The Erosion of the Extended Family & the development of the Nuclear

My own mother was a sibling of eleven others - boys and girls. I probably knew half of them well. Two were lost in WWII [very sad for all] - When they rest came home there was no room in a small three bedroom inner city house - so ,oste dispersed /got married and rarely popped in to see their Pa and Ma. The real cohesion of larger family life was much earlier I believe at least in Uk when families live in the countryside and all live close together and worked together.

As a kid I was lucky to have access to two sets of grandparents close by - a raft of cousins and half a dozen aunts and uncles - finally in the 50's this broke down and all the siblings left our town for better lives elsewhere - they rarely kept in touch - I was one of the few siblings who visited both grandparents and a few aunts and uncles - they didn't seem particularly interested in me or my brother and sister then?

So for us the end of WWII saw tremendous social changes and no space for large families to stay together [or perhaps wanting to?] A distant cousin rang me recently and he is now 100 - that was a rare pleasure! There were also of course the negative sides of the extended families - squabbles and jealousies - so maybe the nuclear family was the only was to go??
 

I must admit that a 3000 mile buffer zone from most of my family served me well and kept my relationships alive. When I return to NY and hear about the constant stream of family gatherings and obligations, it's clear to me that I would have begged off most of them and therefore wound up on most people's bad side.

Going to birthday parties or Christenings for one cousin or another's kid/grandkid nearly every weekend would have driven me bonkers.

I remember seeing Zsa Zsa Gabor interviewed - the host gushed at her jet set travels, but what stuck with me was her comment, "Ah, but Dahling, we are only ever seeing one another." It was the same group of people everywhere she went.

Thanks but no thanks.
 
take your points large families can be controlling and demanding /stifling your life - sometimes we've just gotta get away. I remember in the summer of 1962 I was the last sibling standing [at home] and the eldest - bro and sis had gone their own ways. I should have enjoyed those peaceful quiet moments with Ma and Pa but found them stifling and finally broke free and left - never to return permanently.

We all came back at festive times and my bro even came and lived with me with his wife in tow for a while and then that stifling feeling came back! Ma in particular took our "desertions" hard - Dad died younger than he should have and Ma remarried. What a jumbled web - young bro was only one who attended the wedding!! You could say the final destruction of the nuclear family and nothing to put in its place and you would be right - Ma died 20 yrs later - yipes!!
 

I’ve accepted the fact that I’m the person around which our family life evolves. It’s a large family—kids, spouses, grandkids, step family etc, and we get together often.

When I’m gone my daughter will continue those get togethers. She’s said as such, and given the kind of family-loving woman she is, I have no doubts. If my daughter weren’t around, I seriously doubt my boys would do much to keep the connection going. There would likely be a flurry of activity initially but over time it would wane, if left to them.

And that’s in spite of the fact that we’re a close family unit. The kids stay in touch with each other separate from me, and help each other out with different things. I imagine that aspect will continue even if they don’t gather as a family as much as I get everyone together.
 
Ronni said:
I’ve accepted the fact that I’m the person around which our family life evolves. It’s a large family—kids, spouses, grandkids, step family etc, and we get together often.

When I’m gone my daughter will continue those get togethers. She’s said as such, and given the kind of family-loving woman she is, I have no doubts. If my daughter weren’t around, I seriously doubt my boys would do much to keep the connection going. There would likely be a flurry of activity initially but over time it would wane, if left to them.

And that’s in spite of the fact that we’re a close family unit. The kids stay in touch with each other separate from me, and help each other out with different things. I imagine that aspect will continue even if they don’t gather as a family as much as I get everyone together.
Click to expand...
I like your final, paragraph - something has been inherited /passed on in the ectoplasm!! good
 
Most siblings I know would barely give each other the time of day if it weren't for blood connections. IMHO, it's easier to be close to cousins because you didn't grow up invading each other's space as much. Shared fun memories, but no hair-pulling fights.

I'm closer friends with the siblings who are half a generation older and younger than me than the two nearest my own age, although I have many more growing-up experiences with the ones near my age.

My children are pretty close to one another, but if they were not siblings they wouldn't have chosen each other as friends. They wouldn't have disliked one another, they just wouldn't have had much in common. Their styles are very different.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top