What we expected from our missus when we married them, (and vice versa!)

[grahamg]

It seems your title should have been what do couples expect from one another. I think those are good questions to ask that opens up necessary dialogs about important real life issues. I keep reading that most fights and divorces are due to financial reasons. If you don't know the real deal about your potential spouse's finances and financial habits, real trouble can be coming down the pike. Also I didn't see the question about which religion would the couples want their children to follow if the parents have two different religious beliefs.

I think sometimes (maybe often) men assume the wife should do the cooking and cleaning while the wife expects the husband to chip in. After they are married is not the time to discover the each other's different expectations. I feel that the questions and points in the OP can be discussed in conversations that don't wind up seeming like interrogations. To do so might avoid some heartbreaking, marriage ending discoveries down the road.

Using your suggested title, (that's as close to mine as makes no difference in my view), I do believe each of us should take the trouble to try to understand what anyone telling us they love us really means, (others on this thread have suggested how this should be done I seem to recall).

 

[Nathan]

How can anyone hate a divorce lawyer

It can be a dangerous line of work, the opposing parties are super-emotionally charged, every issue turns into an affront to one or the other.
Child custody, property division, support matters(ie: alimony) make people crazy. Some lawyers advise their clients to participate in 'dirty' tricks, in order to motivate their ex. Some lawyers get confronted-assaulted...and worse by such enraged litigants.

 

[grahamg]

It can be a dangerous line of work, the opposing parties are super-emotionally charged, every issue turns into an affront to one or the other.
Child custody, property division, support matters(ie: alimony) make people crazy. Some lawyers advise their clients to participate in 'dirty' tricks, in order to motivate their ex. Some lawyers get confronted-assaulted...and worse by such enraged litigants.

I've heard of that too, (strange how excluding someone from their children stirs up such emotions - said tongue in cheek of course!).

 

[grahamg]

Maybe time to have a go at the twenty expert questions, as laid out in the OP perhaps:

Now for the experts views on what we should all know for you to pull apart:

Question #1: What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?
Grahamg response: "As little as possible"!

Question #2: Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization?
Grahamg response: "Probably different,......, I'll clean the yard, (when I feel like it), and do my bit in the house, but every day, are you kidding"!

Question #3: How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Ten? Who is responsible for which portion? Now? In one year? Five? Ten?
Grahamg response: "Not telling"!

Question #4: What is our ultimate financial goal regarding annual income, and when do we anticipate achieving it? By what means, and through what efforts?
Grahamg response: "Comfortable enough"!

Question #5: What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend?
Grahamg response: "Insurance no problem, holidays and travel okay if not too expensive, clothing, well what's wrong with secondhand"?

Question #6: How much time will each of us spend at work, and during what hours? Do we begin work early? Will we prefer to work into the evening?
Grahamg response: "8 hours".

Question #7: If one of us doesn't want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be okay?
Grahamg response: "If we can stand each others company well enough, no problem for us both to retire".

Question #8: How ambitious are you? Are we comfortable with the other's level of ambition?
Grahamg response: "Ambition steady"!

Question #9: Am I comfortable giving and receiving love sexually? In sex, does my partner feel my love for him or her?
Grahamg response: "Lest said the better these days".

Question #10: Are we satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched? A little? A lot? For a night? A week? A month? A year? More?
Grahamg response: ""A year", wont we both have forgotten procedure in that time"?

Question #11: Do we eat meals together? Which ones? Who is responsible for the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Who cleans up afterward?
Grahamg response: "Yes, I'm okay for whoever is best at the cooking taking responsibility, (seems only sensible and I'm only average for a bloke)".

Question #12: Is each of us happy with the other's approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (e.g., smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?
Grahamg response: "I promise to not overdo the dieting, rest of it no issue - is that okay"?

Question #13: a).What place does the other's family play in our family life? b).How often do we visit or socialize together? c).If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? d).How often?
Grahamg response: Good questions, a). Close enough. b). At least once. c). Not likely! d). Once a year.

Question #14: If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have with their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together?
Grahamg response: "I'll do my best to make those grand kids feel as happy as can be"!

Question #15: Will we have children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to each of us?
Grahamg response: "Enough already"!

Question #16: How will having a child change the way we live now? Will we want to take time off from work, or work a reduced schedule? For how long? Will we need to rethink who is responsible for housekeeping?
Grahamg response: "N/A"

Question #17: Are we satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends we currently have? Would we like to be more involved socially? Are we overwhelmed socially and need to cut back on such commitments?
Grahamg response: "Friends you say,...., mine are mostly awful but they'll have to do"!

Question #18: What are my partner's needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?
Grahamg response: "Now we're on dangerous territory,..., are we thinking gossiping windbags here"?

Question #19: Do we share a religion? Do we belong to a church, synagogue, mosque or temple? More than one? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation?
Grahamg response: "Okay with religion/religions".

Question #20: Does one of us have an individual spiritual practice? Is the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? Does each partner understand and respect the other's choices?
Grahamg response: "No problem at all".

There you are, piece of cake really.

 

[grahamg]

Modern day relationships update for those of a certain age: