The Problems of Going Someplace with Someone

The key word in your title is problems. Life with others is about compromise. Flexibility is a not a 'problem' when the primary benefit is enjoying the company of a person you like and want to share your day with. If it's a situation in which you're just sharing a ride for convenience, weigh the benefits and negatives. If you want to do the day all your way 'problem' free, go alone.
 
I would go to enjoy their company.

I wait at doctors appointments all the time for my husband. I don’t mind because I love him. He would do the same for me if needed.

Also, I probably wouldn’t go to an event if I didn’t want to spend time with the other person. If they are late or early it doesn’t matter really.

I would say just make an excuse and go alone and meet the other person there if it bothers you.
 

There are times that I love to have company when doing things. Other times, I know it's just better to go alone.

I had a lovely friend; she was a great girl. I loved her dearly. She was fun to be with on most occasions, but when we'd go clothes shopping together, she drove me absolutely nuts. "Oh, Bella, look at this!" "Did you see this?" "What do you think about this?", ad nauseam. It was like shopping with a hyperactive squirrel who just couldn't gather enough nuts. By the end of the shopping trip, I had a pounding headache and needed a drink!

When I go clothes shopping, I look until I land on something I like. Then I try it on, and if it fits and looks good, I buy it, and I'm done. I don't continue to look to see if there's something better, or I could be at it for the rest of my life. Not my friend; she had to look at, touch, and try on every dress in multiple stores before she could make up her mind, if she made up her mind.

I don't really need someone's opinion of what looks good on me; I can see that for myself. So, shopping for clothes is something that I prefer to do alone.
 
AnnieA said:
Flexibility is a not a 'problem' when the primary benefit is enjoying the company of a person you like and want to share your day with.
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It's a problem if you are chronically in pain, though. You can't enjoy the benefits when you're in pain the whole time.

My youngest son was very disappointed when I started leaving holidays at his home earlier than I used to. In fact, I used to spend the night Christmas Eve and stay til late evening Christmas day. I just can't anymore.
 
Murrmurr said:
It's a problem if you are chronically in pain, though. You can't enjoy the benefits when you're in pain the whole time.

My youngest son was very disappointed when I started leaving holidays at his home earlier than I used to. In fact, I used to spend the night Christmas Eve and stay til late evening Christmas day. I just can't anymore.
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So true. I have chronic pain issues as well and can't keep the pace with friends so sometimes there's no choice but opting out or meeting them depending on the distance and pain level that day. Thankfully, they understand and know when I bail on plans that it's not that I don't want badly to spend time on them.
 
My husband would begrudgingly come shopping with me but he was always very patient.. he'd wait outside every store until I was done.. but it meant that I felt guilty with him standing out there so I would dash around the store, not really enjoying the experience..

..my daughter does the same, she will wait outside the store always, unless it's a high end store and then she'll be interested in buying something or at least having a mooch around.. but again because she's waiting I feel rushed... so for that reason I like to go shopping in my own.... I often meet up with friends at a designated place for lunch or coffee half way through the trip.. and sometimes I'll go with them to somewhere else... but really I prefer to shop alone
 
Holly, I know I'm that way, and in my understanding, a lot of men are. I shop with specific things I need in mind. My wife is more like you describe... enjoys the experience of poking around. But I'm a guy who still likes to read books, so I'll take one with me and either read it in the car, or if it's quite a hot day, I'll look for a bench in the shade. I just sit & read until she's finished (she'll know where I am).
 
hollydolly said:
My husband would begrudgingly come shopping with me but he was always very patient.. he'd wait outside every store until I was done.. but it meant that I felt guilty with him standing out there so I would dash around the store, not really enjoying the experience..

..my daughter does the same, she will wait outside the store always, unless it's a high end store and then she'll be interested in buying something or at least having a mooch around.. but again because she's waiting I feel rushed... so for that reason I like to go shopping in my own.... I often meet up with friends at a designated place for lunch or coffee half way through the trip.. and sometimes I'll go with them to somewhere else... but really I prefer to shop alone
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Same here. I leave mine in the car. He likes playing games on his phone so he can sit and mess with that for hours while I shop. I don't have to justify everything I want to buy that way. lol
 
Long ago, when I was about 24, a group of neighbor women decided to all go to the mall together. I was invited and told there would be some shopping and lunch. I'm sure I heard "lunch." We left at about 8 AM shopped until lunchtime when they all decided they would prefer to get a quick hot dog standing up at a counter in the mall, then resume shopping. We had all gone in the same car. We got home about six.

I will never forget it, it was one of the worst days of my life. I think I heard, "Isn't this cute!" four hundred times. I never went shopping with other women again.

AFLady71 said:
Same here. I leave mine in the car. He likes playing games on his phone so he can sit and mess with that for hours while I shop. I don't have to justify everything I want to buy that way. lol
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I sure understand that justifying thing! Mine likes to pull random clothes off the rack and say, "What about this?" I explain that it's not my color. A few seconds later it's something else and I have to explain in detail why it isn't what I'm looking for. It's so time consuming. Each time he looks hurt like he's offered me a gift and I've turned up my nose at it.

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, but we go to movies or lunch, just not shopping.
 
hollydolly said:
but again because she's waiting I feel rushed... so for that reason I like to go shopping in my own.... I often meet up with friends at a designated place for lunch or coffee half way through the trip.. and sometimes I'll go with them to somewhere else... but really I prefer to shop alone
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I don’t want to shop with anyone, especially for clothes. I’m sure Bella’s friend is related to mine. She examined every part an outfit and then hung it back up.

If for some reason DH is with me, he thinks he has waited patiently while I took forever. My side of the story is that I rushed around like crazy knowing he was going crazy. Good thing he usually reads the news on his phone

At Costco, I took a different route so he couldn’t find me so quickly. He finally figured out my scam. The one advantage of being short is I‘m hard to find.
 
@Della that reminds me of one Married Quarter we lived in when ex husband was in the Navy...

The Quarters were off Base, a whole crescent bought by the Royal Navy to house forces Personnel .. every house had wives whose husbands were serving long terms at sea... away for 6 or 7 months at a time.. ..so with the exception of just 2 older women we mostly were young women with young children..

Without exception our housekeeping money back in the day was taken from our husbands salaries and provided in way of a Post Office book , of which we could draw every Thursday.....Salaries were extremely low in the RN.. so we all lived pretty much pay-check to Pay check..

..so every Thursday morning, a big bunch of us women complete with babies in prams and toddlers.. would gather, and then make the 2 mile walk all the way downhill into town to draw our allotments.. and then do some grocery shopping.. and then catch a bus back up to home..

We'd have a cup of tea in a cafe in town while there , but that was our only outing for the week... not one of us had a car so could go nowhere other than our weekly outing to the shops ..and certainly no money to go shopping for anything other than groceries and necessities for the Babies ( mine was just 12 months old at the time) ...

It was the only time I ''enjoyed'' the company of women while shopping..
 
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AnnieA said:
The key word in your title is problems. Life with others is about compromise. Flexibility is a not a 'problem' when the primary benefit is enjoying the company of a person you like and want to share your day with. If it's a situation in which you're just sharing a ride for convenience, weigh the benefits and negatives. If you want to do the day all your way 'problem' free, go alone.
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To AnnieA: Well put. The words, "Compromise" and "understanding" are becoming less and less common as the years roll by. Sad!

One can travel but two can travel better!
 
Murrmurr said:
It's a problem if you are chronically in pain, though. You can't enjoy the benefits when you're in pain the whole time.

My youngest son was very disappointed when I started leaving holidays at his home earlier than I used to. In fact, I used to spend the night Christmas Eve and stay til late evening Christmas day. I just can't anymore.
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How's your knee, Frank? Did you ever get help for it?
 
chic said:
How's your knee, Frank? Did you ever get help for it?
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I got in to see my doctor's back-up doctor a couple weeks ago. She didn't order images; she just said "Meniscus tear, probably not very significant."

I saw my regular doctor this week. She didn't order images, either. She referred me to physical therapy. Problem is, the therapies dept moved across town. And it's a big town, and I don't want to drive that far, so I'll do a video visit or two just to see what kind of exercises they recommend.

I don't think there's anything else they can (or will) do until it gets a lot worse.

Thanks for asking.

It's a bit weak and sometimes painful, so I have to be conscious of how I move. It's a bummer that it's my right knee because I'm right-sided, so when I'm using stairs or a ladder or even just stepping onto or off a curb, I have to stop and think like a lefty.
 
Yes, meniscus tears are painful. I hope you'll do okay. Vitamin C rich foods help all kinds of ligament and connective tissue damage. Biosil for collagen growth could help too and everything is OTC and not expensive. You should have had PT right away to create an exercise program at least. Doctors are so worthless these days. They almost make me despair. You're going to be fine. I'm cheering for you. We all are. :giggle:
 
chic said:
Yes, meniscus tears are painful. I hope you'll do okay. Vitamin C rich foods help all kinds of ligament and connective tissue damage. Biosil for collagen growth could help too and everything is OTC and not expensive. You should have had PT right away to create an exercise program at least. Doctors are so worthless these days. They almost make me despair. You're going to be fine. I'm cheering for you. We all are. :giggle:
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I've never heard of Biosil. I'll look into it.
 
I've never heard of Biosil either ..although I do take Marine Collagen every day ... Chic, & Frank... but as you're aware I have a very painful right knee, and my primary doctor is concerned because the kneecap is out of place.. and the pain is now affecting my hip.

Some months ago she sent for an appointment for me to have a cortisone injection to relieve the constant nagging pain.

Finally an appointment has come through for November... but only with a Physiotherapist... I'm concerned about that... because I've been paying a highly qualified Physiotherapist for a long time on a regular basis , and it was he who sent me to have my knee X-rayed at a top Harley st Clinic in London initially .. who said I had OA in my knee, and and my kneecap is displaced .. so what they think an NHS physiotherapist is going to be able to do.. I don't know, so I'm really concerned I'm not going to get the cortisone injection to relieve the pain
 
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My wife and I have been together for over 52 years. We both recognize that our time left we have together is short. Therefore, having to wait is nothing to us, as long as we are still together. Shortly, one of us will never have more time...!
 

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