The Mindless Thread

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
University of Indiana's Main Library sinks a inch a year due to the weight of the books.
Your wife blinks her eyes twice as often as you .
 

Out of work Ventriloquist gets a job at a Corner Gas Mart. Indian pulls in, truck load of sheep in it and starts gassing up. Ventriloquist asks Indian, Can I talk with the dog. Indian says, "Dog doesn't talk, but sure." Ventriloquist asks dog if he likes living with Indian. Dog says, "Sure he treats me kind, feeds me and takes me everywhere." Indian is surprised. Ventriloquist asks Indian, "Can I talk with your sheep?" Indian says, "sheep are liars."

https://www.bing.com/images/search?...ndex=0&idpp=overlayview&ajaxhist=0&ajaxserp=0
 
Last edited:
I started my new job at the pharmacy this morning and this guy comes up to the window.
“I’ve got a blocked nose, a sore throat and my head feels like it’s going to explode,” he says,
“Have you got anything?” “No, I feel fine.”
 

The junior executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains. Neither one could account for his trouble.
Arriving home from work one night, he informed her. "I finally discovered why I've been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra-modern office furniture two weeks ago, and I just learned today that I've been sitting in the waste basket.
 
Today was sort of a Crazy day. The atmosphere seemed watering. Windshield wipers were clogged with pine needles/mostly useless. I had to stop in the downpour and stand with door open. F150 is lifted and clean wipers of handful of pine needles. AC dried me back off. Than on the 5th tee I lost my yellow ball. Lots of dandelions. I should of lost a white one. Haha
 
Tractor vapor locked in 130 degrees Shed today ordered low pressure electric fuel. Pump to handle it.
Not used very much but is a pain when needed. As it does this quite often. Need to ‘ac the shed, well forget that noise.
Will add pump to push fuel to injectors.
 
Tomorrow is National Veep day. Honors succession of our VP’s.
Gerald Ford swore as 38th potus but not elected.
 
These two worms live in the turf of a Golf Course.

One asks, "go up and check out the weather."

They argue, draw straws and one goes up to check.

About that time to Hotties are playing golf and one needs to pee.

The other looks around and says go ahead here, no ones around.

She does but the Worm chooses to show his face then.

The Worm returns to the other worm and says,

"It's raining so hard even the birds build their nest upside down".
 
The Rabbi steps off the boat in the new world. His goal is to build a new church in the wilderness and raise a congregation.

So, after some time, his small Congregation gather around him asking him about God and stuff. Are the Church building crew hired and all

that. Well, the rabbi has to tell them about the Critters in the wilderness, he looks like he got the worst of it. He's in a body cast and there's

no way he's getting out of bed any time soon. He tells them about the Bear. They look on in wonder then ask him what happened. He

looks at His Young Congregational members and says "Well, I probably should've started with something different than circumcision...."
 
My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.. We went up to him and I
said, "come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "asshole."

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So my wife called him a "butthead".

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
 
Guy receives a call from his credit card Company, "Sir,
we have detected an unusual pattern of spending on your card,
and we are calling to see if everything is alright."
"Yes," replied the Guy. "My card was stolen over a month ago."
"Why didn’t you report your card as stolen?" asked the card company representative.
"Why would I?" "Whoever stole my card is spending a lot less than my wife!"
 
Guy goes to a pet shop and asks, "how many budgies ya got in stock."
"We have 99" replied the shop owner "I'll buy them," said the Guy, paid for them and left.
He went to a tailor's shop and has 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, puts a budgie in each pocket,
then he goes up the Office Tower and jumps off. He hits the ground with an almighty smack and
lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asks him, "what happened?"
"I don't know," he replies "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping."
 
“Have you read the book about hands? It's a real page turner.”

When you watch your favorite sport, your team or individual compete,
they are just kids at heart so give them a break if you can.
 
Last edited:
Does love just happen or do you have to make it happen?

If a Hottie's going on a bicycle, it just happens.

If, on the other hand, she's fat, ugly & driving an expensive luxury car?

You have to make it happen.
 
Elderly couple go into the Doctor for their annual checkups.
First the Doc gives them checkups and then they chat about what's going on.
He finds nothing specific to be concerned about The Elders. The Dr. then asks
"is there anything troubling you that you would like to discuss with me in private?"
The Guy says "no, everything is good with me."
The Doc asks her "is there anything troubling you that you would like to discuss with me in private?"
The wife says "well, yes. I am concerned that my husband doesn't seem to want to have sex anymore."
The Doc just chuckles and says "ma'am, this is not unusual at all, you are 89 and your husband is 90.
This is to be expected. So, when did you first notice this?"
She says "well, last night and then again this morning."
 
I remarried my Ex-Wife just to take her for all my money!

How can you tell the species of Flies blowing you.

The males are on your Beer Can and the Females
are on the Cell Phone.

Three rednecks are stumbling home late at night,
sort of been happening for a couple of weeks now.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top