What would you do?

[debodun]

Imagine your a cleric at a funeral. There's a newly hired funeral director in charge. She starts the service 15 minutes ahead of schedule then leaves the room. When the service is over, she doesn't return to say or do anything. You, as the cleric, look for her only to find her doing something on her cell phone in another room. You point out that the funeral director is supposed offer the attendees the chance to file by the casket or at least dismiss them. She replies that she doesn't do things that way. Did she do anything wrong? If so, would you report it to the mortuary director or just let it go?

 

[Remy]

Report. She's not doing her job right. I'm sick of people thinking that on the job time is their cell phone time. No matter what the job is.

 

[debodun]

Say she indicated that she's just moved here from New York City and they do things differently there.

 

[Tish]

Wow! She needs to find some empathy.

 

[hollydolly]

Say she indicated that she's just moved here from New York City and they do things differently there.

is this an imaginary scenario ?

 

[Remy]

Say she indicated that she's just moved here from New York City and they do things differently there.

Say "nobody gives a s**t how they do things in New York City."

 

[debodun]

is this an imaginary scenario ?

I overheard it in church.

 

[carouselsilver]

That is awful! When I worked as a memorial counselor, I was amazed at how many people don't know to slow down and cede to a funeral procession. They would cut in, or blow their horns; then usually would sit there looking foolish as they recognized the funeral signs on the cars.

As for that woman, she can't blame a whole state for her obtuse behavior.

 

[Gaer]

Let it go!
Give no concern to things that are not even worth mentioning.
1. This is in the past.
2. This may or may not have happened.
3. This is only overheard gossip.

 

[Kika]

A funeral Director does just that. Directs the Funeral....from beginning to end.
No matter where it is. NYC gets blamed for a lot of things. An incomplete funeral should not be one of them. She should be reported.

 

[NorthernLight]

Things are done very differently from place to place. The last place I lived, they didn't even have funerals and everything that comes before and after. They had "memorials" with no casket -- sometimes weeks or months after the death.

Probably the funeral director should follow local custom, unless instructed otherwise.

 

[Judycat]

Don't worry about it. She should get her *** handed to her by the family. It's no one's business but theirs anyway.

 

[Been There]

I think most funerals that I have attended I have received a program when I entered the service. That program is expected to be followed because whoever has planned the funeral has probably also paid for it and they probably expect the program to be followed. I have attended some very large funerals, including Generals and Admirals. Those funerals are just as important as Aunt Helen’s and the family member’s wishes should be followed. If any complaints are going to be filed, it should be by the family, the Executor, or whoever was given the POA. In this situation, I would agree something is a bit off and someone needs to say something to the funeral director.

I just attended a funeral with 11 people in attendance. The man was a Vietnam War hero and received the CMH. His wishes were that only his immediate family were to attend at a graveside service and I thought the Funeral Director provided an excellent service. I was invited only because I visited him in a VA home as a volunteer and we had struck up a friendship. I hung on every word of his war stories. He died from exposure to Agent Orange at 77 years old.

 

[debodun]

The smallest service I ever attended involved 4 people and that was my father's brother. It was just me, a mutual friend, the pastor and the funeral director. It was a graveside service and the funeral director stood by the whole time.

 

[CarolfromTX]

15 minutes early? That says, loudly and clearly, “I want to get this over with.” She needs to find a new line of work.

 

[Gary O']

When the service is over, she doesn't return to say or do anything. You, as the cleric, look for her only to find her doing something on her cell phone in another room. You point out that the funeral director is supposed offer the attendees the chance to file by the casket or at least dismiss them. She replies that she doesn't do things that way. Did she do anything wrong? If so, would you report it to the mortuary director or just let it go?

What would you do?​

If I was the cleric?

I'd
Do the first order of business;
'offer the attendees the chance to file by the casket'
before too much time lapsed


Then address the director's lack to those that can do anything about it

And consider another career

Funerals are becoming less common

 

[oldpop]

My first thought would be we all have bad days. If it was one of mine in the casket I would probably mention it to the Director.

 

[Timewise 60+]

Should have been discussed before someone hired this person!

 

[win231]

I'd tell her, "You can just forget about directing my funeral."

 

[Knight]

I'm probably wrong but I thought the funeral director was to take care of the details like burial or cremation and other needs the family might need. Questioning the family about clergy & if they have a preference.

The clerics responsibility is to is to attend to those personal things like passing by the casket & other more personal needs the family has.

In the scenario presented I'd do nothing since IMO the funeral director did what is expected.

 

[Jules]

First, I believe Deb is just asking what we would do if happened to our family. The director failed to do her job. The family should contact the owner of the funeral home and explain that normal expectations were not met. They could also bring the cleric with them for this talk.

If this happened in a small town, word will get around quickly and they won’t have a business.

 

[debodun]

Also, I wanted to know if the cleric officiating should do anything.

 

[Jules]

The cleric probably should have had a quick chat with the family member and ask if they expected the filing by, etc to be done. In that case, they could have stepped in to direct things, even though not their duty. Maybe the family didn’t care.

Some people have little experience with funerals. I live in a place like northerlight mentioned; there’s rarely a funeral nor even a memorial.

 

[NorthernLight]

Also, I wanted to know if the cleric officiating should do anything.

If the funeral director wasn't doing the expected thing, the cleric could have done it. Filing past the casket isn't hard to organize.

Sounds like they were just too surprised to think clearly. It happens.