Someone said of loneliness

Hi Jim, yes nites can be very difficult when you are lonesome. What do you do at nite? I've been watching tv but find a lot of the time the tv is only "on" and I'm not watching. I'm thinking of a million different things and one of them is will I be alone the rest of my life. I do have my pets but it would be nice to have a human to talk to in person, too. Online helps some with boredom and loneliness I find, too. Yet, having someone in person would be nice.
 
I'm so new to this that I haven't formed a "plan" as to how to do this. I too "watch" TV but really it's just something to break the silence. I don't know what I want. I don't have pets ( I really couldn't care for them properly). I guess we'll both survive this, but who knows how. For now between TV and the computer will have to be my lot.....
 

Hey, it's my lot, too. I've been alone for quite some time but realize at first it's very hard. I guess getting into a routine and mapping out what to do next may be something to do. I have all sorts of lists on my coffee table of things I'm going to do. Haven't done a lot of them yet. One of them is to call the senior center in my city and see what's happening there. Maybe people like me will be there and there will be things to do, people to talk to and get to know and eventually do some things with. I've been putting that off for forever.
 
Yeah...Me too...people all advise to seek out peers at the senior centers but so far I just can't muster the resolve to do it. I guess I'll go ahead and try to sleep. Nice seeing you Ruthanne....
 
This sort of site doesn't help loneliness, you need a proper chat site. If you make contact with people who share your interests, it's easy to make friends. There are many disabled people who have no other contact with the outside world. So you'll be helping them as well as yourself.
 
Rosemarie said:
This sort of site doesn't help loneliness, you need a proper chat site. If you make contact with people who share your interests, it's easy to make friends. There are many disabled people who have no other contact with the outside world. So you'll be helping them as well as yourself.
Click to expand...


That's a nice suggestion...

however it's very early days for you still Jim, since your lovely wife died.. only 9 weeks, so everything is still raw after over 50 years as a couple.. ..and with ill health yourself it's got to be very difficult both mentally & Physically to motivate yourself to go out and ''join clubs''..that can come later when time has smoothed the rawness, but I think Rosemarie's idea is a good one. You've always been an active member of forums, so perhaps joining a forum for a specific interest, or for those who have been recently bereaved, will help you talk things out and help with the healing process...
 
hollydolly said:
That's a nice suggestion...

however it's very early days for you still Jim, since your lovely wife died.. only 9 weeks, so everything is still raw after over 50 years as a couple.. ..and with ill health yourself it's got to be very difficult both mentally & Physically to motivate yourself to go out and ''join clubs''..that can come later when time has smoothed the rawness, but I think Rosemarie's idea is a good one. You've always been an active member of forums, so perhaps joining a forum for a specific interest, or for those who have been recently bereaved, will help you talk things out and help with the healing process...
Click to expand...
Ditto...I think this site will help you..With the global reach it has there is just about someone online most of the time..
 
Jim, I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely, but I can understand that especially at night time, it's too bad you're not able to care for a cat because that would be some company for you.

Have you thought of selling your house and moving to a senior community, perhaps 'assisted living'? That way you wouldn't have to leave or go far to be around a lot of people in your age group if you were in the mood to do so that day. They might have activities or meals provided by the community to make things easier for you, do cleaning or help with shopping.

In a living environment, I imagine you can have a late evening conversation or visit with someone who shares similar interests with you. It may be too soon to think about something like this, but I think it may help you to have folks around if you need them even for assistance in the future. I'm just making a suggestion, I do think of you often and always wish you well....hugs.
 
We "older people" like face to face contact. The new generation friends are more through social media rather than face to face. They have no problem just having friends this way. Most face to face friends are kept and made through work. I keep hoping at some point in time I could get a little job. I can't, I doubt you can work either.

I think everyone is correct. You might try a "live" chat site, but be aware some people on those sites can be very difficult and downright nasty. I like this site better than those, the delay lets you reply when and if you want. It's a shame you can't even get a cat. I think they are less upkeep than a dog, not as demanding, but still company.

I tried the senior center and think it depends on the center. A lot of woman were really depressed, just "waiting to die". Again, this would be a bummer for you. If you go try and choose upbeat people, there are some there. Being a man, you will probably have a different experience than I did as well. :). Some people are really interesting.
 
Rosemarie said:
This sort of site doesn't help loneliness, you need a proper chat site. If you make contact with people who share your interests, it's easy to make friends. There are many disabled people who have no other contact with the outside world. So you'll be helping them as well as yourself.
Click to expand...
I can't think of a better site than this one for me. I've been here for years and value the friends I have made here. A little later on I might try your idea as well, but to me nothing beats being here where we all are friends and follow each others lives.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Pam
SeaBreeze said:
Jim, I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely, but I can understand that especially at night time, it's too bad you're not able to care for a cat because that would be some company for you.

Have you thought of selling your house and moving to a senior community, perhaps 'assisted living'? That way you wouldn't have to leave or go far to be around a lot of people in your age group if you were in the mood to do so that day. They might have activities or meals provided by the community to make things easier for you, do cleaning or help with shopping.

In a living environment, I imagine you can have a late evening conversation or visit with someone who shares similar interests with you. It may be too soon to think about something like this, but I think it may help you to have folks around if you need them even for assistance in the future. I'm just making a suggestion, I do think of you often and always wish you well....hugs.
Click to expand...

That assisted-living situation would be perfect for me for when I can no longer live alone, then I can have my privacy or seek out companionship when in the mood. AND, I'm assuming that there I will not die and rot before someone finds me. BUT, but, but, they sound awfully expensive and I doubt I could afford one for more than a few years, I have very modest equity.
 
We lived out your way for some years in Sun City West. I was a member of the Sheriff's Posse and got to know a lot of good people there. Most of the homes are private residences, but we had a condo one story townhouse. The difference was that all exterior maintenance was done by the association. There were over 100 clubs for all different kinds of activities. There are also assisted living facilities for those that would like them.
 
Manatee said:
We lived out your way for some years in Sun City West. I was a member of the Sheriff's Posse and got to know a lot of good people there. Most of the homes are private residences, but we had a condo one story townhouse. The difference was that all exterior maintenance was done by the association. There were over 100 clubs for all different kinds of activities. There are also assisted living facilities for those that would like them.
Click to expand...
"There are also assisted living facilities for those that would like them."
True but........$$$$$$$$$$$$
 
I totally agree. It is so soon. Everyone bombarding you with ideas of getting on in your life. Take the time to grieve and heal. In time and very slowly your life will fall into place and although you will never forget your wife you will be able to handle the grief in a better way. I haven't lost my hubby and although the love is different when you lose your parents I was devastated. It took a long while to heal and I still cry but I manage the grief better now.
hollydolly said:
That's a nice suggestion...

however it's very early days for you still Jim, since your lovely wife died.. only 9 weeks, so everything is still raw after over 50 years as a couple.. ..and with ill health yourself it's got to be very difficult both mentally & Physically to motivate yourself to go out and ''join clubs''..that can come later when time has smoothed the rawness, but I think Rosemarie's idea is a good one. You've always been an active member of forums, so perhaps joining a forum for a specific interest, or for those who have been recently bereaved, will help you talk things out and help with the healing process...
Click to expand...
 
AZ Jim said:
Yeah...Me too...people all advise to seek out peers at the senior centers but so far I just can't muster the resolve to do it. I guess I'll go ahead and try to sleep. Nice seeing you Ruthanne....
Click to expand...
As I replied in another thread, I'm a new widow. I still have to remind myself sometimes, especially when I hear one of my neighbors opening their apartment door, that he's never coming home again. I have lots to do around the house and I need to work on my music and release my new songs as well do my artwork. But as my mother used to say I have to be "in the notion" to get things done.

I had looked online for a local senior center when my husband was still alive. I wanted to go to one that went on trips or at least outings from time to time. I don't know why I didn't find one back then. But last week, feeling I really need to find a place to go, I found one. They go to Walmart once a month and to a camp in a forest-y area once a month except for when school is out in summer. Their lunches are more like full course dinners. They do exercises every morning and play the cliche-ish bingo and cards. I don't play card so I'll probably chat with others who don't or be on my tablet. The center also provides transportation. I don't plan to attend every day...maybe two or three times a week. I feel this will be better for me than sitting at home on the computer most of the day although I love social networking, researching different things and reading articles online. I was ready join a center. Maybe one day you'll be ready too. I met two very nice ladies who talked about their husbands' passings and encouraged me to talk about mine. I sat at their table, we had lunch together, laughed and talked about various things. They told me most of the people there are widows and widowers. They joked that they treat the widowers real special.

I love to travel and have no problem going to our timeshare alone since it feels like my second home and there's plenty to do if I want to do it. I used to travel alone all the time before I married my husband. But now that he's gone, I realized that when I'm outside the house and going places alone...that's when I feel lonely. Go figure! I hope you will find comfort and be able to incorporate some good things into your life.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top