If an article is attractive, or useful, or inexpensive, they'll stop making it tomorrow; if it's all three, they stopped making it yesterday. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. ~Murphy's Law
If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
I tell you this, and I tell you plain:
What you have done, you will do again;
You will bite your tongue, careful or not,
Upon the already-bitten spot.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist. ~Franklin P. Jones
It's always been and always will be the same in the world: The horse does the work and the coachman is tipped. ~Author Unknown
If you wonder where your child left his roller skates, try walking around the house in the dark. ~Leopold Fechtner
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ~Will Rogers
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. ~Author Unknown
How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire? ~Christy Whitehead
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. ~Author Unknown
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. ~Author Unknown
It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. ~Grace Hopper
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. ~Author Unknown
If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered. ~Edgar Allan Poe
People who snore always fall asleep first. ~Author Unknown
Amount of time it takes for a dog to "do its business" is directly proportional to outside temperature + suitability of owner's outerwear. ~Betsy Cañas Garmon
Interchangeable parts don't, leakproof seals aren't, and self-starters won't. ~Author Unknown
Keep a thing seven years and it's bound to come in handy. ~Russian Proverb
There are men whom you will never dislodge from an opinion, except by taking possession of it yourself. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827
I find I always have to write something on a steamed mirror. ~Elaine Dundy
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. ~Dave Barry
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. ~Murphy's Law
If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
I tell you this, and I tell you plain:
What you have done, you will do again;
You will bite your tongue, careful or not,
Upon the already-bitten spot.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist. ~Franklin P. Jones
It's always been and always will be the same in the world: The horse does the work and the coachman is tipped. ~Author Unknown
If you wonder where your child left his roller skates, try walking around the house in the dark. ~Leopold Fechtner
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ~Will Rogers
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. ~Author Unknown
How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire? ~Christy Whitehead
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. ~Author Unknown
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. ~Author Unknown
It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. ~Grace Hopper
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. ~Author Unknown
If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered. ~Edgar Allan Poe
People who snore always fall asleep first. ~Author Unknown
Amount of time it takes for a dog to "do its business" is directly proportional to outside temperature + suitability of owner's outerwear. ~Betsy Cañas Garmon
Interchangeable parts don't, leakproof seals aren't, and self-starters won't. ~Author Unknown
Keep a thing seven years and it's bound to come in handy. ~Russian Proverb
There are men whom you will never dislodge from an opinion, except by taking possession of it yourself. ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827
I find I always have to write something on a steamed mirror. ~Elaine Dundy
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. ~Dave Barry
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