THINK they are sick : Hypochondria

Davey Jones said:
oldman
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    WOW!!! That's a tough one,I would suggest you don't do all this on your own and get some professional help and see what they say.
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Not to continue this conversation, but I have spoken with a therapist and he was the person that suggested to me to seek a court order through my attorney to have her committed on a three-day commitment that Pennsylvania law allows, but only if I believe her to be a threat to harm herself or others. I can't say that is true. I have spent a lot of money on different self-help items, books, videos and so on. Nothing seems to help. I have never seen any kind of improvement, even for a few minutes. Every day is the same.

A few years back, my wife and I talked her out of the house just to go for a ride with us. I promised her that I would not make any stops, so that we would be around people or go into a store or anything. We would just take a five mile drive and come right home. She did fine for the first mile and a half and at that point she began to yell, cry and tell me that she had to get home NOW!!! I did as she said and got her home ASAP. She hasn't stepped out of the house since that day.

My sister is completely exhausted by the end of the day from going up and down the steps to take her medicine and food for her meals. She asked me for help and I told her that we need to take her to a psychiatrist for an evaluation and explain to him how long this has been going on and just what she has been doing and ask him to commit her, but she won't have any of that.

So, now what. Just keep going the same way that we have been?
 

In the community in Florida, we are mostly older folks. Some in good shape, some not. I have learned to never ask a walker, we walk a lot in the mornings, how are you today.
They may take an hour telling you how they are.:rolleyes:
Just a wave or good morning will do.
 
Oldman, Have you talked to your sister about stopping her coddling of your niece. If she were to quit waiting on her, your niece would have to at least move around the house to feed herself. What does she think will happen to her daughter if she becomes ill, or ends up in the hospital? Sometimes the parents become facilitators, or even co-dependent. (sp) It might seem harsh to say these thing to your sister, but you are trying to help them, and you might have to be harsh to get through to her. Good luck.
 

Ina said:
Oldman, Have you talked to your sister about stopping her coddling of your niece. If she were to quit waiting on her, your niece would have to at least move around the house to feed herself. What does she think will happen to her daughter if she becomes ill, or ends up in the hospital? Sometimes the parents become facilitators, or even co-dependent. (sp) It might seem harsh to say these thing to your sister, but you are trying to help them, and you might have to be harsh to get through to her. Good luck.
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My sister is co-dependent and an enabler. I've figured that out. I asked her the questions that you have asked me, "What happens if you die?" She said that her brother has agreed to assume the responsibility and he also has the same traits as my sister. My sister was married to an alcoholic and he died from Cirrhosis. Unfortunately, the family was dysfunctional because of his drinking, thus the co-dependency. Had our father still been alive, I can personally guarantee that my sister's life would have turned out differently.

I did the best that I could. She just would not take any guidance from me. I truly believe that this will be one of those sad situations that do not turn out good for anybody.
 
Oldman, really sorry to hear about the issues with your niece and sister. agreeing with Ina, don't let it drag you down. Agreeing that in the senior living complexes, be careful who you ask how they are, (they might tell you right down to the bone) or what you say when someone asks you (I know, I just moved OUT of one!!!!!) - if you say you are Fine, feel great! you might end up chauffeuring them to THEIR Dr or PT appointment, or picking up a Rx for them. But on the flip side, the one that always gets me is when I finally drag myself to the Dr because I'm coughing so hard I can't breathe, or the arth. is acting up badly, what am I supposed to say when the cute little medical assistant escorts me into the weighing room (enough right there to give me high BP), and asks ''how are YOU today?'' I'm darned if I'm going to say ''Fine!''
 
good comments here. Oldman, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Take care of yourself and don't let the situation get you down. Listen and Love them, but leave it when you go home.
 
Thanks, everyone. I truly have done all that I can. I have tried to guide her and make several suggestions on how to handle this situation, but my sister thinks I am controlling. That's not true at all. Like I said, I suggest. I have never told her that she should do this or that. I did tell her that she was an enabler and she didn't disagree with me, but tried to justify her actions. When I offered to pay for inpatient therapy, she really became upset with me ad I didn't hear from her for three weeks and she would not answer my phone calls. I finally had to go to her house and talk it out. She knows her daughter needs professional help, but says the doctors will turn her into a zombie. I told her that she watches too many movies.

It is what it is. Life goes on and I told my sister that I am staying out of it, unless she asks me for my help. Otherwise, I don't even bring up the subject.

Thanks again.
 
I know both types of people. Exhausting to talk to. Here in England, when you greet somebody you say 'hello, how are you?' however it's not a question that needs an answer [other than a short one.]They usually say 'fine thanks, how are you?']Then you talk about the weather!
 
I have learned that "Hi.. How are you " is a greeting... it's really not an inquiry. Most people you meet during the course of the day don't really care how you are. A simple... "I'm well, thank you" will suffice. You can also add.. "and you?" but be prepared to have to listen..
 
re:My sister is completely exhausted by the end of the day from going up and down the steps to take her medicine and food for her meals. She asked me for help and I told her that we need to take her to a psychiatrist for an evaluation and explain to him how long this has been going on and just what she has been doing and ask him to commit her, but she won't have any of that.



Then you've done your part....its now her problem....go fishing.
 
This is an awful problem for you Davey. However you can't force anyone [unless they harm themselves or others] to be committed for treatment.her doctor should be taking an active role in this though?
 
Apologies, I should have said Oldman and not Davey in the above post. Her doctor is the main person to speak to, but people with this condition do need to see somebody because they can be helped, even if just slightly, but they have to WANT change, and that's the difficult thing.I do know somebody who is very similar to this.It can be genetic I think.However, not wanting to go outside is one thing and living in a bedroom is quite another.I think your sister will have to administer some tough love, by insisting her daughter comes down for meals/medication at the very least. What a sad waste of a life.:(
 
oakapple said:
This is an awful problem for you Davey. However you can't force anyone [unless they harm themselves or others] to be committed for treatment.her doctor should be taking an active role in this though?
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Well, that may be so where you live, but not the case where I am, at least not in Pennsylvania. If I were to have my lawyer present evidence to a judge with supporting documents from a psychiatrist, the judge could issue an admittance to a mental facility for an evaluation, or an admittance of incarceration for treatment, but the evidence would have to be strong enough to make the judge believe that her only hope for a return to normalcy would be by daily therapy at an inpatient facility. The judge could issue a 30 day treatment program and then review her case after that.

What the issue is that I am having is that because she is on Medicaid the state would be liable for payment, so the state would take over her case and be able to over-see all future treatments with regard to the same issue and act as her Guardian. THIS is what I don't want to have happen. My Niece has been ill with these issues since she was about 10 years old and it just keeps getting worse. You think it can't get any worse and then all of a sudden something new pops up. OH, I could tell you stories that would make you understand what my Sister has been going through is like a living hell for her.

I told my lawyer that I would pay for these inpatient treatments which would be very expensive, however, she absolutely refuses and so does my Sister. They both believe that the hospital will strap her onto a gurney and put her in a rubber room. I already spoke with the best hospital in the state for her case as recommended by her doctor and they told me that she would be placed in a room and be able to wander about as if she were at home in the provided area. Her room would have a TV and private bath and she would be treated with dignity. Then, she would receive one on one therapy every day and group three times per week. The evenings would be filled with activities and alternated with classes related to her issues. It really sounded like this would help and would make a world of difference in her life. And if I paid, we (my sister and I) would be in control of her case and could have her released when we wanted to. My niece would only receive what medications she would need to stay calm and not be a zombie. The door to her room would be locked at night, but only for her protection. She would be in an all female unit with all female nurses and so forth.

What more can one ask for? I guess that I will just stay out of it because they have refused all of my help.
 

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