The problem with cremation

I have three people here with me now. My husband, mom and our best family friend. Also, our most special dog that took care of my husband during his cancer treatment.


They are in my formal living room, in the china cabinet. I will also be cremated. Instructions for the son to take Mom to her hometown, best friend will go to Colorado, me, husband and little dog are bound for Lake Tahoe.
 
I have our eldest labradoodle's ashes in my garden with a plaque I had made, for him screwed on the brick wall above...

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My dad is with my older sister. When it cools down some I am taking a part of him to Southern Arizona and spread his ashes in a lake on a golf course he and I used to play at. A part of my mom has been there since 1999. Well, I doubt much of her is still there. It gets windy there.

My sister and her husband will take the rest of him to his hometown of Clifton , Texas and spread him there . He has a cemetery plot there next to his parents and brother so they will spread him over the plot. That has gotten the approval by the owners of the cemetery. One of their son's live in Houston so they will do that when they visit their son over the holidays later this year.

Now that the grief has passed some I do ask my sister how he is doing and if she has lost him yet.
 
I was once asked to put ashes into small dolphin necklaces. I had to sift the bone out of the ashes and fill the 30 tiny bottles to be given to family members.
I have helped people move and they had parents and pets in jars and urns.
I helped scatter one guys ashes and I do not recommend doing it when it is windy. There is no downwind when you turn your back to the wind and have the swirling vortex in front of you.
I am sure the people whose ashes are in weird places are laughing.
 
Jondalar7 said:
I was once asked to put ashes into small dolphin necklaces. I had to sift the bone out of the ashes and fill the 30 tiny bottles to be given to family members. I have helped people move and they had parents and pets in jars and urns. I helped scatter one guys ashes and I do not recommend doing it when it is windy. There is no downwind when you turn your back to the wind and have the swirling vortex in front of you. I am sure the people whose ashes are in weird places are laughing.
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Lots of people in the Uk who are not natural sailors..when asked by their loved ones to spread their ashes at sea.. go on a ferry to France or the Isle of Wight..or similar, and then get on the wrong side of the boat, throw the ashes and get a face full back...
 
MarkinPhx said:
One of my good friends had a sister who died last year. Her sister's request was to have her ashes spread in the Pacific. My friend looked into it and I guess it is a rather complicate matter if you want to do it properly. So they ended up spreading her ashes in a lake by her hometown.
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yes you're supposed to get permission... most people don't....
 
They are supposed to be spread three miles from the coast. Of course many don't but my friend is a stickler for rules and probably was worried that she would have been one of the rare ones who got caught. Plus a permit is required along with other paperwork.
 
When we received our oldest sons ashes, the three of us discussed what to do with them.
I found a bracelet to put a small amount of his ashes in and I wear it to this day.
My youngest son decided on a Celtic Knot Necklace he wears with his ashes.
The wife has a ring and it has been the hardest lost for her.
We scattered some in Nebraska and kept the rest.

Everyone has a way of dealing with this. How people deal is very personal.
 
Feelslikefar said:
When we received our oldest sons ashes, the three of us discussed what to do with them.
I found a bracelet to put a small amount of his ashes in and I wear it to this day.
My youngest son decided on a Celtic Knot Necklace he wears with his ashes.
The wife has a ring and it has been the hardest lost for her.
We scattered some in Nebraska and kept the rest.

Everyone has a way of dealing with this. How people deal is very personal.
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May your beloved son. R.I.P...must have been a horrendous loss to you as a family...


My daughter says she will have my ashes made into Jewellery... however my DD doesn't wear jewellery except earrings.. so I will end up in a drawer somewhere.. I'd rather be scattered in a beautiful area of Spain...
 
hollydolly said:
May your beloved son. R.I.P...must have been a horrendous loss to you as a family...


My daughter says she will have my ashes made into Jewellery... however my DD doesn't wear jewellery except earrings.. so I will end up in a drawer somewhere.. I'd rather be scattered in a beautiful area of Spain...
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Well, you need to tell her that, keep some ashes for a jewelry piece, a nice ring or pendant or earrings. The rest to be in scattered in Spain, be specific, and then set aside travel funds for her to be able to do that.

The only other thing I have thought of is for my son to take a small amount of ashes from his dad and I and get a small taatoo - just the letters JKJ which is our family signature. My son had a necklace made for both of us when his Dad passed, it was engraved on the back of a cross.
 
Blessed said:
Well, you need to tell her that, keep some ashes for a jewelry piece, a nice ring or pendant or earrings. The rest to be in scattered in Spain, be specific, and then set aside travel funds for her to be able to do that.

The only other thing I have thought of is for my son to take a small amount of ashes from his dad and I and get a small taatoo - just the letters JKJ which is our family signature. My son had a necklace made for both of us when his Dad passed, it was engraved on the back of a cross.
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My Dd isn't daft. she will only use a tiny speck of ashes for the jewellery... and she doesn't need funds to be set aside for her to travel to Spain.. she's much better off financially than me.. plus she owns property as I do in Southern Spain...
 
hollydolly said:
May your beloved son. R.I.P...must have been a horrendous loss to you as a family...


My daughter says she will have my ashes made into Jewellery... however my DD doesn't wear jewellery except earrings.. so I will end up in a drawer somewhere.. I'd rather be scattered in a beautiful area of Spain...
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Tell her so, holly. May it be so.
 
Jondalar7 said:
I was once asked to put ashes into small dolphin necklaces. I had to sift the bone out of the ashes and fill the 30 tiny bottles to be given to family members.
I have helped people move and they had parents and pets in jars and urns.
I helped scatter one guys ashes and I do not recommend doing it when it is windy. There is no downwind when you turn your back to the wind and have the swirling vortex in front of you.
I am sure the people whose ashes are in weird places are laughing.
Click to expand...
I'll second the "windy" advice. I scattered my husband's ashes from the back of a boat and I was spitting ashes for the next hour.
 
hollydolly said:
My Dd isn't daft. she will only use a tiny speck of ashes for the jewellery... and she doesn't need funds to be set aside for her to travel to Spain.. she's much better off financially than me.. plus she owns property as I do in Southern Spain...
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In my case, the kids might not be able to fund such a trip but they will be enough \ left (I hope) to make the trip,
The DIL went recently to spread her fathers ashes in Colorado where they often vacationed.

I was in no way saying your daughter is daft, from all you have written about her she is a strong independent person able to provide for herself and live life on her terms. I know you are very proud of her.

I just wanted you to let her know what you wanted so she could fulfill your wishes. I on the other hand do not know what my son's financial situation will be so I have set aside monies that he may be able to carry out the wishes of his father and I.
 

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