The topic of Apologizing

Now we are trying to make people feel bad for making the same mistakes and apologizing. At least they apologize.

Some folks make the same mistakes over and over and never apologize. Why don’t they apologize? Because they don’t think they’ve made any mistakes. Some people think they’re flawless.
 

Brookswood said:
A real apology must have three things:

1. It must come from the heart.
2. It should include an attempt to make amends if that is possible. Sometimes it’s not.
3. It should include a promise and a real attempt to never repeat the offensive behavior.

A simple “I’m Sorry” said to get off the hook is worthless.

Once accepted that matter should be closed. Nothing is more frustrating than hearing a wronged person bring up the wrong over and over and over again, knowing full well that there is no way to undo the wrong.
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There are "sorry" statements about small things. They usually just take #1. Then there are the "sorry", when someone is upset by what you did. #1 and #2. Then there is the "sorry" that is said for the same thing and it really hurts the other person. #1,#2, and #3.
 
MarkinPhx said:
I think most of the time people say "I'm sorry" without even knowing why they say the words. If they acknowledge that they did something wrong to a person and apologize for that action, then that is a good first step. But in my opinion, no apology is truly sincere until the person who makes the apology looks in the mirror and figures out why they took an action that did hurt someone else and grow from that mistake.

With that being said, I am guilty of saying "I'm sorry" a bit when I am out and public and so something like accidently run into someone or walk in front of someone and almost collide with them. It's an automatic response on my part. I usually just say the words and say something stupid like "I'm sorry, I was off in my own little world" and try to laugh it off.
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I don't think it's stupid to explain yourself in that kind of situation. It's just part of the explanation on how you came to crash into someone. Makes you look like a real person.
 
This thread really makes me do some soul searching. Due to old age, I think, I have had three people wanting to make amends. The first one I forgave whole heartedly. It was a stupid thing she did when we were younger. The other two did things that significantly hurt me throughout my life. Now they want to make amends and it comes off as being insincere. Why did they let it stand and continue doing it until we are all old? I think at this point they realise they are mortal and are just trying to ease their own consciences.

I don't dwell on any of it but I do have trouble easing the conscience of someone who has let something they know is wrong carry over and continue all of these years.

They will have to forgive themselves. I cannot do that for them.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
Do you easily forgive yourself?
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Hi Patty, are you asking ME this question OR presenting it to the forum members?

If for me and in reply: In my life, there have been times I most certainly have not
forgiven myself easily, but with some inner personal growth continuing on in years,
there now are those times I forgive myself more easily. Learning how to forgive
myself and also dealing with the emotions, and allowing compassion and kindness
to myself in the process~
 
LadyEmeraude said:
Hi Patty, are you asking ME this question OR presenting it to the forum members?

If for me and in reply: In my life, there have been times I most certainly have not
forgiven myself easily, but with some inner personal growth continuing on in years,
there now are those times I forgive myself more easily. Learning how to forgive
myself and also dealing with the emotions, and allowing compassion and kindness
to myself in the process~
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Asking you personally.
Thank you for answering.
 
I'm good at apologizing when warranted, I usually recognize I made a mistake quickly. Typically it's my mouth that causes problems, another reason I'm a man that's greedy with words.

But I'm not overly apologetic, I'm going to say it and mean it and move on.
 
MarkinPhx said:
I think most of the time people say "I'm sorry" without even knowing why they say the words. If they acknowledge that they did something wrong to a person and apologize for that action, then that is a good first step. But in my opinion, no apology is truly sincere until the person who makes the apology looks in the mirror and figures out why they took an action that did hurt someone else and grow from that mistake.

With that being said, I am guilty of saying "I'm sorry" a bit when I am out and public and so something like accidently run into someone or walk in front of someone and almost collide with them. It's an automatic response on my part. I usually just say the words and say something stupid like "I'm sorry, I was off in my own little world" and try to laugh it off.
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sorry ;sorry ;sorry don't know what happened here - looks like I have been forced to apologize?
 
TheOtherRick said:
This is something that has been on my mind for a long time, it feels like a long time now. When I was young and dumb I did something to another person that was truly unforgivable in my mind.
The trouble is that they had done something also in which I believed I was the injured party.

One night in my kitchen I turned things sideways and looked at what had happened from a different angle, the effect was devastating, I collapsed in tears on the floor. Not for myself but for them and my part in the whole thing.

If I could I would get on my knees and beg I mean beg for their forgiveness but it was truly despicable on my part, and is something that I'm really ashamed of, the trouble is they have been lost to time. I don't know how to find them or if begging their forgiveness would even be granted, maybe this is a sleeping hurt that shouldn't be disturbed.

In any case, I feel the true weight of my actions, and will spend the rest of my miserable existance in regret and seeking forgiveness from the ether. I'm Sorry Sunshine.
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Even if you can't find these people anymore, your reaction shows that you did already beg them for forgiveness. God saw it and if you don't believe in God you can be sure that it is in the "morphogenetic field" (Rupert Sheldrake).
 
TheOtherRick said:
This is something that has been on my mind for a long time, it feels like a long time now. When I was young and dumb I did something to another person that was truly unforgivable in my mind.
The trouble is that they had done something also in which I believed I was the injured party.

One night in my kitchen I turned things sideways and looked at what had happened from a different angle, the effect was devastating, I collapsed in tears on the floor. Not for myself but for them and my part in the whole thing.

If I could I would get on my knees and beg I mean beg for their forgiveness but it was truly despicable on my part, and is something that I'm really ashamed of, the trouble is they have been lost to time. I don't know how to find them or if begging their forgiveness would even be granted, maybe this is a sleeping hurt that shouldn't be disturbed.

In any case, I feel the true weight of my actions, and will spend the rest of my miserable existance in regret and seeking forgiveness from the ether. I'm Sorry Sunshine.
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I doubt there are many people around who did not do things when they were young which they later regretted and wished they could have erased but, I think, when we are young we do not have the same empathy which we hopefully have when we are older.

The chances are that whoever you regret hurting forgave you a long time ago and would probably want you to forgive yourself. (y)
 
MarkinPhx said:
I did that as part of my steps. It was very liberating to me.
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Those are some great steps @MarkinPhx

I got my direction from a kindly soft spoken, well studied old gent

He directed to this in Matthew 5;
23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift
 
I will always apologise, for doing or being wrong,
any of the men who worked for me, loved it, because
if they did wrong, on the job, I apologised, for being
stupid for giving the job to somebody, who was unable
to do it properly.

The buck always stopped at me, by choice.

Mike.
 
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I apologized in another thread here just this morning. Not elaborate, just admitting my error and expressing an understanding and appreciation for the efforts and point of view of the other person.

I hope it was taken as sincere, it was certainly intended to be. I make enough mistakes that there isn't time to write a formal apology and go through a prostration ritual for each one
 

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