What Do You Believe is or are the keys to a good relationship of many kinds?

[Ronni]

Honesty and trust are mentioned a lot, but they're really hard sometimes in close relationships esp. spouses and family. I think accepting the limits of how far those might go with a person is key. If you know there's a line in the sand, and you can't trust beyond that on whatever issue, it alters your expectations in a good/sad way. It doesn't stop the hurt from wishing there was no need for the line in the sand, but it does give a structure to what you can expect and a framework to try to forgive beyond that.

As far as making friends, enjoying similar things is great, but also appreciating another's differences and having that reciprocated is wonderful.

My son #2 is an addict. He's been in recovery now for several years, the longest stretch in these many years of his addiction. At one time my trust in him was absolute, the same way it is with all my other children (I have 5.) As his addiction progressed, I found myself trusting him less and less to the point where I considered him completely untrustworthy and dishonest, and a liar. It's just the way it is with addicts.

Over time, as he's worked so hard on his recovery, and continued to progress emotionally and spiritually, I have regained some trust in him. It isn't absolute, and I don't know if it ever will be again. But I believe that one can re-build trust after betrayal, and that's what he's doing. It's not anything I've ever asked him to do, but he is aware of how much trust he's broken with every member of his family, and is working hard to rebuild it....as HIS own choice, and not anything any of us have said to him.

If I didn't know it before, I do know it now...it IS possible to regain trust over time, but the reach for that to happen has to be from the person who has broken trust in the first place, as a very first step towards building it back up.