What’s the hardest thing you have done?

Of course all the difficult things stated here and then some are beyond hard for many folks and I've had my share. Certainly my profession has handed me many difficult challenges. So, for a bit of levity, I'll go back to my childhood. There was a driveway separating our house and property from 3 houses and their yards. We burned coal in those days for heat and the owner of the driveway wanted our families to dump the ashes on the driveway and his car tamped them down. We kids would run up and down it as well. My mom warned me that if I fell and cried, she'd give me something to cry for. Well, from her mouth to God's, I ran right down that driveway, fell, really scraped myself up and it hurt like the blazes, but hard as it was, never a tear fell to my cheeks. Believe me, a 4 yr. old falling a scraping along coal ashes hurts folks. And from that day forth, I knew I could tough out anything thrown at me.
 

Mr. Ed said:
What’s the hardest thing you have done?
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The hardest thing I had to do was to kick my son out of my house, because of his drug use. He had decided not to finish senior year in high school, and thought that sitting around in his room and getting high all day would be a great way to spend his life. When he turned 18 I gave him some choices: he can continue living with me IF: A. he quits using drugs, B. he goes to rehab, C. he either goes back to school or gets a job(preferably both). When the deadline arrived, his decision was to leave. He has straightened up now, clean & sober for 12 years, pursuing a successful career while going to law school. He is my hero...
 

Pappy said:
Quitting smoking was so easy for me. It only took me 40 years to do it....easy--peasy.
But one of the hardest things for me to do, and still is, getting up in front of people and talking to a group. In school, on book review day, I literally got sick to my stomach. :sick:
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Same here. Except on the days when I'd have to do a book report, I just wouldn't show up for several days, and then I'd get suspended for cutting school.

About the age of 42, I decided I was going to overcome my glossophobia and started a group for people who feared public speaking. After running the group for about a year, I joined a Toastmasters club. Then about six months after that, I started teaching kind of a continuing education class to help people overcome their fear of public speaking.

I never completely overcame my glossophobia, but I got it somewhat under control. Everything is relative. Compared to how bad it was, it was a miraculous recovery!
 
Nathan said:
The hardest thing I had to do was to kick my son out of my house, because of his drug use. He had decided not to finish senior year in high school, and thought that sitting around in his room and getting high all day would be a great way to spend his life. When he turned 18 I gave him some choices: he can continue living with me IF: A. he quits using drugs, B. he goes to rehab, C. he either goes back to school or gets a job(preferably both). When the deadline arrived, his decision was to leave. He has straightened up now, clean & sober for 12 years, pursuing a successful career while going to law school. He is my hero...
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I had to deal that anguish with my oldest daughter from my first marriage. One day at a time. One day at a time.
 
Pink Biz said:
Leading up to, during and after experiencing life-altering financial ruin a long time ago, I made terrible choices and had to deal with the consequences of my mistakes for many years. No one to blame but myself.
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I can DEFINITELY RELATE. That was one of the hardest things I had to deal with as well. Hubby and I made HORRIBLE financial choices which almost led to divorce. We separated for about 3 yrs. I sure learned my lesson from that. I was down so low did not know how I was going to get back up but I did..
 
Mr. Ed said:
For me the most thing I have done in life was emptying myself of all preformed notions of life and trusting in myself to live each moment as it comes to me. Sometimes I lose patience or get upset over trivial nonsense I put myself in a context from people from whom I feel wronged until I realize my error and recenter myself.

Overcoming mental illness was not easy, but highly productive.
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I am on that journey and it is NOT easy by no means. We have been taught so much by our parents, teachers, etc. but at the wonderful age of 60, I had to do a little searching for myself. To let go of anxiety, fear, people pleasing, etc. I applaud you, its not easy working on inner self. My counselor once told me a lot of people do not work on their inner self because it is so hard to do and she is so right. But its SO WELL WORTH IT!!
 
Bonnie said:
Say good-bye to my husband at the hospital, as I waited for the ambulance to take him to the funeral home.
... always with me
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Like Bonnie, that's mine. Holding his lifeless body and knowing that when I walked out of the emergency room, I'd never see him again. Just one more minute, just one more minute..... What helped was signing the papers for donation of salvageable parts, knowing that parts of him would live on.

The second hardest was getting on a plane to fly across the country to try to get to my sister's side before she died. I didn't make it on time.
 
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What’s the hardest thing you have done?

Mr. Ed said:
Overcoming mental illness was not easy, but highly productive.
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Visiting my first born son in a secured mental ward (seeing him chained head to toe), before he was diagnosed with catatonic schizophrenia.
That was a tough one, probably the toughest

I'd post my story on that one, but it's been posted too many times
I don't mind re-reading it, just don't wish to upset anyone

Gaer said:
It's not that I can't go there, I refuse to go there! A negative thought and a positive thought cannot occupy the mind at the same time
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I get that
Darkness can never exist in light
Yet light can remove darkness
 
Single parenting my three children after a divorce in two different states, trying to recoup thru my last two major surgeries was rough....
and living thru each day while my son was in Iraq and injured....
like so many others above, I've never been affected by any particular death in the family cuz I moved away from them at 21....my heart goes out to everyone who suffered the grief and loss of someone close.
 
Having to make myself move forward for the sake of my 4 children (ages 1,2,4,and 6) after my husband died suddenly on the tennis court at the age of 46. I was 36. Raising all 4 while hurting inside from the loss of my husband of 12 years (never remarried) was an overwhelming challenge but at the same time I enjoyed creating the most "normal" happy childhood as possible for them, while doing my best to spread my attention equally for each one.

I moved us from CA to VA (closer to family) and told the realtor that I didn't care so much about what the house looked like but I wanted a pasture for horses, a big oak tree for a rope swing, an area to grow a vegetable garden, a stream in the woods, a view of the Blue Ridge Mountains with sunrises and sunsets, a great school and community, a nice church...and also ended up with a pool I didn't request but built a very secure fence around it and it was a joy. We had cherry trees and apple trees. And 5 acres to roam.

We took lots of family vacations. I gave them each 3 extracurricular activities to get involved in which made 12 for me to drive to and from, attend soccer games, baseball, tennis teams, ballet, horsebackriding lessons and shows (I even got a horse trailer...never choose a sport you have to pull along behind you :ROFLMAO: ), music lessons, field hockey games, and ice hockey, swim team, birthday parties and more. We did lots of art projects.

Don't get me wrong...we had our struggles too...it wasn't all fun all the time for them. There were hospital visits, therapists, school issues, etc.

And I wonder sometimes if it would have been better for me to be a working mom so the kids could see that part of reality. You know, that the things we had and the things we did together don't come without hard work. I went back to work but not until they left for college. Plus, I kind of lost myself in the children...never having time to date and marry..rarely having adult conversation.

But they remind me often of how grateful they are for their childhood memories which I give credit to their Dad for making it all possible financially. We're all a close-knit family now.
 
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I have had quite a few very hard periods in my life. Each time, I think this is the hardest. Being a single parent of an adult disabled child who now, at 50, includes mental issues that were not evident before. Or at least not that apparent. This is a never ending responsibility. I have been considering getting some counseling for myself to learn how to deal with it.
 
Ladybj said:
WOW!! that's hard. I pray you and your brother can find your way back to each other.
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After a decade my brother not talking to me because off I told him what a self centered piece of work he was, the virus has made him realize that life is too short and he has started talking to me again. Which means that his wife, who I really like, is free to talk to me again.

He hasn’t changed, but apparently he’s gotten over what I said 😂.
 
gennie said:
Hardest thing for me was burying my child.
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I can certainly relate to this. When our baby died no one thought to take a picture of him for me, but husband waited till I was out of the hospital so I could deal with and arrange the funeral. We were so young. It was so hard as he was born Christmas Day and died two days later. 😥

Among the pictures of my other children there sits a picture of Matthew’s casket.
 
Gary O' said:
What’s the hardest thing you have done?


Visiting my first born son in a secured mental ward (seeing him chained head to toe), before he was diagnosed with catatonic schizophrenia.
That was a tough one, probably the toughest

I'd post my story on that one, but it's been posted too many times
I don't mind re-reading it, just don't wish to upset anyone


I get that
Darkness can never exist in light
Yet light can remove darkness
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I find at times when things get unbearable it's best not to bottle it up but to let it out so I'm always willing to lend an ear GO. Always. You have my word on that.
 
FastTrax said:
I find at times when things get unbearable it's best not to bottle it up but to let it out so I'm always willing to lend an ear GO. Always. You have my word on that.
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Oh, I hardly ever bottle things up.
I just don't care to bore anyone, especially when it's been posted more than once.

But, here 'tis;

I just watched the movie 'Shine' last night

.....reminded me of my eldest son

was hard to hold emotion thru some parts

was much harder for my Lady

but we remained

riveted

My son
Excelled in academics
Skipped grades
Won awards
Became somewhat sought after
Mensa
Artistic things hung in municipal halls
Life for him was just too slow apace
Stayed up for days at a time
He’d regurgitate all his thoughts to his mother and I
It was a bit suffocating

Then one day he came to me in my shop
....and began crying, telling me he felt he was going crazy,
but unable to put his feelings into words
I hugged him
Told him all kids go thru puberty and change
‘this too shall pass’ kinda thing

The next years are a blur
I guess maybe I never have wished to dwell on the events in those years

I’ll try to piece some together on my own, as I know better than to ask my lady


He ended up in prison
At 19
Advancing from a minimum security facility to OSP
And on to ‘thunderdome’
Where nobody wants to go

Tried to arrange visits
Rejected countless times
Talked to OSP counselors
‘forget your son, concentrate on your other children’

We got a call
OSP does not call anyone
‘You need to see your son’

The visiting area was like a staging zone for zoo critters
Steel tables, benches, cemented in
Chain link walls and doors
He was led in by guards
Shackled head to toe
Made to sit
Unseeing eyes
No recognition
Indistinguishable utterances
He stunk to high heaven
Never looked our way

On the way home I had to pull over, off the freeway
I don’t remember the last time I cried
Maybe as a small child...
But
Never wept like that in my life
And have yet too since
Bitter
Helpless
Godless
Utter hopelessness

A week (?) later we got another call
He was being transferred to the psych ward across the street
Where ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest’ was filmed

We were told he had quit eating entirely
Weighed 90 lbs
A guard carried him across the street in his arms

We were led to the visiting area
Typical booth like situation for visitors
Only, the other side of the glass was something from a zombie movie
We got to watch him attempt to drink milk and cry

My lady had a very hard time
I went alone
Weeks of visiting later, he was released
Just like that

After 7 years of maximum security

to us

I do not do well when cleaning up men with uncontrolled body functions

Triage
Nut bins
Meds

It’s all a blur

Somewhere in there, when he was still cognizant, I did a bit of a fraught thing…

We talked about his options
He wanted to go camping

So

Him and I packed his meager belongings

Bought him some basic camp stuff

Drove him to the Trask river area


And dropped him off

while it began to rain

Ever do something that gave you immediate relief, knowing the end result would probably not be optimal?

The sack of cats Dad would have me toss out the window of a speeding Chevy may have had an influence

On the way back home, I tried not to think.

Still

Thoughts crept in

Maybe he’d just lie there curled in his sleeping bag
Inert
Oblivious
Until days later large birds of prey would dine on his remains

It’s all a blur

They found him 300 miles south
Incoherent

The Tillamook women’s mental health facility asked us to take him back 'he can't stay here'

More triage

Got him hooked up with a place called Luke-Dorf

General population nut bin for semi-functional goofballs
Then what they call the quad
Then paired up in a shared apartment
And now
On his own
On a budget

I figger the tax payer’s dollars for this are from this tax payer

During these times he’d ever so often not take his meds
Sometimes it was because they changed colors or shapes and he didn’t think they were right
Sometimes it was just because he thought he no longer needed them
Always ended with me going over there, reattaching his phone, and fishing his glasses outa the toilet.

He’s as functional now as you and me, first look.

As long as he takes his meds.

Sorry
This is jumbled time line mess
My lady can recite the events like they happened yesterday
7 or more years of them
I will not take her there
 
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