The Mindless Thread

After pulling a farmer over for speeding, the LEO starts writing out the ticket,
but has to keep swatting at some flies buzzing around his head.
The farmer says, “Having some problems with circle flies there are ya?”
The LEO paused to take another swat and said, “Well, yes, if that's what they are.
I've never heard of circle flies.” The farmer was pleased to enlighten the cop.
“Circle flies are common on farms. They're called circle flies because you almost
always find them circling the back end of a horse.” The trooper continues writing for a moment,
then says, “Hey, are you trying to call me a horse's arss?”
“Oh no, officer.” The farmer replies. “I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers for that.”
“That's a good thing,” the officer says angrily, then goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer added, “Hard to fool them flies, though.”
 
We all know the things we loved 5 years ago are gone forever or cost at least 2X as much.

The latest Sales gimmick is almost give away prices in the junk mail., the E Mail, the option of Just a credit card number needed to pay shipping is needed.

You know the next super sport with demands for Disc Golf Courses is? Dang, you do!
 
Two guy are on a life raft. Their delirious, it’s been days. Food an drink mostly wasted in high sea storms. Ned sees a mermaid beckon to him. Later Ned slips under the wave to her. Chuck misses his friend, feel bad about his shellfish hoarding of food and water. Later high seas overturn the raft and Chucky drowns. Ned and Val (a mermaid ) revive Chuck. They introduce Flora ( an octopus’s)to Chuck and she hauls his ass off. The Moral is its bad Karma to be shellfish!
 
I don't know where you are getting them from but you can keep keel hauling them in this direction - don't worry about rinsing them - they smell better fresh!!
 
Guy takes his dog into the Bar. Bartender says, "you can't have your dog in here."
Guy says, "Can he stay if he talks to us?" "Hundred bucks says he can't."
Guys asks dog, "What's on top of a roof?" "Roof."
Guys asks Dog, "What's on the outside of a Tree trunk?" "Bark"
Guys says to Dog, Who's the greatest B.B. player of all time?" "Ruth"
Bartender then tosses the Guy out the Door onto the Sidewalk.
Dog says, "Gee should I have said DiMaggio?"
 
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It's the French Revolution and three suspects are apprehended as suspected of being the Murderer of innocents.
The Authorities decide its best to just behead all three to end the murders for sure.
So, the First a Frenchman is given a choice of how he wants to lose his head in the Guillotine.
Frenchman says, "I want to look up to Jesus when I pass." So, the Guillotine stops inches from beheading him.
The Crowd yells, "let him go he's innocent the gods have spoken."
So, the Executioner asks the next guy, a German, "how you want to lose your head?"
German says, "I came from Earth, return to Earth so I want to look down to it."
Once again, the Guillotine stops inches from his neck. The Croud yells, "the gods have spoken, let him go free!"
So, the Executioner asks the Polish guy how he wants to lose his head?
Polish says, "I am not getting in that junk until you fix it!"
 
A grandmother was surprised by her seven-year-old helper early one morning. He had made her coffee!

She drank what was probably the worst cup of coffee in her entire life. And when she got to the bottom,
to her utter amazement, there were three little green, army men in her cup.

Puzzled, she asked Lil Johnny, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?"
"Grandma, you know how it says on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"
 
Guy arrives at his place after work to find storm wrecked havoc. After a few hours with a chainsaw he felt like Lawnmower man. :ROFLMAO:
 
Have you ever looked for your bad hit lost golf ball? You search and you search. then you look aimless in another direction for no particular reason, see one and then see 4 more within easy reach, say 10 feet. Is it the ‘golf ‘gods’ made it happen?
“Is something reallly weird going on here?”

Maybe it was just a Lucky ‘day’ for ya seeing as those new golf balls sell for over $$40 -50
a dozen?
 
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Was woke up early this morning by thunder boomers. Had to rush lakeside to put away patio stuff. Didn’t want awnings and chairs blown clear to Utah. ‘Wet, shivering, hot shower and dry stuff to wear. All is well here. Haha
 
On any given day 5% of the adults in the USA will believe anything!

Albert said there is no shortage of Stupid here.

Should we select things to read / watch solely on entertainment values?

When's the last time you filled out the What Cha watching right now questionnaire?

Just exactly how they know 15,006,047 viewers watched them and their lies?

Or is more about how many Ham Hocks from Horney selling that week?

How often you have to heat Chili, pizza, Mac's or drink a Big Gulp?

Does the question, Which is smaller? 742 X 2, 2488 / 2 or 1122 puzzle you?

Do you wake up every morning planning to read all the junk mail in your Box?

Do you care if Nicki is 5'6" tall, weighs 130 lbs and actually true age is 51?

Ask yourself, What would Jimmy Buffet be doing if he was still alive?

Mail a Check off to MAUI ? Charter a Helicopter to Burning Man? Grill Braats? Husk Sweet Corn?

Do you actually have anything you simply got to get done first thing in the morning?

Are your Thrones the most important thing in your life?

If you read all the above you are missing something, seriously, vacant in your life.
 
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YOU CAN ATTRACT WHAT YOU ARE, NOT WHAT YOU WANT.
WHINNING ATTRACTS SEVERE STRUGGLES.
GRATITUDE ATTRACTS GRACE, KINDNESS, EASES STRUGGLES, GRANTS PEACE.
 
Two young gunning Hotties talk about their dates they had last night.
One asks, "How was the French Horn player?"
"He's really a nice guy but when we French kiss he wants to shove his hand up my ass!"
 
↓ ↓ Yeah, she been rescued from an abusive situation and safety set freed. .....
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Deer Walks Right Into Hunter’s Shooting Lane… Wearing An Orange Hunting Vest? (msn.com)
 

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