The Erosion of the Extended Family & the development of the Nuclear

smiley

Senior Member
Location
Australia
I share the following article and thought it well put - I know look back on my own extended family and its final breakdown - and it was and still is very sad causing profound consequences?

the loss of our extended families

As I relax [too much] in my twilight years - I look back and the sadness just increases
 

I was born in the war years and lived closed to other relatives in an extended family network - felt quite normal to me - we socialized and mucked around with our cousins as well as non-relative kids. first lived next door to maternal grandmother and fam and then with paternal grandmother and grandpa and after his death remained with our lonely gran? Everything was cool. The following years after WWII saw hardships and ration books but we all survived until 15 years later. The splits and divisions occurred in many ways and looking back did tear the family asunder. More later when I've calmed down!!
 
I grew up with siblings and tons of cousins. We had family reunions, dinners and parties all of the time. After the parents and other older family passed away, we all drifted apart to other parts of the world. They were the glue that held us together. Now we never stay in contact.

The sad part is that we accept and embrace it now.......... Even more comfortable.
 
I remember the first split which opened the flood gates and the eldest aunty whose daughter was moving away with hubby and two girls - screaming out " but you are tearing the family apart" and of course she was spot on! they were turning their backs on their old extended family existence and really saying "sorry Ma but we want a better life - it could be considered very insulting to your own Ma and Pa?
 
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However as young kids we simple watched the dramas and then continued playing not considering that the same may happen to us. Ma and Pa in their early married life before babies etc had asked Pas parents for a repayable loan to put a deposit on a lovely house in the hinterland of our city with front and back gardens and fresh air and I assume peace and quiet - they were refused on the belief that "they were getting above and beyond themselves?"

They got a similar house much later but never owned it - it was a company house and rent was paid. However when Dads father was getting progressively sicker - they called upon Dad and his family to come and live with them and support his parents. Can you imagine the mixed feelings - emotions and lack of cohesiveness - that didn't much affect us kids but it was simmering all the time!
 
However there were other factors at play my mother was one of eleven kids - two males died in WWII and the rest came home married and moved out - you could say that the extended family structures were falling down and being taken down and us kids like they say about the band ""we just played on" Could it all have been stopped - I doubt it - eleven adult kids and their kith and kin can't live in the small family home with Ma and Pa? Next "life gets back into a dreamy rhythm again" - or was that thunder I heard in the background?
 
Ma and Pa in their early married life before babies etc had asked Pas parents for a repayable loan to put a deposit on a lovely house in the hinterland of our city with front and back gardens and fresh air and I assume peace and quiet - they were refused on the belief that "they were getting above and beyond themselves?"

They got a similar house much later but never owned it - it was a company house and rent was paid. However when Dads father was getting progressively sicker - they called upon Dad and his family to come and live with them and support his parents. Can you imagine the mixed feelings - emotions and lack of cohesiveness - that didn't much affect us kids but it was simmering all the time!
I was told that the same thing happened when my maternal grandfather built a lovely cottage in town for my grandmother in 1920.

Apparently it caused such jealousy and ill-will that they sold the cottage and moved back to a house they built on the family farm, where everyone still lived. They built the house out of brick and it was considered quite "uppity" of them not to build a wood house.
 
I was told that the same thing happened when my maternal grandfather built a lovely cottage in town for my grandmother in 1920.

Apparently it caused such jealousy and ill-will that they sold the cottage and moved back to a house they built on the family farm, where everyone still lived. They built the house out of brick and it was considered quite "uppity" of them not to build a wood house.
yes the downside was the clanishness!! - in a way they elderly ones wanted everyone to stay close by but on their terms
 
My wife and me were each a single child and none of us had much relations to uncles, aunts and cousins.

Either didn't we have friends. We miss nothing.
 
Clearly family structure has broken down. The article gives several general reasons why this might be, and it's difficult to argue against them. But before I get upset about it I remind myself that I have very little to do with my own extended family. There is also a lot of rancor. I have no intention of putting effort into fixing it. I've been there are tried that, it didn't work.

I could list why this might be the case for me, but it's important to remember that I came from a solid family base. My mother and father married and had three kids (a fourth was lost in pregnancy) and they remained married for the remainder of their lives (my father has passed, my mother is with us, and 90). So I can't blame divorce, or legal issues etc.

We are certainly moving into an era where the *I* is most important. I think people are more selfish today, they suffer from avarice, and envy. People seem to look for reasons to dislike others, rather than like. Social interaction - especially on the internet - can sometimes become a combat sport. That's a shame, and shows that basic social interaction is breaking down too.

In the context of the article - the number of single parent families in the US has tripled since 1960. It applies to 25% of families today. Needless to say, divorce rates, along with a declining number of marriages to begin with, also affect things. The US has the largest number of single parent families than anywhere else in the world. This is more telling in black communities where in 2023 almost 50% of black births were to single parents (whites are just over 21%).

You can't grow up in a family if you don't start with one.
 


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