Butterfly
SF VIP
- Location
- Albuquerque, New Mexico USA
I think that for many of us, myself included, it isn't so much that we have no sexual interest, but rather that we are no longer willing to put up with all the crap that comes with it.
dog lover
Member
Yes, that. It takes a lot of time and doing to create a relationship that suits both partners. It's just not worth the trouble anymore, now that I am not driven by hormones anymore. And thank god for that.
Jackie22
Well-known Member
- Location
- Northeast Texas
Lol....amen
Dragonlady
Member
- Location
- Vancouver, Wa.
Amen! I liked sex and I miss it, but I too,am no longer willing to pay the cost - emotionally and financially
AprilT
Well-known Member
- Location
- A galaxy far far away
Aurora
Member
- Location
- midwest USA
Butterfly, What "crap" are you talking about? Fault is often on both sides.
Emotionally I don't want to pay the price either, as a man. Perhaps we could
delete the emotions from the sex.
Emotionally I don't want to pay the price either, as a man. Perhaps we could
delete the emotions from the sex.
Dragonlady
Member
- Location
- Vancouver, Wa.
The sexual power politics
Well, I'm happy to say that after being with my husband for over forty years and both of us in our sixties, that our romantic life is still pleasurable. I have to say though if I were to lose him, I'd probably be on my own and not seek out another serious relationship. We're closely bonded and I don't think I'd have any interest in becoming intimate with another man.
As far as Stormy goes, I'm very happy she's found a partner to share her life with and I hope her good fortune lasts a long time. I can only wish that those who are lonely and seeking companionship will find it soon and not give up the search. :love_heart:
As far as Stormy goes, I'm very happy she's found a partner to share her life with and I hope her good fortune lasts a long time. I can only wish that those who are lonely and seeking companionship will find it soon and not give up the search. :love_heart:
Aurora
Member
- Location
- midwest USA
I don't know what you mean by sexual power politics, specifically.
When I am with a woman,power never is an issue or enters into it. Not my experience.
I know that some use sex for power control in long term relationships.
Do this for me or else---there's another forum I read where unhappy couples confess their problems
and much talk of sexless marriages.
When I am with a woman,power never is an issue or enters into it. Not my experience.
I know that some use sex for power control in long term relationships.
Do this for me or else---there's another forum I read where unhappy couples confess their problems
and much talk of sexless marriages.
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
Dear Stormy,
there are some nice men out there, but we are few and far between and would you believe I have female members "elsewhere" saying the opposite about me (huh?).
Forums like this one can be good and I've certainly used them for a bit of support on various issues lately.
S
Stormy
Guest
Thank you grahamg I do know there are some very nice men out there and I am with one right now. I just went through a bad experience, learned from it and moved on all for the better. We're never too old to learn are we? I don't have any male members anywhere else because this is the only forum that I belong to but I have to say all members here no matter what sex they are have been very understanding and supportive, I have even received some very sincere private messages from a few who were worried about me. I happy to know I can come here and ask for help if I need it or share anything personal that's going on in my life, I will be a life time member.
Dragonlady
Member
- Location
- Vancouver, Wa.
Power - or if you prefer - control is always an aspect of any human relationship - on a continuum of almost absent to very strong. Both genders strive for it, but in different ways. Sex, money and children are the biggies
Aurora
Member
- Location
- midwest USA
Well I know what single women want and it is not always what they say they want.
Whatever it is, I am not the guy that's how I feel. and whatever I want, they are probably not it.
This is after a lifetime of trying in every which way. That's why I stopped dating years ago, what a relief.
Sexual gamemanship was never an issue for me.
Whatever it is, I am not the guy that's how I feel. and whatever I want, they are probably not it.
This is after a lifetime of trying in every which way. That's why I stopped dating years ago, what a relief.
Sexual gamemanship was never an issue for me.
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
I think I understand
I think I understand you perfectly well, and I admit for various reasons I'm not going out of my way to find love and if that means I never find that special someone then I can live with it at my age
I think I understand you perfectly well, and I admit for various reasons I'm not going out of my way to find love and if that means I never find that special someone then I can live with it at my age
Dragonlady
Member
- Location
- Vancouver, Wa.
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
How about control?
I know I shouldn't be trying to answer for another forum member, and yet in asking your question you have ignored them saying, quote: "Whatever it is, I am not the guy that's how I feel....."
My answer for you is this, at least my ex. wife's case, and maybe a more recent girlfriend of mine, they wanted "control".
I know I'm not being entirely fair perhaps, to the girlfriend at least, but her ex. husband (who she loved deeply) did tell her as justification for his splitting up the marriage and being unfaithful into the bargain, he said their house was "how she'd wanted it to be" - rather than a joint decision.
My other supporting evidence so far as saying women want "control" is something my father used to say, certainly when he got married. He said getting married was like "stepping into a metaphorical boxing ring" - meaning you had to keep your wits about you!
My mother and father managed to form an excellent partnership no matter, and my mother continually challenging him, he told me toward the end of their lives, when she went into hospital, had kept him on his metal and her not being there to do that meant he didn't feel as sharp. My mother was certainly very controlling but I realise now she's gone just how much she did for me and wanted the best for me too.
I know I shouldn't be trying to answer for another forum member, and yet in asking your question you have ignored them saying, quote: "Whatever it is, I am not the guy that's how I feel....."
My answer for you is this, at least my ex. wife's case, and maybe a more recent girlfriend of mine, they wanted "control".
I know I'm not being entirely fair perhaps, to the girlfriend at least, but her ex. husband (who she loved deeply) did tell her as justification for his splitting up the marriage and being unfaithful into the bargain, he said their house was "how she'd wanted it to be" - rather than a joint decision.
My other supporting evidence so far as saying women want "control" is something my father used to say, certainly when he got married. He said getting married was like "stepping into a metaphorical boxing ring" - meaning you had to keep your wits about you!
My mother and father managed to form an excellent partnership no matter, and my mother continually challenging him, he told me toward the end of their lives, when she went into hospital, had kept him on his metal and her not being there to do that meant he didn't feel as sharp. My mother was certainly very controlling but I realise now she's gone just how much she did for me and wanted the best for me too.
Last edited:
Wilberforce
Jeannine
- Location
- BC Canada
That is an interesting observation but I have to reply with not all women want control. I was reared in a home where both my parents had equal voice and decisions were made mutually. If they were totally deadlocked on deciding something they picked a choice from a hat, I am not kidding. As a child I felt gently guided, never controlled. I was always given choices and I quickly learned to make decisions about my own life even when quite small
I certainly never wanted control with my husband nor he with me, in fact we negotiated most things quite simply.
Oh and to add. as a woman what I wanted in a man when I was young was. respect, love, emotional support, love of family and honesty. I was fortunate to get all five. What was not important to me was good looks , a man with power or a man with money.
I had a great childhood and a wonderful marriage.. and absolutely no control from either of us.
I certainly never wanted control with my husband nor he with me, in fact we negotiated most things quite simply.
Oh and to add. as a woman what I wanted in a man when I was young was. respect, love, emotional support, love of family and honesty. I was fortunate to get all five. What was not important to me was good looks , a man with power or a man with money.
I had a great childhood and a wonderful marriage.. and absolutely no control from either of us.
Aurora
Member
- Location
- midwest USA
My mother was extremely controlling all her long life until the end--control over her children and husband.
She fancied herself the Big Boss of the family and needed to supervise and pass critical judgement on her children
regardless of whether she knew what she was talking about. And very disagreeable besides.
This is a terrible role model for a young man trying to find and romance women. She loved being The Boss--
the Know It All type. Many parents were criticized by their parents and so on...a family tradition.
Or some parents go the opposite direction and praise everything their kids do--beyond any reproach.
Jeanine--you perhaps are a rare exception for the women I have had contact with.
She fancied herself the Big Boss of the family and needed to supervise and pass critical judgement on her children
regardless of whether she knew what she was talking about. And very disagreeable besides.
This is a terrible role model for a young man trying to find and romance women. She loved being The Boss--
the Know It All type. Many parents were criticized by their parents and so on...a family tradition.
Or some parents go the opposite direction and praise everything their kids do--beyond any reproach.
Jeanine--you perhaps are a rare exception for the women I have had contact with.
Dragonlady
Member
- Location
- Vancouver, Wa.
It's been suggested that we tend to pick pick potential mates who resemble the same gender parent. Is it possible that you were unknowingly attracted to controlling women?.
My ex husband was extremely controlling and I didn't realize until much later how alike my husband and my father were. As someone has already said, not all women are control freaks anymore than all men are. Without even realizing it we tend, with time, to take on many of the characteristics of our parents - unless they are so bad we knowingly reject them. Example; My Dad was a big time racial bigot; he was so extreme, he turned me completely against such thinking. Had he been more subtle about it, I might have been sucked into such thinking myself. Kids absorb an amazing amount of attitude at an almost subliminal level at a surprisingly early age. Maybe you picked up a lot of your father's attitudes towards women (based on his interaction with your mother)
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
There is something in the theory
I am fairly sure there is something in this theory, and its been stated often enough by experts or guru's trying to understand human psychology (does it go back to Freud?).
The racial attitudes you mention are perhaps as much to do with prevailing attitudes at the time, than anything else. I guess my father was similar to yours in that regard, and I followed that thinking too until I realised good people like Lynford Christie, a UK sprinter and one time olympic champion, held himself with such dignity and showed strong character so it crossed my mind I wasn't "superior" to a man like him, and I then knew how foolish I'd been.
I am fairly sure there is something in this theory, and its been stated often enough by experts or guru's trying to understand human psychology (does it go back to Freud?).
The racial attitudes you mention are perhaps as much to do with prevailing attitudes at the time, than anything else. I guess my father was similar to yours in that regard, and I followed that thinking too until I realised good people like Lynford Christie, a UK sprinter and one time olympic champion, held himself with such dignity and showed strong character so it crossed my mind I wasn't "superior" to a man like him, and I then knew how foolish I'd been.