The rosy glow of fatherhood

This answer is probably the most accurate. "Margot said that if you ask a woman this question, she is immediately more aware of the reality of childbirth and child rearing. She knows the pain and potential danger of birth, she sees more clearly the grind of nappies and mashing vegetables. Men see the rosy glow of fatherhood, the tousling of a youngster's hair, the dad jokes, the frisbee throwing, the pride of establishing a family."

My kids were 4, 2, and 9 months old when my wife left me, and a couple years later we divorced. In those couple of years she moved back in for a few months but other than that we didn't see much of her. And about a year and a half later she died in a car accident. So I was the kids' only parent, really. They don't remember her. They have pictures, but no memories, they say.

I don't know why I went into all that. I just wanted to say that I didn't actually want to start having kids right after we married, but we did. And I didn't marry to have kids, it was just something that was possibly in our future. But I loved being a father (and, as best I could, a mother). I adored my kids. I still do. And I feel super lucky that I got to raise them. The best times ever.
 
Murrmurr, how your post resonated with me. My father raised four children single handed when his wife died from TB, when she was just 33. Life was tough in the 1950's, we all learned to clean our rooms, to take the soiled laundry to the launderette, we didn't have a washing machine, the launderette was my job. Two younger sisters aged eight and six, learned the process of ironing, as in what heat for what fabric. We all chipped in with house cleaning. We didn't want to be ashamed to invite friends home, so we all cleaned and dusted the place.

My father had to work as well as take care of us, what a stressful time it was for him. But we all came through it and although I wouldn't wish the experience onto anyone, it was the making of us.

Curiously I often wonder if the death of my mother made such an impact on me that it coloured my views on children. My sister too has no children, but then again, my wife and her sister are without children and they had their parents throughout their childhood. It makes no sense.

It's not as though children annoy me, we have eight wonderful Godchildren, we have seen them grow from babies to adults, we have been to their weddings, congratulated them on the arrival of their own children. None of that though has sparked the desire to start our own family. At times is does make me wonder if I'm a tad eccentric.

Much as I love my Godchildren, I don't miss children, nor do I miss grandchildren, it's not going to happen so there's no point worrying about it.
 
I' amazed when I hear of all the "thought" that goes into whether to have children or not. Maybe I'm from a slightly earlier group than many here but kids just arrived - -or not. There was birth control available and we were aware of it but there seems to have been much less deep thinking and planning than I hear today.

I suppose that one difference was that many women weren't planning for further education and/or careers unless it was as nurses or teachers. In today's world, the wife is no longer taken for granted (by her husband or herself) as someone who's commitment will be raising the kids and taking care of the household. They depended on husband for family financial support, whether he could do it with one job or two.

Aside from health concerns, it was expected that a child or children would appear and with earlier marriages than today, at a much younger age. We (as a generation) didn't NEED or not NEED kids. They were just part of life.

From the messes (in their youth) described by many of today's 50 - 70 year olds, my generation didn't do a very good job and started the multiple marriage mess that we have today. For us it was different. Families of the 30's and 40's gave us a more stable beginning which many of us drifted away from (sigh).

Just to clarify where we fit into this picture. Our kids are are 64, 62, 60, and 59 and we've been married 65 years.
 
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