Thank you all for your thoughts.

Ronni, my heart goes out to you! I know way too many people who have lost their children (one was a friend who lost 4, another a cousin who lost 3). All were sudden and unexpected. They did indeed live through the grief and went on to function normally. I know it doesn't seem possible now. It will take time but at some point the happy memories will take over. That does not mean the grief will be gone. I'm continuing to pray for comfort and solace for you and your family.
 

Ronni, I have learned over time that you never really lose your loved ones that have passed on. Their very soul is etched into yours. You may not see them in the flesh, but their spirit is always with you. My mother has been gone for over 30 years, and yet she is still with me, and always will be, as your son will be with you. Take heart in that.
 
Ronni, grief has a hell of a kick. Suicide adds to the anxiety, the not knowing, the wondering if you did all you could, the worry you missed signs, etc. These are common feelings, which goes no way to helping you deal with them. Honestly, therapy may be the best route to finding a way - not to peace - but to acceptance.

The Mayo Clinic list the following negative feelings: Shock, Anger, Guilt, Despair, Confusion and Rejection.
How to heal after a loved one's death

Can I suggest you visit:

Alliance of Hope For Suicide Loss Survivors | Home

I do wish you the very best. It's important to know you still matter, and still have lots to offer.
 
Two of my closest friends have lost children and what kept them alive was that they had other children. The grief was horrendous but they both came out the other side. They still miss their children of course but the intensity of the pain lessened with time.

This is the closest I have come to knowing what it’s like and I hope I never find out. I hope you and your loved ones can find solace and strength together.
 
Thank you again. Your words help.

As a family we are at a loss as to how to navigate Thanksgiving, Devin’s birthday which is on the 8th December, and then Christmas, all of which have always been celebrated by large and joyful family gatherings.

There needs to be a sense of normalcy for the grandkids involved who know that their Uncle passed away, but they’re young and Devin wasn’t a central part of their lives so their loss isn’t great. I envy their ability to bounce back from this news, and wish I had their resiliency as they excitedly talk to me about Thanksgiving and Christmas, when all I can do is dread those days. .

A day hasn’t passed since the news that I haven’t been with the kids. My oldest is in California, but he checks on me every day and has been enormously helpful in taking on the logistics and details of the aftermath of this in terms of his liaison with the police, medical examiner, coroner, funeral home etc. In these days of technology there is little that can’t be dealt with virtually.

The rest live here in Nashville. We have felt an urgent need to be with each other on a daily basis. We gather somewhere, at someone’s house. Or one of us drives and visits individually. We’re all grieving differently, but the commonality is that urgent need for connection.

We each started back to work yesterday. The re-entry will be blessedly short because the work week will end Wednesday. I headed to my daughter’s house after work, and my two boys hung with each other for dinner, and we group texted or called all day to check on each other. None of us did too badly, considering. We are each blessed with wonderful clients, employers or co-workers who couldn’t be more understanding.

i am exhausted. Eating a little better, but in spite of meds for sleep and depression I am not sleeping well. On the other hand I feel like no matter how much sleep I managed I would still be experiencing this bone deep weariness because it’s not entirely physical. I fee like it’s a a heaviness in my very soul, and I can’t imagine it ever going away.

I’m going to a suicide support group meeting tonight. My Naranon support group was enormously helpful when my son was battling his severe addiction, and it kept me sane. I continued going for several years after he embraced recovery and still maintain friendships with many folks in the group.

I hope it helps some.
 
I'm glad to hear you've taken the first step by going to a support group meeting. It will be a long road but you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. But we'll all be here for you, encouraging you along the way.
 
I know one thing .. you are strong, Ronni, and you will pull through with family support. I wish you better days ahead.

Hugs and love,
Lillian
 
Deleted. My mistake.

Ronni—God Bless You and Be Well.
 
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My heart aches with you, Ronni. My husband died suddenly October 13th so I understand the severity of your pain and loss. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. At least you have your family. I have no one.

I still can't sleep either and eating is not appealing. I have wonderful neighbors that have brought me food but most of it goes in the freezer. I'm told all this will turn into acceptance.

It's hard to see any joy right now and the upcoming Holidays for me will be "just another day". I envy you that you will be with family even though it will be difficult. It's better than being alone. I'm glad you are going to a support group. Talking to others helps.

I will keep you in my prayers. (((HUGS))).
 
Ronni said:
Thank you again. Your words help.

As a family we are at a loss as to how to navigate Thanksgiving, Devin’s birthday which is on the 8th December, and then Christmas, all of which have always been celebrated by large and joyful family gatherings.

There needs to be a sense of normalcy for the grandkids involved who know that their Uncle passed away, but they’re young and Devin wasn’t a central part of their lives so their loss isn’t great. I envy their ability to bounce back from this news, and wish I had their resiliency as they excitedly talk to me about Thanksgiving and Christmas, when all I can do is dread those days. .

A day hasn’t passed since the news that I haven’t been with the kids. My oldest is in California, but he checks on me every day and has been enormously helpful in taking on the logistics and details of the aftermath of this in terms of his liaison with the police, medical examiner, coroner, funeral home etc. In these days of technology there is little that can’t be dealt with virtually.

The rest live here in Nashville. We have felt an urgent need to be with each other on a daily basis. We gather somewhere, at someone’s house. Or one of us drives and visits individually. We’re all grieving differently, but the commonality is that urgent need for connection.

We each started back to work yesterday. The re-entry will be blessedly short because the work week will end Wednesday. I headed to my daughter’s house after work, and my two boys hung with each other for dinner, and we group texted or called all day to check on each other. None of us did too badly, considering. We are each blessed with wonderful clients, employers or co-workers who couldn’t be more understanding.

i am exhausted. Eating a little better, but in spite of meds for sleep and depression I am not sleeping well. On the other hand I feel like no matter how much sleep I managed I would still be experiencing this bone deep weariness because it’s not entirely physical. I fee like it’s a a heaviness in my very soul, and I can’t imagine it ever going away.

I’m going to a suicide support group meeting tonight. My Naranon support group was enormously helpful when my son was battling his severe addiction, and it kept me sane. I continued going for several years after he embraced recovery and still maintain friendships with many folks in the group.

I hope it helps some.
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Ronni, I'm so happy you have family close by so you can support one another. Also, going to the suicide support group sounds like a great way to process the grief with others. You are in my thoughts.
 

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