Space within marriage

R

Rose65

Well-known Member
Location
United Kingdom
I am pretty sure we assume things about each other, based on information available, especially online.

I am guessing I've given the impression that I live alone. Actually, I don't - I have a husband, a wonderful man indeed. He is a very quiet, mild and unassuming man.
I am the outgoing one and he mainly prefers to go along with how I organise our lives. Quite happy to potter about doing his gardening, hobbies and his pursuits. We have many separate interests and allow each other space. Of course we do have important things in common too.

Do you have separate interests in your relationship and are you happy to allow each other to enjoy them?
 

Rose65 said:
Do you have separate interests in your relationship and are you happy to allow each other to enjoy them?
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Yes and yes. We appreciate both being exposed to each other’s interests and their being happily engaged by them so that we can do the same with ours.

My wife is an artist which I’ve always been interested in too but mostly as a maker. However I’ve mostly not been eager to exhibit what I do as it makes me self conscious in a way that interferes with the spontaneity I appreciate when in ‘beginner’s mind’. But I love seeing her producing and being appreciated for her work.

The only artistic pursuit i engage with any longer is making my garden. Somehow I’ve been able to get some appreciation for it without that throwing me off my center. Lia definitely enjoys what I do too. And we did a yearly studio/garden party for our friends up until the pandemic. Owing to Lia’s suppressed immunity and her poor kidney functioning making it impossible for her to make use of the drugs which aid in recovering from Covid, we are virtually in permanent lock down. Fortunately we enjoy each other’s company and remain engaged in our preferred pastimes as well, albeit cautiously in public places.

I don’t just think it is okay for couples to have interests apart, I actually think it is healthy for each and conducive to relational endurance. We’ll be married 40 years in September.
 
MarkD said:
I don’t just think it is okay for couples to have interests apart, I actually think it is healthy for each and conducive to relational endurance. We’ll be married 40 years in September.
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I couldn’t put it much better myself. I believe each and every one of us needs short breaks from each other every so often. Whether that be a spouse, partner, friend’s & acquaintances. It might only need to be a few hours, sometimes more, and it seems quite healthy to do that. Even beneficial for all concerned.
 

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I believe space within marriage is a necessity. I have more outside interests than Ron does, but that balance works for us.

We also both still work so time apart is a daily occurrence. If we ever retire I have interests I would love to pursue more frequently which would ensure continued space.
 
My Hubs and I have had a long marriage doing separate things but in recent years we are doing more together and learning about each others passions. I learned to shoot and hunt with him. We hunt ducks, geese, turkeys, deer and bear. He learned to love art from me. We travel to art shows and galleries. He was as disappointed as I was when a local gallery returned their 2 Monet, a Cezanne, and Renoir that had been on loan. And he's learned to cook and enjoys cooking outdoors. We cook most meals together. Its a new chapter for us.
 
My husband is : my lover, my adviser, my best friend and we don't need time apart.
Having said that, he loves golf (I don't)
He likes mountain bike riding (I ride my bike like Miss Daisy!)
We share the same friends, but sometimes, I spend time with my girlfriends and he has the boys over for men's talks and billiards.
 
My partner and I have always been independent but enjoy each other's company during the times we are together. I traveled during much of my career and he was always fine with being at home. He knew it was something I needed to do to build a better life for the two of us.

Now, he works and I stay at home. On his days off, I rarely schedule anything because I respect his time to himself. We do always have lunch together on his days off, trying new restaurants, and occasionally walk by the lake or at the mall.

We are both introverts, so if we pass on social events we are both okay with it. It's worked for 31 years, so I think we've found the formula.
 
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