This Age is Upsetting

Mike

Mike

Well-known Member
Location
London
I liked being this age, but it is sad to watch friends leaving, I was
OK, till last week, when I heard that another friend is in hospital,
getting no treatment, only painkillers, I have been to visit twice
this week and am afraid to tell her that she will never go home.

This is the third, recently, her husband went first, then another
really good friend and now Sheila.

She talks about getting her hair done, all I can do is say that I
will take her to the hairdresser, I will also look at her TV when
she gets home and I have to sound as if I mean it, all very sad.

Sorry for the moaning, but I had to tell somebody.

Mike.
 

Mike said:
I liked being this age, but it is sad to watch friends leaving, I was
OK, till last week, when I heard that another friend is in hospital,
getting no treatment, only painkillers, I have been to visit twice
this week and am afraid to tell her that she will never go home.

This is the third, recently, her husband went first, then another
really good friend and now Sheila.

She talks about getting her hair done, all I can do is say that I
will take her to the hairdresser, I will also look at her TV when
she gets home and I have to sound as if I mean it, all very sad.

Sorry for the moaning, but I had to tell somebody.

Mike.
Click to expand...
Very deeply sad, sorry you are going through this. Life can be so very sad.
 
Oh, Mike, you're not moaning. You're expressing the sorrow of losing yet another friend. I understand and know exactly how you feel. Losing friends and loved ones is never easy at any age. As we get older, the faster they go and the more of them we lose. It's more than difficult to stand by and watch someone you care for slowly pass before your eyes when you know there's nothing you can do to stop it. I've lost many.

I'm so sorry you're losing your friend, Sheila. My heart goes out to you. All I can do is offer a little comfort because I know how much it hurts. We're here for you, Mike, anytime you need us. ❤️
 
I had friends who were a married couple . He was a fairly well known member of a band in the 50's and 60's who had several hit songs...

They were a couple without children, so only had one another..

They'd been married for decades and they were both unsatisfied about how the other was living their life.. and not considering the other one's wishes , despite still professing love for one another.. neither would agree to compromise on the issues..

She felt she couldn't speak to him directly, or he would close down ( he was a very nice man otherwise, but they were both as stubborn...and yes, selfish as each other) .. so she wrote it all down in a long letter...expressing all her wishes.. and declaring her love for him still...and begging him to agree to the things she wanted ..

He was a very fit man, but one morning he got up and within minutes he'd died... she was left alone, in a place she didn't want to be, with no family.. and with a physical disability now brought on by a lifestyle of which he'd always disagreed..and which she's always refused to change..

He never got to see the letter.. she was so distraught, she gave me a copy. I was stunned that she'd given it to me, but didn't want to upset her and give it back... and the reason I'm telling you all this is.. that I found this letter just a few days ago after several years..having forgotten about it... and after I just learned of her death...at only age 72... died from a broken heart basically...
 
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Yesterday I had an ultrasound on my heart. The woman who performed the procedure was really nice. She asked what brought me to this city and then told what had brought her here. The conversation was interesting and took away the anxiety of the situation. She talked of her childhood and education. By the end she had looked up 2 things on her cell phone that I had mentioned about music and art and was going to further investigate. How great it is to be seen as a fellow human being and not some invisible elderly person.
 
I must admit that in the day husband died, I'd expected to get to hospital, find him in bed with a couple of tubes and monitors. Unconscious, probably but still alive...

Unfortunately, I could tell as I looked into his eyes, that the pupils were fixed and dilated. I knew something wasn't quite right... Then, I noticed that his left eye was crushed... Whoa!

I'd picked up his belongings upon entering the A&E room. Checking his glasses, they weren't broken. Strange! As daughter had mentioned he'd fallen face down.

All of this happened quickly, rigor mortis had already set in. He was gone and not coming back. I just wanted to leave, but they insisted we'd stay with him to say goodbye...

We didn't know what to say or do. Shock was settling in. I wanted an explanation and medication. None came forward... After 5 minutes, we took our leave... All before us was the shell of the man who had been my husband.

His soul had departed his body and there was nothing left to say or do. We both gave a kiss on his forehead, tried one more time to get answers and was told to wait for the coroner's phone call.

Needless to say, neither of us slept for 3-4 days. We were on automation!

When you know that a loved one is ill in advance, you can deal with it a certain way. However, when it's out of the blue and no one's talking, you wonder.

Simply, it was reliving my Father's death, all over again. I'd seen Papa dying in front of me in my teenage years. Now, our daughter had seen her Father dying in front of her. We could relate... and that's what we talked about in those 3-4 days following our lost.

One grandmother lost her husband, my unknown grandfather, round age 63-65. She lived alone until two weeks before her 100th birthday, and died of natural causes. Going up my family's genealogy tree, all of us women, outlive our spouses by nearly 30 years.

I feel that I will follow the family's tradition ...

Having very few people I consider close friends, I don't get news of whom has passed away or is in hospital at all. Occasionally, I check the state of the cemetery where I have relatives buried there. It floods frequently.

So sometimes, I perused the online obituaries pages and I'm surprised to find uncles, aunts and even cousins having departed. It's sad...

Recently, I've found an old friend from school had passed away. We'd lost touch as she moved to another city after graduation and got married. I was surprised to read in her obit that she'd died around 30 years of age on the operating table.

This during a tubal ligation as she'd given birth to four children in quick succession and was suffering from major iron deficiency anaemia. Her husband was very regretful at not having taken the course of a vasectomy.

Besides leaving her devastated husband, she also left behind a four, three, two and one years old children. I cried so much, I thought I'd run out of all the liquids in my entire body.

It was overall a good released, as I'd been unable then to let go of the pain bottled up inside of me since husband's passing.

All I know from my previous 7 experiences of dearly departed, you never forget them, you keep them in your heart but... you go forward looking to the future knowing you've had good memories and from now on more good memories to look forward too in the new chapters coming up ahead...
 
@Mike, I can relate. My mother passed away at 89 in an assisted living facility. When she went into hospice she would always tell me that the physical therapist could help her walk again. I knew she never would, and it broke my heart to see her sitting in her recliner chair all the time. She was wheeled downstairs to get her hair done every few weeks. It is surely tough to tell them they are not going back to their former lives.

I will give you something to think about. I lost quite a few friends and acquaintances to AIDs in the 80's, when I was only in my 20's, and it was unimaginable. Every day I'm happy I lived to this age.
 
You are not moaning at all. I have felt the same way lately. When I was young I got a lot of advice from "old" people about what life will be like when I do get older but I don't recall anyone mentioning how to deal with loss. I guess it is something that one has to learn as life goes on. I must admit that at times it has made me hesitant to get to know people I meet now.
 
Many years ago I was a volunteer with the Bobby Goldsmith Foundation. This was for looking after those affected with HIV Aids. These young
men had been left in the lurch by parents and friends who though they were disgusting because they were gay. Two of our friends were gay
and were the nicest people. One was only 34 when he died, and the other was 55 when he passed. I used to go to their homes and help with
housework and taking them to doctor's appointments. One young woman was dying with aids, and she had a little boy who had aids also. She
was from the Philippines' and told me she had won a singing competition and was going to Japan for a recording contract when she got the diagnosis, when she passed, I went to her funeral and the young men had done all her beautiful makeup and painted her nails and she was in traditional National costume. I look on it as a privilege to have been friends with them and I don't fear death. I was fortunate to have been with both parents when they passed and was with my husband until his last breath.
 
oscash said:
Many years ago I was a volunteer with the Bobby Goldsmith Foundation. This was for looking after those affected with HIV Aids. These young
men had been left in the lurch by parents and friends who though they were disgusting because they were gay. Two of our friends were gay
and were the nicest people. One was only 34 when he died, and the other was 55 when he passed. I used to go to their homes and help with
housework and taking them to doctor's appointments. One young woman was dying with aids, and she had a little boy who had aids also. She
was from the Philippines' and told me she had won a singing competition and was going to Japan for a recording contract when she got the diagnosis, when she passed, I went to her funeral and the young men had done all her beautiful makeup and painted her nails and she was in traditional National costume. I look on it as a privilege to have been friends with them and I don't fear death. I was fortunate to have been with both parents when they passed and was with my husband until his last breath.
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You just made me teary-eyed. Thank you so much for sharing. This was such a horrible, misunderstood disease. Thanks to wonderful human beings like you those dying from AIDS had a more comfortable life as they passed.
 
Mike said:
I liked being this age, but it is sad to watch friends leaving, I was
OK, till last week, when I heard that another friend is in hospital,
getting no treatment, only painkillers, I have been to visit twice
this week and am afraid to tell her that she will never go home.

This is the third, recently, her husband went first, then another
really good friend and now Sheila.

She talks about getting her hair done, all I can do is say that I
will take her to the hairdresser, I will also look at her TV when
she gets home and I have to sound as if I mean it, all very sad.

Sorry for the moaning, but I had to tell somebody.

Mike.
Click to expand...
I think it's sweet that you're telling her you'll help her and probably easing some of her stress for her. And maybe giving her hope and something to at least hang on to.
 
Thank you all for your support, it is good to know
that you are there.

Friends passing, seems to fall into categories, yes
it is sad, every one that goes leaves a hole in the
memory, if they live far away, it seems to be more
acceptable and I at least don't get down as badly
as I am at the moment going to visit her in the
hospital, she has other friends, who also visit, but
sheila and I are both Scottish and she always had
time for me, more than some others, we all went
out to an ex-service club on Saturday for drinking
and dancing, maybe 8 or 10 of us, now there are
only 4 left including Sheila, I don't like not being
able to help!

Thank you all again for your understanding.

Mike.
 
This just gives credence to the fact that every day you open your eyes, every time you wake up and look around you, move your legs over the side of the bed and stand up, is a great day!
God has already done two thing to prove that he has a plan for you.
Getting up and moving under your own power is such a gift.

At night when I finish my phone call with my partner, she say 'talk to you tomorrow', my response is always 'God willing'.
 
Rose65 said:
When young and full of life, we never imagined being full of ailments. But it comes to us all. We just have to be strong.
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I was just thinking this last night. I'm fed up to the back teeth of having pains for no discernible reason.. I was in the kitchen last night and suddenly the pains in my shin nearly brought me to my knees.. now why ?.. God alone knows.. but there's hardly a day goes by when something doesn't hurt that never hurt before.. .. and I' m only in my 60's.. :oops: . if I live until I'm 90.. goodness knows what type of pains I might have..
 
hollydolly said:
I was just thinking this last night. I'm fed up to the back teeth of having pains for no discernible reason.. I was in the kitchen last night and suddenly the pains in my shin nearly brought me to my knees.. now why ?.. God alone knows.. but there's hardly a day goes by when something doesn't hurt that never hurt before.. .. and I' m only in my 60's.. :oops: . if I live until I'm 90.. goodness knows what type of pains I might have..
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I am awoken most mornings by my left shin, nasty sharp aches. Soon as I get moving they are gone. I also always wake headachy and feeling hellish, as I ease into my day I feel much better.
 
Recently, I was online and googled my old male classmates from the Class of '64. Half were gone. The girls all got married and changed their names. That was sobering. I loved those people, and I didn't want anything bad to happen to them. Yet, there was nothing I could do to stop it. Strangely, I understand that I have only a few more years being alive, and that doesn't upset me much, anymore. Yet, when a friend comes to the end, it does.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
Recently, I was online and googled my old male classmates from the Class of '64. Half were gone. The girls all got married and changed their names. That was sobering. I loved those people, and I didn't want anything bad to happen to them. Yet, there was nothing I could do to stop it. Strangely, I understand that I have only a few more years being alive, and that doesn't upset me much, anymore. Yet, when a friend comes to the end, it does.
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talk about maudlin.... relatively new neighbour came out with her new baby as I was looking out of the window today... and I thought... there's a very good chance I won't see that child reach 20.... ..in fact I said I might not even see it reach 20 months..lol... we never know do we ?
 

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