When Longtime or Active Members Disappear

[Jules]

Whenever someone is who is a very active or a longtime member disappears, it always makes me feel sad or worried. It’s definitely their prerogative. It just seems so out of character and because we’re seniors, I can’t help but be concerned.

I’ve sent some PMs, as suggested by Matrix. Heard back from one person and all is ok.

Right now I’m not going to mention names. I just hope they show up. In the meantime, I’ll keep on thinking about them.

 

[VaughanJB]

It's nice of you to notice, and care. Too few do these days.

Remember that people have their ups and downs, and other things going on in their lives that may preclude a visit to the site. It is a shame when you "lose" a friend, even if it's just an online soul. Try not to worry too much.

 

[CallMeKate]

Right now I’m not going to mention names. I just hope they show up. In the meantime, I’ll keep on thinking about them.

I believe (no proof except hints) that sometimes ugly things go on "behind the scenes" and people choose to leave or take a break. Sometimes people get banned and I'm thinking we don't always find out the reason for that (and shouldn't.) There are some people I miss, too, but I do always assume that they chose to take leave for whatever reason.

 

[Magna-Carta]

Whenever someone is who is a very active or a longtime member disappears, it always makes me feel sad or worried. It’s definitely their prerogative. It just seems so out of character and because we’re seniors, I can’t help but be concerned.

I’ve sent some PMs, as suggested by Matrix. Heard back from one person and all is ok.

Right now I’m not going to mention names. I just hope they show up. In the meantime, I’ll keep on thinking about them.

People move on for many different reasons. Some of those reasons I and others might be privy to. Some contact others through PM's to announce they are leaving and give the reason, but don't give their reasons in the public forums, which is their prerogative not to do. After all, we don't need to know all the time why some people do the things they do or don't do.

It can give a saddened feeling though to realise someone might not be posting anymore, and we might not know whether we will see them here again. We could almost say something similar regarding people we have come to know and partly know in real life.

I've noticed some people have stopped posting recently, over the past week or so. Two of those people recently told me in PM's their reason for "quietly leaving", as they have put it, and won't be returning. Which may not necessarily have anything to do with outside forum influences.

 

[Magna-Carta]

I believe (no proof except hints) that sometimes ugly things go on "behind the scenes" and people choose to leave or take a break. Sometimes people get banned and I'm thinking we don't always find out the reason for that (and shouldn't.) There are some people I miss, too, but I do always assume that they chose to take leave for whatever reason.

Oh yeah, there is some of that all right. Including within the scenes. I left for a while due to things behind the scenes in PM's to me and similar PM's they were sending to others, but after a week or two decided to come back. Then there are things I see 'in the scenes' that made me rethink again, as I know others have. But here, at the moment, I am typing away.

 

[Dustbunny]

I too have PM'd or looked for posted explanations. I am a natural born worry-wart.

 

[MarciKS]

Sometimes a person's situation changes in life. They may leave for their own well being. I have places I have left for my own personal well being. I never said a word. I just left. Sometimes they need a break from the online stuff. Sometimes it may be for health reasons and they haven't been able to get on and contact anyone. Sometimes maybe people get tired of the forums and want to do something else for a while. One never really knows. I do hope that @Aunt Bea is alright though. I always liked her.

 

[hollydolly]

It's nice of you to notice, and care. Too few do these days.

Remember that people have their ups and downs, and other things going on in their lives that may preclude a visit to the site. It is a shame when you "lose" a friend, even if it's just an online soul. Try not to worry too much.

well, we used to regularly shout out to people if they hadn't posted for a while, in concern, but Admin didn't like it.. so we don't do it any more.. instead we PM them in the hope that they are able to see a message from us...

 

[Magna-Carta]

I too have PM'd or looked for posted explanations. I am a natural born worry-wart.

Being taken for a ride or being made a fool of or attempting to in PM's seems to be a popular pastime of a very small minority. But I suppose in fairness to the forum, we could say that of people we come across out there in the big bad world too.

Some do have genuine concerns regarding both outside and inside the forum. They leave for a variety of reasons; those reasons emanating outside and inside the forum.

We can't and shouldn't keep running away from things and behavior, and bizarre behavior we don't like of others that we see here and in PM's we receive. Some of us might even find it personally character-building.

 

[hollydolly]

Sometimes a person's situation changes in life. They may leave for their own well being. I have places I have left for my own personal well being. I never said a word. I just left. Sometimes they need a break from the online stuff. Sometimes it may be for health reasons and they haven't been able to get on and contact anyone. Sometimes maybe people get tired of the forums and want to do something else for a while. One never really knows. I do hope that @Aunt Bea is alright though. I always liked her.

she posted just one post a few weeks ago.. she's obviously able to read the forum, and after many posts asking about her welfare she posted..one post... just so people could see she was alive I think... but she clearly doesn't want to post here any more..

 

[hollydolly]

she posted just one post a few weeks ago.. she's obviously able to read the forum, and after many posts asking about her welfare she posted..one post... just so people could see she was alive I think... but she clearly doesn't want to post here any more..

Goodness ..time flies.. it was back in May when she posted... and then previous to that it was a year before...

 

[Dustbunny]

Being taken for a ride or being made a fool of or attempting to in PM's seems to be a popular pastime of a very small minority. But I suppose in fairness to the forum, we could say that of people we come across out there in the big bad world too.

Some do have genuine concerns regarding both outside and inside the forum. They leave for a variety of reasons; those reasons emanating outside and inside the forum.

We can't and shouldn't keep running away from things and behavior, and bizarre behavior we don't like of others that we see here and in PM's we receive. Some of us might even find it personally character-building.

Maybe I am not understanding why you quoted me with what you said.

I was genuinely concerned about someone and messaged asking if everything was ok. I care and worry. Is that not ok?

 

[PamfromTx]

Sometimes a person's situation changes in life. They may leave for their own well being. I have places I have left for my own personal well being. I never said a word. I just left. Sometimes they need a break from the online stuff. Sometimes it may be for health reasons and they haven't been able to get on and contact anyone. Sometimes maybe people get tired of the forums and want to do something else for a while. One never really knows. I do hope that @Aunt Bea is alright though. I always liked her.

 

[Magna-Carta]

Maybe I am not understanding why you quoted me with what you said.

I was genuinely concerned about someone and messaged asking if everything was ok. I care and worry. Is that not ok?

Yes, of course it was and is ok.

I was just widening the discussion. I too have PM'd people I've come to know through PM's, who I haven't seen here for a while. Some have responded positively but said they won't be returning. Some haven't responded at all, and possibly they won't be seen again.

As mentioned in a previous post in this thread, it is somewhat saddening, but sometimes we have to let people go. In addition, it wouldn't be of surprise to me if some might have logged out of the forum, never to see those PM's of concern sent to them.

If someone's actions show that they don't want to respond to our inquiries, then we have to accept that for what it is. As saddening as that might be to some.

 

[VaughanJB]

Yes, of couse it was and is ok.

I was just widening the discussion. I too have PM'd people I've come to know through PM's, who I haven't seen here for a while. Some have responded positively but said they won't be returning. Some haven't responded at all, and possibly they won't be seen again.

As mentioned in a previous post in this thread, it is somewhat saddening, but sometimes we have to let people go. In addition, it wouldn't be of surprise to me if some might have logged out of the forum, never to see those PM's of concern sent to them.

Isn't the default forum setting that anything written on your profile is also emailed to the user?

 

[Magna-Carta]

Isn't the default forum setting that anything written on your profile is also emailed to the user?

I honestly don't know, It never occurred to me. As far as Im aware no one has written me a message on my profile. When I've seen others write on people's profiles I've wondered what the point of it was, as opposed to sending them a PM. Unless that in itself is the point, to send a message directly to someone so it can be seen by others.

I see messages on profiles that get responded to, but I also see quite a lot where there is no response. Perhaps someone who has received this type of message can enlighten us?

 

[CallMeKate]

Isn't the default forum setting that anything written on your profile is also emailed to the user?

Yes. At least that's how it always was for me... can't remember if I chose it or if it was default, though. Ooops, wait... you said profile and I was answering about PM. Not sure about profile.

 

[CallMeKate]

As a side note, it hasn't escaped me that it's never the troublemakers who disappear unless they get themselves banned. Notice that?

 

[Bella]

Maybe I am not understanding why you quoted me with what you said.

I was genuinely concerned about someone and messaged asking if everything was ok. I care and worry. Is that not ok?

Of course it is, Ms. Bunny. No matter what anyone else says, only Matrix can dictate what is permitted or not on Senior Forums. PM whomever you want to.

 

[Magna-Carta]

As a side note, it hasn't escaped me that it's never the troublemakers who disappear unless they get themselves banned. Notice that?

I think it's a certain type of 'troublemaker' brings a certain type of 'traffic' to any forum. Forum traffic can be seen as a good thing.

UPDATE: Look around any forum and we will see so called 'troublemakers' who don't get banned. It might depend on where the line is drawn and the level of consistency or inconsistency based on how much an individual person brings to any forum.

One person's 'troublemaker' is another person's contributor. Then there are the 'troublemakers' who get labeled as such due to the continued misunderstanding of the person accusing them of being troublemakers. It seems to me that there are fewer troublemakers here than some like to make out. Kind of makes me wonder about the character of the accusers and their motives. Some people can be taken in by other peoples 'deflection'.

 

[hollydolly]

As a side note, it hasn't escaped me that it's never the troublemakers who disappear unless they get themselves banned. Notice that?

Thankfully many troublemakers have been banned... many also have been banned and returned using an alias and think no-one knows who they were, which is always amusing... ..but as you say the troublemakers tend to stick around until they get banned , because they've been banned from everywhere else so they have nowhere to go if they leave of their on volition

 

[Buckeye]

I come and go on here and other sites for no apparent reason. And I've never sent or received a PM on this site, which is the way I want it. At least one person on here knows how to reach me thru FB, though.

Get off my lawn!

 

[Della]

If someone only posts now and then I understand that they just like to stop by and everything is probably fine, but if someone who posts daily suddenly stops, I do worry.

I also worry if someone who seems shy and easily hurt suddenly stops, like a certain nice lady who once said she didn't think people liked her very much.

 

[hollydolly]

If someone only posts now and then I understand that they just like to stop by and everything is probably fine, but if someone who posts daily suddenly stops, I do worry.

I also worry if someone who seems shy and easily hurt suddenly stops, like a certain nice lady who once said she didn't think people liked her very much.

well perhaps people didn't...

 

[oldaunt]

If someone only posts now and then I understand that they just like to stop by and everything is probably fine, but if someone who posts daily suddenly stops, I do worry.

I also worry if someone who seems shy and easily hurt suddenly stops, like a certain nice lady who once said she didn't think people liked her very much.

There are a couple who didn't, to THEIR shame....