I looked up some old-timey remedies. If they didn't kill you first, they might help your knees:
1 oz. oil of wintergreen
3 oz. chloroform
12 oz. rubbing alcohol
Rub on knees. (Or maybe just sniff the chloroform and you won't notice your knees)
Or there's:
Mix the juice of three lemons and 3 tbs. Epsom salts in one pint of water.
Take one tbsp. morning and night.
The Epsom salts would have you running to the bathroom. I don't think that would help your knees.
This sounds like a good 'un:
Skunk cabbage.
Uh, no......