Update and some hopeful news.

Underock1 said:
QuickSilver, I had no idea. I feel for you. There is nothing worse than what you are going through.
Our son was the most caring person you would ever want to meet. He lived with us, and was our loving caregiver.
We had no idea he was an alcoholic. I'll keep it short. He lost his job and his drivers license. We had to have him forcibly entered into rehab. He came out, and was wonderful in every way for a year. Job stress and caring for his handicapped parents, sent him into relapse. We had some terrible episodes. Sadly, we found him dead in his room, just about a year ago. We never received the autopsy back. I hope your situation turns out happier. A horrible disease.
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So very sorry for your loss.
 
Ameriscot said:
So very sorry for your loss.
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Thank you, Ameriscot. I didn't mean to take away from QuickSilver's situation. Just wanted her to know that someone who has been through it, understands her torment. People do manage to recover. Let us hope that her son will be one of the fortunate ones.
 

Yes, people do recover and move on, my own brother did recover and moved on, though years later, illness related to years past usage came back and took his life, but, for the years to his death, he stayed on the straight we were never more proud of him and how he lived out the rest of his life. But many people move on and do well, it's that in between for those facing this issue, them and their families really go through quite the ups and downs and it's great when there's news like QS has now and we hope this continues.

I realize, I myself still have a lot to learn about this issue, so, I continue to reevaluate how I might have thought on the matter even a few months ago as I read up on new things studies and ideas about usage I've never been privy to. Still of the tough love camp though.
 
Underock1 said:
QuickSilver, I had no idea. I feel for you. There is nothing worse than what you are going through.
Our son was the most caring person you would ever want to meet. He lived with us, and was our loving caregiver.
We had no idea he was an alcoholic. I'll keep it short. He lost his job and his drivers license. We had to have him forcibly entered into rehab. He came out, and was wonderful in every way for a year. Job stress and caring for his handicapped parents, sent him into relapse. We had some terrible episodes. Sadly, we found him dead in his room, just about a year ago. We never received the autopsy back. I hope your situation turns out happier. A horrible disease.
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And that was my biggest fear when he lived here... was that he would drink himself to death and I would find him dead in his room.. I would tell my husband that at least I was giving him a safe place to die.. It's a horrible, horrible thing.. I have no words to great enough to tell you how sorry I am that my fear, was your reality.. So very very sorry..
 
Thank you, QS. I didn't mean to turn your thread into a sympathy party for myself. Just wanted you to know that someone out here really understands your situation. My reality does not have to be yours. I have witnessed complete long term recoveries in others. Keep you spirits up.
 
I understand what you are going through and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. There is someone in my family who used to have a terrible drinking problem, then she was sober for many years. A couple weeks ago I realized to my horror that she is drinking heavily again. I'm not sure how to deal with it, and it saddens me deeply. She also has some medical issues that the alcohol will exacerbate.
 
Quicksilver, I have been sober for nearly 20 years now. Alcoholism is no respecter of education or intellect.
How I did it is a complicated story but initially it did involve a 12 step program.
If he is attending meetings, do encourage him because within that environment a lapse does not mean the end of everything.

At first he will have what is known as "stinking thinking" ( http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-top-10-types-of-stinkin-thinkin/10/ ) and it will take some time to get past this. When he really understands that alcohol is poisonous to him and that he must never again pick up, then he will be in a much safer place.

Underock, I am sorry for your loss. Please do not blame yourself in any way. Alcoholism is a terrible disease and the pathogen is Ch3COOH.
I worry about my son too, and my sister.
 
Thank you for this post DW... One of the most difficult things for me get my mind around is the complete waste of talent and ability my son has lost to alcohol.. I see that you are an example that I can hope my son to attain to.. and that all may not be lost to him. Again thank you.. you didn't have to post this.. and I want you to know how appreciative I am that you did..
 
Thank you for your sympathetic thoughts DW. At this point in my life, I blame no one for anything. We all have to face life with the tools we are given. Sometimes we win. Sometimes we lose. That's just the way it is.
 
QuickSilver said:
It's just so hard to lose when it's your child.... so hard... bless you
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Thanks QS. It is, but given his future prospects at age fifty, with two aged parents to care for, we had to comfort ourselves that he was finally at peace, as I do in accepting my wife's passing. Keep a bright outlook. A favorite quote; "I've had an awful lot of trouble in my life, most of which never happened."
 
More hopeful news.... My son just accepted a position in a VA hospital... in the Environmental Services department.. It's part of their CTP Compensated Work Therapy program and could lead to permanent employment within the hospital if he proves himself. Also, part of his paycheck will go toward paying some Rent at the shelter he is living in. So baby steps.... although this is a big one.. he is going to have to get used to getting up at 6am and working a 40 hour work week... and perhaps some overtime.. He is looking at it as a "foot in" to the system and perhaps a way to finally utilize his education and ability... I am becoming more and more optimistic, but still hold my breathe every day.
 
What is heartening is that he is becoming much more realistic about his recovery. He is very happy to have this job. He knows he has a lot of work to do to prove his ability and his seriousness about remaining sober, and to start contributing to his keep at the shelter. ALL part of reality. Time was he would sit in my basement and fantasize of all the wonderful things he would do..................eventually.....................after the next drinking binge. NOW.. cleaning toilets sounds pretty reasonable to him, so long as he can work himself up to a position where he is able to support himself.
 
That's is a great step in the right direction, being able to plan ahead realistically like that, shows great progress, that truly is a giant step forward. Very heartening indeed. I feel so good for you and him :) Keeping good thoughts for you all.
 
Hi QS, I just noticed your initial post and I'm so happy for your family that maybe your son is on the right track! It'll be hard for him, but continuing recovery is possible. My husband is an alcoholic but he quit drinking 25 years ago. I remember many a night sitting up and worrying and phoning hospitals to see if he'd been brought in and even a couple times going to pick him up when he drove the truck into a ditch! A drinking family member is such a worry and a concern for sure, but maybe now good times are ahead right! Fingers crossed for you! (and him of course)
 

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