What Folks Say...

[Liberty]

Think my mom might have been known to tell some of our house guests "don't mistake my endurance for hospitality".

 

[JaniceM]

When you're nice they say you're "too nice," a coward, a weenie, a pushover...

When you get assertive they say you are mean, aggressive, B*@$&, and many other things...

So, what folks say is just BS in my opinion

So, what else do they say?

But this thread is also for you and everyone else to say whatever else others say that is questionable. Thanks.

First and second sentences- agreed.
Third sentence, though- it depends on the individual and the situation.
One thing I've only started to grasp quite recently: background/lifestyle differences can cause misunderstandings, and can be very very messy.
(plz understand I'm trying to type/post this fast because I don't know how long I can run PC without it overheating- so I hope this doesn't come out a garbled mess).

One early-on situation:
I a) followed the rules;
b) stated the facts;
c) showed consideration for others.

One morning when I noticed refrigerator was leaking and it was extreme, I followed what lease said to do: informed landlord. I was mainly concerned it might damage the floor. However, when the individual showed up, he remarked in his usual snide sarcastic tone: "So, now you want us to buy you a brand-new refrigerator!"
I was dumbfounded- hadn't said or expected any such thing. However, my response seemed to make matters worse: I stated the facts- that I know nothing about refrigerators, thought it might be a loose wire or some other minor mechanical problem that could easily be fixed. Jerk took this with smug satisfaction, like he thought he'd successfully intimidated me into not asking for a new one.

Well, he then said refrigerator was very old and should have been replaced years earlier (probably by previous landlord's maintenance guys), and he said he'd bring a new one the next day.
When this didn't occur, I followed my usual consideration-for-others- first, I know landlords are busy, have other apartments/buildings/tenants to deal with, and so I didn't make an issue of it. Second, though, as I figured refrigerators are expensive, and didn't know how wealthy the landlords were, I thought perhaps they simply couldn't afford to replace it at that time. I was a little curious, though, when a neighbor pointed out large appliance boxes being taken to nearby apartments, remarking "Lookit that- THOSE people are getting all brand-new stuff!"

However, as I hadn't made a big issue of it, new refrigerator eventually arrived nearly five months later.
At the time, I wasn't aware landlords are under legal obligation to deal with such issues within seven days.

That was only one example. Not only are there huge differences between myself and this jerk, but also background differences between myself and neighbors- as he managed to intimidate others into not speaking up for their rights, not asking for help, etc., he apparently believes he's succeeded in doing the same with me, too. Complicating matters further, I developed the habit of not saying anything confrontational to individuals who've already shown themselves many times to be both untrustworthy and dishonest.

In that situation or similar- do you think I did anything wrong, or something I should have done differently?

 

[Aunt Marg]

First and second sentences- agreed.
Third sentence, though- it depends on the individual and the situation.
One thing I've only started to grasp quite recently: background/lifestyle differences can cause misunderstandings, and can be very very messy.
(plz understand I'm trying to type/post this fast because I don't know how long I can run PC without it overheating- so I hope this doesn't come out a garbled mess).

One early-on situation:
I a) followed the rules;
b) stated the facts;
c) showed consideration for others.

One morning when I noticed refrigerator was leaking and it was extreme, I followed what lease said to do: informed landlord. I was mainly concerned it might damage the floor. However, when the individual showed up, he remarked in his usual snide sarcastic tone: "So, now you want us to buy you a brand-new refrigerator!"
I was dumbfounded- hadn't said or expected any such thing. However, my response seemed to make matters worse: I stated the facts- that I know nothing about refrigerators, thought it might be a loose wire or some other minor mechanical problem that could easily be fixed. Jerk took this with smug satisfaction, like he thought he'd successfully intimidated me into not asking for a new one.

Well, he then said refrigerator was very old and should have been replaced years earlier (probably by previous landlord's maintenance guys), and he said he'd bring a new one the next day.
When this didn't occur, I followed my usual consideration-for-others- first, I know landlords are busy, have other apartments/buildings/tenants to deal with, and so I didn't make an issue of it. Second, though, as I figured refrigerators are expensive, and didn't know how wealthy the landlords were, I thought perhaps they simply couldn't afford to replace it at that time. I was a little curious, though, when a neighbor pointed out large appliance boxes being taken to nearby apartments, remarking "Lookit that- THOSE people are getting all brand-new stuff!"

However, as I hadn't made a big issue of it, new refrigerator eventually arrived nearly five months later.
At the time, I wasn't aware landlords are under legal obligation to deal with such issues within seven days.

That was only one example. Not only are there huge differences between myself and this jerk, but also background differences between myself and neighbors- as he managed to intimidate others into not speaking up for their rights, not asking for help, etc., he apparently believes he's succeeded in doing the same with me, too. Complicating matters further, I developed the habit of not saying anything confrontational to individuals who've already shown themselves many times to be both untrustworthy and dishonest.

In that situation or similar- do you think I did anything wrong, or something I should have done differently?

I see not a single thing wrong with how you conducted yourself.

 

[Ellwood970]

I learned at a young age to pay no attention to dumb remarks. The common one was passive aggressive, no one can define that one, it is just a catch phrase.