Unwanted company

fureverywhere said:
Oy, that my daughter is high functioning on the spectrum and she drives me stark raving bananas sometimes. She can chatter without taking a breath for hours at a time. We are not frickin' saints. Unless you're with such a person daily you don't know how frustrating it can be. Of course they mean no harm...they're just being themselves. But everyone deserves a break. QS I might suggest you maybe talk to somebody in HR if you can't find someone else to keep this young lady company. You deserve a peaceful lunch.
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Yes.. my grandson is high functioning also... but as much as I adore him, I can honestly say that I wouldn't want to eat lunch with HIM everyday either.. I really don't want to eat lunch with anyone.. I want to have some time alone,... no computer and no phones. That means no talking. If she would sit quietly, perhaps it would not be a problem.. but she want to talk and talk.. and her conversation is really juvenile and childish. I feel like I am babysitting for free..
 

Eric said:
I have a close friend with an autistic child, I think it's very selfish to think of just your comfort and not appreciate what this disabled person is going through. A half hour of conversation is too much to ask? This world gets sadder day by day, talk about intolerance. I guess other people's problems are never as important as your own.
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Once in a while, OK, but every lunch hour??? Hard working people have needs too, if they are going to do their job properly and serve those who depend on them to be right.
 
I agree then, if it's just you everyday, then you should talk to someone in charge. That sounds like a bit too much to me, everyone should share in socializing with this girl.
 

First I think half an hour lunch break in an 8 hour day is pretty mean, but, if another room is available, why not use it for a week or so ? by then the young lady would have found another person to sit with, when you return carry a few papers and a pen then, should she approach you, just say you need to be on your own as you're busy, it may inconvenience you for a few days but hopefully will solve the problem

You're obviously a very thoughtful person and feeling guilty already so if you say anything to upset her you'll feel even worse, good luck, let us know the outcome
 
Wren said:
First I think half an hour lunch break in an 8 hour day is pretty mean, but, if another room is available, why not use it for a week or so ? by then the young lady would have found another person to sit with, when you return carry a few papers and a pen then, should she approach you, just say you need to be on your own as you're busy, it may inconvenience you for a few days but hopefully will solve the problem

You're obviously a very thoughtful person and feeling guilty already so if you say anything to upset her you'll feel even worse, good luck, let us know the outcome
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Wren... this is a very good idea and I will try it. Actually I was thinking of spots I could go to in another area to eat in peace. There are several conference rooms that may be empty and I could sit it.. I'm still debating going to her manager. The poor thing wasn't trying to be intrusive. I'm sure she actually thinks her company is wanted as I have never said anything to her to make her think otherwise... and have engaged in conversation with her before. NOW if I suddenly go to her boss, that will be very confusing to her and I don't want to do that. I think it's wonderful that she is able to hold down a job and function.

What I have learned about her is that she was adopted from Russia when she was a year old. Her words.. "I have autism and a learning disability because my real mother drank" I have known that children adopted from Russia have a very high incidence of Fetal Alcoholism due to the high alcoholism rate in Russia. She is aware of her disability and speaks freely about it. I am sure she is being told to socialize with different people.. but management should have taken the privacy of others into consideration also. I think they should have spoken with people to see if her company was appreciated and if they would be willing. I certainly would have agreed to maybe once a week or every few weeks... but not every day. The fact is that at 11AM there are very few people eating in the cafeteria as it's kind of early... perhaps they could change her lunch time to a bit later when there would be more people available.
 
Oh hey, just had an idea....if she approaches you again after a week or two or however long you think it needs to break her 'habit' of sitting down at your side, maybe you could say, 'you know, I'm real busy today and I just need a break right now, but how about if we have lunch together on Tuesday' (or whatever day is next or after that), then have lunch and then the following days, again, 'I'm real busy today but how about we have lunch....'

Maybe that way she would get over the idea that it has to be you for her lunch pal but also that you are a friendly person all the same? It would also help you not to feel guilty for just putting her off.
 
What a tough situation to be in, I think the suggestion of finding another spot to eat for a while is the safest option, I'm sure after a few days she would find someone else to sit with. Personally I wouldn't go to HR or management because no matter how you phrase it, it could be misconstrued or misinterpreted thus making you look bad, you never know what they could write in your file or hold against you in the future. Just quietly move to another spot, see what happens.
 
Good thought Debby.. Autistic people are can be very rote and detail oriented.. Facts seem to get carved in stone. Perhaps the fact that we have lunch only every Tuesday will become a plan.
 
I want to say how much I appreciate this forum and the very thoughtful and GOOD plans that have been brought up on this thread. So much more helpful than the few judgmental posts that appeared. You are all very smart and helpful people.
 
QuickSilver said:
So much more helpful than the few judgmental posts that appeared
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I didn't mean to be judgmental quicksilver and when I first read your post I thought it was just for one day. I have a lot of sad feeling for autistic kids it so unfair to them no fault of their own. My apology for anything I said about sitting with her that was offending my strong feelings were just coming out in a bad way
 
Pleased you like my idea QS, maybe try it before you speak to the poor girls manager, sometimes things get blown out of proportion
 
The fact that she's autistic is irrelevant. Her taking up your lunch time is the problem. It's really not your problem to solve. I would speak to those, who came up with the list idea. (Quite honestly, it's not a very well thought out plan, it could set her up for a lot of rejection.) If that fails, you tell her that, after lunch, she has to show you the list of the other people she sat with. You have an absolute right to eat lunch where and with whom you chose.
 
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This is a delicate situation but it should be able to be resolved with a phone call to her supervisor. Speak kindly of the girl, this must be extremely difficult for her. Is she new, hasn't she made friends with her peers? I would ask that. Tell the boss while you've enjoyed meeting her and understand she is challenged, you need that half hour of peace and quiet.

Quite frankly, this girl has no idea she is invading your space. This is not the best way to teach socialization skills, in fact if I was told I had to do that, I would find it quite uncomfortable. I think the boss can figure out a better way to help this girl fit in.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
The fact that she's autistic is irrelevant. Her taking up your lunch time is the problem. It's really not your problem to solve. I would speak to those, who came up with the list idea. (Quite honestly, it's not a very well thought out plan, it could set her up for a lot of rejection.) ...
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This seems like the best solution. The girl's therapy is not the responsibility of cafeteria patrons.
 

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