Oh, I hardly ever bottle things up.
I just don't care to bore anyone, especially when it's been posted more than once.
But, here 'tis;
I just watched the movie 'Shine' last night
.....reminded me of my eldest son
was hard to hold emotion thru some parts
was much harder for my Lady
but we remained
riveted
My son
Excelled in academics
Skipped grades
Won awards
Became somewhat sought after
Mensa
Artistic things hung in municipal halls
Life for him was just too slow apace
Stayed up for days at a time
He’d regurgitate all his thoughts to his mother and I
It was a bit suffocating
Then one day he came to me in my shop
....and began crying, telling me he felt he was going crazy,
but unable to put his feelings into words
I hugged him
Told him all kids go thru puberty and change
‘this too shall pass’ kinda thing
The next years are a blur
I guess maybe I never have wished to dwell on the events in those years
I’ll try to piece some together on my own, as I know better than to ask my lady
He ended up in prison
At 19
Advancing from a minimum security facility to OSP
And on to ‘thunderdome’
Where nobody wants to go
Tried to arrange visits
Rejected countless times
Talked to OSP counselors
‘forget your son, concentrate on your other children’
We got a call
OSP does not call anyone
‘You need to see your son’
The visiting area was like a staging zone for zoo critters
Steel tables, benches, cemented in
Chain link walls and doors
He was led in by guards
Shackled head to toe
Made to sit
Unseeing eyes
No recognition
Indistinguishable utterances
He stunk to high heaven
Never looked our way
On the way home I had to pull over, off the freeway
I don’t remember the last time I cried
Maybe as a small child...
But
Never wept like that in my life
And have yet too since
Bitter
Helpless
Godless
Utter hopelessness
A week (?) later we got another call
He was being transferred to the psych ward across the street
Where ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest’ was filmed
We were told he had quit eating entirely
Weighed 90 lbs
A guard carried him across the street in his arms
We were led to the visiting area
Typical booth like situation for visitors
Only, the other side of the glass was something from a zombie movie
We got to watch him attempt to drink milk and cry
My lady had a very hard time
I went alone
Weeks of visiting later, he was released
Just like that
After 7 years of maximum security
to us
I do not do well when cleaning up men with uncontrolled body functions
Triage
Nut bins
Meds
It’s all a blur
Somewhere in there, when he was still cognizant, I did a bit of a fraught thing…
We talked about his options
He wanted to go camping
So
Him and I packed his meager belongings
Bought him some basic camp stuff
Drove him to the Trask river area
And dropped him off
while it began to rain
Ever do something that gave you immediate relief, knowing the end result would probably not be optimal?
The sack of cats Dad would have me toss out the window of a speeding Chevy may have had an influence
On the way back home, I tried not to think.
Still
Thoughts crept in
Maybe he’d just lie there curled in his sleeping bag
Inert
Oblivious
Until days later large birds of prey would dine on his remains
It’s all a blur
They found him 300 miles south
Incoherent
The Tillamook women’s mental health facility asked us to take him back 'he can't stay here'
More triage
Got him hooked up with a place called Luke-Dorf
General population nut bin for semi-functional goofballs
Then what they call the quad
Then paired up in a shared apartment
And now
On his own
On a budget
I figger the tax payer’s dollars for this are from this tax payer
During these times he’d ever so often not take his meds
Sometimes it was because they changed colors or shapes and he didn’t think they were right
Sometimes it was just because he thought he no longer needed them
Always ended with me going over there, reattaching his phone, and fishing his glasses outa the toilet.
He’s as functional now as you and me, first look.
As long as he takes his meds.
Sorry
This is jumbled time line mess
My lady can recite the events like they happened yesterday
7 or more years of them
I will not take her there
❣
but thank you dear friend
