The Mindless Thread

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought about an age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the Balz is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case.
Time for another beer. Maybe the Barmaid can help me ? ..........
 

My 4 friends go out on the big lake together in the John Boat fishing this weekend past to catch the Lunkers.

Each guy catches a lunker. When they get back to shore, and load the boat on the Trailer how many fish didthey have to clean? 1-2-3-4 .....?

Answer is (0) They forgot to pull the Catch-Can out of the water and back into the boat. .....
 
The Guy goes to his Doc to find out the results of all those tests.
Doc says, "the bad news is this is the last day of your life."
"The good news is that you know it sooner than later."

The Guy goes home and gives his Wife the good and bad news.
She says, "I love you so much my husband this will be the best day of your life!"
So, they immediately go to bed, she does all the things he ever dreamed of and
With some of his final breaths he says, "Thanks for the most wonderful day of my life!"
"Sure, you don't have to wake up in the morning!"
 

What are we seeing at the Self Checkouts?

A. Rude Clostomers.
B. Really Creepy looking employees
 
“Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it’s hardly worth it now.”

We most likely are aware and have grown used to the Inflation since Covid 1st became.
Sure its not worth it now! I hear people all over the grocery store saying Bull ****.

Can we just move on People? ........
 
The most expensive vehicle in the world is the Grocery Shopping Cart!

The difference between a vulture and a buzzard is the number of pinion feathers.

If there are 6 it's a vulture and if there are 7 it's a buzzard.

So, the difference is just a matter of a pinion.
 
What did one Stetson say to another?
"You stay, I'll go on ahead >"
 
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We are sitting around looking forward to the 4th of July 2024 and
start talking about our injures from our past Fireworks experiences.
 
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello?”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes.”
>WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only Rs. 25,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “Rs. 55,40,000.″

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking Rs. 1,95,00,000″

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of Rs. 1,50,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 45 lakhs if it’s really a pretty good price.”

WOMAN: “Ok. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”

MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”
 
Of course move your shit up hill, in the next couple of hundred years the Earth we call home is gonna be friendlier for a few and unfriendly of the Many. WTFC's Get your stuff up the hillside and stay good. Sure turn up your AC and enroll in great power plans! What has Plutocrat's done except throw 10's of Billions of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ at a stupid steel game of money drives it all , when desire and need makes it happen. Not some dumb Psycho Bureaucrats game! Hell he heats his place with Oil Furnaces or recently installed Electric due to his creating huge sky hi costs of other fuels.
Yep taxpayers paid for it. Sure you see, you understand, Thas a no brainer. He recently put in Electric radiators / radiant heat. Power plants for him are insured.

MSN
 
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You may just be over the Hills if;

You know you're an Elder when Your Ai gets blamed for screwups instead of you.
Your wife hasn't called you baby for a bit.
Bit and Byte confuse you.
You're cat sleeps in your favorite chair all the time now.
You go to the Kitchen for an apple and come back with wine.
You run water for a bath and then drain it thinking you're done.
You think of something, knock on the wood top of the table and then go to the door to answer it, see who's there.
You start telling European stories your Brother used to tell you.
You're lost in a City in your new EV looking for a gas station.
 
I've never been with a woman with implants. I have no idea what implanted Ladies feel like, but I've seen them in porn and they do not look attractive at all. They look stupid, those ladies get all weird, dents in the sides and Banana shaped marshmallows when the woman is on her hands and knees at all normal?

I've sometimes thought of finding a Dreamy Chick with fantastic Ladies & implants and asking her if she'll let me play with them. I'm really curious !
So, one evening I met a fantastic & wild Hottie, she invited me home. When she showed me those most exquisite hard Ladies, She explained they were enhanced! Yep, I became a believer in everything Oral.
 
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The God's Head said to the Man, "do not worry, you will find Woman at all 4 corners of the Earth and Man was to believe and voyaged / Trekked all over the World in search of a Mate. So, yea he sort of thought the world was flat, who could blame him. ....(y)

So, The God's Head Chuckled and made the World Round, the Sun Round, the moon round and they were to go around the Milkey Way.

So, The God's head nodded and said, "all is good, all is great, all is wise and all is done."
 
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Have you ever led a team in tackling or being tackled, most dropped passes / balls / fumbles, Anything?
 
The hunters decided to take a leak....
He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun.
Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged...
shooting him in the balls.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed,
he was approached by the Doc on Call.
"Well, I have some good news and some bad news," he says.
"The good news is that you are going to be OK.
The damage was local to your groin,
there was very little internal damage,
and I was able to remove all of the buckshot."

"What's the bad news?"
"The bad news is that there was some pretty
extensive buckshot damage done to your *****.
I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

"Oh, well I guess that's not so bad."
"Is your sister a plastic Surgeon?"
Not exactly," the doc says.
"She's the flute player in the Orchestra."

She can teach you where to put your fingers so
you can't piss yourself in the face !
 
I just got a wooden motorcycle.
It has a wooden frame, wooden handlebars,
wooden wheels, and a wooden seat.
Guess what? It wooden start.

I take a bag of sand every day when I ride the bike into Canada.
One day the border guard asks me what I have in the bag.
So, I tell him Sand. He says OK open it, let me see.
I show him the sand and he says, "ok, go on."
So, some time passes, every day he waves me on thru.
Finally, he stops me again, saying, "I know you are smuggling,
Now tell me what it is. "I shrug and say, "all I'm Carrying is sand on the Bike."
He waves me on and after I'm out of sight say, "Motorcycles."
 
I don't tell that I broke a leather shoelace here. The bladder won out the day.
Sure, the EMT offended me with what he asked and why did he ask it.
Of course, I called it in immediately, well, as soon as I could.
Yea sure I believed I can ride a Motorcycle forever, why not.
It's cool, ya feel good being cool. Besides what else will she cling to,
scared and quaveringly hot.
 
Two deer hunters were not having any luck
so they asked for advice from an old timer.
“You can just about guarantee a deer
if you learn to hunt with dogs,” he said.
The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods.
At the end of the day and
still empty-handed,
one hunter said to the other,
“Maybe tomorrow we’ll get one
if we throw the dog out of a higher tree stand.”
 
"Whenever the bull tried to mount our cow, she'd move away.
If he approached from the back, she moves forward.
When he approached her from the front, she backs off.
An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked,
"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?"
The people were dumbfounded,
they had not mentioned where they bought the cow.
"You are truly a wise Vet," they said.
"How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,
"My wife is from Illinois."
 

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