Squirrels.

[Falcon]

SQUIRRELS

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.

 

[Pappy]

Good one Falcon....

 

[Aunt Bea]

Falcon, We'll pray for you!

 

[Marie5656]

They all come to my house. I feed them peanuts. I know when I need to throw out more, as they will sit on the tree branch outside my window and give me the stink eye until I come out. I swear they know I am in here.

 

[RadishRose]

Too funny Falcon!

 

[jujube]

My grandmother fed the squirrels religiously. She was known in the neighborhood as the "Squirrel Lady" because a herd of them would follow her down the street when she'd go to catch a bus.

I had squirrels raising a family in an area of my eaves that I wanted to close off, but I needed to drive them out first. I had heard that squirrels didn't like the smell of mothballs, so I bought a couple boxes of mothballs and blew them deep into the area where they were. I came home the next night to find my side yard littered with mothballs. The little boogers had thrown all the mothballs out.

 

[KingsX]

.

True story:

I have huge pecan trees in my yard, so naturally I have plenty of squirrels.

One day a momma squirrel was chasing her babies up and down
a tree next to my patio. She would catch a baby and take it
back up the tree to her nest... but then another baby would
make a run for it and she would chase that one down too.

This went on for a few minutes, then a baby fell from the
tree on to the patio. I could see it laying there breathing.
Then the breathing stopped.

Slowly the momma squirrel came closer to the dead baby...
then she carried it away towards the alley. Then she did
something remarkable.... she came back to the exact spot
on the patio where her baby had died and she laid on her
stomach with all her limbs spread out. She laid there in
that pose for several minutes like she was mourning her baby.

 

[HazyDavey]

That's a good one Falcon.. :encouragement:

 

[Mizzkitt]

Falcon, I'm giggling

 

[timoc]

We think we are clever, take a look at this fella, or more likely........ young lady.

 

[jujube]

 

[Gary O']

SQUIRRELS



Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.

(taken last summer...finally found a place to put it)

 

[treeguy64]

.

True story:

I have huge pecan trees in my yard, so naturally I have plenty of squirrels. SNIP!

.

Thanks, Debby Downer, for that depressing story. Man - - - - -

 

[chic]

LMAO.

 

[treeguy64]

LMAO.

At what?

 

[AZ Jim]

I love squirrels. When I was in South Dakota, I had several large trees housing them . I had a patio porch with a rail around it. I fed 'em there daily. Here's one eating.

 

[hypochondriac]

good to see a Religious thread on here

 

[terry123]

I only had one Meyer lemon on my tree last year and I was looking forward to it getting ripe. A squirrel sat on my fence, looked at me watching him and knocked it off the tree and onto his side of the fence. I have 4 lemons now and every time I see a squirrel on the fence I go to the patio and threaten them with my cane. They will probably get them again so I hate squirrels and hit at them when they are on my fence. I have some old tennis balls I plan on throwing at them starting tomorrow when they show up. I have no sympathy for them and they can come to your house!

 

[Rosemarie]

We need more tales like that.

 

[Meanderer]

(NOTE: This is an old thread of John falcon's.....enjoy)

 

[OneEyedDiva]

Very funny joke Falcon. Here's our resident squirrel. He loves my upstairs neighbor because he puts peanuts out for him. The squirrel also loves hanging out on my patio and I've found nut shells he's left. I told that little squirrel he's going to have to start cleaning up after himself. I took this when I was sitting out there and Joe came out. He saw Joe and rushed over from the other side of the patio. Sometimes he goes
right up to Joe's toes. His wife said one day they went to the car and the squirrel was up on the hood peering through the windshield! Too funny!

 

[Fyrefox]

I had a squirrel make his way into my basement once where he caused all kinds of mayhem. I chased him out my cellar door with a tennis racket (quite a sight), and not wanting a recurrence trapped him with a Have-A-Heart humane trap, and relocated him to a park…

 

[RubyK]

@Fyrefox - Unless the park is at least 5 miles from your home, that squirrel will be back.

 

[Meanderer]

 

[dseag2]

Try not to love this squirrel...