The Pros and Cons of Marrying Later in Life

I have no desire whatsoever to remarry. I have been asked - 20+ years ago - I said no - and have never even wanted to date since. If I were living alone, It might be different , but living with my daughter, Grandson and Great Grandson seems to be all the socializing I can tolerate at this point in my life. :)
I've always been a somewhat independent loner, so this lifestyle suits me fine.
 

birdy said:
You work those financial issues out in advance. Especially if you are wealthy. I don't understand being conned but I guess it can happen if you lose your brain along with your spouse.
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Love or apparent 'love' can be blind. Especially in the case of well-off widows being the target of less well-off suitors. The land of internet dating is an especially dangerous one.
 

As a recent widow (and age 77), I have no desire to date or marry ever again. My late husband and I met in 1975 but life took us in different directions and we didn't marry until 1997. I was 50 and he was 56. For the most part, we had a good life together. His 3 kids were grown when we got married and never had any issues with me marrying their dad. We all got alone well and saw each other often until we retired in 2001 and left CA. We were together every day, 24/7 until he died in October. I can't imagine myself with anyone else.
 
Purse/wallet? Having a trust takes that off the table. The last woman I went out with had one, and so do I. Assets are already spoken for. Now the nurse part - demand the results of a complete physical? Ha! j/k. If someone can keep up with me on a long distance hike or bike ride, they pass! And marriage? What would be the point at this age? Maybe for religious reasons? I don’t know. For goodness sake, get a pre-nup.
 
Liberty said:
Think a lot of old guys are looking for a "nurse with a purse" if you know what I mean.
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Even if that is true, I'm not sure how they are going to "get him/her to the chapel" without full awareness of both issues. But if hidden debts can come to light only after the deed is done or the same with health issues then I guess I'd have to concede the point.

So I started off disagreeing and immediately argued myself into agreeing.
 
Rose65 said:
I wouldn't marry again if I found myself widowed. The financial concerns and potential pitfalls are very very important to consider.
I have seen many a situation where elderly people are conned into thinking they have found love again. They succumb to romance and marriage because their loneliness got unbearable. It can be tragic.
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Same here. I dated plenty before meeting the man who would become my husband so I know what's out there: Not much.

It's why he and I never came close to cheating. Destroy a truly good marriage over a fling with someone who caught my or his eye? Pfffttt.... not even a consideration.

If I were widowed I wouldn't be on the market for another romance, never mind a marriage.
 
EmptyCup said:
Purse/wallet? Having a trust takes that off the table. The last woman I went out with had one, and so do I. Assets are already spoken for. Now the nurse part - demand the results of a complete physical? Ha! j/k. If someone can keep up with me on a long distance hike or bike ride, they pass! And marriage? What would be the point at this age? Maybe for religious reasons? I don’t know. For goodness sake, get a pre-nup.
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I've never understood about pre-nups.
Surely if you consider it to be necessary, why marry? Just live together and keep your finances separate but share the expenses.
 
Rose65 said:
I've never understood about pre-nups.
Surely if you consider it to be necessary, why marry? Just live together and keep your finances separate but share the expenses.
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Well, when yo marry you do sign on to any debt that's brought into the marriage. A legal document might nip those in the bud before they "appear."

Think of a mortgage in another state that was skipped out on. It can take time for creditors to track the crafty down. Some bounce between apartment rentals every year, jump to one state after another, etc.
 
dilettante said:
Well, when yo marry you do sign on to any debt that's brought into the marriage. A legal document might nip those in the bud before they "appear."

Think of a mortgage in another state that was skipped out on. It can take time for creditors to track the crafty down. Some bounce between apartment rentals every year, jump to one state after another, etc.
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Credible sources agree this is not so. You may be on the hook for debts accumulated during a marriage, but not for debts brought in by your spouse:
Marrying Into Debt: Am I Liable for My Spouse's Debt?
https://money.usnews.com/credit-cards/articles/are-you-liable-for-your-spouses-credit-card-debt

That said, with the extraordinary amount of credit available to anyone with a pulse (and some without, based on numerous offers sent to my long-deceased mother), marrying later in life without first seeing a credit report would be a foolhardy move unless you knew this person for decades. And even then....
 
After a gap of 30 years I think things would probably be very different for me. Domesticating a lone wolf at my age might be challenging, or wonderful, or both. Most women probably wouldn't put up with the effort required. It would take serious commitment I suppose, so quite a burden to make it worth her effort.
 
Interesting topic.

I have a friend who was a bachelor for 60 years. He decided he wanted to meet someone to share his time with - at 60 - and went online. Today he's married.

But I won't talk about him since he's not here to answer questions, I'll talk about myself.

I'm married, which is well documented on this site. What do I want from my marriage, and if the marriage dissolved, what would I look for in someone new, or would I just forget the entire concept?

Firstly, I'm happy alone. I mean, who isn't happy with having complete freedom, peace, and am open calendar? Still, there are things we can't do alone.

Relationships are give and take, and giving should feel good. That's a reason to have a partner. But before that, intimacy is something I don't see discussed here very often. From just that intimate closeness of knowing the inner thoughts of another human being, to the physical aspects of sex, intimacy is an import part of any relationship.

Of course you can get both of those things when living in separate places, but personally that's where I draw the delineation between a real partnership, and a "friend with benefits". If you can't imagine being together physically, then I'm not sure the relationship matters much.

That said, sharing a bed isn't a must. Hell, sharing a bedroom isn't a must. But shouldn't you be able to share a living room/kitchen?

I'm not sure I'm addressing the question, but love for another person is a gift from nature. To want to have a partner with whom you can share yourself is a truly great. Giving something up in doing so is part of it. Commitment, caring, listening, and bringing joy to another person is something special. I think you can act out most of these things by staying separate, but it's special when it comes together.

Of course, you have to decide if the remainder of your days is about you, and you alone, or feeling as though you have a gap in your life. By this stage of life, we've all been through a lot, so baggage is always an issue. But a new relationship is about valuing another person, and still being willing to give.
 
Robb.hisself said:
By the time you reach fifty and have never married you realize that the need to do so is long past. By that time you've either learned other means to get the same thing without marriage or you're just such a wimp that a wife now is just going to brow beat you to death for the rest of your life, and who wants that? Marriage is an institution that one eventually learns is far over rated to be more than it really is.

By fifty most unmarried men have long ago stopped being mommy's little boy turned wife's devoted servant. For those older and married they eventually realize that life without their wives is too scary to contemplate so bow to the master of the pitiful life they never lived. Sad suckers, one and all. 😜
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Apparently, there are exceptions to all that.

I divorced my first wife when I was 26, maybe 27, and stayed single until just about 2 1/2 years ago. I'm 68.

I liked being single ok until I was about 35, then I loved it. Totally loved it! The kids were all school aged (single dad here) and they liked to travel and go hiking, fishing, and camping and stuff. They were funny and interesting and maddening and loads of fun. And, of course, I dated, and was in a few relationships, some for as long as 3 years, I'd say.

Before I knew it I was a single grampa living alone in a small apartment, and the grandkids came for weekends, except over school vacation when they stayed for weeks. We pitched tents in the living room, had some neighbor kids over for movies and popcorn, and generally had some really good times.

Then I retired and got a foster-parent license through Child Protective Services, and did foster-parenting for a few years. I still dated a bit...sort of...now and then, when I had time.

Then I met Michelle. We started dating when covid was officially an epidemic, and we took it kinda slow for a few weeks or so. The grandkids were still coming over about every other weekend, but now they took turns...one at a time...and Michelle started staying with me most weekdays.

Before I knew it, Meesh and I were married, and I love it. Totally love it!
 

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