One day I was eating my lunch at a Jack in the Box in Reno. My eye caught site of a man ordering his lunch. He was wearing a pink flowered shirt and green shorts. I had the feeling I knew him but went back to my meal and watching the traffic go by. Three times as I ate I felt I should say hi but I did not. I finished my lunch and walked past where he was sitting to dump my tray and I thought I should say hi. But I kept walking. I headed out the door and felt I should have said hello but I kept walking. As I walked through the door I could not let go of the handle. I paused a moment then said to myself OK I’ll go back in. I went to his table and said Hi my name is Bob, I do not know where I know you from but felt like I wanted to say hi. He smiled up at me told me his name was Ed and asked me to sit down. We made the connection that he had lived near where I worked and had passed each other often with a greeting and a wave and I recognized him. OH wow! You are the Waver, I have not seen you in years, It always put a smile on my face when I would see you and wave. It reminded me of growing up on the farm in Fallon. When we were working folks would always wave as they drove by and I returned the wave even if I did not know them. I miss seeing you, Where have you been? He told me he had been traveling around the country talking at schools and telling kids the dangers using drugs. I told him of how my daughter Holly with her mom had stopped to offer him a ride once and talked with him. She told me she thought she had visited an Angel. He Laughed and told me some of his story then he gave me a piece of paper. It is still in my scrap book. You see from sometime in the early seventies and for the following 20 years Ed walked the thirty miles between Reno and Carson city one way each day, waving to all who passed. If you stopped to visit he handed you a piece of paper with his hand traced on it and a few words of encouragement with his blessing. He did not accept rides because he believed His mission was to walk this road. His dedication to his mission was amazing. His simple action surely brought smiles to many people traveling that road. There are Angels among us and today I am reminded of how easy it is to give a wave, a smile, a like or a hello that may brighten someone’s day.
Things we wrote, Like them or ignore them we just want to share.
- Thread starter Jondalar7
- Start date
tbeltrans
Senior Member
That is a great story. Events such as that give meaning to our lives beyond the ordinary.
As for this being a place we can share things we write, for the most part that is true. Unfortunately, when you put something up in this (or any) forum, you never know when somebody will get you in his or her sights, and badger you to no end. Sometimes, the only recourse is to put the person on "ignore", while with most people, you can reason it out and move on.
In a forum, we are limited to words and the occasional smiley. We don't have the benefit of facial expression, tone of voice, body language, and the immediacy of communication that allows clarification before the trouble starts. Also, there is quite a broad range of people in any given forum, with very different backgrounds, value systems, and priorities. We collectively don't always take that into account when reading another's post. We are all guilty of that at one time or another, so there is certainly an element of risk if we choose to post anything to personal or important to ourselves.
I don't have a story to share, but appreciate reading what you posted.
Tony
As for this being a place we can share things we write, for the most part that is true. Unfortunately, when you put something up in this (or any) forum, you never know when somebody will get you in his or her sights, and badger you to no end. Sometimes, the only recourse is to put the person on "ignore", while with most people, you can reason it out and move on.
In a forum, we are limited to words and the occasional smiley. We don't have the benefit of facial expression, tone of voice, body language, and the immediacy of communication that allows clarification before the trouble starts. Also, there is quite a broad range of people in any given forum, with very different backgrounds, value systems, and priorities. We collectively don't always take that into account when reading another's post. We are all guilty of that at one time or another, so there is certainly an element of risk if we choose to post anything to personal or important to ourselves.
I don't have a story to share, but appreciate reading what you posted.
Tony
Thanks Tony. A friend once told me that when she displays her art, she releases it to whatever the viewer may see. What flows from my heart to a page, apiece of wood or a lump of clay is of me in that moment. Whatever it evokes in another is from inside them, I am just glad they saw something. I release whatever that is and just smile that is some way I touched another's life. If there is anger within them I am pleased to help them find a release. In my next post there are many metaphors evoking many points of view and maybe some judgements. That's ok for me, I have read Rumi to my Bible study but I do hope the haters find other places to play.
Marie5656
SF VIP
- Location
- Batavia, NY
I like it. Hope you will share more. We have a "diaries" subforum here. You could start one with a collection of things you have written
I lay on the floor of my teepee looking at the cloudless blue sky through the crossed poles
and open flap. I feel the hair of a deer hide beneath my head and back. There was a
woven rug of blue, red and brown that the rest of me lay on. My heart had picked up the
hypnotic rhythm of the elk hand drum being beaten by the shaman. I was instructed to
close my eyes and when an opening appeared I should go through it. The smoke of the
white sage, rose slowly to my left. I inhaled deeply of the heavy scent and closed my
eyes.
On this day I had been invited by a Shaman to participate in a ceremony. This was an
invitation to discover my power animal. I had accepted with eagerness to be guided in
this process. I did not know much about Spirit guides but I was eager to learn.
With eyes closed I listened to the steady beat of the drum and wondered about my
instructions. “When an opening appears go through it”. I wondered if I was suppose to
see a door or since this was a native American ceremony maybe it would be a teepee flap.
Then I remembered my meditation times and realized that nothing happens until the junk
stops running around in my mind. I took another deep breath and slowly exhaled through
my eyelids. I know that sounds weird but I find thinking it messes with my mind enough
that all rational thoughts to stop. Another deep slow breath, drawing in the scent of sage
and I relaxed in body and mind. The drumming echoed in my ears and I found myself in
a forest. There were pine needles and oak leaves under my feet. They were damp with
droplets still glistening on the leaves. My lungs filled with the fresh smell that comes
after a morning rain.
I looked around to see if there was a cave, a building, a teepee or something with a
doorway to enter. Not seeing anything I began to walk toward the East maybe hoping to
stand in the morning sun if I found a clearing. I had to walk carefully around the roots of
a very large old tree. It looked like the biggest one around, probably grandfather to all
these pines around me. But something did not fit.
There was a knothole low on its trunk.
The kind you see on oak trees where a big limb has been cut off and the tree heals over
the wound by putting a collar around it. This looked hollowed out like a cartoon squirrel
house only this one was quite large and too low to be on a pine tree. It looked to be about
18 inches wide, Could this be my opening? I am not fond of the bugs and things that
might be in a hole like this and I hoped something with teeth was not living there. I
thumped on the tree with a small branch. Nothing ran out so I stuck my head in just a
little. The trunk looked like it had been hollowed out by fire. The resulting hole had been
the home to some critters and was possibly big enough for me to squeeze into. My mind
began showing me the foolishness of getting stuck in a tree.
The Shaman was Native American and this was part of the old ways, kid of silly for me
to think it would be a door with a knob on it, so into the hole I crawled. By putting my
arms together like I was diving, I leaned into the opening feeling as I went forward. I was
in up to my ribs when I felt the back of the tree with space below and above. Not wanting
to find myself upside down in a tree hole I reached upwards and wiggled in a little
further. I turned onto my back and kind of pulled myself to be sitting on the edge of the
hole then moved a little further in, slipped and folded like a jack knife.
I now find myself in the woods with my knees and feet hanging out of a hole in a tree and
my butt stuck in the trunk. But on a positive note I could see out the hole and wave to
anyone who passed by.
This is supposed to be some kind of spiritual journey and I feel like a joke. There is a
rustling of leaves and twigs below me. Something has come into the base of the tree. Can
there be any better ending to this journey? I am going to be bitten on the butt by my
power animal. Would a warrior find himself in this position? I am reminded of a sock
hop in junior high, a black friend laughed at my dancing and said “White guys can’t
Dance” I think they even made a movie by that title. Is this something like that. My
ancestors were Vikings and there is a little Choctaw on my grandmothers side. I am a
smart guy, so why is my butt stuck in this tree? What did a warrior have that I do not?
Whatever came into the base of the tree has left and I am alone in my tree. I try to
imagine a warrior going through this ceremony and wonder what he would do that I am
not. Then I see what he would have done that I did not. I think he would have taken some
time in preparation. Taken time to clear his mind and pray for the mental attunement with
a spiritual journey. Before addressing a group I prepare and take a moment of prayer
before walking to the podium. Before I dove off the high rocks in Costa Rica I took
several deep breaths and a moment of prayer. In preparation for this journey I said OK
and lay down on the floor of the teepee.
I had cleared my mind enough to get this far but I am stuck. I became aware of the steady
beating of the drum and wondered why it never changed. Maybe that is the important
difference between the warrior and I. He would not have been questioning what was
going on. More likely he would be leaning into whatever was next. Funny how spirit
gives us what we need and waits for us to catch up. I had just jumped on for the ride
without grasping the purpose. I had read about how this Animal Guide offers power and
wisdom to the individual when they “communicate” with it, conveying their respect and
trust. They are one with you for life, both in the physical and spiritual world. With this
animal, a connection is shared and will appear as needed in our lives if one is open to
learning its lessons.
Well this is not the first time I have backed into an important situation. It may be quiet
appropriate that my butt is stuck in this tree trunk. Am I ready to know my power animal?
Would I be open to understanding it’s meaning and learning from that understanding?
Would I be able to grasp the meaning of the symbolisms and use them as a guide?
I am not sure what a warrior would do but I was raised Christian and so I began to pray.
“Father God, Great Sprit of the people, help me to find within myself a place of
understanding. Let me lean into the way of the warrior and clear the way of faith to see
and be guided.” The beating of the drum was steady and my heart picked up the rhythm. I
saw the way to grasp a handhold and pulled myself upwards.
Freeing myself from the trunk I reached for another handhold then another.
I was climbing inside the tree and then
I was not climbing but rising. No longer in the hollow of the tree but in it, of it. I could
feel the growth rings like the living history of the tree. I could smell the smoke in the
dark ring that must have been the year of that fire that hollowed the trunk. As I rose
within the tree I could see out also. Just above me was a raccoon gnawing on an acorn. I
smiled to myself and I was reminded of a mischievous me. I think my power animal is
about to help me have some fun. But I kept being drawn higher into the tree, leaving the
raccoon to his treat. A blue jay landed on a branch as I approached and still I passed by. I
could now look into the valley below seeing some cows and three deer. One deer was a
good sized buck and I dismissed the cows as possible power animals, but maybe a deer?
Still higher I ascended within the tree and then as I neared the top I saw a beautiful bald
Eagle. The top of the tree had been broken off by a lightning strike, I came out the
shattered stump and found myself sitting three feet from this magnificent eagle. After a
moment he turned his head and looked into my eyes for a long moment. The tree shook
as he leapt into the sky on wings that must have stretched six feet wide. With just a few
flaps of those powerful wings he soared high into the clear blue sky. I think my mouth
was still open in awe of this great bird. What warrior, what person would not be thrilled
to have this eagle as his power animal. How amazing to be that close. He had looked into
my eyes. I had looked into his and as thrilling as the moment had been there was no
connection made.
I began to survey the view around me. Even with the top of this tree
gone I was a hundred feet in the air and thirty feet taller than all the other trees in the
area. I could see three maybe four mountain ranges stretching out to the east. As I turned
to the west I was stuck from behind and knocked off the top of the tree. I dropped about
ten feet adjusted for the additional weight and soared down into the valley towards the
deer. I had not been clutched by great talons, I was not hanging, nor was I riding on a
back. But I was flying, well sort of because the ground was getting closer fast. Talk about
connection! I am part of this eagle, I feel the power of my wings and can see the blades of
grass below me. I level out and glide thirty feet above the ground swiftly and effortlessly.
This is thrilling yet it is not right, something feels wrong.
The Eagle is not my power
animal I know this, so why am I flying? I look to the ground and see my shadow racing
along the green meadow. I see the powerful wings, feathers tipped like fingers on the
ends of those wings. I can soar like the eagle yet I stay closer to the ground. I am
comfortable both on the ground and in the air but tied to neither. I rise once again high
over the meadows and stream. I know I am one with the great Red Tailed Hawk.
With this union the Red tail hawk teaches adaptability, flying, survival, far-and clear-
sightedness, prayer, leadership, deliberation, optimism, intensity, and openness.
Hawk denotes union with All That Is. One trait, is the ability to move between the seen
and unseen realms gracefully, joining both worlds together. Their acute vision attributes
this ability, their discriminating nature keeps them out of dangers path. Hawks have a
broad vision, allowing them to see what the future holds. In man this is a symbol of
prophetic insight. You must learn to keep your analytical mind under control, not
allowing it to run wild.
. The hawk is a bird of the heavens, arranging the changes necessary to prompt our
spiritual growth. Having this power animal can be bitter sweet. When accepting its
presence in your life, you will be asked to surrender/give up anything that doesn’t honor
the integrity of all life. Whether its an idea, feeling or action. Although hard work is
involved, the rewards to be reaped are great, far outweighing this.
I now resonate with this power animal and in some form it has always been my guide.
and open flap. I feel the hair of a deer hide beneath my head and back. There was a
woven rug of blue, red and brown that the rest of me lay on. My heart had picked up the
hypnotic rhythm of the elk hand drum being beaten by the shaman. I was instructed to
close my eyes and when an opening appeared I should go through it. The smoke of the
white sage, rose slowly to my left. I inhaled deeply of the heavy scent and closed my
eyes.
On this day I had been invited by a Shaman to participate in a ceremony. This was an
invitation to discover my power animal. I had accepted with eagerness to be guided in
this process. I did not know much about Spirit guides but I was eager to learn.
With eyes closed I listened to the steady beat of the drum and wondered about my
instructions. “When an opening appears go through it”. I wondered if I was suppose to
see a door or since this was a native American ceremony maybe it would be a teepee flap.
Then I remembered my meditation times and realized that nothing happens until the junk
stops running around in my mind. I took another deep breath and slowly exhaled through
my eyelids. I know that sounds weird but I find thinking it messes with my mind enough
that all rational thoughts to stop. Another deep slow breath, drawing in the scent of sage
and I relaxed in body and mind. The drumming echoed in my ears and I found myself in
a forest. There were pine needles and oak leaves under my feet. They were damp with
droplets still glistening on the leaves. My lungs filled with the fresh smell that comes
after a morning rain.
I looked around to see if there was a cave, a building, a teepee or something with a
doorway to enter. Not seeing anything I began to walk toward the East maybe hoping to
stand in the morning sun if I found a clearing. I had to walk carefully around the roots of
a very large old tree. It looked like the biggest one around, probably grandfather to all
these pines around me. But something did not fit.
There was a knothole low on its trunk.
The kind you see on oak trees where a big limb has been cut off and the tree heals over
the wound by putting a collar around it. This looked hollowed out like a cartoon squirrel
house only this one was quite large and too low to be on a pine tree. It looked to be about
18 inches wide, Could this be my opening? I am not fond of the bugs and things that
might be in a hole like this and I hoped something with teeth was not living there. I
thumped on the tree with a small branch. Nothing ran out so I stuck my head in just a
little. The trunk looked like it had been hollowed out by fire. The resulting hole had been
the home to some critters and was possibly big enough for me to squeeze into. My mind
began showing me the foolishness of getting stuck in a tree.
The Shaman was Native American and this was part of the old ways, kid of silly for me
to think it would be a door with a knob on it, so into the hole I crawled. By putting my
arms together like I was diving, I leaned into the opening feeling as I went forward. I was
in up to my ribs when I felt the back of the tree with space below and above. Not wanting
to find myself upside down in a tree hole I reached upwards and wiggled in a little
further. I turned onto my back and kind of pulled myself to be sitting on the edge of the
hole then moved a little further in, slipped and folded like a jack knife.
I now find myself in the woods with my knees and feet hanging out of a hole in a tree and
my butt stuck in the trunk. But on a positive note I could see out the hole and wave to
anyone who passed by.
This is supposed to be some kind of spiritual journey and I feel like a joke. There is a
rustling of leaves and twigs below me. Something has come into the base of the tree. Can
there be any better ending to this journey? I am going to be bitten on the butt by my
power animal. Would a warrior find himself in this position? I am reminded of a sock
hop in junior high, a black friend laughed at my dancing and said “White guys can’t
Dance” I think they even made a movie by that title. Is this something like that. My
ancestors were Vikings and there is a little Choctaw on my grandmothers side. I am a
smart guy, so why is my butt stuck in this tree? What did a warrior have that I do not?
Whatever came into the base of the tree has left and I am alone in my tree. I try to
imagine a warrior going through this ceremony and wonder what he would do that I am
not. Then I see what he would have done that I did not. I think he would have taken some
time in preparation. Taken time to clear his mind and pray for the mental attunement with
a spiritual journey. Before addressing a group I prepare and take a moment of prayer
before walking to the podium. Before I dove off the high rocks in Costa Rica I took
several deep breaths and a moment of prayer. In preparation for this journey I said OK
and lay down on the floor of the teepee.
I had cleared my mind enough to get this far but I am stuck. I became aware of the steady
beating of the drum and wondered why it never changed. Maybe that is the important
difference between the warrior and I. He would not have been questioning what was
going on. More likely he would be leaning into whatever was next. Funny how spirit
gives us what we need and waits for us to catch up. I had just jumped on for the ride
without grasping the purpose. I had read about how this Animal Guide offers power and
wisdom to the individual when they “communicate” with it, conveying their respect and
trust. They are one with you for life, both in the physical and spiritual world. With this
animal, a connection is shared and will appear as needed in our lives if one is open to
learning its lessons.
Well this is not the first time I have backed into an important situation. It may be quiet
appropriate that my butt is stuck in this tree trunk. Am I ready to know my power animal?
Would I be open to understanding it’s meaning and learning from that understanding?
Would I be able to grasp the meaning of the symbolisms and use them as a guide?
I am not sure what a warrior would do but I was raised Christian and so I began to pray.
“Father God, Great Sprit of the people, help me to find within myself a place of
understanding. Let me lean into the way of the warrior and clear the way of faith to see
and be guided.” The beating of the drum was steady and my heart picked up the rhythm. I
saw the way to grasp a handhold and pulled myself upwards.
Freeing myself from the trunk I reached for another handhold then another.
I was climbing inside the tree and then
I was not climbing but rising. No longer in the hollow of the tree but in it, of it. I could
feel the growth rings like the living history of the tree. I could smell the smoke in the
dark ring that must have been the year of that fire that hollowed the trunk. As I rose
within the tree I could see out also. Just above me was a raccoon gnawing on an acorn. I
smiled to myself and I was reminded of a mischievous me. I think my power animal is
about to help me have some fun. But I kept being drawn higher into the tree, leaving the
raccoon to his treat. A blue jay landed on a branch as I approached and still I passed by. I
could now look into the valley below seeing some cows and three deer. One deer was a
good sized buck and I dismissed the cows as possible power animals, but maybe a deer?
Still higher I ascended within the tree and then as I neared the top I saw a beautiful bald
Eagle. The top of the tree had been broken off by a lightning strike, I came out the
shattered stump and found myself sitting three feet from this magnificent eagle. After a
moment he turned his head and looked into my eyes for a long moment. The tree shook
as he leapt into the sky on wings that must have stretched six feet wide. With just a few
flaps of those powerful wings he soared high into the clear blue sky. I think my mouth
was still open in awe of this great bird. What warrior, what person would not be thrilled
to have this eagle as his power animal. How amazing to be that close. He had looked into
my eyes. I had looked into his and as thrilling as the moment had been there was no
connection made.
I began to survey the view around me. Even with the top of this tree
gone I was a hundred feet in the air and thirty feet taller than all the other trees in the
area. I could see three maybe four mountain ranges stretching out to the east. As I turned
to the west I was stuck from behind and knocked off the top of the tree. I dropped about
ten feet adjusted for the additional weight and soared down into the valley towards the
deer. I had not been clutched by great talons, I was not hanging, nor was I riding on a
back. But I was flying, well sort of because the ground was getting closer fast. Talk about
connection! I am part of this eagle, I feel the power of my wings and can see the blades of
grass below me. I level out and glide thirty feet above the ground swiftly and effortlessly.
This is thrilling yet it is not right, something feels wrong.
The Eagle is not my power
animal I know this, so why am I flying? I look to the ground and see my shadow racing
along the green meadow. I see the powerful wings, feathers tipped like fingers on the
ends of those wings. I can soar like the eagle yet I stay closer to the ground. I am
comfortable both on the ground and in the air but tied to neither. I rise once again high
over the meadows and stream. I know I am one with the great Red Tailed Hawk.
With this union the Red tail hawk teaches adaptability, flying, survival, far-and clear-
sightedness, prayer, leadership, deliberation, optimism, intensity, and openness.
Hawk denotes union with All That Is. One trait, is the ability to move between the seen
and unseen realms gracefully, joining both worlds together. Their acute vision attributes
this ability, their discriminating nature keeps them out of dangers path. Hawks have a
broad vision, allowing them to see what the future holds. In man this is a symbol of
prophetic insight. You must learn to keep your analytical mind under control, not
allowing it to run wild.
. The hawk is a bird of the heavens, arranging the changes necessary to prompt our
spiritual growth. Having this power animal can be bitter sweet. When accepting its
presence in your life, you will be asked to surrender/give up anything that doesn’t honor
the integrity of all life. Whether its an idea, feeling or action. Although hard work is
involved, the rewards to be reaped are great, far outweighing this.
I now resonate with this power animal and in some form it has always been my guide.
Last edited:
tbeltrans
Senior Member
This is a good read. One suggestion though - break it into paragraphs to give the eyes a rest from time to time instead of one very long solid block of writing. The writing flows nicely and draws me in so that despite the long of the block of text, I did finish it.
Tony
Keep writing...
tbeltrans
Senior Member
Jondalar,
When reading your story, I could see places for breaks. Look for sentences in which you have completed a though and are moving on to the next. For example, When you leave the teepee, the next part is another paragraph. When you finally get unstuck from the tree and start moving upward, that is a different idea than being stuck in the tree, so you could start a new paragraph. When you are no longer in the tree, that is anther paragraph. Even within those general areas, you could break it up. Think of it like taking a breath in a conversation when you are starting a new thought.
This just makes it easier on the eyes. A reader can get lost in a very long bunch of text otherwise and the eyes get tired trying to both read the text and try to keep track of where the reader is in all those words.
Another means of getting a sense for breaking it up into paragraphs is to look at other people's posts and see how they do (or don't) break up the post into paragraphs. Not everybody does, but you will notice that those who do break their posts into paragraph "chunks" make their posts easier to read.
Tony
A fire’s glow...........with breaks 
A year comes to an end, another lies in waiting.
Another day for my heart to cry…another day for it to sing.
As this year comes to a close so do a lot of things….
But as I remember I sit and think and ponder thoughts of before…
Relationships ending some beginning going through a brand new door.
So I pass into the fire the dreams that never quite came true.
The places I didn’t go, or things I just didn’t do….
I gaze into the fire and feel the heat from within
Remembering the people I’ve met and places I have been.
Some I remember with a laugh, others with a tear….
Some things we are not to remember……there about lies our fears.
Some souls with dust upon their wings…
And the missing spot of wedding rings….
Some hearts that have broke and some that still bleed,
In order for us to find our soul…what a selfish need……
But that we must in order to find….
Our niche in life some things need to be left behind.
So our hearts can heal and wings take flight,
Up into these flames, so high tonight….
I call to the God of all creation,
please hear my prayer in every nation….
In every voice and in every song…..
In every one…right or wrong.
Oh great spirit I offer up to you,
These words tonight as they may come true…
For a brighter future and world around me….and for all the things I can not see…
For all the things I can not hear…and all the things that are so near.
Oh mother earth I praise your light
As I look in to these flames tonight
I want to be one with all your might
That I have these prayers I’ve prayed tonight……
A year comes to an end, another lies in waiting.
Another day for my heart to cry…another day for it to sing.
As this year comes to a close so do a lot of things….
But as I remember I sit and think and ponder thoughts of before…
Relationships ending some beginning going through a brand new door.
So I pass into the fire the dreams that never quite came true.
The places I didn’t go, or things I just didn’t do….
I gaze into the fire and feel the heat from within
Remembering the people I’ve met and places I have been.
Some I remember with a laugh, others with a tear….
Some things we are not to remember……there about lies our fears.
Some souls with dust upon their wings…
And the missing spot of wedding rings….
Some hearts that have broke and some that still bleed,
In order for us to find our soul…what a selfish need……
But that we must in order to find….
Our niche in life some things need to be left behind.
So our hearts can heal and wings take flight,
Up into these flames, so high tonight….
I call to the God of all creation,
please hear my prayer in every nation….
In every voice and in every song…..
In every one…right or wrong.
Oh great spirit I offer up to you,
These words tonight as they may come true…
For a brighter future and world around me….and for all the things I can not see…
For all the things I can not hear…and all the things that are so near.
Oh mother earth I praise your light
As I look in to these flames tonight
I want to be one with all your might
That I have these prayers I’ve prayed tonight……
tbeltrans
Senior Member
Another good one! You definitely have the paragraph thing down too.A fire’s glow...........with breaks
A year comes to an end, another lies in waiting.
Another day for my heart to cry…another day for it to sing.
As this year comes to a close so do a lot of things….
But as I remember I sit and think and ponder thoughts of before…
Relationships ending some beginning going through a brand new door.
So I pass into the fire the dreams that never quite came true.
The places I didn’t go, or things I just didn’t do….
I gaze into the fire and feel the heat from within
Remembering the people I’ve met and places I have been.
Some I remember with a laugh, others with a tear….
Some things we are not to remember……there about lies our fears.
Some souls with dust upon their wings…
And the missing spot of wedding rings….
Some hearts that have broke and some that still bleed,
In order for us to find our soul…what a selfish need……
But that we must in order to find….
Our niche in life some things need to be left behind.
So our hearts can heal and wings take flight,
Up into these flames, so high tonight….
I call to the God of all creation,
please hear my prayer in every nation….
In every voice and in every song…..
In every one…right or wrong.
Oh great spirit I offer up to you,
These words tonight as they may come true…
For a brighter future and world around me….and for all the things I can not see…
For all the things I can not hear…and all the things that are so near.
Oh mother earth I praise your light
As I look in to these flames tonight
I want to be one with all your might
That I have these prayers I’ve prayed tonight……
This poem captures a feeling that I think we have all experienced at one time or another. Well done!
Tony
Many years ago I joined a dating site. One of the questions they asked was
"What is your idea of the perfect first date"
My minds eye saw not a nice restaurant, a beach nor a carnival of activity.
I envisioned something quieter.
This thought became my Dream in the Sierras and begins in the early morning
with a woman I have just met.
I do not know how we arrived there but it is where it starts.
I tried to edit some paragraphs in and so it may look a little broken.
Pour a cup of coffee and join me in my dream of what could be.
A dream in the Sierras
I sit on this log listening to the quiet and the crackle of the small fire
beginning to burn under the coffee pot. The first glimmer of dawn glows through
the trees in the east. I hear the tiny creatures beginning to stir and the
chirping of a nearby finch. The world awakens slowly in the mountains, like the
blossoming of a flower, purposeful but without haste. I hear a splash in the
lake behind me as a trout jumps at a mayfly. I have a small hand tied white fly
that they might like today. I think I will try it out later over by that big
rock.
My eyes wander through the door of my tee pee and linger on the form that
lies sleeping within. A warm glow rises within me and a smile stretches across
my face. How is it that my life could be so blessed as to share this time with
someone so wonderful? The perking of fresh coffee brought me to the present and
inside the tee pee I hear a rustling of blankets, as I am sure the aroma of the
coffee has reached you. I wonder what you are thinking as you awaken to this
new day.
I poured us each a cup of coffee and took them into the tee pee. As I sat down
beside you there was a twinkle in your angel eyes. I handed the cup to you as I
whispered “Good Morning”. A smile crossed your face as you sipped at the
cup, returned my greeting and thanked me for the coffee. Our attention was
distracted as a blue bird landed on the teepee poles and was pecking at them.
He was a beautiful, soft, blue gray with darker wings. It felt like a welcoming
from nature as if we fit into the wheel of life here.
I told you the sunrise is
beautiful this morning because there were some wispy clouds on the horizon. You
said, “let’s watch it together” and began to get up from your sleeping
place. I moved and stood up to leave and give you a moment to dress but before
I could step away you rose, cup in hand with a blanket wrapped around your shoulders and a warm smile. I was a bit surprised that you were ready without feeling the need to primp. It made me feel like spending a moment with me was more important than being all put together. You noticed the smile in my eyes as they captured your beauty. With a glint in your eyes, you leaned in and gave me a little kiss.
We went out to the log by the fire and I sat straddling the log and you nestled into my arms as you sat in front of me to face the rising sun. As the sun continued to inch it’s way into the gold and pink sky we sat in awe of the display of brilliant colors. Even the birds were silent in that moment and it was as though the world around us held it’s
breath as this spectacle was created before our eyes.
Those first warm rays
began to touch our faces and as if orchestrated the world began to come alive
around us. The songs of several birds serenaded us and you giggled as two
chipmunks played at the base of the tree. You leaned back onto my chest and as
I tightened my arms around you I wanted to slip a hand beneath the blanket feel
the softness of your skin. Could you feel my heart begin to beat faster? Did you
sense the rising of my pulse? How do we begin? Where do we go from here? Does
this freedom that you feel with your body tell me you are simply an uninhibited
person? Do I take this to mean your freedom may extend to making love in the
sunshine? Or is this simply as a nice way to start the morning?
I feel the air and smell the aroma of pine mingled with the scent of you. Will
we take the time to learn about one another or just have a great little
vacation from reality full of wild joy and endless pleasure?
I get up to start
breakfast while you sit with both hands wrapped around the coffee cup. This
silence does not seem uncomfortable. As you watch me tend the fire and unpack
the pans, plates and food I feel you drawing in my every move. Kind of like
your hands that circle the cup and keep moving over its surface to know it. To
absorb it’s warmth shape and texture. After a moment you asked, “What are
you grinning about?” I said “I hope you know that I only do this on the
first date”. You laughed as you rose and moved toward the teepee, entered and
begin to dress. I look up from the eggs I am beating and find my gaze resting
on the contours of your body as you dropped your blanket and begin to dress.
The ease of your movements seemed to give you an aura of self-assuredness that
was refreshing to be near. Your movements seemed as natural as the creatures we
shared this quiet place with.
I had breakfast ready when you came out of the
teepee and we talked of the beauty around us and the ways we might explore it
as we ate. We had decided to walk around the lake first to survey our options
and get an idea of paths we might use in the coming days. We cleaned up the
camp and rolled our beds up so we would not have any furry friends surprising
us when we went to bed tonight. I packed us a lunch and water as I figured the
excursion around the lake would take most of the day.
We stayed near the shore for most of the trip. We had found many interesting
things along the way; driftwood, rocks, feathers and plants kept our interest
peaked. When you found the glistening black feather of a crow we shared the stories and myths we had heard of the bird. I knew for many Indian tribes it was the personification of the Supreme Being. The legend says, When it flaps it wings he creates the wind, the thunder and the lightning. I had no idea that it was also linked to the Devine by the Celts, Scandinavians and in the Bible. It is interesting that it is the same creature all around the world. I can’t think of another.
My thoughts of you being more than just a pretty face brought a broad smile to my face that made you smile too. By mid day we were about half way around the lake and stopped for lunch in a meadow of cow lilies. I enjoyed the morning and time had passed so quickly.
We ate and talked about the flowers, the trees and the beauty of everything around us. We laughed at crawdads we found under some rocks and how they waved
their claws at us like the sand crabs at the ocean.
As we finished eating and began to clean up I decided not to continue around
the lake. There is a special place I had intended to end our trip at but I
think it would be better to wait until tomorrow so I suggested we go back on
the same side of the lake but deeper into the forest to get a different view of
the land. Along the way I pointed out the path to the crystal peak. There we
could find clear and amber crystals as big as your thumb. You wanted to go
there now but I suggested that it was too late today to get there and back
before dark and we could make it a day trip later.
We came to the cliffs and
walked out to the edge and looked down over the valley below. In the distant
was a small ranch house and barn that had not been lived in for many years. We
saw a small herd of whitetail does with several fawns among them. You asked if
there were any wolves or bears in these mountains. There were no wolves but
maybe a fox or two though I had not seen one in many years. The same with the
bears, there were some in this range but I had not seen one or any tracks. The
only predator you needed to worry about in this place was me. Beneath the
gentle and thoughtful man that I was reveling to you was a constant desire to
take you in my arms and feel the warmth of your flesh against mine. To press my
lips to yours and loose myself in the passions of a kiss. I picked up our things
and continued our discovery of this side of the lake.
We arrived back at camp
about an hour before sundown and although we had an exciting day we were both
beginning to move a little slower. I quickly built a fire and put a homemade
stew on to simmer while we gathered our towels and went to the lake to clean up
before dinner. You followed me to the edge of the water and began to wash your
hands and face. A few feet away I left my cloths folded on a rock and walked
into the water until I was chest deep. I slipped under the water and remained
in the embrace of mother earth’s waters for as long as I could. The water
invigorated my skin and I enjoyed the weightlessness.
When I came up out of the
water I looked toward the shore and there I saw you knee deep in the lake and
wading towards me. I took my bar of soap and lathered my hands up and began to
lather your arms and moved around to wash your back and ran my hands the length
of your back, over the roundness of your hips and down the back of your legs.
You turned towards me and I continued to lather your legs, then lathered up
your stomach, ribs underarms, shoulders and your breast. You slipped the soap
from my hands then began soaping up and washing me. I found your touch loving
and from behind me you reached to wash the back of my neck letting your nipples
slip across my back and my insides danced. Then you
scooped up water in your
hands and began rinsing both of us off. I finished washing and took your hand
as we waded out of the lake. I picked up my towel and enjoyed drying every inch
of your with out exception. You reciprocated by beginning to dry my chest but I
had spent so much time carefully drying your off that I had drip-dried and just
took a towel and dried my hair.
There was a distinct force in the air around us
that was drawing us together and I found myself resisting it. I was puzzled by
my actions, as I am sure you were too. I desired to kiss you endlessly and hold
you near but I did not want to rush the moment. I wanted each moment to evolve
within each of us not as two people clinging to one another hoping for a
connection through sex. I also enjoy the heightened state of awareness that
comes with arousal of this sexual desire. I feel no need to quench it but to
sustain it for as long as possible.
I could smell the stew and was getting
hungry so we dressed quickly. The stew was delicious and we set by the fire
sharing the stories of our past and of our families. The moon was still low in
the sky and only a few stars were out when we agreed to get some rest. I took
just moments for us to be out of our clothes and zipping up our sleeping bags.
I had purposely arranged them where the zippers opened towards each other so our
hands could reach for each other. We lay on our backs side by side each in our
own sleeping bag, holding hands and watching the stars come out through the
large opening in the teepee peak. We shared a lingering goodnight kiss, watched
the sky, listened to the night, talked about being children, Kissed long and
often and somewhere in the night we fell asleep.
In glow of the dawn, I found myself between sleep and wakefulness. I lingered in
a place in my mind between the dream and reality. I lay still for several
moments taking in the sounds with the quiet. It was as though by opening my
mind to this world around me I could draw in its peace. I realized that our
culture seems bent on keeping nature out of our lives. Perhaps that is why I
feel the desire to draw it all in.
As the world outside began to stir, I leaned up on an elbow to look at the face
of this loving creature that was sleeping beside me. I wondered at the smile on
your lips, you must be dreaming of something pleasant. As I lay watching you
sleep I thought of the life you might have lead. The adventures you have had,
the hurts that once weighed heavy on your heart, and the people whose lives you
have touched. What are the memories that make you laugh or cry?
Your breathing began to change and your eyes began to open.
I bent to place a soft kiss upon your lips to say good morning.
To my surprise and pleasure, I found your lips responsive and eager to
share a lingering kiss. The stirrings within me that
this kiss had created were a clear sign that we should not lay here too long so
I got up, dressed and went to put the coffee on.
As the coffee perked I sat
on the log as I did yesterday. You had slipped on a tee shirt and came to watch
the sunrise in my arms. In the freshness of this day I caressed your arms and
shoulders, partly to spread the warmth and in my touch was the message of my
desire to know all of you. My face was flush and warm and I don’t think the
heat was from the rays of the sun. I nuzzled you, kissed you softly on the back
of the neck then as you began to turn for a kiss I bit you gently on the neck
and held your breast tightly in my hands.
The coffee boiled over and brought us
back from the place our minds were going. We busied ourselves with a morning
routine and were ready to travel while the sun still hung low in the sky. I
appreciate that you are an early riser and that you are ready to participate in
the day without a great ceremony of putting yourself together. The air of
confidence surrounds you and you do not seem to need to get your value from me
yet I feel that you are thoughtful of me at all times.
Today we will walk in
the opposite direction around the lake or at least that is the plan I have
discussed. There is a special place for us to spend most of this day and it is
not far away. I will have to make this walk an adventure of seeing the little
things.
Hand in hand we begin our travels to the south along the shore. As we
walk I chuckle to myself because I am sounding like a nature walk guide telling
your about the three verity of pine trees around us. We marveled at the aspens
and willows, the tiny flowers blossoming among the pine needles. A friend once told me that the Quaking aspen is the largest organism on the planet. These we are walking through are small groves but in Colorado there is an aspen grove of thousands of trees and all are connected and making new connections to each other just like our brain. You seemed amused by my story, maybe impressed with my knowledge or maybe wondering if it were true.
About mid morning we came to a small steam that runs into the lake. Tiny minnows dart up and down as our shadows touch the water. I did not have to lead you upstream
because the first thing you asked was “Where does it come from? It seems
warmer than the lake water” I just said let’s find out and we began heading
up stream hopping from rock to rock. The rocks got bigger and large granite
boulders soon surrounded us. We followed the stream between the boulders and
felt like we had entered a secret place. It was about a hundred feet around and
a swimming hole in the middle was crystal clear with slight wisps of steam
rising from its surface. The pool was fed by a hot spring. There was a ten foot
tall waterfall on the left was from snow melting high in the mountains above. It
traveled down and spilled into this pool over the granite shelf. The hot spring
was out of sight but just a few feet away and the two joined here in this pool
and became the perfect temperature.
Before we are knee deep, I step in front of your taking both of your hands in
mine and as I back further into the water I lead you to me. For me it is as
though I am leading you into the sharing of our souls. The warmth of the water
envelops us like the closeness of a lover. We are deeper now and your breast
rise in the water as if the nipples wanted one last breath of air before they
plunge beneath the surface. You are to your neck and I sink deeper to be face
to face. My hands now caress your body as I look into your eyes and you begin
to run your hands along my arms and then a playful scratching at my chest.
In this moment, alone in the world, we opened ourselves to one another. Each
touch, each whisper, each thought seems to somehow be shared as we are lifted
together by the water and our senses heightened by the clarity and warmth that
surrounds us. Many search for this much of another human being their entire
lives. They willfully fling their bodies at the other hoping to achieve a
union. The union of sex is but a spark compared to the touching of two souls.
Here with a near stranger we have a knowing of one another that is unspoken, a
will that the other enter our thoughts and feel what we feel. As we linger and
play in the pool I feel that I am. I feel that I am who I am created to be. I
play no part for this woman; I need nothing from you but to share this time. I
do not need to be anything other than me and find joy in the miracle of being
alive.
I often cling to the bark of a tree that I believe lives fully accepting
all things. I wish I could experience the life of a tree. Having nowhere to go or time
to be there, only this place to be. I could feel the wind rustle through my
branches and the tickle of the squirrels and birds walking on me. I wonder if
the desire I have to hold each thing and each moment in my hand, even to
raising it to the sun to see the radiance of it is a desire to be part of it.
There is so much more to enjoy here at this pool and in the rocks nearby. We
have spent our day in the water and soaking up the sun on the sands. As we
leave this place I know we will return many times and perhaps discover more of
its secrets. We returned to camp late, ate a simple meal and lay quietly in
each other’s arms watching the stars through the open flap of the tee pee. My
mind seemed to be keeping time to a mystical waltz as the day replayed itself
with the stars as a background. I began to become aware that it was not only
this moment in thought that was slowed by this dance but also that I had
intentionally extended every moment as if it might never come again. In doing
so I may have missed opportunities to love that truly may not come again. Maybe
I should do something different something more aggressive and yet I know that
the timing of each thought and action is as
it is to be. To alter this would be
telling a lie about who I am as your friend and lover. You have snuggled to my
chest and the softness of your flesh arouses me. It is your rhythmic breathing
and a soft snore that replaces the testosterone with the gentle feelings of
love and I soon drift into sleep.
As I prepare breakfast this morning I am aware of how neglectful we have been
of our camp. We have not taken the time to make this our home we seem to just
come and go. Today I think we need to stay close to home and let our focus be
within sight of camp. I have begun a list of things we need to do to make our
home cleaner and more comfortable. I may even drop a line in the lake and see
if the fish are biting.
Gather firewood and kindling,
Take ashes out of the fire pit,
Tighten the teepee poles
Get fresh water
Sweep the floor
Find the home of these little ants that come around the cook area.
Pause to look and listen often,
We will add other things as we see them but these things should make it more
comfortable around here for the rest of our adventure.
We began our morning chores with the teepee; I tightened the poles while you
straightened our things up inside. As we worked around our home I began to
realize how little I really know about you. Oh, I know your age, and much about
your life but knowing your spirit is more difficult. For all of the freedom you
display, there is much locked away. Some people spend years together and never
know as much about one another as we know now but that is not enough for me. I
often ask myself “Why am I doing whatever it is I am doing” I look at the
desire behind the want to do the action. Even adjusting the tee pee poles, why
did I do that? It would stay up without tightening. Did I want to impress you
with what I was doing? You hardly noticed and it is something I would have done
if no one were here. Why because I want it to be done well. I am not driven by
perfection I just try to do things the best that I can, knowing I gave it my
best effort. That is a key for understanding some of what I do. I do not want
to look at something I have done and know that I did not give it a good effort.
If it doesn’t matter enough to give my best then I don’t do it.
Well I think
it is time to gather some wood, I will work close by until you are done inside
then we can go out together. There is plenty of down wood so I am not going to
use an ax I will just pick up the shorter pieces. On my second load I notice a
bird flitting along in the trees staying near me. I would like to think he
wants to be my friend but I know he is following hoping I will uncover some
delicious bugs as I gather wood. He watches me closely wanting to get to the
possible meal quickly but not sure of getting too close
to me. The squirrels
keep their eyes on me at a distance also but they are not to interested in what
I am doing just that I am in their forest and they are not sure if I eat
squirrels.
God’s creatures are curious, as that thought crossed my mind I was thinking
of the squirrels and birds, they are different from me and have behavior
strange to me. Then I began to understand that I too am one of God’s curious
creatures. Different, unique and have behaviors that may be strange to others.
My spirit was troubled this morning and He has shown me the birds and
squirrels. What will I learn from them? I see them wanting to be near me and
yet cautious because they do not know what to expect from me. I see this yet
does it show me that I am being too loud in this quiet place? Am I invading
their world or sharing it? Do I want them to come to me? Is there something I
could learn from their behavior? How can I apply
what I see to why I am here? I
came here to be in the quiet beauty of this mountain and I seem to have brought
my watch with me. I wonder if time exists for the animals as it does for us.
Their lives are much shorter but they experience it as seasons not hours and
minutes. This season is late spring and the mountain is full of new life. All
around me I see birds beginning to fly and baby squirrels just venturing from
their den.
Am I allowing this spirit of new creation to touch and grow in my
spirit or am I here to force my will upon this land? I do not like this
question because I believe that I am being thoughtful and caring of this place.
Maybe I am and it is not this place that I am unaware of but the person who is
with me. Do I look at you with the same wonder that I observe the other
creatures here or do I expect you to be something other than who you are? Can I
look with wonder at your busy activity and marvel
at your enthusiasm or do I try
to change it? The creatures around us are as they are meant to be just as we
are. I know that there are wounds and scares that others have put on us that
alter the way we behave but they cannot change the soul. I have been trying to
show you the joy of this quiet place and slow your clock down. I cannot think
of how to be different than I am, it must be a stretch for you to deal with all
of these new things and me. I have gathered another armload of wood and will
head back now. Maybe I will see in a new way today.
I think I make life a little too complicated and miss the joy of it. As I walk
back to camp I am thinking on simplicity. The God who created everything
including us was asked “Whom shall I say you are” His Reply “ Tell them I
Am” He could have said tell them I am the one who made the trees, and the
birds and the heavens and the ocean and them. Tell them I am the one
who loves them. Tell them I made the mountains and the butterfly. But he let it be simply ‘I Am’. The history of God’s interaction with us and this planet over the
past 4000 years is told as examples to us as how to have a more abundant and
joyful life here. It is simple and yet people complicate it just as I have done
with my life and even this day. If ‘I AM’ created it, then ‘IT IS’
should be enough of an explanation for it. Can I let that be enough? Can I
learn to accept things because they are, as they are? To not look down the road
a mile but be here, now, as IT IS. I think the thought but do not know where to
begin.
I put the wood down on the pile and look around the camp. Everything is in
order and looks fresh but all is quiet around me. I guess I was hoping for a
big welcome home after being gone ten minutes. Yes, that is silly but where
could you be? I checked in the tee pee and saw a wooden angel that you had
placed by the bed. I am glad it is of wood because it feels more natural here.
I look at our neatly made bed and think of the woman who lies with me there. Do
I accept who you are and how I feel or do I complicate it? The question gets
down to some basics and they are complicated, or I have made them that way.
What is it I want from you? In that question is the idea that you should be
what I want, give me what I want and do what I want. That is not very loving of
me nor considerate of you but I see those feelings deep within me. They are not
healthy for others or me but they are there when I look honestly into me.
OK,
now that we are past the part of me that wants to look like a nice guy what are
those needs and wants? Since it is a thought every twenty seconds the answer
comes up sex, but that is like wishing for money. I do not really want green
pieces of paper; I want what I think the money will buy. So when I think I want
sex what do I really want? I want to feel loved. I want to be caressed in ways
that feel loving. I want to feel wanted, even desired. What complicates all of
this for me is that I do not want to feel selfish and when I accept something
for me and not give more to someone else I feel selfish. There I have
complicated it again so that my head hurts thinking about it. I think I will go
get some more wood and quit thinking. Hmmm, that is my drug, work, when I want
to avoid what I am thinking, I go build something. I have built a lot of things
over the years and avoided building relationships. Perhaps this is a time to
grow up and accept things as they are without adding my guilt to it. How do I
begin to let it be as IT IS?
For the people who lived here long ago and in a teepee much like this one I
wonder if life was simpler. Surely the search for food and safety was more
present in their lives but with their life being much like their fathers and
grandfathers was their world more secure in their relationship to the earth and
to one another? I like to think that a man’s duty to his people would be to
protect and provide. I wander around in my mind to this corner and that when
what I really want is to give love and feel loved. At this moment what I want
is to make love to this woman all day long. That’s not the words of an
enlightened, compassionate, tell me how you feel kind of man but it is how I
feel right now. Not needing sexual release or a conquest but to not speak or
think the rest of the day just role and laugh and play and make love in each
others arms.
I relate it to the most wonderful feeling in my life. I call it
the puppy pile. When I was little back on the farm, we had a place back in the
rear of the barn beneath the saddles and harnesses there was a pile of horse hair
They used to pull it from the tails of our workhorses and put it in
these burlap bags. The bags have long been torn and the dogs have chosen to
have their pups here for years. When the puppies would have their eyes open but
not big enough to be out and around I would lay in the hair with them and they
would crawl all over me, lick on my face and maybe try to suckle an ear.
It is the most loved I have ever felt.
I still like small dark places. John gray would say I am having
my cave time. For me it just feels like returning to when something was simple.
Now having a woman crawling all over me and licking my face is not what it
takes for me to feel loved but then again I am not sure what it would take. The
cuddling and loving feels like what is needed to connect. I wonder if I am
secure enough to ask for what I need or if that would sound too selfish?
We arrived back at camp about the same time and it looked like we had
accomplished a lot in a short time.
I suggested that we pack a lunch and take a walk.
But you wanted to take a little swim first to clean up. That sounded good
to me and we dropped our clothes to the ground and headed for the lake. There
was something different about you as we bathed and I tried to not notice it by
playing and diving in the water. When you came near me, when you touched me I
knew what was new and the fire in my loins knew too. My teasing you this
morning had fixed a thought in your head that took hold and I could feel the
heat of your desire. I returned your kisses and there was a hint of more to
come later on your lips. We dried each other, packed our lunch and took a
relaxing walk.
I did not want to be busy discovering new things so we went back
to the high rocks that over look the valley below and had our picnic. We sat
beneath the bluest of skies with the whole world laid out below us. An Eagle
soared high above the valley but was almost even with us as he rode the
currents of air effortlessly. I rested against a rock that had been warmed by
the sun and you sat in front of me with my arms wrapped around you. We sat
quietly but I knew there was much we were saying in this closeness. Sitting
here looking out over this wonderful view time seems to drift lazily. The quiet
seems to soak into our very soul. As I watch the eagle I can almost feel the
thermals lift me into the sky. In this timeless quiet something seems to be
slipping away. The illusions I have about who I am in the world have no meaning
here. I notice my need to feel in control at all times is relaxing. I do not
seem to be able to take my hands away from your skin and I nibble on an ear
lobe or neck occasionally. In this time our breathing seems to be in rhythm
with the other and our hearts seem to have begun to beat as one.
I know I hold an amazing woman in my arms
and it is me who desires every inch of my body to be touching yours.
The sun is beginning to slip away on this timeless day. It is
time to head back to our home before we are stumbling in the dark of the woods.
We walk down the path hand in hand again. A big tree is right beside the path
and without warning I pull you into my arms, press your back to the massive
tree and kiss you very deeply. I press myself to you and let you feel the
passion that is in me for you. You return my kiss with a hunger of your own and
rises to meet my deepest kiss with the dancing of our tongues. I reach down and
cup your butt in my hands and lift you from the ground and there, pressed
tightly to the tree we understand that we are each others, We know that the
touching sharing, caressing and loving of each others body is part of our bond
and freedom. With one last lingering kiss we begin walking down the path
again. No words are spoken but the hand I hold is now part of me, free to be
explored and explore me.
The path we seem to have been on today is leading to a night of sharing our
selves in the most intimate way. What way is it to be? Will we be able to share
a spiritual union beyond the caressing of flesh to flesh or Perhaps cave man
style?
As we arrive back at camp we sat on the log and pulled off our boots. The look
in your eyes and your touch invites a long slow adventure of discovery. I lift
you up into my arms, slip your shirt off over your head then I slowly undo and
remove your pants and panties leaving your completely naked standing before me.
Before I can unbutton my pants you have already begun to do so and in a short
time we are both standing naked in the fading light of day. No barriers between
us just each other as we are. I took your hand and began walking at the waters
edge in the moonlight hand in hand. It will be a short walk but I think it will
slow our pace down, nothing to win or loose, nothing to prove just a time to be
loved and give love.
The night is spectacular in its vastness, if there is a sensory overload this
time was near to it. Everything around us was alive. Each granule of the sands
seemed to caress our feet, the water was so still and clear that we could not
tell what was reflection and what was real. Even the stars were not just
scattered above us in the heavens but as though we were among them. Hand in
hand we walked through this wonderment with an equal amount of sensations going
on inside of us. The mere breath of the air excited the tiny hairs on our skin
and sent tingles into our mind. The hand in mine and the woman who walked
beside me had become part of me. Several times along the way we stopped to
embrace, kiss and touch. Whether we walked with only our hands joined or
embraced each other as we floated in the peaceful waters there was a mutual
connection happening that enfolded us like the water that held us suspended. I
cannot recall us walking back into camp; it was more of a fluid movement that
drew us forward. I lifted you into the cradle of my arms kissed your sweet lips
and carried you into my Teepee.
As I awoke from this beautiful dream I had the desire to go back to sleep and stay in the dream.
Perhaps tonight it will come again.
"What is your idea of the perfect first date"
My minds eye saw not a nice restaurant, a beach nor a carnival of activity.
I envisioned something quieter.
This thought became my Dream in the Sierras and begins in the early morning
with a woman I have just met.
I do not know how we arrived there but it is where it starts.
I tried to edit some paragraphs in and so it may look a little broken.
Pour a cup of coffee and join me in my dream of what could be.
A dream in the Sierras
I sit on this log listening to the quiet and the crackle of the small fire
beginning to burn under the coffee pot. The first glimmer of dawn glows through
the trees in the east. I hear the tiny creatures beginning to stir and the
chirping of a nearby finch. The world awakens slowly in the mountains, like the
blossoming of a flower, purposeful but without haste. I hear a splash in the
lake behind me as a trout jumps at a mayfly. I have a small hand tied white fly
that they might like today. I think I will try it out later over by that big
rock.
My eyes wander through the door of my tee pee and linger on the form that
lies sleeping within. A warm glow rises within me and a smile stretches across
my face. How is it that my life could be so blessed as to share this time with
someone so wonderful? The perking of fresh coffee brought me to the present and
inside the tee pee I hear a rustling of blankets, as I am sure the aroma of the
coffee has reached you. I wonder what you are thinking as you awaken to this
new day.
I poured us each a cup of coffee and took them into the tee pee. As I sat down
beside you there was a twinkle in your angel eyes. I handed the cup to you as I
whispered “Good Morning”. A smile crossed your face as you sipped at the
cup, returned my greeting and thanked me for the coffee. Our attention was
distracted as a blue bird landed on the teepee poles and was pecking at them.
He was a beautiful, soft, blue gray with darker wings. It felt like a welcoming
from nature as if we fit into the wheel of life here.
I told you the sunrise is
beautiful this morning because there were some wispy clouds on the horizon. You
said, “let’s watch it together” and began to get up from your sleeping
place. I moved and stood up to leave and give you a moment to dress but before
I could step away you rose, cup in hand with a blanket wrapped around your shoulders and a warm smile. I was a bit surprised that you were ready without feeling the need to primp. It made me feel like spending a moment with me was more important than being all put together. You noticed the smile in my eyes as they captured your beauty. With a glint in your eyes, you leaned in and gave me a little kiss.
We went out to the log by the fire and I sat straddling the log and you nestled into my arms as you sat in front of me to face the rising sun. As the sun continued to inch it’s way into the gold and pink sky we sat in awe of the display of brilliant colors. Even the birds were silent in that moment and it was as though the world around us held it’s
breath as this spectacle was created before our eyes.
Those first warm rays
began to touch our faces and as if orchestrated the world began to come alive
around us. The songs of several birds serenaded us and you giggled as two
chipmunks played at the base of the tree. You leaned back onto my chest and as
I tightened my arms around you I wanted to slip a hand beneath the blanket feel
the softness of your skin. Could you feel my heart begin to beat faster? Did you
sense the rising of my pulse? How do we begin? Where do we go from here? Does
this freedom that you feel with your body tell me you are simply an uninhibited
person? Do I take this to mean your freedom may extend to making love in the
sunshine? Or is this simply as a nice way to start the morning?
I feel the air and smell the aroma of pine mingled with the scent of you. Will
we take the time to learn about one another or just have a great little
vacation from reality full of wild joy and endless pleasure?
I get up to start
breakfast while you sit with both hands wrapped around the coffee cup. This
silence does not seem uncomfortable. As you watch me tend the fire and unpack
the pans, plates and food I feel you drawing in my every move. Kind of like
your hands that circle the cup and keep moving over its surface to know it. To
absorb it’s warmth shape and texture. After a moment you asked, “What are
you grinning about?” I said “I hope you know that I only do this on the
first date”. You laughed as you rose and moved toward the teepee, entered and
begin to dress. I look up from the eggs I am beating and find my gaze resting
on the contours of your body as you dropped your blanket and begin to dress.
The ease of your movements seemed to give you an aura of self-assuredness that
was refreshing to be near. Your movements seemed as natural as the creatures we
shared this quiet place with.
I had breakfast ready when you came out of the
teepee and we talked of the beauty around us and the ways we might explore it
as we ate. We had decided to walk around the lake first to survey our options
and get an idea of paths we might use in the coming days. We cleaned up the
camp and rolled our beds up so we would not have any furry friends surprising
us when we went to bed tonight. I packed us a lunch and water as I figured the
excursion around the lake would take most of the day.
We stayed near the shore for most of the trip. We had found many interesting
things along the way; driftwood, rocks, feathers and plants kept our interest
peaked. When you found the glistening black feather of a crow we shared the stories and myths we had heard of the bird. I knew for many Indian tribes it was the personification of the Supreme Being. The legend says, When it flaps it wings he creates the wind, the thunder and the lightning. I had no idea that it was also linked to the Devine by the Celts, Scandinavians and in the Bible. It is interesting that it is the same creature all around the world. I can’t think of another.
My thoughts of you being more than just a pretty face brought a broad smile to my face that made you smile too. By mid day we were about half way around the lake and stopped for lunch in a meadow of cow lilies. I enjoyed the morning and time had passed so quickly.
We ate and talked about the flowers, the trees and the beauty of everything around us. We laughed at crawdads we found under some rocks and how they waved
their claws at us like the sand crabs at the ocean.
As we finished eating and began to clean up I decided not to continue around
the lake. There is a special place I had intended to end our trip at but I
think it would be better to wait until tomorrow so I suggested we go back on
the same side of the lake but deeper into the forest to get a different view of
the land. Along the way I pointed out the path to the crystal peak. There we
could find clear and amber crystals as big as your thumb. You wanted to go
there now but I suggested that it was too late today to get there and back
before dark and we could make it a day trip later.
We came to the cliffs and
walked out to the edge and looked down over the valley below. In the distant
was a small ranch house and barn that had not been lived in for many years. We
saw a small herd of whitetail does with several fawns among them. You asked if
there were any wolves or bears in these mountains. There were no wolves but
maybe a fox or two though I had not seen one in many years. The same with the
bears, there were some in this range but I had not seen one or any tracks. The
only predator you needed to worry about in this place was me. Beneath the
gentle and thoughtful man that I was reveling to you was a constant desire to
take you in my arms and feel the warmth of your flesh against mine. To press my
lips to yours and loose myself in the passions of a kiss. I picked up our things
and continued our discovery of this side of the lake.
We arrived back at camp
about an hour before sundown and although we had an exciting day we were both
beginning to move a little slower. I quickly built a fire and put a homemade
stew on to simmer while we gathered our towels and went to the lake to clean up
before dinner. You followed me to the edge of the water and began to wash your
hands and face. A few feet away I left my cloths folded on a rock and walked
into the water until I was chest deep. I slipped under the water and remained
in the embrace of mother earth’s waters for as long as I could. The water
invigorated my skin and I enjoyed the weightlessness.
When I came up out of the
water I looked toward the shore and there I saw you knee deep in the lake and
wading towards me. I took my bar of soap and lathered my hands up and began to
lather your arms and moved around to wash your back and ran my hands the length
of your back, over the roundness of your hips and down the back of your legs.
You turned towards me and I continued to lather your legs, then lathered up
your stomach, ribs underarms, shoulders and your breast. You slipped the soap
from my hands then began soaping up and washing me. I found your touch loving
and from behind me you reached to wash the back of my neck letting your nipples
slip across my back and my insides danced. Then you
scooped up water in your
hands and began rinsing both of us off. I finished washing and took your hand
as we waded out of the lake. I picked up my towel and enjoyed drying every inch
of your with out exception. You reciprocated by beginning to dry my chest but I
had spent so much time carefully drying your off that I had drip-dried and just
took a towel and dried my hair.
There was a distinct force in the air around us
that was drawing us together and I found myself resisting it. I was puzzled by
my actions, as I am sure you were too. I desired to kiss you endlessly and hold
you near but I did not want to rush the moment. I wanted each moment to evolve
within each of us not as two people clinging to one another hoping for a
connection through sex. I also enjoy the heightened state of awareness that
comes with arousal of this sexual desire. I feel no need to quench it but to
sustain it for as long as possible.
I could smell the stew and was getting
hungry so we dressed quickly. The stew was delicious and we set by the fire
sharing the stories of our past and of our families. The moon was still low in
the sky and only a few stars were out when we agreed to get some rest. I took
just moments for us to be out of our clothes and zipping up our sleeping bags.
I had purposely arranged them where the zippers opened towards each other so our
hands could reach for each other. We lay on our backs side by side each in our
own sleeping bag, holding hands and watching the stars come out through the
large opening in the teepee peak. We shared a lingering goodnight kiss, watched
the sky, listened to the night, talked about being children, Kissed long and
often and somewhere in the night we fell asleep.
In glow of the dawn, I found myself between sleep and wakefulness. I lingered in
a place in my mind between the dream and reality. I lay still for several
moments taking in the sounds with the quiet. It was as though by opening my
mind to this world around me I could draw in its peace. I realized that our
culture seems bent on keeping nature out of our lives. Perhaps that is why I
feel the desire to draw it all in.
As the world outside began to stir, I leaned up on an elbow to look at the face
of this loving creature that was sleeping beside me. I wondered at the smile on
your lips, you must be dreaming of something pleasant. As I lay watching you
sleep I thought of the life you might have lead. The adventures you have had,
the hurts that once weighed heavy on your heart, and the people whose lives you
have touched. What are the memories that make you laugh or cry?
Your breathing began to change and your eyes began to open.
I bent to place a soft kiss upon your lips to say good morning.
To my surprise and pleasure, I found your lips responsive and eager to
share a lingering kiss. The stirrings within me that
this kiss had created were a clear sign that we should not lay here too long so
I got up, dressed and went to put the coffee on.
As the coffee perked I sat
on the log as I did yesterday. You had slipped on a tee shirt and came to watch
the sunrise in my arms. In the freshness of this day I caressed your arms and
shoulders, partly to spread the warmth and in my touch was the message of my
desire to know all of you. My face was flush and warm and I don’t think the
heat was from the rays of the sun. I nuzzled you, kissed you softly on the back
of the neck then as you began to turn for a kiss I bit you gently on the neck
and held your breast tightly in my hands.
The coffee boiled over and brought us
back from the place our minds were going. We busied ourselves with a morning
routine and were ready to travel while the sun still hung low in the sky. I
appreciate that you are an early riser and that you are ready to participate in
the day without a great ceremony of putting yourself together. The air of
confidence surrounds you and you do not seem to need to get your value from me
yet I feel that you are thoughtful of me at all times.
Today we will walk in
the opposite direction around the lake or at least that is the plan I have
discussed. There is a special place for us to spend most of this day and it is
not far away. I will have to make this walk an adventure of seeing the little
things.
Hand in hand we begin our travels to the south along the shore. As we
walk I chuckle to myself because I am sounding like a nature walk guide telling
your about the three verity of pine trees around us. We marveled at the aspens
and willows, the tiny flowers blossoming among the pine needles. A friend once told me that the Quaking aspen is the largest organism on the planet. These we are walking through are small groves but in Colorado there is an aspen grove of thousands of trees and all are connected and making new connections to each other just like our brain. You seemed amused by my story, maybe impressed with my knowledge or maybe wondering if it were true.
About mid morning we came to a small steam that runs into the lake. Tiny minnows dart up and down as our shadows touch the water. I did not have to lead you upstream
because the first thing you asked was “Where does it come from? It seems
warmer than the lake water” I just said let’s find out and we began heading
up stream hopping from rock to rock. The rocks got bigger and large granite
boulders soon surrounded us. We followed the stream between the boulders and
felt like we had entered a secret place. It was about a hundred feet around and
a swimming hole in the middle was crystal clear with slight wisps of steam
rising from its surface. The pool was fed by a hot spring. There was a ten foot
tall waterfall on the left was from snow melting high in the mountains above. It
traveled down and spilled into this pool over the granite shelf. The hot spring
was out of sight but just a few feet away and the two joined here in this pool
and became the perfect temperature.
Before we are knee deep, I step in front of your taking both of your hands in
mine and as I back further into the water I lead you to me. For me it is as
though I am leading you into the sharing of our souls. The warmth of the water
envelops us like the closeness of a lover. We are deeper now and your breast
rise in the water as if the nipples wanted one last breath of air before they
plunge beneath the surface. You are to your neck and I sink deeper to be face
to face. My hands now caress your body as I look into your eyes and you begin
to run your hands along my arms and then a playful scratching at my chest.
In this moment, alone in the world, we opened ourselves to one another. Each
touch, each whisper, each thought seems to somehow be shared as we are lifted
together by the water and our senses heightened by the clarity and warmth that
surrounds us. Many search for this much of another human being their entire
lives. They willfully fling their bodies at the other hoping to achieve a
union. The union of sex is but a spark compared to the touching of two souls.
Here with a near stranger we have a knowing of one another that is unspoken, a
will that the other enter our thoughts and feel what we feel. As we linger and
play in the pool I feel that I am. I feel that I am who I am created to be. I
play no part for this woman; I need nothing from you but to share this time. I
do not need to be anything other than me and find joy in the miracle of being
alive.
I often cling to the bark of a tree that I believe lives fully accepting
all things. I wish I could experience the life of a tree. Having nowhere to go or time
to be there, only this place to be. I could feel the wind rustle through my
branches and the tickle of the squirrels and birds walking on me. I wonder if
the desire I have to hold each thing and each moment in my hand, even to
raising it to the sun to see the radiance of it is a desire to be part of it.
There is so much more to enjoy here at this pool and in the rocks nearby. We
have spent our day in the water and soaking up the sun on the sands. As we
leave this place I know we will return many times and perhaps discover more of
its secrets. We returned to camp late, ate a simple meal and lay quietly in
each other’s arms watching the stars through the open flap of the tee pee. My
mind seemed to be keeping time to a mystical waltz as the day replayed itself
with the stars as a background. I began to become aware that it was not only
this moment in thought that was slowed by this dance but also that I had
intentionally extended every moment as if it might never come again. In doing
so I may have missed opportunities to love that truly may not come again. Maybe
I should do something different something more aggressive and yet I know that
the timing of each thought and action is as
it is to be. To alter this would be
telling a lie about who I am as your friend and lover. You have snuggled to my
chest and the softness of your flesh arouses me. It is your rhythmic breathing
and a soft snore that replaces the testosterone with the gentle feelings of
love and I soon drift into sleep.
As I prepare breakfast this morning I am aware of how neglectful we have been
of our camp. We have not taken the time to make this our home we seem to just
come and go. Today I think we need to stay close to home and let our focus be
within sight of camp. I have begun a list of things we need to do to make our
home cleaner and more comfortable. I may even drop a line in the lake and see
if the fish are biting.
Gather firewood and kindling,
Take ashes out of the fire pit,
Tighten the teepee poles
Get fresh water
Sweep the floor
Find the home of these little ants that come around the cook area.
Pause to look and listen often,
We will add other things as we see them but these things should make it more
comfortable around here for the rest of our adventure.
We began our morning chores with the teepee; I tightened the poles while you
straightened our things up inside. As we worked around our home I began to
realize how little I really know about you. Oh, I know your age, and much about
your life but knowing your spirit is more difficult. For all of the freedom you
display, there is much locked away. Some people spend years together and never
know as much about one another as we know now but that is not enough for me. I
often ask myself “Why am I doing whatever it is I am doing” I look at the
desire behind the want to do the action. Even adjusting the tee pee poles, why
did I do that? It would stay up without tightening. Did I want to impress you
with what I was doing? You hardly noticed and it is something I would have done
if no one were here. Why because I want it to be done well. I am not driven by
perfection I just try to do things the best that I can, knowing I gave it my
best effort. That is a key for understanding some of what I do. I do not want
to look at something I have done and know that I did not give it a good effort.
If it doesn’t matter enough to give my best then I don’t do it.
Well I think
it is time to gather some wood, I will work close by until you are done inside
then we can go out together. There is plenty of down wood so I am not going to
use an ax I will just pick up the shorter pieces. On my second load I notice a
bird flitting along in the trees staying near me. I would like to think he
wants to be my friend but I know he is following hoping I will uncover some
delicious bugs as I gather wood. He watches me closely wanting to get to the
possible meal quickly but not sure of getting too close
to me. The squirrels
keep their eyes on me at a distance also but they are not to interested in what
I am doing just that I am in their forest and they are not sure if I eat
squirrels.
God’s creatures are curious, as that thought crossed my mind I was thinking
of the squirrels and birds, they are different from me and have behavior
strange to me. Then I began to understand that I too am one of God’s curious
creatures. Different, unique and have behaviors that may be strange to others.
My spirit was troubled this morning and He has shown me the birds and
squirrels. What will I learn from them? I see them wanting to be near me and
yet cautious because they do not know what to expect from me. I see this yet
does it show me that I am being too loud in this quiet place? Am I invading
their world or sharing it? Do I want them to come to me? Is there something I
could learn from their behavior? How can I apply
what I see to why I am here? I
came here to be in the quiet beauty of this mountain and I seem to have brought
my watch with me. I wonder if time exists for the animals as it does for us.
Their lives are much shorter but they experience it as seasons not hours and
minutes. This season is late spring and the mountain is full of new life. All
around me I see birds beginning to fly and baby squirrels just venturing from
their den.
Am I allowing this spirit of new creation to touch and grow in my
spirit or am I here to force my will upon this land? I do not like this
question because I believe that I am being thoughtful and caring of this place.
Maybe I am and it is not this place that I am unaware of but the person who is
with me. Do I look at you with the same wonder that I observe the other
creatures here or do I expect you to be something other than who you are? Can I
look with wonder at your busy activity and marvel
at your enthusiasm or do I try
to change it? The creatures around us are as they are meant to be just as we
are. I know that there are wounds and scares that others have put on us that
alter the way we behave but they cannot change the soul. I have been trying to
show you the joy of this quiet place and slow your clock down. I cannot think
of how to be different than I am, it must be a stretch for you to deal with all
of these new things and me. I have gathered another armload of wood and will
head back now. Maybe I will see in a new way today.
I think I make life a little too complicated and miss the joy of it. As I walk
back to camp I am thinking on simplicity. The God who created everything
including us was asked “Whom shall I say you are” His Reply “ Tell them I
Am” He could have said tell them I am the one who made the trees, and the
birds and the heavens and the ocean and them. Tell them I am the one
who loves them. Tell them I made the mountains and the butterfly. But he let it be simply ‘I Am’. The history of God’s interaction with us and this planet over the
past 4000 years is told as examples to us as how to have a more abundant and
joyful life here. It is simple and yet people complicate it just as I have done
with my life and even this day. If ‘I AM’ created it, then ‘IT IS’
should be enough of an explanation for it. Can I let that be enough? Can I
learn to accept things because they are, as they are? To not look down the road
a mile but be here, now, as IT IS. I think the thought but do not know where to
begin.
I put the wood down on the pile and look around the camp. Everything is in
order and looks fresh but all is quiet around me. I guess I was hoping for a
big welcome home after being gone ten minutes. Yes, that is silly but where
could you be? I checked in the tee pee and saw a wooden angel that you had
placed by the bed. I am glad it is of wood because it feels more natural here.
I look at our neatly made bed and think of the woman who lies with me there. Do
I accept who you are and how I feel or do I complicate it? The question gets
down to some basics and they are complicated, or I have made them that way.
What is it I want from you? In that question is the idea that you should be
what I want, give me what I want and do what I want. That is not very loving of
me nor considerate of you but I see those feelings deep within me. They are not
healthy for others or me but they are there when I look honestly into me.
OK,
now that we are past the part of me that wants to look like a nice guy what are
those needs and wants? Since it is a thought every twenty seconds the answer
comes up sex, but that is like wishing for money. I do not really want green
pieces of paper; I want what I think the money will buy. So when I think I want
sex what do I really want? I want to feel loved. I want to be caressed in ways
that feel loving. I want to feel wanted, even desired. What complicates all of
this for me is that I do not want to feel selfish and when I accept something
for me and not give more to someone else I feel selfish. There I have
complicated it again so that my head hurts thinking about it. I think I will go
get some more wood and quit thinking. Hmmm, that is my drug, work, when I want
to avoid what I am thinking, I go build something. I have built a lot of things
over the years and avoided building relationships. Perhaps this is a time to
grow up and accept things as they are without adding my guilt to it. How do I
begin to let it be as IT IS?
For the people who lived here long ago and in a teepee much like this one I
wonder if life was simpler. Surely the search for food and safety was more
present in their lives but with their life being much like their fathers and
grandfathers was their world more secure in their relationship to the earth and
to one another? I like to think that a man’s duty to his people would be to
protect and provide. I wander around in my mind to this corner and that when
what I really want is to give love and feel loved. At this moment what I want
is to make love to this woman all day long. That’s not the words of an
enlightened, compassionate, tell me how you feel kind of man but it is how I
feel right now. Not needing sexual release or a conquest but to not speak or
think the rest of the day just role and laugh and play and make love in each
others arms.
I relate it to the most wonderful feeling in my life. I call it
the puppy pile. When I was little back on the farm, we had a place back in the
rear of the barn beneath the saddles and harnesses there was a pile of horse hair
They used to pull it from the tails of our workhorses and put it in
these burlap bags. The bags have long been torn and the dogs have chosen to
have their pups here for years. When the puppies would have their eyes open but
not big enough to be out and around I would lay in the hair with them and they
would crawl all over me, lick on my face and maybe try to suckle an ear.
It is the most loved I have ever felt.
I still like small dark places. John gray would say I am having
my cave time. For me it just feels like returning to when something was simple.
Now having a woman crawling all over me and licking my face is not what it
takes for me to feel loved but then again I am not sure what it would take. The
cuddling and loving feels like what is needed to connect. I wonder if I am
secure enough to ask for what I need or if that would sound too selfish?
We arrived back at camp about the same time and it looked like we had
accomplished a lot in a short time.
I suggested that we pack a lunch and take a walk.
But you wanted to take a little swim first to clean up. That sounded good
to me and we dropped our clothes to the ground and headed for the lake. There
was something different about you as we bathed and I tried to not notice it by
playing and diving in the water. When you came near me, when you touched me I
knew what was new and the fire in my loins knew too. My teasing you this
morning had fixed a thought in your head that took hold and I could feel the
heat of your desire. I returned your kisses and there was a hint of more to
come later on your lips. We dried each other, packed our lunch and took a
relaxing walk.
I did not want to be busy discovering new things so we went back
to the high rocks that over look the valley below and had our picnic. We sat
beneath the bluest of skies with the whole world laid out below us. An Eagle
soared high above the valley but was almost even with us as he rode the
currents of air effortlessly. I rested against a rock that had been warmed by
the sun and you sat in front of me with my arms wrapped around you. We sat
quietly but I knew there was much we were saying in this closeness. Sitting
here looking out over this wonderful view time seems to drift lazily. The quiet
seems to soak into our very soul. As I watch the eagle I can almost feel the
thermals lift me into the sky. In this timeless quiet something seems to be
slipping away. The illusions I have about who I am in the world have no meaning
here. I notice my need to feel in control at all times is relaxing. I do not
seem to be able to take my hands away from your skin and I nibble on an ear
lobe or neck occasionally. In this time our breathing seems to be in rhythm
with the other and our hearts seem to have begun to beat as one.
I know I hold an amazing woman in my arms
and it is me who desires every inch of my body to be touching yours.
The sun is beginning to slip away on this timeless day. It is
time to head back to our home before we are stumbling in the dark of the woods.
We walk down the path hand in hand again. A big tree is right beside the path
and without warning I pull you into my arms, press your back to the massive
tree and kiss you very deeply. I press myself to you and let you feel the
passion that is in me for you. You return my kiss with a hunger of your own and
rises to meet my deepest kiss with the dancing of our tongues. I reach down and
cup your butt in my hands and lift you from the ground and there, pressed
tightly to the tree we understand that we are each others, We know that the
touching sharing, caressing and loving of each others body is part of our bond
and freedom. With one last lingering kiss we begin walking down the path
again. No words are spoken but the hand I hold is now part of me, free to be
explored and explore me.
The path we seem to have been on today is leading to a night of sharing our
selves in the most intimate way. What way is it to be? Will we be able to share
a spiritual union beyond the caressing of flesh to flesh or Perhaps cave man
style?
As we arrive back at camp we sat on the log and pulled off our boots. The look
in your eyes and your touch invites a long slow adventure of discovery. I lift
you up into my arms, slip your shirt off over your head then I slowly undo and
remove your pants and panties leaving your completely naked standing before me.
Before I can unbutton my pants you have already begun to do so and in a short
time we are both standing naked in the fading light of day. No barriers between
us just each other as we are. I took your hand and began walking at the waters
edge in the moonlight hand in hand. It will be a short walk but I think it will
slow our pace down, nothing to win or loose, nothing to prove just a time to be
loved and give love.
The night is spectacular in its vastness, if there is a sensory overload this
time was near to it. Everything around us was alive. Each granule of the sands
seemed to caress our feet, the water was so still and clear that we could not
tell what was reflection and what was real. Even the stars were not just
scattered above us in the heavens but as though we were among them. Hand in
hand we walked through this wonderment with an equal amount of sensations going
on inside of us. The mere breath of the air excited the tiny hairs on our skin
and sent tingles into our mind. The hand in mine and the woman who walked
beside me had become part of me. Several times along the way we stopped to
embrace, kiss and touch. Whether we walked with only our hands joined or
embraced each other as we floated in the peaceful waters there was a mutual
connection happening that enfolded us like the water that held us suspended. I
cannot recall us walking back into camp; it was more of a fluid movement that
drew us forward. I lifted you into the cradle of my arms kissed your sweet lips
and carried you into my Teepee.
As I awoke from this beautiful dream I had the desire to go back to sleep and stay in the dream.
Perhaps tonight it will come again.
I was once given a writing challenge. You walk into a room and everything is Pink. Finish the story. I take part in creating some of the art installations at the Burningman art festival on a baron playa in Nevada. Check it out the art is gynormous and beautiful. Anyway it may have given me some ideas for this story.
Pink
The music made the ground shake as hundreds of people danced beneath the clear midnight
sky. A million stars lit the hills of purple and blue that surrounded the once barren playa. I had
been dancing most of the night engulfed by people in various types and amounts of costumes. I
was making my way to the bar when something caught my eye slipping through a slit in the
canvas wall. I moved a little closer just wondering what I had seen when someone in a one-piece
silver head to toe sock stepped up to the wall. Leaned down and just before it crawled through
the slit it motioned for me to follow. I mean, I think it motioned for me to follow. There were
hundreds of people around me dancing and I looked to see if there was someone right behind me
that the invitation was meant for. Maybe it was the long day and night. Maybe it was the heavy
layer of sweet smoke lingering in the air. Maybe it was just curiosity, but I walked up to the wall,
felt for the slit in the side and found it near the ground. Why Not, I stooped down and stuck my
head in, There was a cloth and wire tunnel like one of those kids toys about two feet around.
Some light shown through from the outside showing a haze of smoke but it did not smell the
same. This could be interesting and so I crawled in.
I felt like I had crawled about twenty feet the laughter and music was getting louder and the air
was getting thicker. The walls of the little tunnel seemed to expand and contract like it was
breathing in unison with me. The tunnel had been making a right hand circle, I imagined that I
was crawling around the edge of a round tent. But now I could not tell if it was still circling right or
had it turned left. As I inched forward I seemed to be loosing the feeling of up or down. I have
never taken drugs or smoked pot, I really do not drink much because I do not like the feeling of
loosing self control. I am not sure what I have gotten myself into but I do not like this feeling that
is the absence of gravity. Not floating, I can feel the bottom of the tube as I move forward. There
is a dark circle ahead of me. Not lit like the walls of the tube, It must be the end of the tunnel and
as I stick out my hand to feel what is in the darkness there is nothing, with a little more searching I
feel a slick plastic form. My mind is foggy as I try to imagine what it is and then I realize it is like
the top of a child’s slide. Way cool, what an unusual way to enter a party. Somebody was really
having fun thinking up this one. But then again the unusual was the norm here where ideas,
visions and dreams become the reality. A little farther clutching the plastic edge and then I slip
and tumble ever so slowly onto the slide, into the darkness.
I blinked to clear my eyes and raised my head slightly. It is very quiet. The light around me is
not lights but that of morning! Have I been sleeping or am I still? Where am I? I became aware of
a person nestled next to me scootching closer as if for warmth in the cool of the early morning. I
turn to see who is at my side lying on my arm. Whoever it is, is covered in pink silk and I pick
parts of it up to find an opening but there is none to be found. I carefully sit up so as not to disturb
her and begin to check out my surroundings trying to get my bearings. All around me is sea of
pink silk and the sky is filled with a giant white cloud. I shake the sleep from my mind and wonder
at what I see.
The pink shimmers and moves like ripples on a pond. The movement is caused by something
below it and the ripples seem to center on me like those from a stone tossed into the water. Yet
the movement is focused on me, moving to me. I begin to make out the forms of many people
moving beneath the pink all on their backs moving, crawling towards me, gathering around me. I
wonder who they are and why I am above and they are below. What is this that separates us and
why have I chosen to allow the separation? Chosen? Why do I think I have chosen this? I just
woke up to it. I begin to reach out and touch the bodies of those around me, hoping to recognize
someone or perhaps get a grip on what is going on around me. With each touch I feel as though I
am touching a part of me. Both male and female energy reach to me from beneath the Pink, each
dancing within me for a moment like a joyful reunion. Yet there is this barrier between us that
dims the sensations and my senses struggle to see beneath the vail of pink.
To my right something rises up, a single digit tenting the pink. It rises just a few inches and
appears to be a single finger. Is it pointing me to the entrance or does it have anything to do with
me or even know I am here? This is not an outstretched hand offered in friendship as I would
expect, yet what would one expect in this sea of pink? I reach out my right hand to touch it. I
press my finger to it and it holds to form a connection.
I feel the comfort of something, someone known and I begin to know, I begin to see, I must let go
of what I think I know for certain in order to allow a new thought.
I begin to understand that the pink is not a barrier, it is the portal. I have risen to it in my search of
self and it is only the beliefs I hold about what is, that keep me on my side of the pink. What must
Pink
The music made the ground shake as hundreds of people danced beneath the clear midnight
sky. A million stars lit the hills of purple and blue that surrounded the once barren playa. I had
been dancing most of the night engulfed by people in various types and amounts of costumes. I
was making my way to the bar when something caught my eye slipping through a slit in the
canvas wall. I moved a little closer just wondering what I had seen when someone in a one-piece
silver head to toe sock stepped up to the wall. Leaned down and just before it crawled through
the slit it motioned for me to follow. I mean, I think it motioned for me to follow. There were
hundreds of people around me dancing and I looked to see if there was someone right behind me
that the invitation was meant for. Maybe it was the long day and night. Maybe it was the heavy
layer of sweet smoke lingering in the air. Maybe it was just curiosity, but I walked up to the wall,
felt for the slit in the side and found it near the ground. Why Not, I stooped down and stuck my
head in, There was a cloth and wire tunnel like one of those kids toys about two feet around.
Some light shown through from the outside showing a haze of smoke but it did not smell the
same. This could be interesting and so I crawled in.
I felt like I had crawled about twenty feet the laughter and music was getting louder and the air
was getting thicker. The walls of the little tunnel seemed to expand and contract like it was
breathing in unison with me. The tunnel had been making a right hand circle, I imagined that I
was crawling around the edge of a round tent. But now I could not tell if it was still circling right or
had it turned left. As I inched forward I seemed to be loosing the feeling of up or down. I have
never taken drugs or smoked pot, I really do not drink much because I do not like the feeling of
loosing self control. I am not sure what I have gotten myself into but I do not like this feeling that
is the absence of gravity. Not floating, I can feel the bottom of the tube as I move forward. There
is a dark circle ahead of me. Not lit like the walls of the tube, It must be the end of the tunnel and
as I stick out my hand to feel what is in the darkness there is nothing, with a little more searching I
feel a slick plastic form. My mind is foggy as I try to imagine what it is and then I realize it is like
the top of a child’s slide. Way cool, what an unusual way to enter a party. Somebody was really
having fun thinking up this one. But then again the unusual was the norm here where ideas,
visions and dreams become the reality. A little farther clutching the plastic edge and then I slip
and tumble ever so slowly onto the slide, into the darkness.
I blinked to clear my eyes and raised my head slightly. It is very quiet. The light around me is
not lights but that of morning! Have I been sleeping or am I still? Where am I? I became aware of
a person nestled next to me scootching closer as if for warmth in the cool of the early morning. I
turn to see who is at my side lying on my arm. Whoever it is, is covered in pink silk and I pick
parts of it up to find an opening but there is none to be found. I carefully sit up so as not to disturb
her and begin to check out my surroundings trying to get my bearings. All around me is sea of
pink silk and the sky is filled with a giant white cloud. I shake the sleep from my mind and wonder
at what I see.
The pink shimmers and moves like ripples on a pond. The movement is caused by something
below it and the ripples seem to center on me like those from a stone tossed into the water. Yet
the movement is focused on me, moving to me. I begin to make out the forms of many people
moving beneath the pink all on their backs moving, crawling towards me, gathering around me. I
wonder who they are and why I am above and they are below. What is this that separates us and
why have I chosen to allow the separation? Chosen? Why do I think I have chosen this? I just
woke up to it. I begin to reach out and touch the bodies of those around me, hoping to recognize
someone or perhaps get a grip on what is going on around me. With each touch I feel as though I
am touching a part of me. Both male and female energy reach to me from beneath the Pink, each
dancing within me for a moment like a joyful reunion. Yet there is this barrier between us that
dims the sensations and my senses struggle to see beneath the vail of pink.
To my right something rises up, a single digit tenting the pink. It rises just a few inches and
appears to be a single finger. Is it pointing me to the entrance or does it have anything to do with
me or even know I am here? This is not an outstretched hand offered in friendship as I would
expect, yet what would one expect in this sea of pink? I reach out my right hand to touch it. I
press my finger to it and it holds to form a connection.
I feel the comfort of something, someone known and I begin to know, I begin to see, I must let go
of what I think I know for certain in order to allow a new thought.
I begin to understand that the pink is not a barrier, it is the portal. I have risen to it in my search of
self and it is only the beliefs I hold about what is, that keep me on my side of the pink. What must
- I do to move through this portal? I then see that it is my human doing that has kept me in the
world I created. The thoughts I hold are the beliefs taught to me by others and so often I accepted
them without thinking them through. These beliefs about who I am, why I exist and what I am
suppose to do, have held me on this side of the pink. I began to reach inside myself and take out
those things that do not serve me. One by one I pulled these things from within like knick-knacks
that had once seemed so important and have long since just collected dust in a corner. Some I
did not know I carried with me and this unwanted baggage was easily put aside. Others were
much more difficult like the golden trophy I had prized as if it were an Oscar. It was those ideas of
who I was supposed to be. I realized that I had let these thoughts of others, these ideals of what I
was supposed to be and do dictate much of my life and still they were the thing I struggled
against most of my life. Why was it so hard to set these aside? Had I attached so much meaning
to the opinions of others that I had let them define me? Was this my identity that I was trying to
set aside? I looked upon its shinning surface and felt the weight of this golden trophy in my
hands. I had earned it in the world by doing all the right things according to the world I knew. I set
it on the pink along with all the clutter that I had found within. I felt free and thought I had
achieved a great accomplishment. I beamed with pride as I looked around wondering what would
happen next.
Then the finger was extended towards me once again. I reach for it and press my finger to it and I
see in my minds eye that it is I who am below the pink; all my senses spin as I try to comprehend
this moment. How can I be below what I am sitting on looking up at the clouds in the sky? Nothing
fits in my thoughts and beliefs of the things around me. I grasp at all I know in order to explain
what is happening to me and yet there is no answer. I begin to dig at the pink in a bit of a frenzy
and the forms above it move from me but there is no hole formed, nothing accomplished by my
efforts and the loving energy that was near feels more distant. On my hands and knees, clutching
handfuls of pink I look around me and begin to understand that all that I think I know will not help
me now, in fact it is the things I think I know to be true that hold me on this side of the pink. I
reseat myself and once again reach inside to remove those beliefs that hold me here. The first
was the belief that I was up and the pink was down. I did have an instant of wanting to grab hold
of the pink just in case gravity was real!
As I began to reach to some of the laws I believed it became harder to set them aside but when
you are sitting beneath the pink with your legs crossed in front of you, looking up at a white
snowcapped mountain below you that a few minutes ago you thought was a cloud above you, it
gets a little easier to let go of what I thought was reality. I was glad to get rid of gravity for it had
caused me much pain in my early years. One of the items I took from within was my view of
inanimate things. As I set it down with the others I saw that all things are energy, light and alive.
Not as I understood life but I knew they were not the dead things I once thought them to be. I felt
so light and looked around me at all things I had once held to as if they were great treasures of
truth. They lay scattered around me like the toys of a child cast away as they outgrew them. In a
way that felt kind of strange for I saw each thing as it was, observed it, experienced it, felt it,
without a judgment about it. There was this joy within me like a child chasing bubbles in the
sunshine.
What began within, spread to my entire body. I felt lighter and began to sink into the pink like
sitting on a feather bed. This conflicted in my mind and in my momentary panic I had stopped
moving. When I settled down, I realized that I had unconsciously picked up several of the knick-
knacks I had set aside and they had held me to my old reality. I set them back down. Checked
inside and out, no clothes, so no pockets for any others I might have picked up and once again
began to sink into the pink. This time it was like sinking into a cloud. It felt really cool as I tried to
comprehend that I was sitting under the pink looking at the mountaintop below me, sinking up into
the pink. The thought was amusing until the pink got to my chest and I began to comprehend the
enormity of this moment. I have toyed with the idea that the life I lived on earth was a womb and
that the transition from life as a being on earth to the next state of my existence would be like a
birth into spirit. As my chin sunk into the pink I thought “What a way to be born into spiritual
awakening, ,,,,Butt first.”
What have you not yet set aside that holds you where you are?
What is beyond the PINK for you?
Elsie
Senior Member
One day years ago, when I was about to exit a grocery store with my food filled grocery cart, I came upon a tall, thin young man dressed in an auto mechanics uniform who had just entered the store and was staring past me at the grocery aisles behind me with a look of quiet desperation. Well, I have no idea what prompted me to stop then and ask him if he needed money. He glanced down at me, looking a bit confused, nodded yes, and I gave him $5. And he immediately hurried towards the grocery aisles. I left then without looking to see what he chose. I still wish I knew his circumstances back then, (and wish I’d given him more than $5, (however, my income was/is only from SSDI, so I had/have to budget my finances carefully.)
By the way, when writing a story watch out for over doing describing ........... I know how hard it is to not write down everything that is flowing from your imagination, but the fewer words you can find that still get your vision across the better. IMO.
By the way, when writing a story watch out for over doing describing ........... I know how hard it is to not write down everything that is flowing from your imagination, but the fewer words you can find that still get your vision across the better. IMO.
Paying attention to those inner promptings can bring great joy.
tbeltrans
Senior Member
I feel bad that because Jondalar7's writings are so lengthy, I am having a bit of a problem finding the time and, to be honest, continuing inclination, to read through all of them. He is obviously quite prolific and interesting, but I come to the forum to just drop in for a few minutes here and there amidst other daily activities that take priority. Knowing all these writings are in this thread, I will try to get to these when there is a reasonable block of time.
@Jondalar7, have you though of possibly writing for a small publication? Some colleges and universities will publish a book or magazine featuring such writing. Maybe there are other, more commercial, publications that could offer you space since usually the colleges and universities want to feature enrolled student work. Forums, unless specifically for writers to offer their work for constructive feedback, are usually populated by folks having rather fast moving discussions.
Tony
Hey Tony, I know how you feel I keep running off to do something between posting here and thanks to you I edit them all to add paragraphs Many years ago I was on a forum called 'Babble on' Mostly folks from Australia and I remember a debate about which way the toilet water spins and why, took up my whole Sunday. I find no depth in the fast moving conversations so I will find my niche here soon and those wanting a quick banter will avoid reading me.
Many years ago I was on a forum called 'Babble on' Mostly folks from Australia and I remember a debate about which way the toilet water spins and why, took up my whole Sunday. I find no depth in the fast moving conversations so I will find my niche here soon and those wanting a quick banter will avoid reading me.
tbeltrans
Senior Member
I will read your posts as time permits. I have learned some interesting and very practical bits of information in this forum. There are those threads that just while away the time, but there are also some very informative discussions too.Hey Tony, I know how you feel I keep running off to do something between posting here and thanks to you I edit them all to add paragraphs
Tony
Elsie
Senior Member
Somewhat off topic: When watching a movie I sometimes blurt out what I think the line a character will say in response to another character and am often correct. Even if I know little about the subject discussed. (Not always word for word. ) The first time I did this (a couple of times) was when I was around age 13 and watching a movie in a theater with friends. After a couple of times 2 of my friends vehemently told me to stop it. I did.. I did the same while watching T V with my grandson years ago and he yelled, "Grandma!!!" lol I stopped. I used to like reading long, wordy stories, but at 84 I've gotten to the point where I don't have the patience to read till I reach their end. The same with drawn out conclusions to T V shows--sometimes.
) The first time I did this (a couple of times) was when I was around age 13 and watching a movie in a theater with friends. After a couple of times 2 of my friends vehemently told me to stop it. I did.. I did the same while watching T V with my grandson years ago and he yelled, "Grandma!!!" lol I stopped. I used to like reading long, wordy stories, but at 84 I've gotten to the point where I don't have the patience to read till I reach their end. The same with drawn out conclusions to T V shows--sometimes.Seems to me you have gone to the trouble to create a nice meal, but instead of serving it on a china plate, you use a tin plate. Where are the paragraphs?
Yes I know. I enjoy writing but editing is dull. I am lucky that word makes my misspellings red.. I passed Senior English by writing book reports. I would make up the title and author and story so I could turn them in as a book report for extra credit.