CAKCy
Member
- Location
- Cyprus, East Mediterranean
Welcome to the my new thread of the series "Ban him already!" where I will try to explain my "Theory of the Whole Person as per CAK". As you, probably know my mother tongue is Greek, and I'm not so sure about the translation of "Ολοκληρωμένο Άτομο" to "Whole Person". If anyone can offer a better suggestion I will gladly change the Theory's name.
A friend here on the forum (@Liberty) has told me that she would like to hear more about this theory and whether this could help one respond to negative aggressive behavior with good alternative responses.
Warning: Sarcasm
I'm not sure whether she meant it or she was just being polite but, have it in mind, anyway, that she should take part of the blame for yet another boring thread of mine!
So... here we go:
First Stage: Becoming a Whole Person
Every person should start as early as possible (I would say in their late teen years) to work on the set of principles/values/morals that are going to direct them and guide them through life. The sources where one can find information about these principles / values / morals are books (mainly), mentoring by others, personal experiences etc.
At the same time every person should try to be as objective and as honest to themselves as possible regarding their own standing/performance/value. One should be able to assess whether one is good at this, but not good at that and be objective and honest enough to admit this to oneself.
Once the above two tasks are roughly completed one should be able to "detach" themselves from the society's opinion and become a "Whole Person" (WP). The WP follows strictly one rule and one rule only: "I am my own judge" and builds a wall around oneself to guard oneself from any direct external input or feedback. (I managed to reach this stage at about the age of 33).
From the point in time that one manages to become a WP the process of personal development / self-improvement becomes an ongoing process that will last to the very end.
A WP is by no means perfect. A WP is, though, almost completely impervious to external input and accepts no changes to oneself by anyone other than oneself!
Second Stage: Self-improvement
A true friend is the one who will bring up your faults, not your positives. By doing so, a true friend will help you re-asses yourself (principles / values / morals) and act accordingly.
Any criticism coming from the environment deserves to be heard and assessed because it may be true and will help one improve oneself. So "passing judgement on me" immediately becomes a gift and not a negative action. Especially if this is done in good faith (by a proven friend or a stranger).
Praise is welcome as a sweet ice-cream during the summer months but if offers no real/lasting value. It's good while it lasts and then it's gone.
I have said, repeatedly, in various threads that it is extremely hard for someone to offend me. The reason for this is very simple: I consider their "negativity", their comments, their criticism as a chance to re-asses who I am and improve, if they are right. So I am thankful to those who have been or will be negative to me for their help!
Fun fact: When I was a teen (building character/filled with insecurities etc.) I actually offered to pay a friend (appx U$10) for him to give me a rundown of my negative points.
Fun fact: When I first met my second wife (the one who decided that I wasn't worth the trouble and left) who is an English Literature teacher, one of the things I asked her from the very beginning was: Please correct my English when you notice I say/write something wrong. I won't consider your criticism as offending but as a help for me to become a better person. She kept this to the very end. (And I loved taunting her every now and then by correcting her especially with Greek words that made it into the English language!)
Conclusions:
1. You are your own judge. Period. Don't let society affect what you think of yourself.
2. Be honest and objective with yourself. If you choose to sugarcoat things to yourself you are not helping!
3. Accept criticism/judgement as gifts and not as attacks. Respond to these gifts with kindness. The one criticizing you is doing you a favor.
4. Assess yourself and your set of principles/morals/values as often as you can.
5. Stay as far away from @Gary O' as possible! For your own sanity! (Actually Gary is one of the few WP I met on this forum)
PS.: If you find any mistakes/errors in the spelling/grammar/syntax of the above please point them out to me. If the post is still editable I will adjust it accordingly. Thanks!
A friend here on the forum (@Liberty) has told me that she would like to hear more about this theory and whether this could help one respond to negative aggressive behavior with good alternative responses.
Warning: Sarcasm
I'm not sure whether she meant it or she was just being polite but, have it in mind, anyway, that she should take part of the blame for yet another boring thread of mine!
So... here we go:
First Stage: Becoming a Whole Person
Every person should start as early as possible (I would say in their late teen years) to work on the set of principles/values/morals that are going to direct them and guide them through life. The sources where one can find information about these principles / values / morals are books (mainly), mentoring by others, personal experiences etc.
At the same time every person should try to be as objective and as honest to themselves as possible regarding their own standing/performance/value. One should be able to assess whether one is good at this, but not good at that and be objective and honest enough to admit this to oneself.
Once the above two tasks are roughly completed one should be able to "detach" themselves from the society's opinion and become a "Whole Person" (WP). The WP follows strictly one rule and one rule only: "I am my own judge" and builds a wall around oneself to guard oneself from any direct external input or feedback. (I managed to reach this stage at about the age of 33).
From the point in time that one manages to become a WP the process of personal development / self-improvement becomes an ongoing process that will last to the very end.
A WP is by no means perfect. A WP is, though, almost completely impervious to external input and accepts no changes to oneself by anyone other than oneself!
Second Stage: Self-improvement
- Self-improvement (with the help of the environment) can come ONLY through criticism. While praise may make one feel good, it offers one no path for improvement/refinement of oneself/one's actions. (There is one exception to this and that is if a task is ongoing with finite ending. For example a person having to work with a trainer/chiropractor to recover from a condition. In that case, praise motivates the person to continue working towards the target).
- Any criticism should be dealt with as follows:
- If it comes from a known offender of criticizing in bad faith (i.e. criticizing just to cause pain) discard the criticism.
- If it comes from a known person of criticizing in good faith (i.e. criticizing because that is their honest belief for one/one's actions) one should consider the criticism as objectively as possible and:
- Use it to improve oneself/one's actions if the criticism was correct.
- Discard the criticism. Try to explain oneself/one's actions to the critic for a re-assessment, if the criticism was incorrect.
- If it comes from an unknown person one should consider the criticism as objectively as possible and:
- Act as in (2.1) above if the criticism was correct.
- Act as in (2.2) above, if the criticism was incorrect, give the critic a chance to prove whether they have acted in good or bad faith and register the result accordingly.
A true friend is the one who will bring up your faults, not your positives. By doing so, a true friend will help you re-asses yourself (principles / values / morals) and act accordingly.
Any criticism coming from the environment deserves to be heard and assessed because it may be true and will help one improve oneself. So "passing judgement on me" immediately becomes a gift and not a negative action. Especially if this is done in good faith (by a proven friend or a stranger).
Praise is welcome as a sweet ice-cream during the summer months but if offers no real/lasting value. It's good while it lasts and then it's gone.
I have said, repeatedly, in various threads that it is extremely hard for someone to offend me. The reason for this is very simple: I consider their "negativity", their comments, their criticism as a chance to re-asses who I am and improve, if they are right. So I am thankful to those who have been or will be negative to me for their help!
Fun fact: When I was a teen (building character/filled with insecurities etc.) I actually offered to pay a friend (appx U$10) for him to give me a rundown of my negative points.
Fun fact: When I first met my second wife (the one who decided that I wasn't worth the trouble and left) who is an English Literature teacher, one of the things I asked her from the very beginning was: Please correct my English when you notice I say/write something wrong. I won't consider your criticism as offending but as a help for me to become a better person. She kept this to the very end. (And I loved taunting her every now and then by correcting her especially with Greek words that made it into the English language!)
Conclusions:
1. You are your own judge. Period. Don't let society affect what you think of yourself.
2. Be honest and objective with yourself. If you choose to sugarcoat things to yourself you are not helping!
3. Accept criticism/judgement as gifts and not as attacks. Respond to these gifts with kindness. The one criticizing you is doing you a favor.
4. Assess yourself and your set of principles/morals/values as often as you can.
5. Stay as far away from @Gary O' as possible! For your own sanity! (Actually Gary is one of the few WP I met on this forum)
PS.: If you find any mistakes/errors in the spelling/grammar/syntax of the above please point them out to me. If the post is still editable I will adjust it accordingly. Thanks!
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