TJ's Blithering Blog

[TeeJay]

Greetings everyone! I guess this is gonna be kinda LIKE a diary. Except it's gonna be more like a journey, starting from now-ish. For those of you folks wot ain't read my introductory thread, I'm a 71-year-old Southern Ontarian (Canada), who's freezing his noogies off right now, cuz I've just bin outside for a smoke, n' overstayed my welcome in the frigid Canadian "wilderness", by daring to have a second one! Acturely, I didn't mention my noogies in the introduction thingy, but I guess mebbe I was seeking a little sympathy. I dunno. Did I get any? Sympathy, I mean. Anyways, my loverly wife, Sue made me a widower back in August of 2020. I've taken her loss hard, and this here blog is part of my feel better therapy.

Enough about me for now. Except to say that one of my hobbies used to be writing. N' one of the things I used to like to write, is pomes. I'm gonna start doing that stuff again, which is the main reason for the existence of this blog. But first off, I'll post one of my oldies for your perusal now, n' we'll see how yinz like it, eh?

BARTHOLEMEW, THE SNAIL

A Pome, by TJ

Now this here's the tale o' Bartholomew Snail
n' his trouble emitting a fart
But 'Bartholomew' ain't all that easy to rhyme
so, from here on I'll just call him "Bart"

Poor Bart he was slow for a young escargot
n' he never quite mastered the art
of extending his anus outside of his shell
when he knew he was going to fart

So, as you'd expect all his methane collected
inside of his shell like a bubble
'til one day the weight became too much to bear
and he figured he might be in trouble

So, Bart made a call to the doc, who said, "Y'all
better haul your ass up here n' pronto!"
"I'll get there as fast as I can!" answered Bart
Then he hit the road north for Toronto

By around 10 pm, he met up with two friends
after travelling 'bout twenty feet
"You ain't gonna get there tonight .. " one pal said
".. so, you'd best get yer trail off the street!"

"You're right!" agreed Bart, as he let go a fart
which of course remained inside his shell
"What say we all go pitch a tent in the mud?"
n' his one buddy said, "Might as well!"

So, they all looked around 'til they finally found
a real nice little murky quagmire
While his friends set up camp, Bart went off to collect
an assortment of twigs for a fire

Well, Bart he done good at assembling the wood
but remember he wasn't too bright
As the three gathered round n' sang "Bobby McGee"
that's when Bart asked 'em, "Who's got a light?"

Methane as you know has a proneness to blow
when exposed to a source of ignition
A lighter will do it, a candle or match ..
such a volatile predisposition

N' so it went down, a Bic Lighter was found
as deep into their pockets they delved
Ol' Bart clicked the Bic and now him n' his pals
are mere SHELLS of their old former selves

The End

 

[Blessed]

There are many here that are artists, writers, musicians, painter/sculptors. There are gardners, cooks, bakers.....so many things. With your first little ditty, I would say you have a good audience. LOL

 

[OneEyedDiva]

I KNEW it ! I knew you were (are) a writer. "I guess mebbe I was seeking a little sympathy. I dunno. Did I get any?" Gee...I dunno. It seems like you didn't want to be a complainer, therefore was not eliciting sympathy. That being said, you have my condolences on the loss of your wife. Looking forward to more of your "feel better therapy" writings.

 

[TeeJay]

NEWSFLASH! ... THIS JUST IN:

A spokescanadian for "THE SNOWFLAKE RESEARCH CENTER", located in the remote town of Tuktoyaktuk, in northern Canada announced this morning, in conjunction with a discloser from out of the equally remote, "Norsk Snøfnuggforskningssenter", near Stjørdalshalsen, Norway, that it has bin NONEQUIVICANTOLY determined the image of an elderly snowflake which was captured decades earlier (circa 1937), and was meticulously preserved in the ice cube tray of a now 93 year-old Kelvinator fridge for 85 years, inside a house in an undisclosed location outside of Moosejaw, Saskatchewan, is the EXACT, IDENTICAL DUPLICATE of a snowflake found, photographed and preserved this year, just outside of Flekkefjord, Norway!

Senior Snowflake Research Scientist, Beulah Zeebub issued the following statement: "This ear exciting discovery goes a very long way towards the final, once n' for all DEBUNKING of the popular theory that, "NO TWO SNOWFLAKES ARE EGGZACKLY ALIKE!!" Similarly, a spokesnorwegian for the Norsk Snøfnuggforskningssenter, excitedly exclaimed, "Jeg har alltid hevdet at med tanke på at flere snøfnugg har falt over hele verden enn det er stjerner i universet, er det dumdristig å tro at hver og en av dem er unik!"

Ergo and to wit: YINZES be the judge(s) ... Top image (below) is of the 1937 snowflake, still immaculately preserved. Now cheque out the image below it!

I CHALLENGE YOUSE(S) to find a SINGLE DIFFERENCE betwixt the two snowflakes (except that the older snowflake has faded a little, with the passage of time)!