Ronni
Well-known Member
- Location
- Nashville TN
Have you ever heard that phrase? I've heard it bandied about a lot of the years, but never really explored what it meant in depth.
It's a phrase that became very real to me a few years back after divorcing my abusive husband, during a period I was doing a lot of hard mental and emotional work on myself when I realized I was turning into an embittered, jaded and cynical woman. Did not want to model that for my kids, so figured I'd better dig in and peel the layers and turn that around.
I peeled a lot of layers and did some very painful work, some with the help of a therapist, some with group support, some just on my own, but I became a much happier person as a result. But one of the things I struggled deeply with was regret...for past choices, missed opportunities, things that ended up being disastrous.
That's really when it hit me what the "next right choice" was actually about. All those horrible things I regretted, beginning with marrying the man who abused me...all those things, they all began with a choice I considered to be RIGHT, at that moment. Every regret I have I can trace back to a moment in time when I thought I was making a RIGHT decision.
It seldom happens that we make a decision already knowing it's the wrong one. Most often we decide on something, make a choice, and in that moment it's the best choice we can make. We've taken into account all the information we have at that time. I'm not talking about impulse decisions right now, I feel like they're in a different category. I'm talking about those things we think about, ponder on, weigh, and then come down on one side or the other, or make a choice for the variety of options available after thoughtful consideration.
I can examine all the major choices in my life that ultimately turned into complete disasters, and recognize that AT THE TIME I WAS MAKING THE CHOICE, it was THE best, most realistic/reasonable/appropriate/potentially successful choice I could make, taking into account all the information available to me at the point I made it. It was only later, in hindsight, that the disastrous nature of that choice became evident.
Let's say there's some situation in my life that I'm trying to solve and I'm thinking "I made a wrong choice"
I need to change that thinking. Because at the moment I made that choice, it was a right one, not a wrong one. It only became 'wrong' AFTER more information came my way revealing the erroneous nature of that choice. So, instead of thinking that I made a wrong choice and now I need to correct that, instead I can just recognize that the choice was right at the time I made it, and so now all I need to do is to make a next right choice! And another right choice after that, and so on!!
It's really simplistic, I know.
But I don't think it helps us to grow and evolve when we're constantly down on ourselves, beating ourselves up and regretting all the wrong choices in my life. I think it helps us by thinking of the choices we make in a kinder light. And sometimes, in the heat of an argument or when feeling deep regret, the only people who are kind to us are us!!!
It's a phrase that became very real to me a few years back after divorcing my abusive husband, during a period I was doing a lot of hard mental and emotional work on myself when I realized I was turning into an embittered, jaded and cynical woman. Did not want to model that for my kids, so figured I'd better dig in and peel the layers and turn that around.
I peeled a lot of layers and did some very painful work, some with the help of a therapist, some with group support, some just on my own, but I became a much happier person as a result. But one of the things I struggled deeply with was regret...for past choices, missed opportunities, things that ended up being disastrous.
That's really when it hit me what the "next right choice" was actually about. All those horrible things I regretted, beginning with marrying the man who abused me...all those things, they all began with a choice I considered to be RIGHT, at that moment. Every regret I have I can trace back to a moment in time when I thought I was making a RIGHT decision.
It seldom happens that we make a decision already knowing it's the wrong one. Most often we decide on something, make a choice, and in that moment it's the best choice we can make. We've taken into account all the information we have at that time. I'm not talking about impulse decisions right now, I feel like they're in a different category. I'm talking about those things we think about, ponder on, weigh, and then come down on one side or the other, or make a choice for the variety of options available after thoughtful consideration.
I can examine all the major choices in my life that ultimately turned into complete disasters, and recognize that AT THE TIME I WAS MAKING THE CHOICE, it was THE best, most realistic/reasonable/appropriate/potentially successful choice I could make, taking into account all the information available to me at the point I made it. It was only later, in hindsight, that the disastrous nature of that choice became evident.
Let's say there's some situation in my life that I'm trying to solve and I'm thinking "I made a wrong choice"
I need to change that thinking. Because at the moment I made that choice, it was a right one, not a wrong one. It only became 'wrong' AFTER more information came my way revealing the erroneous nature of that choice. So, instead of thinking that I made a wrong choice and now I need to correct that, instead I can just recognize that the choice was right at the time I made it, and so now all I need to do is to make a next right choice! And another right choice after that, and so on!!It's really simplistic, I know.
But I don't think it helps us to grow and evolve when we're constantly down on ourselves, beating ourselves up and regretting all the wrong choices in my life. I think it helps us by thinking of the choices we make in a kinder light. And sometimes, in the heat of an argument or when feeling deep regret, the only people who are kind to us are us!!!
