What is the best response to this?

H

hellomimi

Namaste šŸ™
Location
City of Angels
I'd like to seek advice from seniors rich in experiences and wisdom. I received text with an ABBA song ~ Take a Chance on Me. He said listen to the lyrics carefully that express my feelings for you.


Background story, I met this guy 6 months ago who volunteers for the organization I work for. We'd chat during breaks, never about work but about life in general. He's a widower, childless, and an established businessman. My friends say he'$$$$$ the perfect catch šŸ¤£. In one of our talks, he asked about my lovelife and I said there's men pursuing me (he knows this) but I'm just getting to know them at this stage. He greeted me via txt last TG and I replied back a couple of hours later. He called yesterday but I was out shopping so I sent him VM that I'd call back...but...I totally forgot when I got home.

We treat each other as good friends (at least on my part), there's no romantic sparks at all. How do I respond to the message he's trying to convey? He's a great guy, but I am not attracted to him. I call him brother hoping he'd take the hint that even if we're getting close, it is not going to progress to a romantic relationship. He knows I'm a friend to all, so it's not like he's a special male friend.

I'd like to hear from y'all the choice of words to say that won't make him feel there's a chance it will be us. I don't want to hurt his feelings either and I know somehow I have to come up with an answer <sigh>
 

Devi said:
I would be up front about it. Tell him the truth. At least you may keep him as a friend, rather than him seeing you as a liar ... which would be worse.

Edit: so sayeth my husband.
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What choice of words do you suggest to avoid hurting him? There's a part in the song ~ you don't wanna hurt me. Baby don't worry I ain't gonna get you. He knows me enough to be assured I mean no harm to anyone.
 

In reverse ... send him a video back, and tell him to listen to the words
(Sorry, I know this video is a little too Country and Texas sounding) .. but the sentiment is there. :)

 
win231 said:
There is really no way to be honest without hurting him to some degree. The hurt can be minimized but not completely avoided.
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Thank you. I need to hear it's okay even if the message says he's strong and he can take it.

If I see him next week, is it fine not to mention it when we get the chance to talk?
 
hellomimi said:
Thank you. I need to hear it's okay even if the message says he's strong and he can take it.

If I see him next week, is it fine not to mention it when we get the chance to talk?
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If he's reasonably intelligent, he should get it by your lack of interest in romance with him. If he doesn't get it, it may be necessary to discuss it, especially if he's the "Denial Type."
 
I'm the type of friend who keeps in touch with them every so often. I give them space when they need it but I tell them I'll be there to talk anytime. In this situation, I'm afraid he may be more emotionally bonded to me if I continue to be myself. Among my hispanic friends, we say Ā”Cuidate! to one another often.
 
Bonnie said:
In reverse ... send him a video back, and tell him to listen to the words
(Sorry, I know this video is a little too Country and Texas sounding) .. but the sentiment is there. :)

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He may be lonely for female companionship--BUT NOT likely. He's a GROWN ESTABLISHED BUSINESSMAN he claims. You need not worry about hurting his feelings, his ego maybe, but not his feeling. Tell him straight out you enjoy doing things with him, ........... the same as you do with other friends........
 
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Hellomimi, the thought suddenly came over me for you to break off with the guy as soon as you safely can. I worry that he may be the vengeful type and he may get to the point of anger over not having you only to himself. OR maybe I watch too many episodes of Twilight Zone.? LOL!
 
Elsie said:
Hellomimi, the thought suddenly came over me for you to break off with the guy as soon as you safely can. I worry that he may be the vengeful type and he may get to the point of anger over not having you only to himself. OR maybe I watch too many episodes of Twilight Zone.? LOL!
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No, I don't worry about that. We're not in a relationship so no break up necessary. If I met him online and didn't get to see his work ethic, there's reason to worry. He's a decent person and if possible, I'd like to keep his friendship. But now that he revealed his intentions, I may have to tell him he's gonna stay in friend zone a long time. If he ghosts me, I lost a good friend; I just have to deal with it.
 
hellomimi said:
I'd like to hear from y'all the choice of words to say that won't make him feel there's a chance it will be us. I don't want to hurt his feelings either and I know somehow I have to come up with an answer
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Seize the opportunity (suggestive remark) when it next rises;
Take his hand
Look him in the eye
Tell him 'I really enjoy your friendship'
Then, let go of his hand.....and walk away
 
I would just tell him the truth or if he doesn't know you're looking just tell him you're not interested in any relationship right now. If that's all he wants from you is someone to sleep with or whatever then it may be in your best interest to let that one get away given how you feel.
 
Ren said:
Tell him you have the perfect woman for him. Your good friend would be a perfect match
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I don't know anyone he will likely find interesting. I'm the apple of his eye right now. Hopefully, out of sight, out of mind? We'll see...

I'm afraid to play cupid, the ones I tried to match here wasn't successful. šŸ¤­šŸ¤šŸ¤£
 
I'll tell him; I'm just finding the right words to say to cushion the blow. Hopefully, he gets attracted to another volunteer that is attracted to him also. <X fingers>
 
I've had relationships that started out as strictly friendships turn into more. Friendship is the basis for a good relationship. The zing wears off anyway. I'd say go for it. Honestly let him know where you are and then see if it grows into more.
 
If it were me being the man in this situation I'd want you to say "I like you a lot but just not romantically." If you say this and he asks why I'd recommend you say "There isn't a romantic spark when you're with him." You can substitute "romantic chemistry" for "a romantic spark" if that is more like what you'd say.
 
Maybe tell him that you donā€™t feel like you know him well enough to ā€œtake a chanceā€ with him yet. Keep it light. Keep the door open, but only slightly ajar. Or if you are really sure already that a relationship with him would never go anywhere, just tell him you really like him as a friend and would rather just keep it that way.
 

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