The Mindless Thread

IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND THE ROBBERS BREAK INTO THE LOCAL BANK.

They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead,
the safe contained covered bowls of pudding.
SO THEY ATE THE PUDDING.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more
than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.
THE MORNING NEWSPAPER HEADLINE.....
SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.
 

Its 3 a.m., a bit wasted, I head for home. Just as I get in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I'm really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, I told her 'MIDNIGHT'... she didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then she said, 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, she said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh *****.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, laughed, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
 

Saturday morning I got up early,
put on my long johns, dressed quietly,
made my lunch, grabbed my shotgun and the dog,
slipped quietly into the garage to load the truck, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
There was snow mixed with the rain, and
the wind was blowing 50 mph.
I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and
slipped back into bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife's back,
now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
"The weather out there is terrible."
She sleepily replied, "Can you believe
my stupid husband is out hunting in that !

__________________
 
Battery died; I called Triple A, to come out and they diagnosed it,
replaced the dead 7 year old battery. Well; Then I am driving
away and its occurred to me, my F150 now runs on on an aaa battery !
 
I'm telling my story around the campfire after a few brews to our friends there.

"My Uncle Henry is in a bar and the Women are beautiful at closing time, he only has a Bottle of Jack Danials, He's in the middle of a group of big guys & he has all of the hottest babes you ever seen wid him.." " their hanging all over and he pays for everyones Drinks. The guys crowded around arg getting adgitated and!"
"That's quite a story" they yelled at me.."where did they go?" " Where did you think all of them went!"
 
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The guy's fresh off the Jet, goes to Speach classes to correct his accent.
He goes to fine clothing stores to get the right clothing.
He then goes out for dinner, spots a shop and goes in.
He orders and the Patron says, "You must be Polish?"
"How did you know?" "This is a Hardware Store."
 
"When life first began there was Dog eat Dog."
The strongest survived was survivals law.
Then along came Politicians and complete chaos.
It took engineering to create some semblance of order in chaos.
Doctors were trained to help the Nurses fix stuff.
Mothers got jobs to support families.
Everyone went deep into debt.
Taxes were dreamed up to fix the Chaos.
Digital money fixed shortages.
Warehouses fixed supplies.
Drones fixed deliveries.
But still nothing changed.
Its still "Dog eat Dog."
 
All around my Cap clings the Green Willow,
It clings there for 12 months and a day,
If you must ask me, " why its there,"
Its cause now you are far, far away!
 
An old man sat on the ground, he said to ones who would listen,
"Only the white man can screw up everything."
"Do you get what cha cast away; Maybe You know!".
 
My Lawyer and his partner are having lunch with me today at the Nail.
Jr. Partner in the firm suddenly looks up and says,
"I have to go back to the office - I forgot to lock the safe!"
The Senior Partner downs his drink and replies,
"What are you worried about? We're both here."
 
When a tire blew out, I found that that the spare too was flat.
My only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the next town.
The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a van. He yelled out the window, "Need a lift?"
"Sure do," I replied. "You a Republican or Democrat," asked the old man.
"Republican," I replied. "Well, you can just go to Hell," yelled the old man as he sped off.

Another guy stopped, rolled down the window, and asked me the same question.
Again, I gave the same answer, "Republican." The driver gave me the finger and drove off.
I thought it over and decided that maybe I should change my strategy,
since this area seemed to be overly political and there appeared to be few Republicans.
The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful Hottie.
She smiled seductively and asked if I was a Republican or Democrat.
"Democrat!" I shouted. "Hop in!" replied the blonde. Driving down the road,
I couldn't help but stare at the gorgeous woman in the seat next to me, the wind blowing through her hair,
perfect breasts and a short skirt that continued to ride higher and higher up her thighs.
Then suddenly I couldn't take it anymore. I yelled, "Please stop the car."
She immediately slowed the car, pulling over and as soon as the car stopped, I jumped out.
"What's the matter?" she asked. "I can't take it anymore," I replied.
"I've only been a Democrat for five minutes and already I want to screw somebody."

Moral of the story is ride your bike, its safer, more convenient and you don't have to stare at the Hottie behind you.
 
Did you hear the other day that the most advanced female like Robot Ai said,
"my creator has always been good to me." ..... :love: 🥰(y)😘👺

A reasonable person adapts to the world immediately around them.
The unreasonable want to change those around them to agree with them!

Therefore, most all of the world advances are due to unreasonable people! ..... :cool:
Do you fit into the unreasonable society?
 
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It seemed like a good idea at the time! Where did everybody go?
Where did I leave my ND jogging shoes? God dam stupid teleprompters.
Where is the bathroom? G=dang stairs!
 
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She was just beside herself? Then where did she go?
John's an Idiot, Is John deaf, blind & speechless?
Does he feel vibrations, have good Karma?
Oh, he's just chasing his tail!
Why did they quit calling the flat screen a boob tube?
 
You should die first. Get it out of the way. Then live in an old age home.
You get kicked out when you're too young. You get a gold watch and you go to work.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You do drugs and alcohol. You party. You get ready for high school.
You go to primary school and become a kid. You play. You have no responsibilities.
You become a baby. You go into the womb. You spend your last nine months floating.
You finish off as an orgasm.
 
Have you noticed the deep Diver that imploded a while back designed to look like a Sweet Potato !
Seems very strange.
 
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So, we came, we tried to plant! twss
So, we left , us waiting for the result. twit
Is it every spring, late spring experience? The gift that keeps on giving!
 
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EXAMPLE OF A 2100% increase in less than 70 years while service decreases.

A book of Flags just went up to $.66 per stamp.
1950's a card stamp was $.02
A First-Class Stamp was $.03
You received letters and bills.
Now with the increase you receive 20 junk mail adds to 1 bill.
If you pay everything with an App you get no bills.
You never get a letter of correspondence, just junk mail.
 
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All the news that's fit to print.
Never missed an update.
I'll be back but never return.
All great promises not kept.

Q: What's the difference between mathematics and economics?
A: Mathematics is incomprehensible; economics just doesn't make any sense.
 
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Guy's sitting in a bar with his buddy. He looked over at an attractive Chick and says to his friend, “I’m gonna go over there and get to know her!”
So, he goes over and says, “Hi! What’s your name?”
So, the Hottie looks up at him and says, “My name is Carmen.” “Oh,” he says, “That sounds like a family name!"
“No,” she says, “I gave myself that name.
I named myself after my two favorite things in the world –
cars and men! What’s your name?”
He thinks for a moment and says, "Hi, I'm Golf Boobs!"
 
I was young and thought I could change the world. My instructor also said one person can change the world.
I worked hard all of my life and as a Senior I have changed my mind. Maybe you want to try to change the world
dumb ass! Haha. ……:ROFLMAO:
 
We think we know of another Couple of nuts out there too?
It would appear they are below the paygrade of a Corporal 2! ...haha.......... :ROFLMAO:
 

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