Recoil is momentum divided by the weight of the gun. That's the quick and dirty measure, but it's fine for comparison. I have several guns in .380. My North American Arms, the lightest, is a stinker. My Makarov, the heaviest, is quite pleasant. I'm surprised that that iteration of the Makarov isn't more popular.
I carry a S&W Model 638 loaded with Magsafe ammo. Bullet weight is only 52 grains so it's quite pleasant without sacrificing stopping power. The gun is so light that I hardly know that it's there.