What you wish you knew in your 40s...advice?

V

vanc

New Member
Hi

I suppose this is an intro in some ways, but have a topic/query.

I am approaching mid 40s and I hope that is not against the forum rules. I have my few regular reading places/forums on the net and have for years thought it would be a great idea to access the wisdom of those older than me on the net. I'm finally trying to do this. I notice how people in their 20s, 30s no matter how intelligent can not grasp some things easily that come through life experience.

I don't think at any age one has it all figured out (or maybe not trying IS figuring it out), but I think there are some insights that come with age/experience. I'm going to try to live in the now. Very busy with kids and work. I know the familiar refrains about enjoying every day, working to live not the other way around etc.

I don't think I'm having a midlife crisis. I don't really believe in that. I'm very comfortable with getting older. I would love to get some education from those a decade, two, three, four etc older.

I'm very curious about things other than the stereotypical refrains as to what you wish you knew in your 40s. ...about just about anything.
 

I don't think I have discovered anything in my 60s that I didn't know in my 40s, or younger. You are the person you are whatever age you happen to be if you still have the mental capacity to think for yourself. I don't think that getting older gives you greater wisdom, or makes you better or worse than you were before, personality wise.
 
Interesting and humble perspective. There are cultures where the assumption is the opposite. That is age does equate to wisdom.

I often notice the difference between myself and someone younger. I think in 'western cultures' older people may downplay their own wisdom. The broader cultural belief is that age is undesirable. Youthful looks are promoted.

Wisdom is hardly recognized as a value even amongst those older.

For example, with due respect, I think some sane planet species would classify the human practice of dyeing hair to look younger as a mental illness.

Would love to hear from others on what wisdom they may impart on someone in 40s.
 

I haven't noticed that age gives people wisdom, that is for sure. But I have noticed that age makes unpleasant personality traits worse.
 
I am actually starting to notice something like that at those around my age. We perhaps let down our guard and care less about what others think. Care less about the impression we make.

After all superficial youthful looks account for the majority of impressing so we no longer play that game.

This 'just being ourselves' may seem to be a positive thing at first but perhaps we get a tad too comfortable.

I'm extrapolating and speculating...
 
I am just me, I have always been just me, I have never wanted to impress anyone. I will continue to be just me until I fall off my twig.
 
Would love to hear if someone has something to add in response to initial post in this thread. Thank you.
 
When I was in my 40's I thought I was old.. I had so much responsibility.. teenage kids.. a stressful job.. etc. NOW in my 60's I realize that I should have enjoyed my 40's more.. You are still very young and healthy then. Still very energetic and vibrant. I look at pictures of myself in my 40's and think "wow! I could have enjoyed my youth so much more".. So I guess my advise would be to make the most of that stage of life.
 
What do I wish I knew in my 40's? .... Easy answer ... that I would be facing life alone, without my departed husband in my 70's. ...
Maybe I would have 'toughened' up some along the way...:dunno: ... he led, I followed.
 
When I was in my forties, I was still struggling with creating a life and getting my act together and bringing up a child on my own. I believed in a lot of 'shoulds' that either mainstream society or alternative society advocated. Now that I'm in my 60s my life still isn't perfectly together, but I've let go of a lot of 'shoulds' and think more for myself - so it seems to be about being confident in my own judgement and sense of what is right. I could have been more relaxed about what I was doing in my 40s and easier on myself. Believing in yourself is the key because you know best what you want.
 
Vanc,
I think in my 40's I should have looked more to my own future. I too had a wearing career, was raising three grandchildren, and building a small five acer farm. What I did not consider was, loosing the career, that the children would really grow up and away, and that I my health and age would prevent me from the physical work of the farm.
We were so involved in what we were doing, that we didn't realize that we were setting ourselves for isolation in a time when we would need others help.
I recommend that you remember to talk of these things to your family. Make as many friends as you can, so your not isolated.

One last thing :welcome:
 
So long ago I can barely remember the 40's!
A bit of a struggle then as we'd just immigrated to Australia.
Had to deal with children in new schools, living in a noisy apartment block, learning the road rules, understanding Australian English.
I was then in my early forties, wish I had thought more clearly and logically about changing countries. Thought at the time Calif. was the only country in the world, not realizing there may have been plenty of jobs in other states of the U.S.
 
Vanc, I turned 70 this year and there are things I wish I had done differently. For instance had enough confidence to go back to school for a career in a different field. Staying in touch with friends I have made over the years. So many I don't know what happened to. As for dying my hair. I just started, always thought I wouldn't but didn't like my color grey. As a quote I heard many years ago conscerning women makeup 'Ever old barn, needs a new coat of paint now and then. I wish I had not been so worried about how I spent my money and enjoyed it a little more. As it was it did no good. I always ended up with everyone else's plans ahead of mine. Thinking my time would come. And it never did. I get tickled at my sister who is 80, every since she turned 60, every birthday I have she says 'Just wait till you turn my age" if I complain the least bit.. God bless her heart. As for the kids, enjoy them. We always think we will outlive them. Take it from one that knows. That is not always so. And you think of so much you wish you had done and said. Do not give them everything they want even if you can afford it. Make them work for it, unless it is a special occassion, Christmas, Birthday''s etc. Especially if they want the very best clothes, games etc. They are much more appreciative and it gives them self-confidence. Each of mine started work at 16 part-time and they are all good hard workers with good careers. My son's kids don't work out but at 13 & 16 they get paid a decent allowance for their chores and must buy the extra's or the name brands. They are good, kind, responsible children. Well I wote to much as usual. Wish you luck in your journey!
 
Every ten years or so, I look back on my life and realize I was an idiot then. Ten years is a long time. If you don't learn anything more about yourself during that time...you don't want to. As for age forty and 30 years ago...I threw time away in that I followed prescribed social behaviour. If there's some personal goal you haven't moved on, give it serious consideration. Forty is young and flexible...durable. Think outside the box surrounding the treadmill.
 

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