Some fractured Nursery Rhymes.

[bobcat]

Hickory dickory doc
The mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The rest escaped with minor injuries.

Rub a dub dub
Three men in a tub
Hey, what are all these periscopes doing in here

 

[Paladin1950]

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress
When she got there
The cupboard was bare
And so was her daughter, I guess.

This one my grandmother taught me

Jack and Jill went up the hill
And that's where he knocked her down
Jack and Jill went down the hill
And that's where he knocked her up.

 

[Cornhusker]

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her Tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And said, "What's in the bowl Baby"?

 

[Bella]

Jack and Jill went up the hill and planned to do some kissing,
Jack took a pass and grabbed her ass,
and now two of his teeth are missing.

Little boy blue, he needed the money.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

Jack Sprat was one cool cat –
Played guitar in a cowboy hat.
His wife was surly, vicious and mean
So off he ran, with a beauty queen.

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candlestick.
Dear oh dear he should have jumped higher
Oh good gracious, great balls of fire.

I'll see myself out.

 

[ohioboy]

Jack and Jill went up the hill. They each had a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with Two and a half, they didn't go up for water.

 

[Dustbunny]

Mary, Mary quite contrary,
watched her garden thrive.
The cops found seed of a rather odd weed.
Now she's doing three to five

 

[bobcat]

Mary had a little dress, the skirt was split in half.
And every step that Mary took, the boys would see her calf.
Mary had another dress, split right up the front,
But she rarely wore that one.

 

[bobcat]

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a duck.
She put them on the mantelpiece ,
To see if they'd f.f.f.fall off.

 

[bobcat]

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,
My husband will be home in five minutes

 

[bobcat]

Mary had a little watch.
She swallowed it one day.
The doctor gave her laxative
To pass the time away.
Mary took the laxative,
But the time, it would not pass,
So if you want to know the time,
You can look up Mary's aunt, who has a watch too.

 

[jujube]

Mary had a little plane.
Across the sky she'd frisk.
Oh, wasn't she a plucky dame,
her little *

 

[Bella]

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.
Now Mary found the price of meat too high,
Which really didn't please her.
Tonight she's having leg of lamb,
The rest is in the freezer.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
She said, "With my pension, that's all I can do.
It may be substandard, but just down the block,
I know an old lady who lives in a sock."

 

[bobcat]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill,
and now there's little Frankie

 

[OneEyedDiva]

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her Tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And said, "What's in the bowl Baby"?

Well Parliament Funkadelic changed that last line to "What's in the bag b*tch?"