Should Someone Help Another in Public

debodun

debodun

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Location
way upstate in New York, USA
I saw a funny skit about an old woman that was struggling to put her groceries in her car. A gentleman though she needed help and went over and lifted a shopping bag out of the cart with intent of putting them inside the car. She started yelling an hitting him. It just made me think that if I were in a helping situation, should I? I never know what to do - try to be helpful or go about my business. Looking at it from the helpee's viewpoint - I don't know this person. What are they after? Do I look so feeble that I need help?
 

Had a neighbor run over one time when he saw me unloading groceries. He followed me back and forth from the car to the house talking the whole time and never even offered to help. Yeah, I think people should help but I agree with Pepper, you should say something first.
 

I agree that you need to ask first if someone needs help, but sometimes they cannot answer. When I was learning to do CPR (years ago when I was studying medical assisting), our instructor told us that even if we see someone on the ground needing assistance, we had to be careful because we could get sued if we tried CPR and they died. I did save a woman on an airplane once - she was lying in the aisle, not breathing, and the staff were urgently calling anyone on the plane for assistance. I rushed to her side, and pulled back her head to open her airway. She gave a gasp of air and started breathing. That was one situation I could not ask her to help her. She needed help.
 
I thought about this recently. Occasionally, when I saw a blind person who appeared to need help at an intersection, I'd grab their arm and start helping. They were always very gracious about it, but now I think it wasn't the best way.

So yes, offer to help before grabbing people or things.

When I was a busy camp cook, I had things figured out right down to the second. I didn't appreciate it when someone who didn't belong in the kitchen would come in and start doing things because they thought I needed help. They were in my way. So stepping around them, or explaining that I was fine, cost me precious seconds.
 
I often get asked ,if I need help, when I’m struggling to get wheelchair out of the boot of the car….
which Is very nice…..and I thank them and smile

some even ask if I need help with getting hubby out of the car, but I decline, as I’m used to lifting and pulling him out lol
ive been doing it for 10yrs….and I wouldn’t want them to pull their backs
.but I’m always very grateful ..
 
palides2021 said:
I agree that you need to ask first if someone needs help, but sometimes they cannot answer. When I was learning to do CPR (years ago when I was studying medical assisting), our instructor told us that even if we see someone on the ground needing assistance, we had to be careful because we could get sued if we tried CPR and they died.
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Anyone can generally sue as a "right of action".The claim having merit is a separate legal determination! Does your State have a "Good Samaritan" law?
 
There is a right way to offer help, without seeming pushy or aggressive. Keep your distance, give them space and let them answer before you assume they will say "yes, thank you". A gentle smile often does the trick.

I've been offered help, most times nodding and saying "thank you, but I've got this", but I always appreciate the effort.
I am prone to offering to help others, and it is generally accepted and welcomed. Mostly, it's woman to woman. :)
 
When I was first offered a helping hand lifting a 50 lb box of kitty litter into my cart at Costco my first thought was......sheesh, that guy thinks I am old, was kind of insulted actually.

Now I stand there looking pathetic....never fails....always someone ready to help.....usually an elderly gentleman :D
 
ohioboy said:
Anyone can generally sue as a "right of action".The claim having merit is a separate legal determination! Does your State have a "Good Samaritan" law?
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Thank you for pointing that out, @ohioboy !

I was around 19-20 years old when I was learning medical assisting and CPR, and we're talking around 1976-1977. I looked up what you mentioned about the "Good Samaritan" law in Ohio (I was in Ohio then), and it didn't start until 1977. So that statement I made may not be legitimate in today's world. https://www.ageeclymer.com/blog/good-samaritan-laws-ohio/
 
I took a risk & helped my next-door neighbors (in their 70's) 50 years ago. I was in a band at the time & a friend & I were sitting in his car at 2:00am, listening to some songs he wrote & recorded on a cassette. I was working as a process server at the time & was still armed.
A car parked across the street & we saw 3 guys walk up to my neighbor's house & we could tell they were up to no good.
They tried the front door, then the windows. I could hear noises, so they must have had prying tools; maybe screwdrivers.
I wasn't about to just sit there & let them get into the house & do who knows what to the couple that lived there. And it would have taken several minutes for me to run into my house & call the police. And by the time police got there.........

I jumped out of the car, ran up to the driveway, aimed at them, & yelled, "HEY." Luckily for me, they chose to run to their car & speed off.
By then, my neighbors woke up & came outside. I told them what happened. They said they could hear noises downstairs. We could see damage on their front window sill.
They were too scared to go back to sleep. I sat up with them, they made coffee & we waited for the police. The police wrote down the serial number of my gun (I guess to check if it was stolen).
My neighbors never stopped thanking me. Later, they had an alarm system installed on their house & bars on the windows.
More excitement than I ever wanted in one night.
 
The original post's opening sentence was: "I saw a funny skit about an old woman that was struggling to put her groceries in her car." Note that she said it was a skit. Not real life.

I can't imagine anyone including a store employee, walking up to a cart full of paid groceries and lifting them out of the basket without a word to the patron.

Over the years I've offered help to people, sometimes gratefully accepted, sometimes graciously refused. And people have offered help to me and I've responded in the same ways.

About 25 years ago I was in a mall parking lot, trying to wrangle a very large, heavy awkward item from a cart into the back of my rather small car. I put it on the ground and stared at it for a couple of minutes. While debating with myself over whether to return to the store to get help or to take another stab at wedging it in, a man in his early 30s and a woman of similar age pulled into a nearby spot. As they walked toward the mall he deduced my situation and offered to help.

Bing, bang, he had it in my car in nothing flat. I thanked him profusely and will never forget what he said. "That's ok. T'ain't no big thing - wasn't nothing more than a little chicken wing."

No idea where he was from (the south maybe?), but I'd never heard that expression before or since. Bless his kind heart for coming to my aid.
 
I guess I look feeble and pathetic, I get offers of help a lot and I greatly appreciate it.
The last time I was grocery shopping a young man asked if he could reach the coffee for me...that lead to a 10 minute conversation about different coffee flavors..he was very knowledgeable on all coffees...anyway it was fun talking to him....and I bought the Columbian blend he recommended..lol
 
Had a situation today. I went to the grocery store, and always use a mart cart. When done, I was having a bad arthritis moment and was having difficulty getting up off the cart. A young man (in his 30s] was walking by, and he stopped. He asked, directly, "Would you like me to help you?" I said, no thanks, I would be fine. He said OK, and did stand by until I was out of the cart and in my car. Nice guy
 
I'm one of the aforementioned elderly gentlemen who often offer assistance in the Costco parking lot!
Last week I was leaving my doctor's office when a gentleman was dropping his wife off at the door. She had trouble turning to exit the car so I offered her my hand to assist her. She took my hand and I helped her up and asked if she wanted help to the door. She declined but squeezed my hand and said "thank you so much. Talk about perfect timing!"
 
Jackie23 said:
I guess I look feeble and pathetic, I get offers of help a lot and I greatly appreciate it.
The last time I was grocery shopping a young man asked if he could reach the coffee for me...that lead to a 10 minute conversation about different coffee flavors..he was very knowledgeable on all coffees...anyway it was fun talking to him....and I bought the Columbian blend he recommended..lol
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I love this kind of unexpected moments of human contact. I bet it left him smiling, too.

How did you like the coffee, by the way?
 

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