The amazing mind

[Mr. Ed]

It's no secret, I was diagnosed with a serious mental illness around 1975. From that date forward until 2005, when life rhyme & reason returned, I can only remember the highlights of my life. Such as cardiomyopathy surgery, stay at home dad, taking kids to school, taking care of in-laws, buying a house, wife's graduation, calling parents every Sunday, honeymoon, wedding, birth of both daughters, isolation, paranoia, smoking in laundry room, isolation, quitting all tobacco products cold-turkey, isolation/paranoia, was not able to socialize with family, lonely, isolation.

In 2005, metaphorically speaking, I regained my sight, my memory functioned normally. I believe trauma can be so difficult to process, a person's memory will literally shutdown as an act of survival rather than carrying the pain.

I recall another incident that might have been the beginning of my mental illness. Friend and I mixed LSD, PCP and alcohol. I wake the next morning with my shirt off, because I puked all of over it. My buddy wouldn't talk to me, his car was somewhere in a ditch and strangest of all, I was not in sync with time and space. Talk about marching to a different drummer, I was visibly out of touch with reality. Reality meaning majority, I stepped to a different tune, unfortunately, society frowns upon innovative thinkers that cannot dance to the music.

 

[Keesha]

It's no secret, I was diagnosed with a serious mental illness around 1975. From that date forward until 2005, when life rhyme & reason returned, I can only remember the highlights of my life. Such as cardiomyopathy surgery, stay at home dad, taking kids to school, taking care of in-laws, buying a house, wife's graduation, calling parents every Sunday, honeymoon, wedding, birth of both daughters, isolation, paranoia, smoking in laundry room, isolation, quitting all tobacco products cold-turkey, isolation/paranoia, was not able to socialize with family, lonely, isolation.

In 2005, metaphorically speaking, I regained my sight, my memory functioned normally. I believe trauma can be so difficult to process, a person's memory will literally shutdown as an act of survival rather than carrying the pain.

I recall another incident that might have been the beginning of my mental illness. Friend and I mixed LSD, PCP and alcohol. I wake the next morning with my shirt off, because I puked all of over it. My buddy wouldn't talk to me, his car was somewhere in a ditch and strangest of all, I was not in sync with time and space. Talk about marching to a different drummer, I was visibly out of touch with reality. Reality meaning majority, I stepped to a different tune, unfortunately, society frowns upon innovative thinkers that cannot dance to the music.

The human mind is very creative and resourceful . Everyone deals with trauma differently. Not all minds shut down when they can’t handle reality. The human mind is capable of doing extraordinary things to protect itself and shutting down is something it never does. There is always a part of human consciousness that can recall everything at some level of being. Memories can be stored in different areas of the brain.
Hypnosis can access some of these areas but it has to be done by a highly skilled professional.

Many experiments were done on the mind with substances like acid, mushrooms and peyote. They definitely are mind altering drugs.

 

[Mr. Ed]

shutting down is something it never does.

Shutting down is perhaps the wrong terminology, but I cannot explain why I could never recall that night with my buddy?

As far as the many years of symptomatic mental illness, maybe it was too boring to remember? Thusly recalling only highlights of those years?

Research shows that there is a definite relationship between occurrences of emotional, psychological or physical trauma and memory. Some of this memory loss may be a temporary way to help you cope with the trauma, and some of it may be permanent due to a severe brain injury or disturbing psychological trauma. Knowing how trauma can affect your memory can guide you in choosing an appropriate treatment to help you cope with trauma and heal your memory problems.

How Trauma Affects the Brain​

A traumatic incident can cause a great deal of stress in both the short term and the long term. That stress response can have an impact on different areas of the brain, such as the hippocampus, amygdala and prefrontal cortex. In fact, those areas of the brain can change in shape and volume, and experience diminished function.

Not coincidentally, these are areas of the brain that are strongly associated with memory function. The prefrontal cortex helps process working memory, the information that we need to remember on an everyday basis. The hippocampus is also a major memory center in the brain. The left hippocampus focuses on memorizing facts and recognition, while the right hippocampus is associated with spatial memory. The hippocampus also gives us a way to learn by comparing past memories with present experiences. And the amygdala processes fear-based memories; if you ever burned your hand on a stove once, you remember not to touch the hot surface again because the memory is processed and stored by the amygdala. The amygdala is also believed to help with the formation of long-term memory. Trauma-based memory loss, therefore, can easily occur when the trauma creates stress that negatively affects the brain.

Emotional or psychological trauma can also affect your memory. Memory loss is a natural survival skill and defense mechanism humans develop to protect themselves from psychological damage. Violence, sexual abuse and other emotionally traumatic events can lead to dissociative amnesia, which helps a person cope by allowing them to temporarily forget details of the event. With this type of memory loss, which is also called psychogenic amnesia or functional amnesia, a person will often suppress memories of a traumatic event until they are ready to handle them, which may never occur. This situation-specific memory loss helps block out the traumatic event, but another type of dissociative amnesia, called global amnesia, can cause a person to forget who they are for a brief period of time; they can also experience confusion or depression. Dissociative amnesia can range from mild to severe, and it can lead to dysfunction in relationships and the daily activities associated with normal life.

 

[OneEyedDiva]

Ed reading all you took care of while you had a mental illness amazes me. I'm glad you regained your clarity. I've never danced to everybody else's drum, neither did my second husband. We rather enjoyed dancing to our own beat. Keep doing you Ed, no shame in it.

 

[Mr. Ed]

Doing me is what I do best.

 

[Keesha]

Shutting down is perhaps the wrong terminology, but I cannot explain why I could never recall that night with my buddy?

As far as the many years of symptomatic mental illness, maybe it was too boring to remember? Thusly recalling only highlights of those years?

Research shows that there is a definite relationship between occurrences of emotional, psychological or physical trauma and memory. Some of this memory loss may be a temporary way to help you cope with the trauma, and some of it may be permanent due to a severe brain injury or disturbing psychological trauma. Knowing how trauma can affect your memory can guide you in choosing an appropriate treatment to help you cope with trauma and heal your memory problems.

How Trauma Affects the Brain​

A traumatic incident can cause a great deal of stress in both the short term and the long term. That stress response can have an impact on different areas of the brain, such as the hippocampus, amygdala and prefrontal cortex. In fact, those areas of the brain can change in shape and volume, and experience diminished function.

Not coincidentally, these are areas of the brain that are strongly associated with memory function. The prefrontal cortex helps process working memory, the information that we need to remember on an everyday basis. The hippocampus is also a major memory center in the brain. The left hippocampus focuses on memorizing facts and recognition, while the right hippocampus is associated with spatial memory. The hippocampus also gives us a way to learn by comparing past memories with present experiences. And the amygdala processes fear-based memories; if you ever burned your hand on a stove once, you remember not to touch the hot surface again because the memory is processed and stored by the amygdala. The amygdala is also believed to help with the formation of long-term memory. Trauma-based memory loss, therefore, can easily occur when the trauma creates stress that negatively affects the brain.

Emotional or psychological trauma can also affect your memory. Memory loss is a natural survival skill and defense mechanism humans develop to protect themselves from psychological damage. Violence, sexual abuse and other emotionally traumatic events can lead to dissociative amnesia, which helps a person cope by allowing them to temporarily forget details of the event. With this type of memory loss, which is also called psychogenic amnesia or functional amnesia, a person will often suppress memories of a traumatic event until they are ready to handle them, which may never occur. This situation-specific memory loss helps block out the traumatic event, but another type of dissociative amnesia, called global amnesia, can cause a person to forget who they are for a brief period of time; they can also experience confusion or depression. Dissociative amnesia can range from mild to severe, and it can lead to dysfunction in relationships and the daily activities associated with normal life.

This is a brilliant explanation of what can happen to a traumatized mind.
I’m sorry I got so caught up in the technicalities of what you were writing about instead of the reason why.

It appears that you have handled your trauma very well. You are constantly seeking activities that help keep you engaged in a healthy manner both physically and mentally which is awesome.

I did not realize that trauma actually changes the shape of the brain. The part you wrote in red is so true. I hope I am never ready to remember everything.

A very interesting read on trauma.
Thank you.

 

[fuzzybuddy]

Mr. Ed, you said, "It's no secret, I was diagnosed with a serious mental illness around 1975. From that date forward until 2005, when life rhyme & reason returned". Thankfully, your situation changed in 2005. What do you think was the cause of your "return" to life rhyme and reason"?

 

[Mr. Ed]

What do you think was the cause of your "return" to life rhyme and reason"?

Hallucinogenics during the 1970s showed a part of me that was incomplete. I spent the rest of life searching for "IT" so I might be complete. Over time, I gave up looking altogether, just trying to survive.
When my preassumption of life no longer mattered to me, I surrendered myself to the Big Picture using Jesus Christ as my catalyst to become One with all.
After that, I had the ability and insight to design my life as I choose it to be. Rhyme is everything, Reason shows you how.