Sometimes you just want someone to empathize

L

LoveTulips

Senior Member
Location
British Columbia, Canada
I had a work colleague a number of years ago whom I thought maybe we would be friends, she was willing - and so was I at first, for awhile. Except she was always happy and cheerful about everything. I know, I know, I can hear you all saying what is wrong with that??

Well, for example, I would stress about my job and my work colleague would always say, " Oh, I get along with all the bosses as they know that they need me, so they all treat me wonderfully. She was the only person who could communicate with the hearing impaired at work. So yes, the bosses treated her with kid gloves. I would have preferred if she said, " Yup, you're in a tough situation there." And anything that worried me and told her, she always would be happy, happy, positive, positive. Hey, I get it, being positive helps, but sometimes you just want someone to empathize with you.

Another thing, I would complain about wishing my hubby would help more at home with housework. She would go on and on, about how lucky she is as her husband even loves to dust the furniture. Again, just a little empathy please.

Anyways, I could not take this happy, happy, positive, positive lady with the perfect life so I did not stay friends with her.
 

Remy said:
Got to wonder if everything was really as rosy as she stated or even if she really felt that cheerful. It's impossible to know.

Anyone who has read my posts, knows I'm a total whiner.
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Well, if she was unhappy, she was a consummate actress. I met her family, she and her hubby adored each other, her grown up daughters would joke around and everyone seemed normal. They celebrated every little occasion in a big way - birthdays were spent dreaming up how to surprise each other with lovely gifts, Christmas was something out of a storybook fairytale, they took numerous vacations everywhere. They had extended family and it was about 150 family members together at New Years' eve.
 
LoveTulips said:
Well, if she was unhappy, she was a consummate actress. I met her family, she and her hubby adored each other, her grown up daughters would joke around and everyone seemed normal. They celebrated every little occasion in a big way - birthdays were spent dreaming up how to surprise each other with lovely gifts, Christmas was something out of a storybook fairytale, they took numerous vacations everywhere. They had extended family and it was about 150 family members together at New Years' eve.
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Dang! Can people like that really exist? šŸ˜²
 
I knew someone sorta like that, @LoveTulips. Except her thing was that "Oh, none of us should complain, we should just put it all in the Lord's hands; he'll take care of everything." If that's the way someone believes, that's their right, of course. But even just a "I'm sorry you're going through this" would've been nice instead of being preached at. And in her case, she did everything for her husband, everything and he acted like she didn't even exist. I wouldn't have put up with it, but she just kept up with that "putting it in the Lord's hands and trying to ignore it."

Oh and when I confided in her the rough childhood that Huzz had with his violent, drunken father and how he beat Huzz and his siblings and their mother all the time and how I was glad my MIL was finally able to divorce him and finally have a life free from fear of being beaten up and starving, this gal tells me, "Oh, she shouldn't have divorced him! Every woman needs a husband!" I said, "Even one that beats her up and takes off for a year at a time when there's no food in the house?!" And she said, "Yep, God wants every woman to have a husband no matter what he's like." And get this: this gal divorced her first husband!

I don't understand (nor agree) with that line of thinking.
 
Alizerine said:
If you lived in a neighborhood where everyone had tons more money than you it could make you uncomfortable.
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I did and it did make me uncomfortable; kids can sometimes struggle with not fitting in anyway and then to be too embarrassed to invite kids to your house because it was such a mess, never was money for new school clothes so that got constantly thrown in my face.
 
officerripley said:
I knew someone sorta like that, @LoveTulips. Except her thing was that "Oh, none of us should complain, we should just put it all in the Lord's hands; he'll take care of everything." If that's the way someone believes, that's their right, of course. But even just a "I'm sorry you're going through this" would've been nice instead of being preached at. And in her case, she did everything for her husband, everything and he acted like she didn't even exist. I wouldn't have put up with it, but she just kept up with that "putting it in the Lord's hands and trying to ignore it."

Oh and when I confided in her the rough childhood that Huzz had with his violent, drunken father and how he beat Huzz and his siblings and their mother all the time and how I was glad my MIL was finally able to divorce him and finally have a life free from fear of being beaten up and starving, this gal tells me, "Oh, she shouldn't have divorced him! Every woman needs a husband!" I said, "Even one that beats her up and takes off for a year at a time when there's no food in the house?!" And she said, "Yep, God wants every woman to have a husband no matter what he's like." And get this: this gal divorced her first husband!

I don't understand (nor agree) with that line of thinking.
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OMG yeah NO! I'm sorry to say this but religion had made her brain think like that.
 
LoveTulips said:
I had a work colleague a number of years ago whom I thought maybe we would be friends, she was willing - and so was I at first, for awhile. Except she was always happy and cheerful about everything. I know, I know, I can hear you all saying what is wrong with that??

Well, for example, I would stress about my job and my work colleague would always say, " Oh, I get along with all the bosses as they know that they need me, so they all treat me wonderfully. She was the only person who could communicate with the hearing impaired at work. So yes, the bosses treated her with kid gloves. I would have preferred if she said, " Yup, you're in a tough situation there." And anything that worried me and told her, she always would be happy, happy, positive, positive. Hey, I get it, being positive helps, but sometimes you just want someone to empathize with you.

Another thing, I would complain about wishing my hubby would help more at home with housework. She would go on and on, about how lucky she is as her husband even loves to dust the furniture. Again, just a little empathy please.

Anyways, I could not take this happy, happy, positive, positive lady with the perfect life so I did not stay friends with her.
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My daughter is very similar to this.. regardless of what bad things might be happening to other people... she's like the fairy in the Christmas tree.. she doesn't want to hear anything less than positive...

It's a good trait to live by..if you can only see positive things out of negatives.. but sometimes you just wanna say...Please empathise with that's happening to me or other people... things don't always have a positive spin on them
 
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Alizerine said:
If you lived in a neighborhood where everyone had tons more money than you it could make you uncomfortable. It seems the same when people pretend to have much more fun and excitement than you. We shouldn't compare but it is hard not to.
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Same here.. My mother married ''beneath her'' so it was important to her that we didn't show that we had nothing.. so we lived in neighbourhoods which were progressively more upmarket.. and we moved every few years to something better something more expensive, but we had nothing. We didn't bring friends home because we saw what our friends had at home and we had nothing compared to that..
 
officerripley said:
I knew someone sorta like that, @LoveTulips. Except her thing was that "Oh, none of us should complain, we should just put it all in the Lord's hands; he'll take care of everything." If that's the way someone believes, that's their right, of course. But even just a "I'm sorry you're going through this" would've been nice instead of being preached at. And in her case, she did everything for her husband, everything and he acted like she didn't even exist. I wouldn't have put up with it, but she just kept up with that "putting it in the Lord's hands and trying to ignore it."

Oh and when I confided in her the rough childhood that Huzz had with his violent, drunken father and how he beat Huzz and his siblings and their mother all the time and how I was glad my MIL was finally able to divorce him and finally have a life free from fear of being beaten up and starving, this gal tells me, "Oh, she shouldn't have divorced him! Every woman needs a husband!" I said, "Even one that beats her up and takes off for a year at a time when there's no food in the house?!" And she said, "Yep, God wants every woman to have a husband no matter what he's like." And get this: this gal divorced her first husband!

I don't understand (nor agree) with that line of thinking.
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My sister in law divorced her husband due to his lying and cheating and instead of supporting her, her family criticized her for leaving him. This guy had a permanent side kick and had been cheating on her for years.
Their excuse was that god puts us through bad experiences to teach us about compassion. What? Needless to say, my husband and I supported her decision to divorce her cheating man. Sheā€™s now happily dating someone who treats her well.

I get what youā€™re saying. Sometimes we just want to be comforted when we whine. Sometimes we just want our feelings to be heard and understood. Iā€™m sorry your friendship never worked out. Luckily youā€™ve got us to comfort and support you. šŸ¤—
 
A lot of people live life on a very superficial level, refusing to face up to the realities. This is fine while it lasts but when something really bad happens, they find it extremely difficult to deal with. They usually blame others when things go wrong, seeing no fault in themselves.
 
Lavinia said:
A lot of people live life on a very superficial level, refusing to face up to the realities. This is fine while it lasts but when something really bad happens, they find it extremely difficult to deal with. They usually blame others when things go wrong, seeing no fault in themselves.
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I understand what you're saying but that doesn't apply to my DD. When bad things happen to her and they have, she's a very strong individual, she deals with it, brushes if off, and gets on with life, never reflecting back on it...

The trouble is she expects everyone else to deal with their probs the same way.. and most can't...
 
Bet your daughter has worked very hard to be the strong, successful woman she is. She may not have time now in her own development to emphasize much NOW, but she may very well learn when she has more time. @hollydolly
 
Some people are more sensitive than others. What really upsets one person has no effect on others. However, the world needs both....the copers who deal with everything life throws at them, and the more emotional ones.
I do wonder whether the current obsession with mental health is a result of people having high expectations.
 
Lavinia said:
Some people are more sensitive than others. What really upsets one person has no effect on others. However, the world needs both....the copers who deal with everything life throws at them, and the more emotional ones.
I do wonder whether the current obsession with mental health is a result of people having high expectations.
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Very good point ..I think those of us who live lives where we coped with nothing for whatever period of time.. where we had nothing where we didn't expect anything, and where we were grateful when we were given things... are far more able to cope with life than those who were never told no....
 
officerripley said:
I knew someone sorta like that, @LoveTulips. Except her thing was that "Oh, none of us should complain, we should just put it all in the Lord's hands; he'll take care of everything." If that's the way someone believes, that's their right, of course. But even just a "I'm sorry you're going through this" would've been nice instead of being preached at. And in her case, she did everything for her husband, everything and he acted like she didn't even exist. I wouldn't have put up with it, but she just kept up with that "putting it in the Lord's hands and trying to ignore it."

Oh and when I confided in her the rough childhood that Huzz had with his violent, drunken father and how he beat Huzz and his siblings and their mother all the time and how I was glad my MIL was finally able to divorce him and finally have a life free from fear of being beaten up and starving, this gal tells me, "Oh, she shouldn't have divorced him! Every woman needs a husband!" I said, "Even one that beats her up and takes off for a year at a time when there's no food in the house?!" And she said, "Yep, God wants every woman to have a husband no matter what he's like." And get this: this gal divorced her first husband!

I don't understand (nor agree) with that line of thinking.
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I would have told her she was an idiot right to her face. And she was a liar anyways, if she said, stand by your man regardless and then she divorced her husband anyways.
 

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