What would you do?

Gary O' said:
These kinda threads always cause me to ask myself what I’d do

Mainly due to this;



However
Some cause me to think ‘why would I?’

This is wunna them

Why would I continue with incorrigible inlaws of my deceased mate?
Reminisce about the good times? Really?

Sure, attend the memorial of your husband
Maybe even say some things…about him

Then…fffffft, gone

They no longer exist, either

No bantering
No drama
No more ill feelings
No feelings at all
Life is just too short
So, get on with it, not theirs
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I'm with the G man on this one, screw em! If it would make you feel better to give them a piece of your mind before walking away then by all means do. If not just walk away and forget they exist. I've been estranged from some very close family members of mine for about 20 years now and I've never felt better, so much less stress!
 

debbie in seattle said:
A little background.......My oldest daughter (mid 40’s) doesn’t really like being around my deceased husbands family. This summer when we had a memorial service for him at the family compound, she showed up. My husband has a HUGE family with 3 sisters running the whole show (bitching, carrying on, spreading gossip, etc). One sis in law has decided every time she sees me, she bitches about my daughter, but always prefaces it with ‘we’ meaning the three sisters. First time I was speechless, but this bitching has continued with no stopping or cooling down. My reaction to tell her off and shut her damned mouth but I’m trying to take a higher road. It’s nonstop with the sister in law. She’s even said that my daughter is ‘not welcome’ around the family. I’ve also thought of asking her how she would feel if I said that kind of stuff about her three kids. Yea, yea, petty. I’m trying to be kind and nice to these folks, but man, this one is hard.

What would you do?
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debbie in seattle, I feel so bad for what your husband's family is acting. Taking the "high road" won't stop the sister's potty mouth. I think you do have to tell her or any of them how you feel although in a nice way and leave her alone until she can talk to you nicely, she will learn what you will or won't tolerate from her. The family as a whole will either try hard to keep you in or they will slowly push you out in time. I wish you luck.
 
I know what I would do. I'd put my arm around my daughter, look those 3 ugly-step-sisters square in the eye...then smile and say, "I'm Mama Bear and if anyone hurts my baby I'll eat them for lunch" :playful:
 

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There's a saying about how people will only treat you (or her) as poorly as you allow them. Myself, I'm too old for petty nonsense and toxic people. After the memorial was over, I simply would not be around them again. Your daughter needs to know you have her back, and you surely don't enjoy being around that negativity.
 
What others have said...people will only treat you as badly as you allow. You don't need to be around them, and your daughter doesn't, either. It's past time to wipe their names off your slate. Think of the perfect cutting remark to use on them in the unfortunate event that you ever see them again. Cut them out of your live (and hers) and be done with it.
 
debbie in seattle said:
A little background.......My oldest daughter (mid 40’s) doesn’t really like being around my deceased husbands family. This summer when we had a memorial service for him at the family compound, she showed up. My husband has a HUGE family with 3 sisters running the whole show (bitching, carrying on, spreading gossip, etc). One sis in law has decided every time she sees me, she bitches about my daughter, but always prefaces it with ‘we’ meaning the three sisters. First time I was speechless, but this bitching has continued with no stopping or cooling down. My reaction to tell her off and shut her damned mouth but I’m trying to take a higher road. It’s nonstop with the sister in law. She’s even said that my daughter is ‘not welcome’ around the family. I’ve also thought of asking her how she would feel if I said that kind of stuff about her three kids. Yea, yea, petty. I’m trying to be kind and nice to these folks, but man, this one is hard.

What would you do?
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I wouldn't take the high road or the low road. I would take the service road and get out of there
 
I'm assuming your deceased husband is not your daughter's father. Having said that, have your own memorial service or get-togethers without these out-laws. You can have your own family around you for comfort and support rather than grieve your deceased husband and take grief from his family. You are no longer connected to them and you don't owe them anything. If I were dealing with a situation like that, cutting away would be my idea of taking the high road. I would leave the low-life on the low road.
 
Um..a difficult situation and plenty of good advice in the posts in here. These inlaws are saddo's and wrapped up in their nastiness. Not easy to walk away but it can be done with a determined will to. My thought are of Karma and what goes around comes around but sometimes it takes a long time in our mortal terms. I've experienced good and bad Karma in my lifetime. but I can't explain it. I know this is easy for me to say but these people are to be pitied, as it's their loss not having a good relationship with you and your Daughter. Keep strong and yes, try to walk away. noit easy, I know. Their actions are a form of bullying. Dont them get you down
 
I wish I had noticed the very old date on the Original Post of this thread, :oops::rolleyes:
BEFORE I began reading it, TODAY.!!! o_O
🙃😆

I hope that Debbie still has a relationship with her adult daughter.

It was great of her daughter to go to that memorial, despite them, and it was the right thing for the daughter to do, just that one time, but oh my, if Debbie didn't set a limit to that situation, and "side with" her daughter if need be, then she might not.
 
@Kaila , you just post whenever and whatever you want on anything you find interesting in SFs past present or a new thread for the future. I don't understand why old threads bother anyone if there is still something to say or learn from them.

The only thing that ever bothers me is when someone posts a happy birthday thread for a member who came and went on the same day...years ago...and had nothing to post. Then everyone goes to all kinds of trouble to post pretty flower pics and cakes and then realize that b-day person will never even see it.
 
It's no one's fault I don't think. The software here has names from long ago in their archives and then they appear at the bottom of the Home page as a Birthday Alert. So then someone starts a birthday thread for them even if they don't recognize the name.

Best thing to do, if you don't recognize the name, is to click on the name and it will show you their join date and how many posts they made. That's what I do (to stay on topic) ☺
 
I didn’t even noticed it was a year old thread oh brother! I was just going to comment that I had something very similar happen in my family and I have disowned this individual because she just about destroyed me, I kept trying and trying to fix it and she used my humility to attack my jugular vein time and time again, you know the saying if you keep putting your hand on the stove you’re gonna keep getting burned, I finally wised up but it took me a long time...
 
hollydolly said:
This thread is A YEAR OLD!!!!
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LOL, I've noticed the old threads are usually resurrected by brand new members. They see an interesting title and don't notice how old the original post is. It's okay, I did it once and then realized it was a very old thread but could not delete my post. One of my own old threads "Extreme Isolation'' has been resurrected a couple of times. It's like giving mouth to mouth and the patient keeps dying over and over.
 
You know I don't think debbie wants to discuss this any more, and that is entirely her prerogative . She's been online recently and I'm sure would have joined in here if she felt she had something to add, so I think we should just respect her need just to vent...

I think anyone who finds themselves in a similar postion and who might want some support, can start another thread.. :giggle:
 
Catlady said:
Calling @debbie in seattle , could you update us nosy folks, is the situation still the same? Has it been resolved and how?

ADDED: Ooops, I was typing and didn't see your post Holly. It's Debbie's prerogative surely whether to respond and update. Sorry!
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Sure is... but I was just saying that she's been online today and I would have thought if she wanted to update this thread she would have, so I'm surmising that she just wanted a listening ear, and maybe doesn't want to comment further
 
Ahh, I‘m back. What has happened? I don’t answer the sis in laws (there’s only one who can’t stop asking, the others keep quiet). I don’t go to the country house any longer also. The one sis in law forgets about her own personal problems and focus’ on mine. Life will go on, but I‘m not going to be the focus of anyone’s attention.
 
debbie in seattle said:
Ahh, I‘m back. What has happened? I don’t answer the sis in laws (there’s only one who can’t stop asking, the others keep quiet). I don’t go to the country house any longer also. The one sis in law forgets about her own personal problems and focus’ on mine. Life will go on, but I‘m not going to be the focus of anyone’s attention.
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Good for you, Debbie! They say the worst way you can insult someone is by ignoring them, you're on the right track.
 


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