When they cross over

V

Vida May

Member
Good morning, my heart weighs heavy because my friend crossed over 2 years ago and last night I learned her daughter has been trapped in Hades ever since. She is consumed with regret that she did not prevent her mother from falling and dying. Now her mother who has crossed over has reached out to me to help her daughter.

Let me explain- I have always had to contact my friend when their family was in trouble. You know, just an overwhelming need to go visit her, and last night I got that overwhelming feeling. My friend had dementia and she moved far away to be with her daughter. I didn't know if she was alive or dead, but I got that overwhelming feeling to contact her daughter, so I asked my daughter to contact her. They talked for over an hour and she learned what want happened and called me back.

I texted my friend's daughter this morning and we are working on a meeting time and place. I think it will be the pool at 6 am and then breakfast.

It is fine with me that my friend crossed over. She is fully alive to me. My heart is heavy because she is so concerned about her daughter who is struggling. First, her sister died, then her father died, and a couple of years later her mother died. Her only living relative is a nephew. That is a lot of grief for my friend's daughter to deal with. My friend was never pushy but her emotional need for me to help her daughter is strong. It feels kind of like being possessed by her. Has anyone experienced this kind of thing? I have had several experiences with people who have crossed over and still don't know if it is for real.
 

I never have but have a close friend who has and not necessarily with someone she was close to. I also have another friend who sees spirits but I don't think she channels their feelings. One of my favorite online friends is an empath who also sees sprits.
 

My daughter and wife both died just a few years apart. Only my son is left of my family and he lives pretty far away. What surprised me was that other members of the family have stopped calling and visiting. My one nephew was almost a fixture to our family. I had a large garage and restored older cars for customers that didn’t want to invest the time it takes to do the job correctly.

My nephew would call me and ask if I needed help on weekends now and then. I most always gave him a job because I knew he could use the money. I haven’t heard from him in over a year. I tried calling him a few times and left a message asking him to return my call. Nothing. A customer called and said he was considering buying an old barn car that he found and if he towed it to my garage could I give him a ballpark estimate to restore it back to original. I told him sure. I thought for sure that if I got the job, my nephew could tear the body apart down to the frame piece by piece because he really enjoyed doing that type of job. I explained this to him over the phone thinking that he would surely now call me back, but he never did.

I had enough of being ignored so I drove over to their home. I got all kinds of apologies followed by all kinds of excuses. Me doing that changed nothing. No one still wanted to come around, except one niece will call me at least once a month. I invited her to have dinner with me at a nice restaurant and she accepted. At dinner, I asked her why was the family ignoring me. She said that they partially blame me for my wife’s death because they thought I should have forced her to go to the doctor sooner than I did. I didn’t know what to say, but it brought tears to my eyes thinking my own family thought that somehow I played a part in my wife’s death. To this day, I am still in awe that they would think that.

I still smell my wife in the house. Each time I go into the master bath I can smell the shampoo she used. It had a very flowery smell and that’s why I still keep the bottle in the shower, so I can smell it from time to time. My son keeps telling me to get rid of it and to take down the pictures of my wife and daughter. I am very hesitant to do that. It’s all that I have now.
 
@Moon Rat

It is so unfair of your family to judge you the way they have. I'm glad your niece has chosen to keep in touch. Perhaps the others will eventually see the error of their thoughts, and eventually get in touch.

I don't think it's your son's place to tell you to remove your daughter and wife's photos. It's a disrespectful suggestion.

Wishing you peace.
 
Pinky said:
@Moon Rat

It is so unfair of your family to judge you the way they have. I'm glad your niece has chosen to keep in touch. Perhaps the others will eventually see the error of their thoughts, and eventually get in touch.

I don't think it's your son's place to tell you to remove your daughter and wife's photos. It's a disrespectful suggestion.

Wishing you peace.
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I went to a counselor to get some grief counseling and ended up in a group session. I was shocked at some of the stories a few people in the group were telling. It made my issues sound trivial and I was almost ashamed to be there. In group, you aren’t made to speak, but why go if you aren’t going to share your story? I more or less told the same story that I posted here. There were 6 people in the group, including me and 3 of them thought taking down the pictures would be a good idea, but I may want to keep a picture in my wallet and nightstand.

I would really liked visiting my one brother-in-law that has a small machine shop business. Him and I always got along great and he allowed me to use his shop machines whenever I needed to. I really miss his company and talking shop with him. I am going to try to reconnect with him and see if he mentions anything about my wife’s (his sister) death. I hope we are able to get along. I no longer have the shop, so he won’t think I am trying to get on his good side to use his tools.

I am probably going to move closer to my son for a year to see how that goes. That’s another whole story.
 
@Vida May I've experienced something similar but much less intense, and in no way useful.

Since childhood, I've had sudden thoughts of individuals who might not even be important to me. When I was a child, it was usually former friends of my father, people he had mentioned but I'd never met. In adulthood, it tends to be people I'm not close to, e.g., someone I worked with briefly years ago. In every case, it turns out that the person died that day, or their funeral was that day.
 
Moon Rat said:
My daughter and wife both died just a few years apart. Only my son is left of my family and he lives pretty far away. What surprised me was that other members of the family have stopped calling and visiting. My one nephew was almost a fixture to our family. I had a large garage and restored older cars for customers that didn’t want to invest the time it takes to do the job correctly.

My nephew would call me and ask if I needed help on weekends now and then. I most always gave him a job because I knew he could use the money. I haven’t heard from him in over a year. I tried calling him a few times and left a message asking him to return my call. Nothing. A customer called and said he was considering buying an old barn car that he found and if he towed it to my garage could I give him a ballpark estimate to restore it back to original. I told him sure. I thought for sure that if I got the job, my nephew could tear the body apart down to the frame piece by piece because he really enjoyed doing that type of job. I explained this to him over the phone thinking that he would surely now call me back, but he never did.

I had enough of being ignored so I drove over to their home. I got all kinds of apologies followed by all kinds of excuses. Me doing that changed nothing. No one still wanted to come around, except one niece will call me at least once a month. I invited her to have dinner with me at a nice restaurant and she accepted. At dinner, I asked her why was the family ignoring me. She said that they partially blame me for my wife’s death because they thought I should have forced her to go to the doctor sooner than I did. I didn’t know what to say, but it brought tears to my eyes thinking my own family thought that somehow I played a part in my wife’s death. To this day, I am still in awe that they would think that.

I still smell my wife in the house. Each time I go into the master bath I can smell the shampoo she used. It had a very flowery smell and that’s why I still keep the bottle in the shower, so I can smell it from time to time. My son keeps telling me to get rid of it and to take down the pictures of my wife and daughter. I am very hesitant to do that. It’s all that I have now.
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Why would you take pictures down of your wife and daughter?.. you can't do that... they are all you have of the 2 women you loved.. I'm sure your son is just trying to protect your feelings.. but that's not the way to do it.

I'm sad for you that your family have turned their back on you, but it's not uncommon, I hear of it all the time.. it's just heartbreaking for you to not only have lost your Dear wife, and Darling daughter, but to lose the family at the same time.. I wish you all the best... and some good thing to come your way..
 
Moon Rat said:
I went to a counselor to get some grief counseling and ended up in a group session. I was shocked at some of the stories a few people in the group were telling. It made my issues sound trivial and I was almost ashamed to be there. In group, you aren’t made to speak, but why go if you aren’t going to share your story? I more or less told the same story that I posted here. There were 6 people in the group, including me and 3 of them thought taking down the pictures would be a good idea, but I may want to keep a picture in my wallet and nightstand.

I would really liked visiting my one brother-in-law that has a small machine shop business. Him and I always got along great and he allowed me to use his shop machines whenever I needed to. I really miss his company and talking shop with him. I am going to try to reconnect with him and see if he mentions anything about my wife’s (his sister) death. I hope we are able to get along. I no longer have the shop, so he won’t think I am trying to get on his good side to use his tools.

I am probably going to move closer to my son for a year to see how that goes. That’s another whole story.
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I commend you for going forward. It’s not easy. Not sure how old your nephew is but sometimes when you’re young life hasn’t started throwing the big curve balls and they are more judgmental. Brother-in-law probably has more life experiences and know things aren’t so black and white but shades of gray.
Take Care
 
Yes i have had not visions but felt as if someone who passed was encouraging me to do something.... sometimes an item i did not want to do like check in on people i want nothing to do with......
Family can fall apart after someone passes ...... assumptions or even wishing that if only they would still be here ...blame and avoidance is something i have seen ....... i think people are not taught to deal with death for some does not happen until later in life i had my share as a child so i can accept and grieve easier then some.
 
hollydolly said:
Why would you take pictures down of your wife and daughter?.. you can't do that... they are all you have of the 2 women you loved.. I'm sure your son is just trying to protect your feelings.. but that's not the way to do it.

I'm sad for you that your family have turned their back on you, but it's not uncommon, I hear of it all the time.. it's just heartbreaking for you to not only have lost your Dear wife, and Darling daughter, but to lose the family at the same time.. I wish you all the best... and some good thing to come your way..
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The people in the group thought having the pictures hanging on the wall was a constant reminder of my loss. They suggested try taking the pictures down until I am over my grief, but does that ever end? I have my wife’s picture hanging in our bedroom and my daughter’s picture in the hallway. I did have the pictures together on a stand with lighted candles, but thought that should come down.

I never expected these people to shun me. My wife’s side of the family holds a family reunion every early fall. I have yet to be invited to any. My niece told me a few of the others were disappointed that I didn’t offer my wife’s siblings to pick through her jewelry. I bought her all of that jewelry, except for a few bracelets and necklaces. I don’t feel they have any right to it. They considered it to be a memento.
 
Moon Rat said:
The people in the group thought having the pictures hanging on the wall was a constant reminder of my loss. They suggested try taking the pictures down until I am over my grief, but does that ever end? I have my wife’s picture hanging in our bedroom and my daughter’s picture in the hallway. I did have the pictures together on a stand with lighted candles, but thought that should come down.

I never expected these people to shun me. My wife’s side of the family holds a family reunion every early fall. I have yet to be invited to any. My niece told me a few of the others were disappointed that I didn’t offer my wife’s siblings to pick through her jewelry. I bought her all of that jewelry, except for a few bracelets and necklaces. I don’t feel they have any right to it. They considered it to be a memento.
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You're in the right , they're in the wrong... I'm sorry you've lost your family in this way, just to add to your grief... but thank goodness you have your son.. and thank goodness you found us, you can talk it all out as much as you want day or night..
 
NorthernLight said:
@Vida May I've experienced something similar but much less intense, and in no way useful.

Since childhood, I've had sudden thoughts of individuals who might not even be important to me. When I was a child, it was usually former friends of my father, people he had mentioned but I'd never met. In adulthood, it tends to be people I'm not close to, e.g., someone I worked with briefly years ago. In every case, it turns out that the person died that day, or their funeral was that day.
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I am not into seances or seeing ghosts, but it may be possible to feel the existence of a former person that was close to you. It may be a smell or a picture or maybe a thought that produces the feeling. For me, it’s been smells. From time to time, I used to sniff my wife’s perfume or shampoo and I could almost “vision” her standing in front of me and asking me to close the clasp at the top of her dress. I have since removed all of that stuff from her dressing table.
 
hollydolly said:
You're in the right , they're in the wrong... I'm sorry you've lost your family in this way, just to add to your grief... but thank goodness you have your son.. and thank goodness you found us, you can talk it all out as much as you want day or night..
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This is one thing I learned early. Talking is good medicine to help relieve the pain. My son was confused why I sold my business. I didn’t do it instantly. It was almost a year after her death that I sold it. I no longer had the desire to continue doing that type of work.
 
Moon Rat said:
I went to a counselor to get some grief counseling and ended up in a group session. I was shocked at some of the stories a few people in the group were telling. It made my issues sound trivial and I was almost ashamed to be there. In group, you aren’t made to speak, but why go if you aren’t going to share your story? I more or less told the same story that I posted here. There were 6 people in the group, including me and 3 of them thought taking down the pictures would be a good idea, but I may want to keep a picture in my wallet and nightstand.

I would really liked visiting my one brother-in-law that has a small machine shop business. Him and I always got along great and he allowed me to use his shop machines whenever I needed to. I really miss his company and talking shop with him. I am going to try to reconnect with him and see if he mentions anything about my wife’s (his sister) death. I hope we are able to get along. I no longer have the shop, so he won’t think I am trying to get on his good side to use his tools.

I am probably going to move closer to my son for a year to see how that goes. That’s another whole story.
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I could see taking down your wife's photo if you were in a new relationship, but, not your daughter's photo.
This is a very personal decision. You also are not obligated to offer your wife's jewellery to female relatives.
 
Moon Rat, as for the pictures, you need to do what is best for you. You are the one that has to deal with the decision every day. If it would bother you more to take them down, then leave them where they are and don't worry about what others think you should do. It is your life and your decision.
 
Moon Rat said:
My daughter and wife both died just a few years apart. Only my son is left of my family and he lives pretty far away. What surprised me was that other members of the family have stopped calling and visiting. My one nephew was almost a fixture to our family. I had a large garage and restored older cars for customers that didn’t want to invest the time it takes to do the job correctly.

My nephew would call me and ask if I needed help on weekends now and then. I most always gave him a job because I knew he could use the money. I haven’t heard from him in over a year. I tried calling him a few times and left a message asking him to return my call. Nothing. A customer called and said he was considering buying an old barn car that he found and if he towed it to my garage could I give him a ballpark estimate to restore it back to original. I told him sure. I thought for sure that if I got the job, my nephew could tear the body apart down to the frame piece by piece because he really enjoyed doing that type of job. I explained this to him over the phone thinking that he would surely now call me back, but he never did.

I had enough of being ignored so I drove over to their home. I got all kinds of apologies followed by all kinds of excuses. Me doing that changed nothing. No one still wanted to come around, except one niece will call me at least once a month. I invited her to have dinner with me at a nice restaurant and she accepted. At dinner, I asked her why was the family ignoring me. She said that they partially blame me for my wife’s death because they thought I should have forced her to go to the doctor sooner than I did. I didn’t know what to say, but it brought tears to my eyes thinking my own family thought that somehow I played a part in my wife’s death. To this day, I am still in awe that they would think that.

I still smell my wife in the house. Each time I go into the master bath I can smell the shampoo she used. It had a very flowery smell and that’s why I still keep the bottle in the shower, so I can smell it from time to time. My son keeps telling me to get rid of it and to take down the pictures of my wife and daughter. I am very hesitant to do that. It’s all that I have now.
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You have my condolences. First for losing your wife and daughter. Second for the way your family is treating you. Then to find out they blame you for your wife's death must be truly heartbreaking. I understand because one my son's oldest child blames him for his mother's death and has barely spoken to him since then (Dec 2021). My son and my DIL both got COVID. She took great care of him but the day before she died, he had recovered enough to look after her. He sent my oldest grandson out to get more medication but also practically begged her (as did her twin) to go to the emergency room, which she refused to do. My DIL has never liked hospitals. My son tried to get her to go again the morning she died. She said she wasn't going and just wanted to lie down and take a nap. She never woke up. I don't see how my grandson can possibly blame my son. I know my son is still very hurt by this. I had a long talk with my grandson shortly after his mother died and tried to be a buffer but my grandson is stubborn as hell, so not much more I can do.

Bottom line is you cannot force a grown person to do something they do not wish to do. Though it was painful to hear the reason, I'm glad your niece had dinner with you and you at least now know why you are being ignored. I sincerely hope that someday, your family members will come to their senses and realize that they've been punishing you for something that was not your fault. Take good care.
 
OneEyedDiva said:
but also practically begged her (as did her twin) to go to the emergency room, which she refused to do.
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I learned with my mother, that if a person can refuse to go to the E.R., not even an ambulance will take them. I was really shocked because she needed medical attention. My sister arrived that night, and between the two of us, we got her to go to her oncology appointment the next day, and she was admitted to the hospital.
 
OneEyedDiva said:
You have my condolences. First for losing your wife and daughter. Second for the way your family is treating you. Then to find out they blame you for your wife's death must be truly heartbreaking. I understand because one my son's oldest child blames him for his mother's death and has barely spoken to him since then (Dec 2021). My son and my DIL both got COVID. She took great care of him but the day before she died, he had recovered enough to look after her. He sent my oldest grandson out to get more medication but also practically begged her (as did her twin) to go to the emergency room, which she refused to do. My DIL has never liked hospitals. My son tried to get her to go again the morning she died. She said she wasn't going and just wanted to lie down and take a nap. She never woke up. I don't see how my grandson can possibly blame my son. I know my son is still very hurt by this. I had a long talk with my grandson shortly after his mother died and tried to be a buffer but my grandson is stubborn as hell, so not much more I can do.

Bottom line is you cannot force a grown person to do something they do not wish to do. Though it was painful to hear the reason, I'm glad your niece had dinner with you and you at least now know why you are being ignored. I sincerely hope that someday, your family members will come to their senses and realize that they've been punishing you for something that was not your fault. Take good care.
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I tried to get my wife to go the the ER, but she refused at first. I also threatened to call an ambulance, but she said they wouldn’t take her if she refused. My wife always had a phobia of hospitals. Finally, I told her that if she didn’t go to the hospital or to see the doctor she was going to die. She said ok and that if she wasn’t feeling better by tomorrow she would go then. I even tried to shame her into going by telling her that she was being selfish.

My wife was in the hospital years ago because she had appendicitis. Back then you didn’t go in and go home or maybe stay one night like you do today. They kept her for 5 days. On the second night when I went to visit her she insisted that I take her home. I told her that I didn’t think that was a good idea. She called the nurse into the room and told her that she wanted to check herself out. The nurse said she couldn’t do that unless the doctor agreed and she would call him for approval. He called my wife on the phone in her room and asked why she wanted to leave. She told the doctor that she hated hospitals because it’s a place people go to die. Both of her parents died in the hospital. The doctor told her to stay one more night and he would see her in the morning and would probably release her then. The nurse brought her a pill to take. My wife asked the nurse what the pill was for. She said to help you relax. It was a Xanax, which I never heard of. My wife took it. The next day, my wife told the doctor she would stay if she could get one of those pills each evening before bedtime. He agreed. I had no idea what Xanax was until my pharmacist explained it to me. When I found out it was addictive, I became a bit hesitant on having her take them, but I thought it’s only a few days, so it should be OK. When we were checking out of the hospital, she asked the doctor for a prescription of the pills to help her sleep at night, but he refused. Surprisingly, she didn’t put up a fuss.

I told her family the whole story, but they acted like I wasn’t telling them everything. The oldest brother told me that doesn’t sound like anything she would do when I told them that I wanted to call an ambulance. They tried to make me out to be a liar. I didn’t argue with any of them and I didn’t get upset with them. The niece always seemed to like me, just like her brother who always wanted to hang out at my business.That’s why I asked her to have dinner with me. I needed to get some answers and I thought she would talk to me. When she told me that they partially blamed me for her death, I was crushed. We were always on good terms. It made me kind of lose trust in people. I had to ask myself if they always thought bad of me, but put on a good front for my wife’s sake. It’s terrible to think people believe that you had something to do with your wife’s death. Can you imagine that? I may see one of them at the gas station, bank or store, but we never speak. We just nod to each other. I keep hoping things will change because I do like them and but for this situation, they are good people.
 

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