The Mindless Thread

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and
noticed that the waiter "Lil Johnny," took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange.
I noticed he also had a spoon in his pants pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When Lil Johnny came back to serve our soup I asked,
Is the spoon the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery?
"If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen
and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and
Lil Johnny was able to replace it with his spare.
"I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."
I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers.
Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies.
So before Lil Johnny walked off, I asked ,
"Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant.
By tying this string to the tip of you know what,
we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands,
shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."
I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," Lil Johnny whispers,
"I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon." ...
biglaugh.gif
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Whats the last thing that goes thru a Mosquitos mind if he hits your windshield at 75 Mph?

You can place bets on his Asshole! ..... :ROFLMAO:
 
Foreigners are killed when the train derails in the Mountains of Austria.
They find they are descending down a tunnel with a bright light ahead.
Soon they disembark into a beautiful Country with a Guy Dressed all in white.
He happily greets them and shakes their hands individually. He then says,
"Gentlemen, welcome to Hell!" "Feel free to look around as you wish." So,
these 10 guys walk around taking in the 75-degree AC of the beautiful place.
One day they find a real tall wall that stretches for miles in each direction.
Walking along they spot a rift in the wall and observe a vision of total hell.
People screaming, tearing at themselves, molten liquid flowing down past them.
The Gentleman in the White suit soon appears and says, "Those are our Christians! "
"They insist that their hell be that way!"
 
papa tiger said:
Closing ReTAIL stores in major cities. What am I gonna do?
There is a store in my area and the traffics ok. Guess I’ll Butcher a Hog?
Click to expand...
Aye, it's very annoying BUT sometimes a blessing in disguise. So many shops have gone forever from the high streets in the last 20+ years.

Au Naturel
Comet
One who's name escapes me just now, which was a combination of retail and catalogue in the place of defunct Woolworths, which now houses the closing down soon, Wilko's.

Bed Shed went off, as well as our local Homebase (now The Range with Iceland section).

Also prices for specialist items going from £39.99 to £70.49 -- whoa burn 🔥.

These inflations does not help when you find yourself having to save more to replace broken kitchen taps... bummer!

So, a loop is created which is never ending. The brick and mortar stores inflate their prices, in order to recover from the 2 years of Covid Pandemic.

BUT, as we can't afford these new prices we're push to find the same high quality without the middlemen profit added and visit online shops.

Seriously, some of them don't realise that they're putting themselves out of business.

BTW, good news... Dropped in the local butcher's today. Got 4 huge Bridie's pies for an amazing price and looking forward to have some of them for dinner. Finally, no need to visit old (expensive) butcher in next town. Yippee!
 
You know Nat, I would have to ruin that delicious feast with Ketchup! ....🤣

You know that you excited me in last night! .... Have you ever discovered that Hamster in your last night's popcorn bowl and thought WTF! ..... Then you see the Sledge hanging on a rope somewhere with a sign that says, this is not a Drill !
 
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Two brothers are discussing the details of their father’s funeral.

The first one is trying to arrange everything himself, because he knows that the other one is pretty dim and sure to mess something up in some way.

The dim brother insists that he won’t. Finally the first brother relents and gives him a small task: “Just make sure dad looks nice for the service.”

The day of the service arrives and everything goes off without a hitch. The first brother congratulates the dim one on a job well done.

A month after the service, the first brother receives a bill for $200 from the funeral home. He assumes it was a missed cost and sends the money.

Another month goes by, and again he receives a bill for $200. Thinking something must be wrong, he calls the funeral home and asks why he’s being charged another $200.

The funeral home director replies, “Well, your brother was insistent on your father looking nice for the funeral, so he rented him a tux!”
 
His King is questioning the Count about disloyalty.

The Count denies everything, claiming that he's loyal to the king, but his answers didn't fit the evidence.

Tiring of the denials, the king finally bellowed out, "OFF WITH HIS HEAD"!

He's placed into position and the executioner raises the axe.

"Wait! I'll talk!!!" says the Count.

But it's too late. The axe's motion loops the Counts Head and it rolls across the floor.

The moral to this is, "Don't hatchet your Count before he chicken!"
 
“What’s brown and sticky?" "A stick."
“Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?" ‘It died."

“That was one of my Father’s favorite jokes. He always followed it up with,"
"Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? "It was stapled to the monkey."
 
The Weather: they say more dismals in store.
Well, sure that makes my day. Screw those
who have crappy predictions!
I love long dark days. No constant interruptions. .....
 
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a Physiotherapist and I know I can relieve your pain if you'd allow me. "Oh, no, I'll be all right I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?" "Feels great," he replied, "but I still think my thumb's broken!"
 
Is there anything worse than being surrounded by vocal In-duh-viduals?
Maybe surrounded By Senior Citizen vocal In-Duh-Viduals.
Younger In-Duh-Viduals may respond to the pressure to keep it to themselves.
Usually Stupid over comes Pressure of Silence!
That inherited Vocal competence may go away with the passage of time. Not!
So, the /Vocal crescendo of Billions of In-Duh-Viduals about most everything becomes.
 
Wife tells Lil Johnny, “I just had a dream,
you gave me the most beautiful diamond necklace."
So, Lil Johnny stops off after work for a couple of Brews.
but finally gets there with a small package for his wife.
Delighted, she opens it excitedly to find a book entitled…
“The Meaning of Dreams”
 
I saw that "Geechy Guy" Passed away in Vegas about a month ago.
Wonder if he pulled the big one-armed bandits' jackpot?
 

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