What do you say to a friend who says they feel a lot of guilt over their past?

H

hypochondriac

Senior Member
Location
Australia
1.Don't worry be happy?
2. Don't live in the past. Live in the future?
3. Don't live in the past live in the present?
4. Don't live in your head?
5. Don't live?
6. Just forgive yourself mate and move on. Life's too short.
7. something else
8. Get over it. Stop dwelling on your own problems all the time.
 

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But then you might be curious what they feel guilty for. There's the risk of judgement then. There was a story in the paper recently about a young mother who accidentally reversed their car over their own child and killed them. That must be just dreadful guilt. My heart goes out to such people. But even people who do worse things too.
 
Pepper said:
I'd say:
If you can make amends in the present, do so. If you can't, well, there's no going back, no way to change things, you must let it go..........or suffer it for the rest of your life.
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I do like that

It's happened to me on occasion
No horrible events
Just reliving the dregs of the past
I've said things like...'Buddy, yer past has grown the last 20 minutes of yer little rerun, and both our futures have shrunk'
'What say we have another IPA, and if we must dwell on something from ago, let's discuss best beers of our past'
 
what ever it may be =and most of us on here have stuff we would rather forget -big /small / we do forget most of the time
but sometimes it raises its ugly head and' hi iam still here )- but not dwelling is the thing or it will drag u right down .. so u move along
and live the life u have ..
 
My brother is 73. He got prostate cancer a few years back. and almost died last year. he said he's feeling better now except for the stress and guilt of thinking about his past. And that his wife has to be his fulltime carer despite being busy with other responsibilities.. One example was an unrequited affair he had in his forties. he started writing to a woman he fell in love with. Plus guilt over a bad relationship with his son.. I feel like a gossip now but I just wanted to give you an example of guilt people feel. My own past is far from squeaky clean. very far. I cant remember what I said to him. .something banal like "ah....; we all feel guilt about something Virgil"
 
I don't think you can solve anyone's guilt. Certainly no-one has ever solved mine!

I've had my share of folks spilling out their guilt to me. I have volunteered over the years with organizations or support groups that deal with abuse, addiction etc., the things that have had had a major impact on my life. I've pretty much learned to just listen when someone feels guilty. Often all they want is an audience for their thoughts, a way to vent and discharge all that emotion, someone to be a sympathetic witness to their suffering. I usually don't say much other than encouraging them to talk, and will only give an opinion or advice if asked for, which usually I'm not. Typically they just want to to spill it and have someone let them know they were heard.

If I ever am asked for advice I absolutely will NOT tell them how they should feel, or that their guilt is misplaced etc., because I try SO hard to not judge anyone else. I usually just mention that guilt keeps one in the past, and that it's so much healthier to live in the present while planning for the future, and will ask them to tell me about future plans, what's going on right now etc.
 
No, I don't feel guilty over my past. Do I think I might have done somethings differently? Well, yeah, but I'm not crying about it. I did what I did, because of who I am, and the circumstances at the time. If I could go back in time, since I didn't change me, nor change the world; most, probably , I'd have the same out come. And it's not like I left a trail of bodies or something in my past.
 

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