Told Neighbor To Get His Act Together-Too Harsh?

W

WhatInThe

SF VIP
Told a younger neighbor to get his act together because I am tiring of his mooching and/or constant borrowing of tools & stuff. I call him the kid although he is in his 40s. He has a surfer dude attitude who should be at the beach and not living in a house. He's lived in his house over 10 years. He has yet to obtain and/or use the most basic of tools. If there is a nail to be hammered he doesn't have access to a hammer. He constantly says things like he can't find it. With yard work or lack there of he literally comes to the house about every other year and does about 18 months worth of trimming & maintenance with borrowed tools. Not only am I tired of his mooching but his need or projects have gotten so big he could literally wear out or damage the tools when completing them. He needs to buy an assortment of tools or hire a contractor. He says he doesn't care or put priority on routine maintenance of a house which is fine but don't involve or ask others to pay the price of neglect and ignorance.

At first I gave him a tiresome NO then I said ok you can borrow it with a lecture of why he needs his own tools and do regular routine maintenance. Also told him if he wears something out like a blade he replaces it. The tool was returned shortly there after. To top it off he seems totally unfamiliar with again the most basic of tools and/or safety as well-common sense. I'd be literally afraid he could hurt himself if loaned the wrong tool. Apparently the previous home owner left a bunch of supplies & tools along with some of his lady friend' tenants'. He said bought his lawn mower off a friend. It's like he doesn't want to shop or walk into a Home Depot or something.

There is stuff done be regularly around most houses. Heck there are landlords out there that will evict you if don't tell them about issues that are their responsibility. He doesn't get it. I could go into the house's appearance and condition all day. But that's not the point because I don't want to be lectured about what goes on my property. But gosh sakes learn to do some things for your self.

Was I too harsh attaching a lecture and conditions on the borrowing of a tool to a neighbor?
 

Taken from the soliloquy by Polonius in Hamlet


Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.


​
 
I think that you are doing the right thing by telling him that he needs to get his own tools. He is not your kid, and doesn't need someone to raise him; he just hasn't discovered that yet.
Some people are just perpetual moochers, and your neighbor sounds like he is one of those. You have been telling him all these years to get his own tools, but he knew that you would loan yours out when he needed one; so he didn't bother.
Once he realizes that the "free tools" is not going to happen anymore, then he will either start buying his own tools or find someone else to borrow them from.
Either way, it won't be your tools anymore.
 

You bought and paid for your tools with your own, hard-earned money. A good neighbor will not hesitate to loan another neighbor something in a pinch. A habitual leech does not fit that category. Anything you say re the loan of your own tools is well within your rights.

OTOH, what has the lack of maintenance of his property done to the value of yours?? Is there a code enforcement office that should be involved and cite him if he does not keep up his property? If he gets snotty about your lecture on tools, simply tell him you feel his neglect has had a negative effect on your own property value. If he keeps his property up, you will reconsider an occasional loan. If he continues allowing it to fall into disrepair, he can find his own means of doing what little he does do.
 
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I TOTALLY AGREE with the way you handled it! There are people out there just like him that need to be "set straight"!
 
This may be happening because of poor upbringing, for lack of a better word. Maybe a lighter approach would work, but since you have stated your point, it may be too late for that. I think I may be over-stating this, but I live part time here in Florida in a retirement community. Some of these people have nothing and I have what I need to get the job done. Occasionally, they will ask to borrow a tool and I will ask them in return what they are doing. If in any way I can help, I do. I don't like being intrusive, but so far, they are good with me either helping them or just doing it for them. Like I have also stated a number of times here on this forum. some of these people have nothing or very little, so I do what I can to be a good neighbor.

I know your situation is different, so you do what you think is necessary and hopefully, all will end well.
 
Grumpy Ol' Man said:
You bought and paid for your tools with your own, hard-earned money. A good neighbor will not hesitate to loan another neighbor something in a pinch. A habitual leech does not fit that category. Anything you say re the loan of your own tools is well within your rights.

OTOH, what has the lack of maintenance of his property done to the value of yours?? Is there a code enforcement office that should be involved and cite him if he does not keep up his property? If he gets snotty about your lecture on tools, simply tell him you feel his neglect has had a negative effect on your own property value. If he keeps his property up, you will reconsider an occasional loan. If he continues allowing it to fall into disrepair, he can find his own means of doing what little he does do.
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Luckily the architecture makes the house stick out until you get close or live next door. It is one of the oldest houses in the neighborhood-not block. I think that's why he probably paid on the low end. From what I've known and seen at the house there HAS been plenty to do. Again I tried telling him you need to do something regularly. Every day I at least pick up trash around my house(years of neglected trash in his flowers and bushes). He thinks house up keep is a few afternoon or morning projects a year.

Annually he talks about selling. I mentioned some sales and for sale prices in the neighborhood-he's clueless about potential or realistic value. Apparently he's had help financially in the past and is-wait for it-a public school teacher with a union. Hard to believe a person who made it through college and got state certified to teach kids can't manage his own life. The frustrating part is that many of the repairs or conditions are easily fixable by a homeowner willing to work with and learn about tools & repairs. I've seen him drunk, buzzed and/or hung over. I see him home frequently on school days as well. I suspect some drugs or drug sales as well-no proof and I'm not ratting on speculation. He had a break-in a few years ago-he took it REALLY hard-I wonder if the burglars found drugs & money along with electronics. My guess is he is one of those so called drug dealers who only sell to friends probably pot.

Along with the constant mooching it's the frustration of how easy & common many of the repairs are and how cheap the tools are to do it. For less than 100 dollars in tools & supplies he could do a landscaping makeover and add about 5-10K in house value alone.
 
Unfortunately, some of the younger folks find it much easier to borrow stuff than to buy it themselves. It's really unbelievable how many people don't have jumper cables for their vehicle. Not only do we have jumper cables, we also have AAA. There is no way that either of us are going to change a flat on our two vehicles or pay to have to have either towed.

Sometimes a person just simples asks themselves........."why, why, why", when it comes to what other folks do or don't do!
 
oldman said:
This may be happening because of poor upbringing, for lack of a better word. Maybe a lighter approach would work, but since you have stated your point, it may be too late for that. I think I may be over-stating this, but I live part time here in Florida in a retirement community. Some of these people have nothing and I have what I need to get the job done. Occasionally, they will ask to borrow a tool and I will ask them in return what they are doing. If in any way I can help, I do. I don't like being intrusive, but so far, they are good with me either helping them or just doing it for them. Like I have also stated a number of times here on this forum. some of these people have nothing or very little, so I do what I can to be a good neighbor.

I know your situation is different, so you do what you think is necessary and hopefully, all will end well.
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That's the frustration. I have helped him in the past by loaning him tools and giving my time & labor which I normally don't mind. But he does nothing on his own. There is no progress or change. He doesn't he even want to learn to use a better tool for the job. I have helped a another new citizen/immigrant neighbor who borrows a lot but at least he does and buys some stuff on his own. I had to cut him off by loaning only to when he asks because he tried stretching an inch into a mile. I shouldn't judge but when I can see not only what effort and care someone puts into a project at hand and what other "projects" or priorities they put effort to I judge. If it looks like you don't give a frack I'm done. I don't like being stingy, arguing or lecturing but I don't like being taken advantage of either and I used to give 110% benefit of the doubt.
 
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ClassicRockr said:
Unfortunately, some of the younger folks find it much easier to borrow stuff than to buy it themselves. It's really unbelievable how many people don't have jumper cables for their vehicle. Not only do we have jumper cables, we also have AAA. There is no way that either of us are going to change a flat on our two vehicles or pay to have to have either towed.

Sometimes a person just simples asks themselves........."why, why, why", when it comes to what other folks do or don't do!
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This. I'm sickend frequently hearing stories of young people not even wanting to or learn to change a flat tire??? And the jumper cables. With all the electronics and automatic stuff the last decade of car demands the need for jumper cables or a jump box frequently the same price of a AAA or road club membership. I also hear of studies where many young people desire to live in a city or ONLY near public transportation because they have no desire to drive or buy cars(must admit car industry has helped price them out, I digress)

It's just as bad as some of the computer questions I get simply because I have one and have figured out to fix some problems on my own. I tell them you just have to do some research and be willing to experiment a little. But it comes back to instant gratification-why do it yourself slower when you can pay someone else to do it maybe faster.
 
Well, I have the type of personality a person would ask me, then look at my face, turn around and say "nope, no way will I borrow anything from him!". Actually, I've never had a problem with someone borrowing something and returning it.
 
ClassicRockr said:
Well, I have the type of personality a person would ask me, then look at my face, turn around and say "nope, no way will I borrow anything from him!". Actually, I've never had a problem with someone borrowing something and returning it.
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A lot of the neighbors have been in their house less time than I have. So I assume they haven't dealt with many of the issues and repairs of house maintenance. That's why they get that initial benefit of the doubt. But I see just as many work to make their house a Better Homes & Garden cover. Have several just as young neighbors who have done as much work on their house and exterior in the last few years as entire block did in a decade. They do seem to have prior house experience of some kind because if they nothing else they don't seem to hesitate to call a contractor for various issues.
 
One of our neighbors died and was cremated. His cremains were to be scattered in a nearby lake.

We all rented rowboats and gathered around in a circle. After the ashes were dumped, one guy held up a wrench and said
that he had borrowed it from the man years ago and hadn't returned it. So he threw the wrench into the water saying,

"Here ya go."
 
Of course the first thing that came to mind was Dagwood and his neighbor Herb, and how the had a "Tool-Share" thing going on all the time. Course they were cartoons.:)

I tried to remember when I was a married "dude", starting out in life. Most of our neighbors were older, and were very generous with their time and tools. Our generation, growing up with Dad's and Uncles who had workbenches in front of peg-board walls, loaded with hand tools. Sometimes the shape of the tool was painted on the peg-board. Little sets of tiny plastic drawers, or baby food jars nailed to the bottom of shelves, or coffee cans, to hold the nuts and bolts, screws and nails. They drummed into our heads the care and feeding of those tools. Hand augers, hand drills with the bits in the handle, hand saws of all kinds. How to thin paint with turps and how to clean paint brushes. My dad and uncle each made up a tool box for me, made up of duplicates and a few new ones. Basic stuff. I still think of them when I work on projects. Older neighbor gents were just as thoughtful, and as I have grown older, I have tried to follow their example with Sons and Son In Laws, and younger neighbors.

The time may come when your young neighbor will be in a position to help you out in some way. Who knows? Being a friendly neighbor is time well spent, most of the time. But your boots are"on the ground" and you know what's best for you. Maybe you could cut him a little slack?:)

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i think you did the right thing to pull the plug on that moocher. as was said, lots of young families knock themselves out keeping up & improving their homes, but he obviously isnt one of them. i discovered when i was out trying to sell stuff of mine to downsize, flea markets & antique malls have literally tons of good used hand tools if he wants to buy some. some people just drift through life expecting to get things handed to them & dont take any real responsibility for themselves, neighborhood or community. i for one have ceased to indulge that type of person, or expect them to listen to advice or change.
 
The great cartoon posted by Meanderer says it all, some aspects of human nature have always been with us and always will be...
 
Some people are just hopeless and are unable to do even simple jobs
When they do try to do something they will borrow whenever possible and frequently not return stuff.
They will always accept (or expect) offers of help and will even pile on additional jobs for you in the process.

Continue to be the good samaritan or put a stop to it.
 
Its not hard to just say NO!! to neighbors that want to borrow anything especially tools from you.
I learned a lesson from a way back and now simply say "those are not my tools,I borrowed them from somebody where I use to live,still trying to find the owners".
 
Meanderer said:
Of course the first thing that came to mind was Dagwood and his neighbor Herb, and how the had a "Tool-Share" thing going on all the time. Course they were cartoons.:)

......

The time may come when your young neighbor will be in a position to help you out in some way. Who knows? Being a friendly neighbor is time well spent, most of the time. But your boots are"on the ground" and you know what's best for you. Maybe you could cut him a little slack?:)

images
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I'd love to think he would return the favor to myself and other neighbors but he hasn't. We have done things like clean/sweep his sidewalk, pick up trash and return his trash cans to his house on trash day-not one mention or thank you. I've done minor repairs to his curb so problems wouldn't spread to ours-No mention or thank you. When ever he does clean he comes to a screeching and precise halt at the property line. He admitted/complained about being cited for leaving his trash cans at the curb too long. Other neighbors get fed up him too mostly noting the condition of his property. Others know people in his job or have dealt with him through their kids and they just shake their heads. The guy has cost the tax payers money losing his keys so he broke into his house which tripped a police call. He came over all panicky that night asking to use the phone and we tried to tell him call the alarm company first and have them pull up his account with personal identifying information, he refused. So about 4 cars responded with the police ready for action.

Eh, I'll cut him some slack but it will be selective or conditional.
 
WhatInThe said:
I'd love to think he would return the favor to myself and other neighbors but he hasn't. We have done things like clean/sweep his sidewalk, pick up trash and return his trash cans to his house on trash day-not one mention or thank you. I've done minor repairs to his curb so problems wouldn't spread to ours-No mention or thank you. When ever he does clean he comes to a screeching and precise halt at the property line. He admitted/complained about being cited for leaving his trash cans at the curb too long. Other neighbors get fed up him too mostly noting the condition of his property. Others know people in his job or have dealt with him through their kids and they just shake their heads. The guy has cost the tax payers money losing his keys so he broke into his house which tripped a police call. He came over all panicky that night asking to use the phone and we tried to tell him call the alarm company first and have them pull up his account with personal identifying information, he refused. So about 4 cars responded with the police ready for action.

Eh, I'll cut him some slack but it will be selective or conditional.
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I failed to notice in your original post, that this "dude" is in his 40's. That's a little too old to excuse this type of behavior. I thought he was much younger. My bad.:)
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What really drives me nuts is when people borrow my tools and don't return them and then I have to go stomping over and ask for my weed-whacker or whatever back. GRRR!

I have a wonderful next door neighbor and we have borrowed and lent back and forth for years with no problems at all -- we both return stuff in a timely fashion, and if something breaks we replace it or have it repaired.
 

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