worked for me. I liked playing alone.
I really don't think any of us were in any way truly qualified to be parents, as are most parents learn as they go along, usually making plenty of mistakes along the way and doing what was done to them, or the opposite. All these 'solutions' are in fact just guesses, made by people who have different degrees of knowledge and understanding and awareness. In fact babies and small children understand much much more than they are given credit for
You don't try to discuss with a baby, but controlling through physical force does not work and is not desirable -- it is severely looked down on as is the abuse of animals in the name of training. We don't beat cats and dogs to train them to behave, nor should we slap our children around. Horses who learned dressage did not learn by way of punishment but with a patient loving person.
Surely by now anyone can look up online plenty of information about this subject by medical professionals without referring to their own limited knowledge and trying to justify what was done to them and what they did with their kids. These old outmoded methods must be replaced by more enlightened ways. Unless of course, you want to be estranged with your children once they grow up and leave you. If you want to know a better way, learn it, get the information, read it and practice it.
You don't try to discuss with a baby, but controlling through physical force does not work and is not desirable -- it is severely looked down on as is the abuse of animals in the name of training. We don't beat cats and dogs to train them to behave, nor should we slap our children around. Horses who learned dressage did not learn by way of punishment but with a patient loving person.
Surely by now anyone can look up online plenty of information about this subject by medical professionals without referring to their own limited knowledge and trying to justify what was done to them and what they did with their kids. These old outmoded methods must be replaced by more enlightened ways. Unless of course, you want to be estranged with your children once they grow up and leave you. If you want to know a better way, learn it, get the information, read it and practice it.
Hi COOKIE,
Many thanks for taking the time to reply,
Can i ask you this,
Is a deterrent the answer ? IE If a child knows that a smack is the result of not doing as your told and the child dislikes the pain caused vie the smack , wouldnt that be in the childs mind the next time he/she is thinking of being naughty??
Or is ther another solution?
Many thanks for taking the time to reply,
Can i ask you this,
Is a deterrent the answer ? IE If a child knows that a smack is the result of not doing as your told and the child dislikes the pain caused vie the smack , wouldnt that be in the childs mind the next time he/she is thinking of being naughty??
Or is ther another solution?
Of course a deterrent is never the answer - people continue to murder, steal and commit heinous crimes, knowing full well it is against the law but they do them anyway. They get killed for their crimes and spend their lives in prison, some get released, only to commit the same crimes again and again.
Did these criminals get spanked as children. Who knows. IMO smacking kids doesn't work nor does the threat of capital punishment or years in prison for the criminals.
Did these criminals get spanked as children. Who knows. IMO smacking kids doesn't work nor does the threat of capital punishment or years in prison for the criminals.
But we're not all the same,
As a kid i was very keen on playing foot ball,
I kicked the ball through a neighbours window,
When my dad came home i got the belt big time, and i was told that if i touched the football again in the street "he'd break my legs"
I didnt touch the ball in the street again for fear of the belt and my Dad.
Why is it ive never been in trouble with the law, ive never robbed anyone, anything like that.
Was it because i learnt the difference between right and wrong and think before you do anything you know is wrong?
As a kid i was very keen on playing foot ball,
I kicked the ball through a neighbours window,
When my dad came home i got the belt big time, and i was told that if i touched the football again in the street "he'd break my legs"
I didnt touch the ball in the street again for fear of the belt and my Dad.
Why is it ive never been in trouble with the law, ive never robbed anyone, anything like that.
Was it because i learnt the difference between right and wrong and think before you do anything you know is wrong?
We know something we do is wrong because we feel bad about it afterwards, especially if it hurts someone. We have a conscience and empathy, something a sociopath lacks.
Even a baby will cry when they see another child crying. It's an inborn trait, part of the brain mechanism.
I feel sorry for you that your dad had to belt and threaten you. I don't know why you did or didn't do things, but I do know that your father was wrong to treat you that way. It seems cruel and unusual punishment and unnecessarily harsh. He could have just explained why it wasn't a good thing to do. But unfortunately fathers come in all varieties, and you got that one.
Even a baby will cry when they see another child crying. It's an inborn trait, part of the brain mechanism.
I feel sorry for you that your dad had to belt and threaten you. I don't know why you did or didn't do things, but I do know that your father was wrong to treat you that way. It seems cruel and unusual punishment and unnecessarily harsh. He could have just explained why it wasn't a good thing to do. But unfortunately fathers come in all varieties, and you got that one.