Spouse's Depression

[Been There]

Have you found out what the basis is for his depression? That’s generally a good place to start.

We all have to take care of ourselves. Our own happiness is what’s most important. It’s not being selfish and you should feel no guilt. I doubt if you want to stay on this merry-go-round, so sooner or later, you will have to decide when to get off.

 

[fancicoffee13]

Whatever the outcome, I hope it works out for you both.

Thank you Trish. I am learning a lot of stuff. I did not know the "correct" responses to accusations, such as making a statement of I need to go for now and will be back later when we have had time to think about it. I don't need to let a fight develop and let the atmosphere calm down when we can eventually learn to keep the tone good.

 

[Timewise 60+]

Marriage counselor didn't work either. But thanks anyway.

Based on what you wrote about your husband not participating/ wanting to work with someone...he leaves you no choice!

The only possible way you will get him to seriously work with you and a third party to try and improve your marriage is when you pack up and walk out the door. If he truly loves you, he will soon come to realize what he is losing and will do whatever it takes to save the marriage. If he does not do this...it is best that you get on with your life without him...

I am a guy, been married for over 50+ years...and we went through something similar, my wife had to do a wake up call on me...!

 

[Jules]

Thank you Trish. I am learning a lot of stuff. I did not know the "correct" responses to accusations, such as making a statement of I need to go for now and will be back later when we have had time to think about it. I don't need to let a fight develop and let the atmosphere calm down when we can eventually learn to keep the tone good.

Glad your group is helping. I’m sure there’re many who could gain from a group like yours. I dealt with years of subtle bullying before leaving. Have you decided who will stay in your apartment or will you both leave.

 

[hearlady]

Thank you Trish. I am learning a lot of stuff. I did not know the "correct" responses to accusations, such as making a statement of I need to go for now and will be back later when we have had time to think about it. I don't need to let a fight develop and let the atmosphere calm down when we can eventually learn to keep the tone good.

I'm sure this is all very sad. I'm glad though, in the process you're learning some skills. I hope it helps.

 

[fancicoffee13]

I'm sure this is all very sad. I'm glad though, in the process you're learning some skills. I hope it helps.

It helps a lot!!! I had never, never heard of toxic positivity. Being so positive and losing touch, so to say, with reality. Suppressing anger is harmful to your helalth as well as being angry So, managing your anger/emotions is direly important.

 

[fancicoffee13]

Glad your group is helping. I’m sure there’re many who could gain from a group like yours. I dealt with years of subtle bullying before leaving. Have you decided who will stay in your apartment or will you both leave.

I will stay, he is leaving. And there will be no financial hardship on either side.

 

[fancicoffee13]

Based on what you wrote about your husband not participating/ wanting to work with someone...he leaves you no choice!

The only possible way you will get him to seriously work with you and a third party to try and improve your marriage is when you pack up and walk out the door. If he truly loves you, he will soon come to realize what he is losing and will do whatever it takes to save the marriage. If he does not do this...it is best that you get on with your life without him...

I am a guy, been married for over 50+ years...and we went through something similar, my wife had to do a wake up call on me...!

Well, I suggested that we be separated for at least a year. Most marriages cannot survive that long a separation. I am focusing on me. And I am "real" about my life and taking care of me and he can either wake up or get on. Period, end of sentence.