jujube
SF VIP
You might want to reconsider The Twelve Days of Christmas.....
It sounds very romantic...y'know..."my true love gave to me" and all that mushy stuff.....but Great Jumping Jehosephat, you're going to pay through the nose for the gesture.
First of all, it's not just one thing per day. That's only the first day....one partridge in a pear tree. Sounds doable. BUT, on the second day, you have to give your true love two turtle doves AND another partridge in a pear tree and so on down the line. And I don't know if you've been to a plant nursery lately, but those darn pear trees are EXPENSIVE! Besides, I have no idea where to get a partridge, never less one that'll just sit there in the pear tree and not fly off. Same thing for the turtle doves. You'll have to buy a cage for them or they'll fly all over your house, pooping on everything. And then you get to the French hens and the calling birds. Where the heck do you buy them? And is your neighborhood homeowners association going to let you build a hen house and an aviary in the back yard?
OK, the gold rings. I could get on board with that. But you're going to have to buy 40 of them before the 12 days are over and who has enough fingers for that?
Geese and swans are MEAN! Make sure your homeowners insurance will cover dangerous animals.
Maids a-milking? I think not. You'd have to buy the cows, too.
Ladies dancing? Lords a-leaping? Pipers piping? Drummers drumming? When will this insanity end? I don't know what union wages are for dancers and leapers and pipers and drummers but you'll have to get a temporary workers comp policy on them and that gonna cost you big!
So, you're going to end up with (if I'm counting right.....I was never good at math):
12 partridges and 12 pear trees.
22 turtle doves
30 French hens
36 calling birds (crows? mockingbirds? mynahs? And who the heck are they calling? You'd better have a good cellphone service.)
40 golden rings (Macy's is having a great fine jewelry sale. That'll help.)
42 geese and they're laying eggs EVERYWHERE! Watch your step.
42 swans a-swimming (your pool is NEVER going to be the same again.)
40 maids a-milking (you'd better hope they're bringing their own cows or you're going to have to make a trip to the livestock auction.)
36 ladies dancing (What kind of dancing? Celtic? belly? ballet? pole? If it's the last, you'd better have some dollars on hand.....)
30 lords a-leaping (I can't even imagine...…)
22 pipers piping (ay-ay-ay, the humanity...)
12 drummers drumming (of course, you could just get the next door neighbor's teenage kid's garage band to come over....there has to be AT LEAST 12 drummers over there.)
So, I'm told that this whole junket into romance is going to cost you $39,094.93 but I don't know if that's before shipping charges and the nuisance violation and code enforcement fines you're going to get from the city. Order them all from Amazon and if you have Prime, you can take off those shipping charges. The fines will still apply, though.
That $75 box of Godiva chocolates is looking better by the moment, isn't it? Candy is dandy!
It sounds very romantic...y'know..."my true love gave to me" and all that mushy stuff.....but Great Jumping Jehosephat, you're going to pay through the nose for the gesture.
First of all, it's not just one thing per day. That's only the first day....one partridge in a pear tree. Sounds doable. BUT, on the second day, you have to give your true love two turtle doves AND another partridge in a pear tree and so on down the line. And I don't know if you've been to a plant nursery lately, but those darn pear trees are EXPENSIVE! Besides, I have no idea where to get a partridge, never less one that'll just sit there in the pear tree and not fly off. Same thing for the turtle doves. You'll have to buy a cage for them or they'll fly all over your house, pooping on everything. And then you get to the French hens and the calling birds. Where the heck do you buy them? And is your neighborhood homeowners association going to let you build a hen house and an aviary in the back yard?
OK, the gold rings. I could get on board with that. But you're going to have to buy 40 of them before the 12 days are over and who has enough fingers for that?
Geese and swans are MEAN! Make sure your homeowners insurance will cover dangerous animals.
Maids a-milking? I think not. You'd have to buy the cows, too.
Ladies dancing? Lords a-leaping? Pipers piping? Drummers drumming? When will this insanity end? I don't know what union wages are for dancers and leapers and pipers and drummers but you'll have to get a temporary workers comp policy on them and that gonna cost you big!
So, you're going to end up with (if I'm counting right.....I was never good at math):
12 partridges and 12 pear trees.
22 turtle doves
30 French hens
36 calling birds (crows? mockingbirds? mynahs? And who the heck are they calling? You'd better have a good cellphone service.)
40 golden rings (Macy's is having a great fine jewelry sale. That'll help.)
42 geese and they're laying eggs EVERYWHERE! Watch your step.
42 swans a-swimming (your pool is NEVER going to be the same again.)
40 maids a-milking (you'd better hope they're bringing their own cows or you're going to have to make a trip to the livestock auction.)
36 ladies dancing (What kind of dancing? Celtic? belly? ballet? pole? If it's the last, you'd better have some dollars on hand.....)
30 lords a-leaping (I can't even imagine...…)
22 pipers piping (ay-ay-ay, the humanity...)
12 drummers drumming (of course, you could just get the next door neighbor's teenage kid's garage band to come over....there has to be AT LEAST 12 drummers over there.)
So, I'm told that this whole junket into romance is going to cost you $39,094.93 but I don't know if that's before shipping charges and the nuisance violation and code enforcement fines you're going to get from the city. Order them all from Amazon and if you have Prime, you can take off those shipping charges. The fines will still apply, though.
That $75 box of Godiva chocolates is looking better by the moment, isn't it? Candy is dandy!
I better get ordering from Amazon before they run out of delivery slots..
